Should two half siblings know eachother? Have a relationship? updated!!

Summer - posted on 09/30/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Well it has been 2 years since I posted this and I totally forgot about it till I got an email saying I just got a new reply..I want to delete this post since it's so old and everything has worked itself out. Just cant figure out how to delete it.

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Lauren - posted on 09/30/2009

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I have the same issue. My son Jake is 10 months and has a half sister, Chloe, who is almost 2. Me and her mum never used to get on, although since I split with the kids' dad we have got on better. I also have the same fear. The kids' dad lives 10mins away from his daughter, but 4hours away from me and Jake. He has never really bothered with Chloe, so I think he'll soon forget about Jake.



Should I tell Jake he has a sister from the start?? Or wait til he's older??



Hmmm...

Nikki - posted on 01/22/2011

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Your circumstance sounds like a hard one for you and your child. I wonder if the "age" of your child plays a factor right now regarding the father. It could be. I understand your concerns and they are valid for sure . In my case , with my four year old son who was abandon by his father happens to have a sister that is 18 years older than him however she too was abandon and has never met her father. I (through facebook) looked her up and let her know she has a brother and it was up to her one hundred percent if she so desired a relationship with her half brother. To my surprise , she was very excited about knowing her brother and told me she always "wondered" if she had any half siblings by her father. In fact when I was with her and my son's father , he (my husband) denied the daughter was his biological child and it was not until we split that I found out he was in fact the father for sure , so I then worried about her , where she was , how life had treated her etc. , I was more "worried" about her than he ever was :( so in our case making contact was a good thing for brother and sister and also she is critical to my son's self esteem as she is there for my son to explain to him that unfortunately their father chose to ignore them both so he knows he is not "alone" in being abandoned and ignored , sad as that is . She is a sweet girl with a great head on her shoulders and super about loving God and going to church every Sunday as she will tell you , "God is my father" and she also says her real father missed everything in her life and it's his loss period. She is well adjusted in spite of how her father did her. I have learned a great deal from a young Lady many years my junior !!! I love her dearly as does my son :) God is Good. I think you are doing everything you can to protect your child and that is great and if the day ever presents itself that things change with your child's father then you can take it from there and see how things go . I would take it one day at a time for now :) Keep up the good work and always remain open to change if it's for the "better" :) God Bless

Billie - posted on 09/30/2009

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I have a very good friend that just found out his father had other children and the shock of meeting these people after all these years was devastating to him. He didn't blame his mom for not telling him, but as an only child he felt he'd missed out on having siblings that lived in the same state as him. My cousin also has a son who has half siblings by his father. She reached out to the other women and they got the kids together a few times. It turned out to be alot of drama in the end when the man got involved with one of them again, but the kids really did start to care for each other. I would want my kid to know his half brothers and sisters if he had any and there was a way I could do it, but I totally understand your caution. Is the other mom interested in letting the two children hang out?

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Aneisha - posted on 08/05/2011

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I feel half siblings should know each other. Regardless of there father is in there life, no one wants to bring home a love one and find out its there half sibling. But of course including the half sibling in your childs life can be interesting and stressful. Trying to explain how they have the same dad, different moms, and what not. My two children have a older half sibling. It started out ok, with visits/play dates. But that quickly ended and my daughter is now 3, she has no idea she has a older brother anymore. My youngest has no idea he even has a brother, he met him once as an infant. There brother is in another state and has been for sometime. There dad has given up on having his son in his life, and his son's mother I have no idea how she feels, but actions speak louder than words. No birthday or holiday calls. Its easier to turn the other cheek and ignore the situation rather than try to make everyone one big family. I just know I'd hate one day for my children to ask me why they never knew they had a brother.

Latasha - posted on 10/02/2009

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Y yes they should know each other their siblings no matter what the circumstances are and besides they may need one another in the future!!!!!!!

Michele - posted on 10/01/2009

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I have two grown children whom have a half brother, his mother an I were never friends nor did we have harsh words. The past with their father is empty because he has pasted. But I waited until they were old enough to know they had more family. I spoke to their grandmother (of father) an told her I was going to let my children know of the half brother an asked her to pass my phone number on to the mother n child so we could maybe get some pictures an set a place to meet. This went well, after 4trys. But years passed an my children now 19, 21 have no contact unless myspace an still that is limited. So until they are adults an plan on joining to know each other it is up to God. So if you can get picture of other child you can talk to yours when older an let the child know you did try but nothing came of it. And the only contact you have is this so your baby will know you are the better person who did try. good luck

Candice - posted on 10/01/2009

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absolutely! wouldnt it be nice for them to have one another especially since they dont have their father...

Michelle - posted on 10/01/2009

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I think that the two boys definately have a right to know about each other, and if possible develop a relationship. If you can arrange it, allow the boys to meet and see each other periodically as they grow up, then let them decide about their own relationship when they are old enough. As for worrying about the father favouring one or the other thats not something you can control. As your son gets older explain to him why his father isnt in his life, try not to sound hateful towards his father, leave all your emotions out of it if you can. As a child of a divorced couple I hated it when people said mean things about my dad. As I grew older I realised that they were mostly true, however I still defend my dad cause deep down no matter what a jerk he is I still love him. Being honest with your son about everything is the best thing for your relationship with him, he will trust you and love you for it.

Maggie - posted on 10/01/2009

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The father of my oldest 2 never knew his father. Never knew the siblings his father raised. He was angry and bitter, but mostly just really hurt. Time heals all wounds and when he was in his mid-20's things changed. He now has a relationship with that whole side of his family. His mother was always against it.

They lost a lot of time, because she thought it was her choice to make. Its not. Once you sleep with someone and create a kid, you've made you're choice, and you can't take it back. The two of you are both parents, more importantly, the child has rights to both of you and your families. Loving you child means wanting whats best for them no matter what's best for you.

The easy choice is to write of everyone who is not part of your family, at first. One day that kids gonna have questions, and you better make sure you're not the one keeping him from others who love him. Even if he loves you too much to blame you to your face, he will want to blame you if its your fault, and the guilt will eat him up.

The only fair thing is to keep the door open, always unless there is real danger. Make sure your sons family knows the door is open, even if you have to remind them once in a while. Fear of how an ex will react keeps a lot of otherwise good parents away. For the sake of your own conscience make sure your not to blame. If you fear the dad will have something to do with the other kid, you must know how he feels about being a father, so let him. I promise when you look back you won't say I wish I held a grudge.

Doreen - posted on 10/01/2009

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Yes, I think they should. My son is 3 and his brother is 2. They are the same age from Feb. to May. I get more assistance ( although very little) from their dad than his other son's mother, but the kids ask about each other. Me and the other mother are ok. We went through the phase where she wanted to fight me and so on and so forth. I don't like drama and I let her know that she was barking up the wrong tree. Long story short, they attend eacch other's birthday parties and they play together at their dads house from time to time. They get along so why shouldn't we. The most important thing is the are siblings and there is nothing you can do about it. Someone has to be the adult in the situation.

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Ok, let me start with my personal story. I was in fourth grade and found out that my best friend had a "boyfriend", (if you can call it that at that age) with the same last name as me. I knew that I had no brothers so I just thought it was a coincidence. While at my friends birthday party the elderly lady that the young man came to the party with asked me who my mother was. Well that woman, whom I had never met, proceeded to tell me that my mother ran off with my sister and my last name was not my real one because my father was someone else. In a nutshell she ripped my life apart at my best friend's birthday party. Alls well that ends well. I now at age 35 know the whole story and the man I call father was the one that raised me. I think that at the right age you should be completely honest with your child about father, siblings, etc. It would be way worse for them to find out, as I did, from a stranger. As for my own daughter she knows at age 14 the story with her father and I and keeps in touch with other sisters and brothers that she has now. It is your own personal choice what you want to tell your child but if you want them to be honest with you when they get older I believe that you need to be open and honest with them. I hope this helps someone. Good luck to you.

Josie - posted on 09/30/2009

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My daughter has an older brother and sister and a younger sister all by her dad. He is a part of all of their lives and not my daughter's. I would love it if my daughter could meet her siblings and even her dad but at this point I doubt it will ever happen... My daughter knows she has a brother and 2 sisters and talks about them all the time and she is 4 years old. It already hurts her. My advice is to wait until your son is older to tell him because that way maybe he can understand the whole situation. My daughter already thinks there is something wrong with her because of her dad. He was supposed to meet her for the first time a few months ago and didn't show up. I had told her he was coming after he said he had made hotel reservations because I thought that was proof that he was coming. It broker her heart when he didn't. I blame myself because I have told her about her family from day one and now she gets sad sometimes because she thinks her daddy never will come see her. I don't want you to tell your son about his dad or his brother and then have either of them walk out of his life. Maybe I'm just skeptical after the past 4 years but I think it is best to just wait until he is older so that maybe he can understand that he didnt do anything wrong and that he has you and that is all he needs. Do you know what I mean?? I hope this helps...but whatever you decide I hope things work out for you and your son!!!! Believe me I know it is hard to raise a baby all by yourself!!!!

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