single and pregnant: can he terminate his rights just so he doesn't have to pay child support?

Ebony - posted on 06/21/2012

Marissa: Have your baby... File your papers for child support... File your papers for "Sole/Legal Custody" but at least not from my knowledge of the law (paralegal) can he terminate his rights before the child is born...Speak to a very experienced attorney in FAMILY LAW and ask for a consultation, you may just need him or her for the future... But don't worry...

Happy Pregnancy!

Kelley - posted on 06/15/2012

He cannot terminate his rights to the baby and just get out of paying support. Do not let him tell you different, the ball is in your court here. In order for him to terminate all perental rights to the child, it would need to be done through the court system and that still doesn't guarantee he will not have to pay support or back support. I know this because I lived it and went through it. I was in a similar situation when my son was small, finally I agreed to terminate his rights. We had to go through Probate court to do this, I hired an attorney (was like 600.00), prob about 1000.00 now, maybe more. Before signing the papers my son's father wanted a promise that he wouldn't have to pay any support afterward and the judge told him that was up to a higher court. Long story short, papers were signed, rights were terminated(best 600 I ever spent) and when the father went before the court to get out of paying support, he was denied. He was still court ordered to pay even though I did not persue it.

Erin - posted on 06/12/2012

In most states no he cannot sign his rights away without your consent just so he doesn't have to take care of his own child.

Wyn - posted on 06/11/2012

First, congratulations!!!
What?! Don't sign anything! Have the baby and establish paternity through court. If he decides not to be in the child's life, you can't control that, but you can ensure he fulfills his responsibility as a parent. It's great having familial support, but kids are so expensive you will appreciate anything he provides I don't think signing away rights, means signing away financial obligation. If it were that easy more people would do it. Keep your head up and enjoy the ride!!

Angie - posted on 06/09/2012

Marissa ~ This is all so new to you, coupled by pregnancy hormones, which is why it's awesome to have sites like this to go to. Luckily, they just can't terminate their rights...otherwise most men, at least the ones I know ordered to pay child support, would be doing it. The fact he wants you to pay 1/2 the fee, but then wants to stay friends & still see the child sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it to. If he was worried about pregnancy that much, he should've wrapped it up..the pill isn't 100% effective and I know some meds can make it even less effective....so don't even let him guilt trip you on that one.

I would be very careful making a decision that will affect your child for the next 18 years, you can't predict the future & all life's bumps in the road, and believe me, with kids there's bumps & lots of expenses.

It would be much better for your child if both parents were there for love, support, emotionally and financially, whether they are a couple or not, but whether he's there as a parent or not, you will do fine..it's a mom thing you don't quite get until you are one..been a single mom most of my kid's life with very little support, emotionally or financially ~ it's possible & still very rewarding :).

Best of luck to you on a safe and stress free pregnancy & the joy of your little one's arrival ~ enjoy every second because they grow up waaaay too fast (mine are 20 and 15)..lol

Tori - posted on 06/09/2012

Let me see if I get this problem:

you are having a child with a man obnoxious enough to demand you pay half the cost of leaving you with 100% of the financial and legal responsibilities of a child he helped create? I seriously doubt you could bring him lower than he already is even if you were to try.

do not let him deprive your child of both a mother and a father - it is not greed to want child support- it is a desire to work fewer jobs to support your child so you can actually be a parent.

Megan - posted on 05/22/2012

I've had a friend whose ex recently signed away his rights for their children because he wanted to get out of paying child support. Guess he should have done his research first because all they sign away is their visitation/custody rights. It has nothing to do with child support. They will have to pay child support until someone else takes over their rights, even if they've signed them away. For example, if you were to marry and your husband adobted your baby (which they can do if he signs away the rights) then full financial resposibility comes off of the biological father to the adoptive father. Otherwise he has the obligation to pay. He has no choice in the matter. Whether he actually pays or not is another story, but that amount will just continue to grow if he doensn't pay and you'll recieve his tax refunds or anything like that.

Delana - posted on 05/21/2012

Currently I am in your situation- except my son is 8 mos old now. The only contact his donor has made was ref signing his rights over. First off- no state will just let a parent sign off parental rights UNLESS there is someo e to sign them over to!! It is a federal law known as "the bastard law"- because in essence by letting a patent just sign off and say hey - I don't want this bAby they are bastardizing the child. Sorry for throwing the b word out- I hate that word but it is the legal jargon handed down from Supreme Court. I chose not to have his name put on BC- my choice- and the state can NOT force u to put his name on it. However I did give them his name for child support purposes. And again- my son is 8 mos old with significant medical problems and I've yet to see a dime. Hope this helps.

Beth - posted on 05/18/2012

Also I would be tempted to play him at his game in regard to lawyers. Talk to a solicitor - get him on the birth certificate (after a DNA paternity test to prove that he is the biological father). then look at getting child support and also see what your options are (legally) in regards visitation/custody.

Certainly your child has the right to be aware of who the biological father is, even if the father decides not to be in the child's life. If possible, put together a small photo album of any photos you have of him, as well as any other information you have about him e.g. full name, date of birth, his siblings/parents information. Then at least your child has the choice when older to try and find the biological father.

I've been working on my family tree and on it, I have some information about my ex and his family so that at least my girls have some information about their paternal side of the family. Also I've put together all the photos I have with him in (including the ones that he sent them in letters he sent them a couple of years ago. That way when they have something about their Dad, even though he chooses (currently) not to be part of their lives.

Marissa - posted on 05/18/2012

Thank you for your response! You're very right. I guess I'm just having a tough time working things through in my head right now. I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off since he started telling me these things. I will definitely be seeking legal advice as this is NOT a situation where I just want to wing it and hope for the best.

Beth - posted on 05/18/2012

First of all seek legal advice on the situation. Once you've had your baby, you have one of two basic choices - to put him down on the birth certificate as the biological father or to leave the father bit blank. Worth checking the implications of both choices.

If he does go on the birth certificate then generally speaking visitation rights/custody are separate to child support payments. If he is on the birth certificate then he wants to terminate his parental rights then it would have to be for reasons that are extremely well founded. That doesn't include the reason/excuse that he isn't ready to become a father.

As for signing a contract/letter written by his lawyer - before you sign anything, get it checked by your lawyer. At the end of the day he has a moral responsibility to aide (at least financially) with the upbringing of your child.