single mom..how do you cope with all the stress?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Andrea - posted on 07/29/2010
depends on where your stress is coming from. I have 3 that are pre-teen and teen. A little stress from them but have always been up front with them on what I need them to do to help. I don't get child support and it makes it tough sometimes on the money end but my kids never ask me for anything they DON"T need. If they want it they save for it. As far as juggling every ones schedule thats different. Each kids has a day and ONE activity during the school year. In the summer I take one day a week off to spend with kids. They each get one day alone with me and then on the 4th week we spend it together doing something we pull out of our hat. I have been doing this for 6 years now they love it. Also I get 2 nights a month to be alone. Even if the kids are home. They know that its my night, I will cook diner but the rest is left to them. They clean up, give me foot rubs,read to me or sometimes they will watch a movie and completly leave me alone(they came up with all of that at a young age). So normally I will be home with them one of my two night. Find some alone time it will help but talk to kids on their level.
Eronne - posted on 08/02/2010
I don't know. I'll probably get blasted for this one but as a single mom with 3 of my own, nine lost young men who had no adults and no sign of my ex to help - I didn't have time for stress. If you are busy doing all you need to do for your children and FOR YOURSELF, you should have a minute left over.
I recently returned from Africa and saw mom's who's daily grind including getting water, finding enough raw ingredients to prepare something for their children, and tending for the babies as best they could. Stress? they have no idea what it is.
I think we need to spend a little less time on the labels. Is stress real? of course it is but concentrating on the amazing task in front of you, should put 'stress' back in perspective.
Adele - posted on 08/09/2010
I became a single mum of six aged 16 years down to six weeks, the best way to cope with the stress is to have a good rotine, make time not only for each child but for mum as well. Take time out and accept all offers of help but also ask for help if you need it. Be kind to yourself and dont try and be perfect with the house work. I use the evenings to tidy up after the younger children were in bed. The older ones were expected to help with a small chore each day.
Nikki - posted on 08/07/2010
That's a tough one !! My girls are grown now and I have one son home with me. He is 4 in October and his father abandon him when he was 8 months old so I have not had any time to myself in 4 years . I have forgotten what it's like to grab my purse and head for the door!!!! I try to play with my son alot (his laugher is good medicine) and I do try to read and watch a movie when he naps. That's the only "me" time I get . I have gotten use to it now but some days I do wish for just one day to myself :) as much as I love him I think it's healthy for Moms to have a little break for sure as even when I get to watch a movie I feel better and any time I do get to myself I am a better Mom:) I know that's not much help !! Wish I had a few better ideas but I have found sitters are too expensive !!! I hope you find some time for you :) I know it helps !! I admit I get a bit jealous when my friend packs her daughter's bag for her weekend with her Daddy. The break is great for my friend and her child gets to spend quality time with her Dad. I pray alot and have days where I do better as Mom than other days!! LOL , my son is always my focus but again as we are human it seems only fair to me for us Mom's to have a break :) Hope things get better for you all :)
Jennifer - posted on 08/02/2010
I like all of these!!! And all are good for different seasons of your life.. My faith has helped in all of this. I heard once of this single mom who sits down and writes out everything she CAN do something about and things she CANNOT (relationships, etc..) She writes out a list of the things she can do and does them. The things she cannot control she prays and releases them to God. Its hard when reality hits you and the world just seems like its working against you. Its always a game of balance in this lifestyle.. and taking care of your health (I need to do this one for sure) is good.. alot of moms let themselves go as they think that it all has to be done now for everyone.. this is true we do need to do things.. but we do need to purpose ways to nourish ourselves (and that is a unique and personal thing) as if we crumble.. everyone attached to us falls too.. its okay to get tired, and you need support from people who are there or who have been there. The biggest thing for me is asking for help.. and telling people no when I just cannot take on more.. I have lost some friends along the way.. but God is faithful to bring better things.. If I get angry I do this thing where I go on "get better time" and instead of yelling I am learning how to get creative in expressing my anger.. my son likes dinosaurs.. so when I need my time I put a t-rex toy at the edge of the counter and carry him around and my son thinks its neat.. I become "momma-saurus" and Jamison learns to respect my time which will teach him to respect others.. he now has adopted this and puts a sign on his door when he wants to be alone. Its so much better.. then afterwards.. we get talk time and play time :) my maximum time I allowed is a half hour to 45 minutes. Its just one thing specifically but whatever helps you in your family. :) Its not easy, and it IS stressful, but its a great opportunity to get to know yourself..
Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2010
Take it a day at a time... Stop stressing about things you can't change. I was stressing about things I had no control over and making myself sick. I've been at it 9 years now and one day at a time works for me. Also laugh, even if it's not funny, laugh about it, sometimes it stop the tears.
Lori - posted on 08/16/2010
It's very hard for me. I have a son who has ADHD, on top of everything else. You just have to try and stay positive and make sure that you have a good support system from familyy and friends. I don't really have either so I see a councilor when ever i need to. Don't give up and stay strong.
Maria Claire - posted on 08/11/2010
Have a space you can go to ... a totem, or a word, or a saying, or an image.... something that will take you to your "bubble" or your own no stress space.... I just recently learned this... and am still practising... it took some time to find my own image that takes me to my quiet space... but when everything seems like too much, I try to go there... and so far, it does bring me peace.
A lot of prayer, too... and sleep is definitely key. Don't be afraid to prioritize... don't book too much... trim down, and don't be weighed down by the world that doesn't understand what your life is like.
Rely on others who know you, and who maybe have been through it themselves, to really support you and love you lots... :)
Know you are not alone... :)
Jennifer - posted on 08/10/2010
my method is if he is screaming and talking down to me on the phone cause we are in diffrent states, i just go click and nobodys home, ha the jokes on him, then go continue and play with my babies swim, jump dance with them roll on the floor and laugh!!!!!!!
Shannon - posted on 08/10/2010
I work out as much as I can. Running is a great stress reliever, so is yoga. I run a tight ship and have since day one. My daighter knows what is expected of her, so i rarely have any problems with her. Money probably is my biggest stressor, however I have come to realize that everything works out in the end and it will be ok. When I am feeling like I am going to have a breakdown, I plan it out and take a couple days off. I am self-employed so I can do this easily, I just don't make any money. Surrounding yourself with good friends is also important!
Tammy - posted on 08/10/2010
WOW ANDREA!! that is amazing.. I too am a mother of 3 (9&8 yr old boys and a 6 1/2 yr old girl) and cannot even imagine having that organized and set out.
I am extremely impressed and thinks what u are doing is awesome!
I have not figured out a way to destress.. Im am actually pretty stressed and lost even after doing this for more years then i can remember (ex husband was never really much of a parent unless you include sitting in front of the Xbox with the boys when they were babies/toddlers)
Brittini - posted on 08/07/2010
I usually just take sometime out of my busy schedule and do something for myself even if its just sitting down n a quiet spot and closing my eyes it is important to take some time to yourself especially before you begin to overwhelm yourself. The next few months are going to be hectic with pregnancy, school and work but i can handle it!! and u can too!! stay positive and eliminate the negative in your life!!
Vanessa - posted on 08/06/2010
I find that I can't be a good Mommy, unless I'm an equally good Woman to self. Therefore, Mommy needs a time out: meditate, join a drumming circle, go out with the girlfriends, take mini vacation, take yourself out and do something you enjoy (without the kids or SO/hubby).
Stephanie - posted on 08/05/2010
I have been a single mom since before my son was even born. You just (as a woman) do what you need to do. Look at your beautiful child and see the wonderful gift you have been given and realize what really matters and what doesn't. The huge smile and excitement from something as simple as making blueberry pancakes with smiley faces in them that light up your child's face because they feel even more special. You get down and be silly with them, you have a tickle fight, you snuggle up and read books you just sit back and stop and smell the roses and try to live life a bit like they do. Let your eyes fill with wonder at a butterfly, lay on the grass and watch the clouds and pick out animals within them and enjoy your child. You pick your battles daily and have to ask yourself simply "is there anything I can actually do (act upon not just talk about) about the situation I'm stressed out about? If there is, then work towards making it happen, if the stress is from something beyond your control, let it go. Easier said than done a lot of the time I know, but if you take the time and really think about whether or not you can solve the problem, you can shed un-necessary stress or fix it which will relieve the stress. My sons father has been a HUGEEEEEEEE stress factor (absent of any emotional or physical support and now days battling in court), but anymore, I look at the long run, go get a hug from my amazing lil man and tell him how much I love him. The smile on his face brings a smile to my heart and makes what ever is stressing me out seem much more insignificant. I have worked full time and raised my son alone with my closest family 240 miles away, add to it 3 dogs and a cat and at the end of the day....whew. Its tiring for sure. But when I read the final book of the night, tell him I love him to infinity plus 1 and he tells me (not sure where he came up with it -he just turned 4) mama I love you till the snow is all gone from the mountains (we live in alaska it's never gone lol) my heart and soul warms and the stress goes away because he is so worth it all.
Monica - posted on 08/03/2010
im not exactly a single mom i mean im married but my husband is in the army so hes hardly ever home and with deployments it gets even more stressful but i like to cope with things by getting a sitter for a little bit and i relax or i go get something for myself.. my dr told me that a good stress reliver is to be active so if i cant get a sitter i run around with my kids or i take them for a walk or to the park... and on the ocation that my husbands home i go to my room and take a nap or a warm bath or even at the end of a really stress ful day i sit down with him or when hes gone a close friend or family member and have a drink and discuss the stressful things... i think a good friend with an open ear is a wonderful stress reliver! and in the end of it all i feel so much better because sometimes a friend can give you a good look at all the wonderful things in your life that you are hiding with the stress! i hope you find a good way for you to cope because everyone has different ways of coping!
Kathlene - posted on 08/03/2010
I agree with Callie; I have a 19 and 9 year old and their father is worthless and causes me a tremendous amount of stress I live up north of IL and he lives South of IL he is constantly taking me back and forth to Iowa courts for no good reason. I de-stress by walking and playing crazy with my nine-year old running around the house with flashlights; we have giggle time, reading time, playing cards, dancing to music, and she truly enjoys every second of it! And I do get some alone time to regroup my thoughts, it really helps. I wish you the best of luck!
Rebekah - posted on 08/02/2010
Listen to Josh Groban, his voice always lifts my soul and calms me down at the same time :-)
Do the gardening - usually that helps me think about things in a productive way instead of sitting at the computer wasting time and getting even more stressed as I am not fixing the situation.
Read a good book - an inspiring one if possible, or a book that will help you learn a new skill, or even a good novel will take your mind off stressful situations.
Go to a class at the gym instead of staying at home, the class makes it harder for you to give up because there are so many people there and you feel so empowered afterwards.
And if you cant get to the gym, then go for a power walk, not a lazy Sunday walk, but up hills if you can, and for a good 30 minutes at least, that will help all the happy endorphins rush around your body and lift your mood and squash depression.
And lastly, if the children are making you pull your hair out, either take them with you in the pram on your power walk, or, if they are old enough and are safe by themselves, walk away to your bedroom, take a few deep breaths, reassess the situation, put on a happy face and go back to them with your attitude changed and do something fun that you will all enjoy.
Anita - posted on 08/02/2010
I have not been handling it really well, but it is getting better. I have 2 boys ages 6 and 7, one is autistic and one has severe ADHD... We have good days and bad ones, but I just take it one day at a time and I try to give them as much attention as possible. I am employed full-time and I am a senior in college. It is tough to handle everything and still give them all the attention they require, but I generally stay up after they go to bed to do homework, laundry, or whatever "mommy things" I need to get done... Breathe deeply and just take it one day at a time... You will do just fine!
Jacky - posted on 08/02/2010
my stress is alot put toegther i went into deep depression after i had my daughter because i had to much stress upon myself my daughters father was abusive and my current partner left me for someone 10 years older than him, so i went rather silly but i pulleed myself out of it i decided myself when i felt best to come off my anti depressants much to my doctors discust i didnt want them anymore i went out and go a hair cut started wearing make up looking after myself and now i really couldnt feel any happier .....just stay strong and think within yourself you cn do it and you will over come everythign :D trust me
Dana - posted on 08/01/2010
GOOD question and I appreciate your asking!! It does seem overwhelming at times doesn't it. Most of the stress come from their father, which I choose to ignore, yet record all his aggrevation in a file from his emails, texts, and verbal statements. I go out each day and work as best I can, but still give my boys the attention and energy. When I have to, I go in another room, shut the door and listen to music and close my eyes....until the banging on the door gets excessive, but they usually respect my space for 15 minutes. My boys are 4 and six.
Vianna - posted on 07/31/2010
i pray 2 god an thank god 4 every lil thing.i try not 2 show my stress 2 my 2 teens.but even if i don't say anything they no it.i just smile & let them know that god dose not let us go throw anything we can not handle. & that every thing will work out at the end.
Crystal - posted on 07/31/2010
Make sure you take time for yourself!! A night with no kids, yoga, meditation, day at the spa, evening out with friends and hobbies that you enjoy are a few things you can do. That helps keep the sanity!
Hang in there!
Crystal | www.whydidichoosehim.com
Janice - posted on 07/31/2010
Make sure you have a good support system its always nice to have someone that you can vent with because holding it all in surely doesn't help it only keeps building so find a friend in a similar situation and vent with her if you need someone to talk to i'm a real good listner
Janeka - posted on 07/29/2010
Its Very Important As A Parent To Find A Way To escape The Stresses In Life and Do Something You njoy...Wheather Its When the Kids Are A Sleep, At Skool, Away With AS Friend Find Something For U! And Dont Feel Bad About it!
I Personally Can Find A Moment To Breathe Jus With A Good Long Hot Bathe At Teh End Of the Day, or On My Fat Days Some ice Cream And a Matinee Movie....
With A Breif Break The Stressors Dont Go Anywhere But U Come Back Feeling Refreshed And Able To Deal Better....
Callie - posted on 07/29/2010
For me, the best way to destress,has everything to do with my kids. I get down with them on the carpet and I act like an idiot. I play with them, I razz around with them, I chase them through the house roaring like a lion while they run ahead laughing hysterically. After a half an hour or fourty five minutes, Im absolutely exhausted, the kids are stuffed, and we're all happier than we would be if we'd just won a million dollars. If a child can live a stress free life, then the secret to an adult doing the same, is as simple as stepping out of our adult shoes and behaving like a kid for a while. Your kids will love the time with you, they'll feel even more loved than they already do, and I guarantee you'll feel better afterwards. Not to mention, that it's these little silly things that your kids will remember with great fondness in 20 years time. Hope this helps you. And good luck. :)
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