single mom living with her mom

Monika - posted on 04/28/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I'm a single mom of a 3 year old boy. I live with my mom and have been out of work for at least 6 months I live in michigan and it is just so hard to find a job here. My mother has always been very controling even though I'm 25 years old she has to know my every move and thinks she should be the mom of my son. I love her and know that everything she does is out of love but I feel like i'm drowning here and don't think it is good for my son. I've tried talking to her but she holds every bad desion that i've made over me. When she gets mad she constantly tells me i'm a failure, I can't move out b/c there is nowhere to go esp. since i don't have a job. I fill out applications everywhere at stores and on the computer but still have not recieved a response. I just don't know what to do?

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Chanise - posted on 11/08/2012

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I am a 23year old single mother as well and never give up hope. I personally just moved out of my moms house and got a room with another 2 single moms . We can each other as well as help our selves so find out who lives in ur town and band together get on welfare if u don't have a job don't think that's too low u don't want ur kids to begin to lose respect for you because they see acting n responding as a child to ur mom smh it's unhealthy . NEVER GIVE UP N DO NOT LET UR LIFE BECOME A CYCLE ACT NOW WHILE UR KIDS ARE YOUNG ! Love u guys lol be strong n never loose sight of ur goals long n short term! Chanise NYC

Angela - posted on 08/27/2013

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hi I am a single mom who just moved out of my parents home it is hard I am 32 still finding my way I have no real friends no family that can help only watch the kids if I have to work but its cool you will find your way no one is perfect and god forbid if the deadbeat dad help oh hell no that would take god and then some lol but don't be afraid just keep positive people around you and you will be fine we moms we always do what we gotta do no matter what ....be cool Angie SC

Chelsea - posted on 03/06/2013

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i know the feeling, im a single stay at home mom of an 8 month old boy, i live with my mom we are both struggling. every day i feel like i could do so much better for my son but it can be hard, i have not a penny to my name and my mom supports us, i have been struggling for 6 months to get on social assistance. but every day i remind myself that i am trying and doing all i can. i am currently upgrading my schooling so i can go to university to be a teacher, just keep doing the best you can and know your child is going to love you no matter what ♥

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I know this was posted a while ago, but I'm glad I found it. My DD (4) and I moved back in with my parents in December. I got laid off and I since I hated my career my mom suggested I go back to school and she and my dad would help until I graduated and started teaching (early childhood is my major). She constantly puts me down, tells me my DD will grow up to hate me, nit picks at everything I do, etc. People tell me I'm a lazy piece of shit because I let my parents support me. I feel like a piece of shit and this usually get to me. However, I realize that if I would have stayed in my career, I would be stuck. I would never be able to fully provide for my DD, never be able to do anything extra because I was already living paycheck to paycheck, we wouldn't be able to travel, etc. So I suck it up and stay. I don't work part time (yet) because I already take 6 classes, got o school 5 days a week, have bout 20 hrs. of studying outside of class, plus raising my daughter. Things are already falling through the cracks, and if I picked up a job I would probably lose my mind from stress. I feel like I'm doing what's best for my daughter and I in the long run although I hate it right now. Are you in school? I only ask because since you're not working maybe you can take a couple of online classes or on campus.

Also as far as filling out applications go, have you mailed in any applications? Do you call or go back to the stores and check the status of your applications, once you fill them out (give them about 3 days)? Have you tried going through a temp agency?

Believe me I know how you feel. As soon as I'm able to support DD and I on my own, I am moving out and unfortunately probably cutting most ties with my mom. She loves my daughter and my daughter loves her sooo much, but I can't have her as a huge part of MY life once I'm gone.

SMILE - posted on 02/04/2014

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Im a single parent mom... i live with my mom for 10yrs.. honestly im not happy to stay with my mom .. if i have a choice i will move right away...but i can't afford because the apartment is so expensive.....and my salary is not worth... me and my mom always fight... she dont even care what the good things you done for her... there are time i clean the house... ... even my dad dont clean he always make mess... there are time im so tired i try to clean the whole kitchen and leaving room went i just got home at work its all mess i was mad because my dad dont clean his mess honestly you left the house clean everything mess full of garbage my dad alway make messy stuff without cleaning his mess i was mad with my dad.. i say too my mom i came at work and im so tired went i got home everthing is mess before i go to work i always clean... you know what my mom say why are you keep complaining your lucky you live in my house.... you dont even help me... in this house honestly i buy grocery in this house things we dont have i buy but she dont care... she said it is not enough.. i know my mom is sick but sometimes she is too much ... one time she call me parasite ....went she really mad at me.... sometimes she call me your disquisting she told me you should be thankful you live in my home for free..... ... there are time i buy something we need at home my mom doesnt care.. all she say your free board and lodging its your job to buy those thing.... and i always prepare her breakfast.... she doesnt care... you know the worst part i buy a lock in my room my mom was mad at me can you give me your duplicate key if you dont get out on this house... you know why i lock my room there are time i lost some of my stuff...... because i know my dad took it...and give it to his mistressed. .. my mom told me if you dont give me your key i will change the lock of your room and thr0w all your stuff and you and your daughter sleep outside.. honestly everytime we fight i always cry i wish i have a place to leave... sometimes i pray to jesus please give me more strength... help me a lot... until now my life is miserable.... and it useless...... i dont know what to do...

Gwen - posted on 03/17/2013

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MY perception and experience is this, even with counseling it will remain the same, if you've been cursed/blessed with a "controlling" mom then it may go away temporarily but it WILL be back. The ONLY thing you can do that will BODE well is to work your bum off on moving the HELL out, ever considered exotic dancing? If I had a sitter then that's what I'd be doing. LOL. (:

Elly - posted on 03/09/2013

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She needs to understand she's the boss of the house, but your the mother of your child, she needs to support you not control you :) good luck

Becky - posted on 03/08/2013

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Rhonda, I don't know where you live, but I know I've never been able to get section 8 either. I was recently notified the list has opened in my city. I'm waiting for my birth certificate to come from Cali so I can apply. I am so thankful to have been notified since my parents really put me and my kids through some emotional trauma recently. We need to get out. I wanted to fix up the basement living room so I could have my kids' friends over, and they had a fit! I don't want to live this way. Good luck I hope section 8 opens up for you too.

Rhonda - posted on 03/06/2013

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I have a 13 yr old daughter. We have been living with my mother for almost a 2 yrs in June.
I love my mom to but she tells me I m a bad mom. She things if I don't make my daughter brush her teeth I m a bad of. I work at as a lunch mom at a school it's only for 2 hours a day.
I want to get a better job but my mom is not very well and needs a lot of help. Plus I don't think she will watch my daughter for me for a long period of time. My mom dose not drive because one of her legs she can't move. Now I have my 17 yr old son living with us to now.
I just want to get my own place some day. But I feel it mite not happen for a long time.
Trying to get section 8 is really hard to get because they are always full. Or there is a 5 year waiting list.
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

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Ashlea - posted on 11/24/2012

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Im 27 yrs old and i live at home with my parents with a 4 yr old. I originally decided to move back cause my mom wanted me home and my dad wanted me to help my mom. My dad made it sound fun. I could pick up the slack of the house hold chores. I dont have to pay any bills. Unless it was for things i didnt need but wanted. Sounds easy, right? NOOOOO! My mom is a big child that doesnt want to wake till after noon. She throws tantrums. My son and i hike and go places just to avoid her. Then every once and awhile i get chewed out by my dad because i cant control my mom's behavior or actions. What am i supposed to do take her key and hide them? Oh wait! Ive tryed that. She blew up in my face.

Ugg! Im sorry. Yesterday my dad got on to me cause my mom caint stop destroying the house. I keep cleaning it up. Its been 8 months since ive been back. Im tired of having to clean up after a grown woman.

I had to quit my job 3 month ago. I want to go back to work. It was a vacation for me. But something always happened at home when i went to work. I always had to take time off. It wasnt fair to the company.

Becky - posted on 09/08/2012

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Chari, I would definitely consider cutting off most ties with your Mom because she is abusive. You don't need that example for your kids. They would respect you for it!

Becky - posted on 09/08/2012

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Chari, I feel for you, and for all of you. I am a single Mom, have been for 11 years. I can say I had real aspirations when I left an abusive marriage, but my ideas didn't turn out, as I suffered from depression and unemployment. I have struggled to get a degree and still have no job. I have moved in and out of my parents' house 4 times. I now live with them again after losing another job. The last time here I had a very stressful experience. My Mom is overbearing as well, I had a poor or non-existent relationship with her for years. Until I had to accept their offer to move in. The last time my daughter was 15 and we stayed 3 years. She hated my Mom and I was always in the middle of their problems. It made my life miserable. I also had a son, 8 and 1 yr old. My parents doted on them. Finally we moved out and stayed for a year. When I lost my job, my daughter moved into her boyfriend's family's house because we couldn't go back to that situation again. It is much better without her here. We are close though and I miss her, but she we do spend a lot of time together. Meanwhile, I am dealing pretty well with my parents and my relationship is pretty good. I appreciate all they do for me. There are certainly pros and cons to be weighed. I see my younger children s' lives being enriched and I have the financial support I need now. I still want to have my own place where I can listen to music and have a beer in the evening without judgment. Wish me luck. I wish it for all of my sisters!

Rhonda - posted on 08/27/2012

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Just ask God for help. Praying for me has helped me a lot. I have found a church that my daughter and I go to. It's such a blessing for me. Things in my life has been looking better for me.

Chari - posted on 04/17/2012

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It never ends!!!! I have two daughters, 16 and 12. I am a single mom. My situation is so very complicated and I am at wits end and seriously need help and advice. My oldest daughter and I moved in with my mom and stepfather when she was 6 months old. Her father didn't want to be a father and still doesn't. I love my parents dearly. There are times when they have done more for me than I deserve. I met the father of my 12 year old when my oldest was 3. We were together for almost 5 years. When we divorced, I tried my hardest to make it on my own. He is an awesome dad & was a great father to my oldest. I wasn't successful and ended up moving back in with the folks. This cycle went on for several years, until the last time I moved in with my parents. I had no choice, I had lost my job and was hospitalized for nervous breakdown and major depression. We stayed with my parents for 4 years. I got my stuff together, went back to work (that was the only time in my life I didn't work), started regaining my mental strength and faith. Meanwhile, my mother is very controlling. My oldest child is "their pick" out of ALL the grand kids. In their eyes, she does no wrong. She talks to me like a dog. Mom says it is all my fault. Well, my mother has had input in everything that has to do with her. She is spoiled because of them. Six months ago, I was determined that I wasn't going to fail this time and we moved. I haven't felt this sure of myself in a very long time. I am confident that we are going to be fine. I didn't want to move without the comfort of knowing that we would be ok. I was NOT going back to that "dark place" I was in a few years ago. Even tho, we are gone now, my mother still interferes. She makes me feel so inferior. Like a piece of nothing. She has verbally, mentally and physically abused me in front of my girls. She still does. I know she loves my kids and they love her. But I have got to find a way to get her out of my life. That is sad to say. But it istrue. I do not feel like I have my own life, she has to be in control. She doesn't treat my sisters this way. Now, I am so scared of ending up having another nervous breakdown. We had a very bad situation last nite. I need some help and someone to talk to. I have no health insurance(my job doesn't offer) (but my kids are). I can't afford much. I swear I am a great mom to my kids. They have everything they need. We participate in many things. I walk this Earth because of my kids.

Brittany - posted on 11/08/2011

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Im 22 and have a 1 year old daughter and I live with my mom. We fight like crazy because she always undermines my decisions as a mom. its hard but I suck it up for my daughter because she loves her grandma and when we arent fighting she is a HUGE help!

[deleted account]

Contis- Nobody has the right to verbally abuse you, no matter what you did. While talking to her may not be what is best for you, finding a way to seperate yourself from her might help. When my youngest takes his naps I stay upstairs in my room with him and do work on my computer or just watch tv. I find the less that I have to interact with the other adults in my house the less tension there is.

Contis - posted on 11/08/2011

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I have alot of issues living with my mom too, and I've tried talking to her and she basically just said she has a right to be verbally abusive to me because it's my fault that I had a kid and she resents having to help me. So I don't think talking to them always helps.

[deleted account]

I am a single mom of three and two years ago my parents and I got a house together. The year after we moved in we decided to buy it. It seemed like a good idea at the time. My dad has cancer and no one is sure how long he will be with us so all of us living together ensures that my kids get the most possible time with their grandpa. Also when my parents pass on I get the house so it ensures us a house over our heads for a life time. However as of late things have been kind of rough. We argue about the stupid things, my kids not being home because they go to friends houses or they are always gone to sporting events. Oh and the latest, I have no social life and really need to get out and meet people. But then when I ask them to babysit so that I can I get reminded about all the bad choices that I have made and that I need to spend more time with my kids (mind you I only work two days a week so that I can be home with my youngest, I take my kids around to their practices three days a week with games on saturday, sundays we are all together to watch football, and mondays and fridays we are all at the table doing homework. In the summertime we are hardly home because we are at the park or going for walks).

Sorry for rambling...I know what your going through and it can be tough. If there is anyway that you can distance yourself from her it might help. Even if its taking your son outside on a nice day, going for walks or playing at a park. This allows for you to just step away without her breathing down your neck. I hope that you are able to find something soon:) I live in Michigan as well. In what area are you from?

Brittany - posted on 10/03/2011

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I also live with my mom, it sounds like a tough way to live but it really isn't. You have to make the best of the situation, and maybe if you talked to your mom about everything she would understand how you feel. I mean being a single mom isn't easy, and no women plans on becoming a SINGLE mom, but it is what it is and for the child's sake they need to be around full on support not just them but them seeing you get it too. Moms are very protective, which I'm sure you've learned, but they do do it out of love, and some just don't know how tough they are being. Just try talking to her and letting her know how you feel. Im in the same boat as you, except I have tons of support and my daughter is 6 months old, and its only because I talked to my mom about everything. Maybe it will work out for you too, hope it does good luck!

Mandy - posted on 09/24/2011

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I am 20 I have a 19 month old daughter, and i live with my parents as well. I have lived with them again now for 6 months, i have a job i work 10 in the morning till 630 at night. So my mommy daughter time is short these days, i get to feed her breakfast and get dressed get myself ready and say goodbyes. Thank goodness for my mom she watches her all day everyday and they love eachother. i come home exhausted i get to feed her dinner a little play time bathtime and bed before nine, then i get to do my homework laundry cleaning maybe some alone time then sleep. My mom is a lifesaver and helps me so much but lately she has been controlling over my daughter i have to ask when i can take her or what she can do i get to hear about all the moments i should have been there for. the worst part is my 3 year old niece told me my mom was my daughters other mommy it broke my heart. i love their relationship but what happened to mine? My mom is getting more and more controlling with her like i am out partying all day when in fact i work my butt off. i know how you feel though when i talk to her about she crys and does a guilt treatment and i am stuck back where i was. I sometimes wonder if everything i do is worth it if nothing but my daughter being slowly pulled away from me. I am sorry its hard all i think about is my daughter and it helps even if i feel useless.

Wendy - posted on 04/28/2009

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I am 31 and I had to live with my parents for a brief time when my daughter was 18 months.My mother is very controling as well,and even though we are out on our own she still tries.I do swing shift and when I am on my night rotation,she won't let anyone else watch my daughter.The bad part,she gripes and complains about it constantly.I have several friends,and my bf offering to help,then she freaks and says no one is watching her grandchild over night but her.I don't think it gets better.Wish I had better news to offer

Jacqueline - posted on 04/28/2009

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hi i too live with my parents - it suits me financially although i work 4 days a week. I look at it as a small sacrifice so i can give my son the best and he never has to miss out. i am itching to move out but hey its a roof over my head. It does not give me free babysitting - i envy anyone who gets nites off! My parents are there to enjoy him and watch him grow not to have him every nite so i can have my old life back! it gets better (thats what i keep saying anyway). good luck on the work front ...!

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