SONS BDAY FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY I HATE MY BD

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

My sons birthday is coming up on tuesday and I am getting so frustrated and starting to really HATE my bd even more all i've been doing is crying ..he'll be three tuesday and his dad has not come to one of his parties (just so happens we are always fueding around novemeber) and when we are fueding he doesnt call him and say happy birthday, let alone send money diapers wipes say Hi, kiss my ass nothing he's changed his number and has admitted he's doing all of this out of spite for me!..so im trying to throw him a chuck e cheese party which is going to be $220 ..on top of pay for his daycare which is $165 a week..get a cake, get cupcakes for his daycare and a ton of other stuff on top of getting what I need to get im beyond frustrated and irritated that he chooses to be in and out of my sons life ..and that I have to practiaclly beg his family to even be there for my son..although it seems everyone including him are actively involved in his daughters lifes (by 2 different girls) one was just born a couple months back and one is 5..not to mention my son absolutely loves his 5yo sister and would be so happy if she came eventhough I know it wont happen..im also nervous about court on the 11 of dec..what if he doesnt speak to our son at all and tells the judge he doesnt want ANYTHING to do with him or wants to sign his rights I will jus literally die in that court room..i can not take any more harsh words from him..I feel like complete shit..he'll probably be the only kid there without his dad..I hate feeling like this I mailed his aunt and his dad a invitation but who knows if they will come they tell me they want to be in his life but then when i call (his grandad) he doesnt answer or return my calls..I jus dont understand..javion has seen him a few times and his great aunt once..but trust he wouldnt know them if they were standing right beside him...i was going to schedule my party way on the other side of town to make it convenient for them to come but then my dad made a point, WHY ARE U GOING THE EXTRA MILE TO SCHEDULE HIS PARTY ALL THE WAY OUT THERE FOR PEOPLE U KNOW PROBABLY WONT SHOW U NEED TO THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO DO LOVE HIM AND ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO BE THERE SO I CHANGED IT AND SCHEDULED IT CLOSER...I AM JUST LOST I NEED HELP PLEASE SOMEONE HELP IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AT WORK! :(

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Kekua - posted on 11/17/2009

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I feel for you mommy. I think most of the moms here understand the subconscious desire to go out of your way. It's the hardest thing in the world not to do that but I agree with your dad. You want to go that extra mile and extend yourself so that those people will come because you know that your son deserves that love but what you're forgetting is that YOUR love is enough! You might think that your son has this void where daddy's love is supposed to be (I know I thought that), and kids are smart so I'm sure he sees the difference, but he is not unloved because he has YOU!!! And the love you have for him (trust me on this) can fill him up. He may take notice of certain people not being at his party but you just have to focus on the people who are there. He will eventually follow your example. Besides if the party's at Chuckie's he probably won't even notice. My kids don't even notice me when we're there lol.
For myself it was the hardest thing to let go of the expectations of my kids' dad to want to be around. I felt like it was my job to keep pushing and pushing so that they would have their dad around but how much is his presence really worth if he's not there because he wants to be? It was hard and it took me a couple of weeks but once I let go of that I felt about a thousand pounds lighter. So much less stress. And it's he who is losing out, not the kids. Not the kids. So you've got to let go of that so that you can focus on what you guys do have, giving your son a fabulous example to follow. Because once we learn to really love and live in the lives that we *do* have, we will no longer feel without. And always remember that your love is big enough, strong enough, and deep enough to carry your child through anything because you are a mother!

Karen - posted on 11/17/2009

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First I want to say I'm sorry for all your going through with your son's father. Your dad is right you should not make nothing convenient for them. I'm tell you I was in your shoes about two and a half years ago with my daughter father but I had to pick my self up and be strong for me and my child and not depend on him. When we first broke up he was coming to pick our daughter up every week but the minute they started taking child support all that stopped. Then he quit his job moved to another state and now own over 8000 in back child support. Birthdays and holidays past and no calls from him or his family. So please know you are not alone but like I said you have to think about you and your child if the father does want to be apart of his life thats his lost. As far as your court date just pray about it and leave it in God's hands and believe that how every it turns out is all apart of Gods plan for you and your son. Also know he (God) will never leave you to handle your struggles alone. Trust me I know its hard but you just have to be strong and keep the faith!! Godd Bless

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