Sons father getting out of prison in june..HELP!!!

Nicky - posted on 04/15/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I'll make this as short as possible. My sons father and I have been split up since my son was 6 months old. He used to see him all the time until my son was about 1 1/2. At that time he would say he has stuff to do so he cant take him. He would see him maybe twice a month until my son was 2 then he would rarely see him. My son didnt remember him when he did actually come to visit.Those visits were maybe 20 min at a time. From the time my son was 2 until he was 3 his dad seen him maybe 5 times. When my sons 3rd birtday came he didnt get a phone call from his dad and that made me angry. I got ahold of him and he said its a long story. I told him I dont want to hear it , it only takes 2 seconds to pick up the phone and say happy birthday to your 3 yr old. Come to find out he was on the run from the cops for a drug charge. He was caught and has been in prison for almost a year. He gets out this coming june. He wrote me a letter asking to see my son when he gets out. I didnt write him back and i dont think its a good idea since my son doesnt know him. Any advice on this?

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6 Comments

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Louise - posted on 04/23/2012

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I think you have to tread carefully here. The father of your baby is a bit of a deadbeat but he does have rights to see his son. Your son also needs to know his father whether you like it or not. If you stop him from seeing his dad in his teenage years he will rebel and think you are the cause. Your son is old enough to understand what is going on now. He does not know this man but he has a right to.

The father is not risk to your son, at worst all he can do is let him down by not turning up. Allow visitation but make it very clear that if he lets your son down you will not be so amenable in the future. Then when he enevitabley does let your son down you have done your bit to help father and son relationship. In years to come you can say you tried, and your son will be thankful of that.

Ginger - posted on 04/21/2012

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Well,, sign up for Victom Notification Service in your area so someone will contact you prior to his release. If you think he will come to your place and try to do whatever. Then don't be there when he gets out. Most likely he will find someone elsee to mouch off of and bug and things will go bacck to the wway they were. Contact women's shelters. Get a protective order if you need too. But it is prolly best you try not to make him mad. Put in for visitation clearification while the iron is still hot. Only supervised or whatever you think is best for your kid. I think they have to pay to use the supervised service soo unless they want to give up drug money to see their kid they won't pay for it and you know your kid would be safe.
1−800−799−SAFE
http://www.thehotline.org/
you can call them for the standard procedure and access to assistance in your area.

Jeorge - posted on 04/21/2012

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I agree talk to a lawyer. I would not agree to meet him even in a public place. If he wants visitation let him go to court and fight for it. If he harasses you with calls or letters or even comes to your house call the police and get a restraining order. Depending on the state your in he may not have rights seeing as he abandon his son by going to jail and it sounds like even before that

Audra - posted on 04/15/2012

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I'm replying on my phone...I really didn't mean to rate your post as funny. Sorry about that.

Marcy - posted on 04/15/2012

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I 2nd Audra Day. They can best tell you how to proceed.

Audra - posted on 04/15/2012

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If it were me, I'd talk to a lawyer or a police officer and find out whether your ex will have a parole officer and what the 'rules' are. Get some advice on how to proceed, and come to your own conclusions about what you do and do not want from your ex. If you agree to meet your ex, meet him in a public place and take along a friend to diffuse any heated discussion and act as a witness. Then, if you needed someone to call the police for you...take your son somewhere safe...etc. you have someone. For your son, seeing his dad will probably be like meeting any other adult for the first time. It'll likely be a brief meeting like all of the others, and uneventful.