Teens and Sex

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

I just found out my 16 yr old is no longer a virgin. We have had all the talks about NOT having sex. She knows about the emotional commitment, and the responsibilities of disease and reproduction. Shes on birthcontrol and he uses a condom. So now where do my concerns and conversations go? Now how do I deal with this?

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Clarisse - posted on 05/08/2013

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Talk to her and meet him. Don't encourage it but, don't try and control it either. I was pregnant at 16 and now I'm 26 and have 4 kids. All I remember my mother telling me when I told her I was sexually active is, "You won't get pregnant or have sex under my roof". She kicked me out at 14 and signed her parental rights over to my boyfriends mom, never meeting her. I was pregnant with my 3rd child at 19 and was so ready to be away from them. I couldn't afford to go. Just don't over react and make sure your up to date on her birth control. All 4 of my children we're conceived on birth control. Every different kind. Abstinence is what has kept me from getting pregnant in the last 4 years. Birth control is only 99.9% accurate and each one of my 4 kids are the one percent. Sorry it's so long oops :/ Just wanted to be helpful.

Emily - posted on 12/08/2009

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i got pregnant with my first son at the age of 16, i was on birth control. talk to her and gain her trust to be able to talk about sex. dont push yourself on her though. the best advice i can give is to maybe show her how hard it is to have a baby, i think if she gets the chance to deal with a baby she'll understand that she needs to be safe with sex and understand she's still young and has her whole life ahead. right now im 19 and have two wonderful children but i wish i would of waited to have kids, i should have been more safe. also you can have her talk to teen moms and they can share their stories and how having sex is a big deal cuz a baby can follow with one night of pleasure, she may start to think twice before she has sex again! i hope this helps! good luck

Tanasia - posted on 12/08/2009

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Well as for me I am a 17 year old single parent! so i can relate! Just keep encouraging her to use condoms and stay on birth control! however losing my virginity at a young age I know what teens do. I stopped taking my birth control pills for no particular reason. Just because I wanted too. So be careful on what type of methods she uses!

Danielle - posted on 11/28/2009

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im 17, the best advice i can give you is to not let the conversation leave permanetly now b/c she is sexual active. i would keep talking to her about it but without being to nosey into what she is doing. every teenager does it at one point or another but still discuss all the consequenses of it with her and what could happen.. STD pregnancy etc.. being a teen mom is the hardest thing i have ever gone through my daughter is almost 10 months old now and she is everything to me but it is so tough to finish school.. just keep the conversation up with her every once in a while.. dont just forget about it...

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Jessica - posted on 11/26/2009

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How about stressing to her the importance of her sticking to her guns in a relationship. Most likely at some point her boyfriend (current or future) is going to want sex without a condom. Help her develop a plan to get out of there and avoid giving in just to please him. Also, help her develop a plan for if/when she feels unsafe on a date.

Lindsay - posted on 11/26/2009

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i agree with candice! as a teenage girl, my mom has been REALLY important to me, and we have always communicated best when i know she is listening and receptive, and not critical or looking to punish me. also, if you show that you are not being judgmental, she will value your opinion that much more. tell her what you believe, but don't make her feel ashamed.



on the other hand, i am concerned for her. i started having sex early as well, and finally figured things out and quit (she will probably realize, unfortunately after a heartbreak or two, that it's not right for her, either). then, once i started college, i had sex ONE time, and now i am pregnant. it really does only take once, it really can happen to you, and the consequences really are permanent.

Candice - posted on 11/25/2009

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i'll give you my mom's advice. part 1: be honest about your own (preferably bad) experiences so she knows you aren't a total prude and can talk about it...then she won't be afraid to talk to you. aand part 2: DON"T FREAK when she tells you stuff. Calm, quiet tone, LISTEN, if she thinks she can talk to you about it, it's better than her sneaking around hiding it from you. PLUS...if she tells you you can guide her to make choices that could keep her safe. punish for lies, not truths (unless they're illegal...or bordering on it, or clearly break sane rules).

be proud. The average age for sex now is 12yrs old. You made it to 16! and if she's on BC and using condoms, so far so good. Keep communication open...it's your best bet. and hope that you taught her the value of herself and what she deserves from a man...not just sex (and geeze, not just BAD sex either...lol)

Natasha - posted on 11/25/2009

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I had a lot to say until I started thinking of my own 15 year old and I "froze". Good Luck and I will keep checking on this post for my own sanity!

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