Tips on dealing with biological dad of baby!

Confused Mom - posted on 06/20/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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So, I have kinda ran into a hard time with my unborn babies dad. He is quiet manipulative and has decided to pop back up in the picture after not hearing from him in more then 2 months. He has already started to try to blame me for why he hasn't been talking to me and stuff. He seems to want to be in babies life but I'm scared he's going to try to manipulate it so he can see baby whenever he wants. I'm also scared that if I put him on the birth certificated he will try to control everything like any getting a passport and travelin. I have no idea what to do or who to talk to before baby is born to make surety at I am protected as well as baby.....any advice??

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Michelle - posted on 07/01/2012

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An in and out Dad is bad news. Get a lawyer. And don't believe anything Dad says. Make all conversation go through your lawyer. It's expensive but so worth it.

Kristi - posted on 06/21/2012

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The last thing you need to worry about is passports and traveling, unless you think he is going to try and kidnap your baby, in which case, you need to file a protection order and give a copy of his picture to everyone on staff at the hospital when you deliver. You can't get a passport for a child without both parents signatures, anyways.



You need to decide what, if anything you want from him, as the father of this baby. If he's not accepting responsibility for leaving you now, chances are he's not going to accept responsibility for your baby for very long either. But I don't know either one of you so I can't really call that fairly.



My best advice, is to talk to an attorney. You can usually find one who will give you a free consultation. Make a list of all your questions and be ready to write down the answers when you to talk to one. Depending on where you live, legal aid lawyers might be available to you if your annual income is below a certain amount.



Right now he has no reason to be around you, unless you make the choice to let him be. You are in control of things right now, not him. You don't have to talk to him, email, text, or FB with him if you choose not to. Since you are confused and concerned about what to do, I would probably tell him politely, that he needs to respect your right to privacy and you will talk to him at a later date....something like that. Don't get into a fight, it takes two. I think you should show him the respect that you would like to have by telling him you need some time to sort things out and not just stop communicating completely with no notice or explanation. You don't OWE him anything, I'm just suggesting you keep everything on the level. However, if you think you can maintain a respectable, adult conversation about what he is looking for that would be helpful to take to the attorney. You can listen, you don't have to discuss his options, right, responsibilities, etc. If you're not on the same page discussing things will only lead to an arguement. If you decide to talk to him, tell him up front, this is not going to be a discussion. Let him know you are just there to get an understanding of what he thinks his role is going to be in your baby's life. (Write it down. Write everything down that has to do with the three of you.) If he starts making demands or tries to pick a fight, remind him why you are there and tell him if he can't behave appropriately you will leave. And stick to it.



Remember, you are calling the shots. You decide what is best for you and your baby. Do you have any friends or family that can help support you? Reach out to those you love and trust, they will help give you strength. Trust your gut, not your heart. I have learned that the hard way, more than once. I hope you find what you are looking for.



ETA: The reason I told you to write everything down is because if you are at all worried about a custody battle, it is good to have documentation of everything, texts, phone calls, FB posts, any encounters, write down what was said, etc. dates, times, places Some courts allow, some don't but it is good for you to be able to recall things and back them up with documentation. if you can take pics of data to save, do that. if things get sticky this can help cover your a$$ or it can help nail his to the floor. if you're going to do it, like the rest of this, stick to it, it has to be complete, the good, the bad and the boring

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