What am i supposed to do with my estranged husband? It's my kids who are suffering indirectly.

Nana - posted on 06/14/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I've been married for 8years and have 2 lovely boys. Their dad (~my husband) just got up one day and decided to go to africa. I tried talking him out of it but he had already decided. He's been gone a few months short of 3yrs. the boys were
3 1/2 and 2 when he left. My problem is he does not remit us and does not contact us either. Anytime i contacted him, we ended up fighting so i stopped. I'm now by myself with no help from anybody, not even his family. I know my marriage is as good as dead cos we don't talk about anything, i mean we can't discuss the boys, we can't talk about the marriage, we can't talk about the future, nothing. I made a mistake of asking him a few days ago what plans he had for the family and all hell broke loose. The marriage is as good as dead but now it's the boys i feel for. They have not seen him for 2yrs and 9mths.

My 6yr old does not like going to church on fathers' day because he always says 'but daddy is not here'. I really feel for them and wish there is something i could do to make things better for all of us. I had to stop work cos there was nobody to sleep with them and take them to sch in the mornings when i'm at work. Because of this, i don't even have the money to buy them what they ask for during their birthdays and at christmas. I feel so terrible when they ask for something and i'm not able to give them.

I'm also not able to talk to anybody about the way things are going cos i feel they will end up blaming me. I always put on a brave face when i'm with the boys and also when i'm with friends but i'm the only one who knows how bad things are. Sometimes i feel like giving up but when i look at my little angels, i can't help but to carry on.

What am i supposed to do? Is anybody in the same situation? Please help me, i need your advice.

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Rehana - posted on 06/29/2011

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I am in the same position and i know the feeling.....my older daughter was a daddy's girl and it broke my heart to see what she went through..She lost alot of weight and her hair started dropping off....You just have to be strong and move on....The kids only have one parent now and they need someone positive and happy..it you're happy so will they.Forget him and have fun with the kids...don't stress over him and do the best you can......It has been 2 years and now my kids are happy and doing so much better...

Kristin - posted on 06/15/2011

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WOW! I am SO sorry. Iit sounds like you have already accepted that you are on your own, which is probably the best since your so called husband is not in the picture. I am a single mom of 3 girls ages 14,4 1/2 and 18 months, my oldest has a different dad than the younger 2. Both dads are in the picture but I am dealing with a LOT of horrible things with the younger ones dad (custody battle, we can't talk about ANYTHING without an argument,etc).
The best thing you can do for your boys is just be a good mother to them. It is NOT your fault that their dad left & has no contact with them. I would explain to them that he had to go away & you do not know for how long but that he loves them (even if his actions don't seem so, I would reassure them he does since they can not understand). Maybe tell them that he is very far away for work & cant be reached by phone. I don't like the idea of lying to your kids but if they are too young to understand the truth then I would make something up so they did not feel abandoned (which could cause lifelong issues).
All you can do is be the best mother you can be & love your boys as much as possible, let them know YOU will ALWAYS be there for them.
NEVER give up, your children NEED YOU!
I hope this is somewhat helpful...

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2011

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Is there no one you can turn to? Your parents or siblings that would be willing to help? Even a grandmother, aunts, uncle's. I would search for help, so that you can get back on your feet, and enjoy those little ones. No one is going to blame you for what happened. He left, and he left his little one's. There is no excuse for that, you don't just abandon children, let alone the mother. He's obviously not concerned with their well being. I would consult help from welfare or other organizations that help people in your situation. It's not the time to be blaming yourself. You need to be strong for those kids. And you need help.

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Esuf - posted on 09/28/2012

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You are blessed by God for not giving up those children are a blessing fron God. I do not know your name but God knows. your husband is not going unnotice , he will have to give account for himself. in the mean time you must seek God through Jesus ask Jesus to come into your heart ask Hin to help you through this time. If you have a bible please start reading it, you will find comfort to your soul I will be praying for you ai will call you Mominneed Read 1Peter 5:7-14 God bless you and your 2 boys Your friend in Christ Esuf [ Yousef]

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