what do u do when he doesn't come at all

Kenyetta - posted on 02/13/2010

I would just ask him regardless whose in the way of things. If that was me I would go up to him REGARDLESS whose with him. I would ask him why don't you come and see our daughter.Put his butt on Child Support. Don't let anyone talk you out of doing what you have to do for your child. Your child is your life.

Karina - posted on 02/12/2010

I wrote this to answer another mums question, maybe this might help :-)



Hi! please take that as a god send! Its his responsibility to arrange time to spend with your daughter and if he cant be bothered picking up the phone to arrange a visit then just leave it be. Allow him to dig his own hole and show how much he truly does care. Its the hardest thing to let go, but once you stop pulling on those ropes that link you together and let go they eventually fall right on their %^%^!!! When you do its a huge step forward!!!



I know because i have been there, I was calling him, constantly chasing up maintenance, trying to get him to make more of an effort, Id get so angry with him when the kids were driving me insane because i was the one who had to deal with them not him and id ring him and tell him so!!! things like that. All was pointless because it only led to me being constantly let down time and time and time and time again which was the reason i left him in the first place!!!. All it did was make me miserable and less able to cope with my kids.



Recently because of some clever advice from my mum I realise I have to stop allowing him to have a hold on me, he would let me down again and I would fly off the handle and lose it. But I wasnt reacting to what he did at that moment i was reacting to past hurts etc which made me realise I aint over the past like i thought. Would i lose it over a friend being half an hour late for something??? I had to learn to detach my emotions and treat him like i would any other person which is flippin hard!!! Just coming to this realisation has helped enormously!!! When I speak to him now I am very matter of fact and almost cold. I still have my moments where he riles me up, but am getting there. If he manages to make me angry or upset he is winning and taking my power away...something I have regained since leaving him and i dont like giving it back!! Its great incentive to keep my cool!!! lol



I now have the child support agency collecting the maintenance because he would love holding that over me every week playing his little mind games because he knew i needed it. It drove me insane!!! So instead i took up delivering pamphlets for six months to make ends meet, one rope gone i no longer rely on him for money because he is not reliable!!! If the moneys not there i make do!!! I also lost two dress sizes!!! Yahooo!!!! lol The biggest revenge is getting on with your life and not allowing him to keep a hold on you, let go of those rope and let him fall!! he'll soon show whether he wants something special with his daughter or not. In the meantime enjoy the peace!!!!



Dont get me wrong, I am SO for a father being apart of a childs life, our kids have a right to see them. But if that father is an absent one that makes no effort, (like not calling for 6 months!) or causes more harm than good then our kids ARE better off without them in their lives!!! I have always gone out of my way to allow him to see them, but he makes no effort to call or anything and i am the one who has to live with the tears, its heartbreaking!! And as much as id like to say, forget about your useless *#%@$% of a father, I cant, instead i say daddy loves you and misses you to and you'll see him soon :-( One day they will figure that out on ther own without my help!!!



I still have a few ropes to singe and burn and ive written you a book!!! lol But I so hope this helps you in letting go of some yours. x