What is the best thing for me and my baby when I know I'm stressed but not able to take time for me

Sue - posted on 11/27/2009

Remind yourself...It is not always going to be like this. It is only like this for now. As the baby gets older things will change and so will I.

TRECA - posted on 11/22/2009

OMG!!! I AM NOT ALONE. NICOLE YOU TOOK THE WORDS OUT OF MOUTH....THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS QUESTION AND THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REPLIED... AGAIN THANK YOU!!!!!!

Nicole - posted on 11/22/2009

Thank you for the reminder, it feels so good to have the encouragement.

Nicole - posted on 11/22/2009

Thank You! ♥

Nicole - posted on 11/22/2009

Just generally getting out of the house on my own does so much good. Sometimes it's definately not enough to go and watch a movie in another room for a few hours, or even going for a walk doesn't help but at least it's still good for me.



I have someone that babysits for free but transportation to her house is out of the question at the moment, especially since it's the weekend and my mother is sick.(she had a seizure and is dehydrated) :'( Plus, the babysitter is my mother's good friend and for some reason blames me for not being able to take absolute great care of my mother when indeed I have done so in the past when she was ill... I can't help if I'm shunned away, but, I keep trying to help.



Plus, I havent had the chance to tell her that her comments hurt my feelings whenever my mom talks to her about me.



I have spoken with my mom about how it stresses me out and hurts my feelings and it drives me nuts. I dont mind her talking about it, I just dont want to hear it. Especially when we live with 7 other people in the house that we take care of (AFC-adult foster care)...

Erika - posted on 11/22/2009

I feel you on this one. I am a single mom to three, work a full time job, and lets not talk about the kids' extra curricular activities. You have to be creative. As long as the baby's immediate needs are met it is ok to put him/her down so you can have what I call a "pocket of time". I do this when the kids are napping or down for the night or whenever they are content occupying themselves. During this time you do things that make you feel good. It could be a phone converation with a friend with your door closed, a nap, watching your favorite show in peace, eating a meal with no kids begging, a hot shower, or even a glass of wine and a good book if they are down for the night. You have to take care of you to be able to effectively take care of others :)

Elle - posted on 11/22/2009

Nicole, I feel like that almost everyday...I'm a single working mother with two little girls. One with dyslexia and one with ADHD & ODD (she's a brilliant little thing who gets into and destroys everything LOL). Both of my parents are out of work and my two teenage brothers are living with us as well. Recently, I had something fall on my fot at work and my previous nerve damage in my foot has been re-irritated and I can barely walk (require a boot). I also work in the design/construction industry and attempt to make deadline while attending regular physical (torturous) therapy and doctor visits each week; then come home to parents who resent me and are extremely bitter and badmouth me in front of their children and mine behind my back and treat me and my children like crap (if I leave it will be my fault once again that they can't make ends meet and lose their house though or I would have). My point for explaining all of this is to give you a perspective of my day each day and to tell you that I completely understand your feels. I get through my day, each and every day, by thanking God for giving me strength and focusing on the good things in my life. As a single mother, I have very few close friends and don't have much time with any of them, but the few that I have are a great comfort to me and a shoulder to cry on when I truly do need one. I very rarely get a moment of peace, but if you can find 5 minutes after your child goes to sleep to take a breather and just pray and reflect on all of the things you have to be thankful for and if nothing else for a wonderful child you have been blessed with to love and nurture and grow to be the best they can possibly be. My one moment of peace this week was after I dropped my daughter off at Hip Hop class, I slipped out and ran across the street to my fav sushi place that I haven't been to in over a year and indulged in great convo w/ my fav sushi chef and had a wonderful dinner w/ the best quality sushi in the city. I will admit I felt a little guilty when I got my bill (because I never spend that much on myself), but in the end I knew that I deserved it and I didn't fret because i know God is providing me and my children with everything we need. Thus there is no need to stress. Just hand all of your worries to the Lord and my dear, I promise he will tell you what to do. Life without worry or stress is possible, but you have to choose to do it and you do have to work at it hard at first. We have all been programed; reprogram yourself and be joyful! Also take a 5 minutes to yourself to breath and think when you need it. as my pediatrician told me when my children were babies, "It is ok to let a baby cry for a little while. It develops their lungs"--However my youngest one has the loudest voice you ever heard (maybe her's were a little too developed!) =D I personally try to laugh about everything and dwell on nothing (I've live by this forever, even before I found God, and It is the best you could ever do!)
I wish you the best of luck, and I'll keep you in my prayers,
Elle

Marcia - posted on 11/21/2009

My son is 6 months old. I find that when I need me time I set my son in the jolly jumper, exersaucer or in his crib with his baby einstein mobile which he can kick at. I keep the monitor on or keep the jumper where we can see each other. That way I get me time and he gets well needed exercise. This generally leads him to be sleepy and then nap time equals more free time for about 20 minutes. I can usually get some things done around the apartment in that time. Being a single mom is not easy but you have to find ways that work for you and your baby. Take time to calm down with out trying to get your child worked up. Less stress for baby and less stress for you :) Eventually your child will crave his/her independent play time as well.

Linnaea - posted on 11/21/2009

when i need me time i ask my mom to take my son for a night or 2 and she's happy to help. even if you live with her you can ask for her to watch him for a couple hours here and there so you can go do your own thing. it worked for me maybe you should give it a try.

Whitney - posted on 11/21/2009

I do it alone, I know how hard it is to get in some me time. I brought my daughter an ExerSaucer. She loves it. i place her in it, but she is still in my sight and i get on with what i need to do, then return to her. It gives me about 40 minutes to an hour of free time, just have to watch her not interact. Also toys that attach to the crib side work wonders they entertain the child while you are in another room or doing something else that need your attention other than the baby, of course listening to the monitor while doing whatever to make sure they are ok is a good idea. Also family members/friends reconnect with them they are always willing to help for an hour or two. Or even a sitter, i know its not always economically viable but there are always reasonable experienced sitters out there. $20 for 3 hours of some free time whether in the house or making errands, grocery shopping. That $20 once or twice a month is really worth it.

Sammi - posted on 11/21/2009

make sure your baby isnt hungry, wet/dirty or has wind and if they r fine put them down safely somewhere and go to another room, calm down with some music or do what you need to do. if your baby is fine they will eventually go to sleep, or wait for you to return. it doesnt hurt a baby to be left to cry for a while wen they r fine, just check on them in 10-15 mins to make sure theyr ok :)