What should child support go towards?

Lakesha - posted on 01/02/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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Ok. I have three children. The oldest gets child support enforcement. I didn't run to apply. I received medicaid, and eventually they wanted to know if the father of the child was capable of providing medical care. So they sent the forms to me, and said I had ten days to send them back. I needed medical care from them, so I did what they asked. I'm about to fill out the forms myself for the other two, because despite my kindness and understanding, my children need more than what they provide. The father of my youngest feels that if I ask him for money, whick I only do to see what he would say at first, he should ask what does the child need, and I will try to get it for her. Wtf! I can count on my hand the amount of times he did that. Got my sisters around here calling him "diaper daddy." Saw him in Sam's one day, mentioned to him about the diapers & stuff they had for kids, he had the nerves to say, "isn't it your time to buy the diapers?" Yes, my daughter lives with me, which I prefer, one household as the main living arrangement, but a child needs more than diapers, shoes, and clothes to survive. My caseworker said the same thing, and I think that eventually, she's gonna put things into action if I don't show her other financial means from him. I feel that household cost contribute to the welfare of a child. If I didn't have a roof over our heads, electricity, beds, food, etc, my children would suffer. A family member of his said that if I filed on him, then he would never do anything else for his daughter beyond paying the support. My kids don't have to worry about anything as long as I'm their mom, and they have their family behind them. What do u think?

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Aurora - posted on 02/13/2012

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My attorney indicated that child support goes towards supporting the children within your home. It's supplementing your income or lack thereof. Everything about child support is about the child. If you have a car payment, does that car provide transportation for your child? Does the house provide a roof over your child's head? What about the utilities? What about clothing, shoes, food, etc? All that is used for the child...He has no say on how you are to spend the child support so long as it is benefiting the child.

Zharna - posted on 01/08/2010

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Also agree - my ex is required to pay child support and the IRD (in NZ) forcible remove it from his wages every week. We had this same argument regarding what I use the money for and I actually gave him a list of everything she needs every month. I apportioned her share of the rent, power, water, a small amount of gas for transport, babysitting, clothes, extra activities (like swimming and Taekwon-Do). I even budgeted in what it costs me for her birthday parties (not including presents).
When you lay it all out like this it is surprising how much is actually spent on them. His child support was about 1/3 of her expenses not to mention the fact that I lose money in the hand every week only being able to work part time which I also spelled out for him.
He hasn't tried that argument on with me since.

[deleted account]

I had a similar conversation with son's dad before we went to court. He wanted to know where the money was going. I responded with "as long as your son has a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his stomach, it's none of your business. However, if the day comes where these are not being provided, then you can question me on it." He thought about it for a few minutes and told me I was right. That was over 10 years ago and it hasn't been brought up since. Now if he chooses not to be involved because he's required to pay child support, you can't control that. Fill the paperwork out. You and you're kids deserve whatever you can get. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2010

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You need to get every father to pay the financial contribution for his children. I'm a single mom, and my daughter's father left me when I was only a few months pregnant. I really just wanted him out of my life, so it was very tempting to say 'forget it' and work it out on my own. But that would not be fair to my child. My daughter already has less than most children because she's only got one parent in her life. There are enormous expenses involved in raising a child, from daycare and preschool to food and clothing, to housing, transportation, entertainment, etc. My daughter's father calls himself "daddy" but he wouldn't pay a dime to help raise the daughter he helped create if he weren't obligated by law. File the papers. Get everything your child is entitled to. Think of all the sacrifices you have made to be a parent. They aren't going to be matched even in part by the small amount of support a neglectful/absent pays from his paycheck. But they will help to remove some of the stress from your life, and therefore help you to be a better parent to your child.

Olga - posted on 01/06/2010

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I say file. You gave him the chance to help you support your kids. You have to do what is best for you and your children. He probably will get angry and try to tell close the case I promise I will help more. But believe me when I say I have tried that .. I open a case closed it cause he promised to help. he did good for a few months then stopped all over again. I have had my case open now for about 2 yrs. ....your ex will eventually get over it. mine did. =) Now we are cool. =) The support I get from what the judge ordered was to help pay for Medical Care (medical, dental, vision) and daycare. They also take into consideration the time the child is spent with each parent.

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Sheila - posted on 02/17/2014

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at some point you have to put your emotions and ties that you once had to the side and try to compromise..... if not and you have tried everything possible... then get papers... but make sure your not sending mixed signals.... don't sleep with the father of your children and then turn around ask for assistance.... some men can't handle that... if the father refuses.. no more phone calls on your behalf, do what you gotta do...

Miss - posted on 10/19/2013

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Jayhan, how is it selfish of a mother trying to get child support for their kids. Selfish of the men. That actually wait for the mother of their children to ask for child support from the father of their own kids. If a man enjoyed laying in bed with the women. Then he must put forth into being a father and providing what a child needs. Especially if child lives with mother and all living expenses are from her. Stop sounding like an angry father .

[deleted account]

fucking selfish bitches all you care about is the money. I bet you all actively stop the kids' fathers from spending time with their dads.

Tina - posted on 09/27/2013

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I'm also doing child support my daughter dad only buy diapers and wipps and I have been out a job .
He think he should have to buy more because he don't want her .
Then tells me I can't file because he buys those to things I had to get my grandmother to get her food because he refused to get her some , do to he has better things to pay for.
I've even asked him to visit with her some , all he say is I can t nut when I call his friend he says he's with a girl , different girl .
So I just gave up on him .
But good luck to u hun

Kristi - posted on 10/02/2012

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Hey W--



What's the matter, you jealous you didn't get to the devil first? You have been reported.

Cindy - posted on 02/12/2012

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u have 2 do what u need 2 2 support ur kids & from the way it sounds he doesn't pay child support which he should b!! FILE THOSE PAPERS!! there's 2 many parents not paying 4 their kids, him just buying diapers once in a while is rediculous!! now when u file them the child support division will go after him 4 support & they WILL make him pay any & all back that he has not paid if u push it WHICH U SHOULD!! child support should go on the childs needs, shelter & such however with parents like my ex the child support should b put in an account 4 our son so he can have it after he's out of school because his dad buys foolish things with it, like harley parts & such instead of paying the bills, that's what he's AlWAYS done! good luck

Cindy - posted on 02/12/2012

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u have 2 do what u need 2 2 support ur kids & from the way it sounds he doesn't pay child support which he should b!! FILE THOSE PAPERS!! there's 2 many parents not paying 4 their kids, him just buying diapers once in a while is rediculous!! now when u file them the child support division will go after him 4 support & they WILL make him pay any & all back that he has not paid if u push it WHICH U SHOULD!! child support should go on the childs needs, shelter & such however with parents like my ex the child support should b put in an account 4 our son so he can have it after he's out of school because his dad buys foolish things with it, like harley parts & such instead of paying the bills, that's what he's AlWAYS done! good luck

Heather - posted on 02/08/2012

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It depends on how much time the father spends with the child. If he is never around then yes he should help provide the roof over the child's head. If he sees the child as often as he is allowed then you have to remember that he has his own bills to pay and while you're getting your entire paycheck plus some more, he is only getting part of his.



My Mom made more money than my Dad, and he was only allowed to get us 4 days a week but still had to pay child support. My Mom made plenty of money to support us and give us the things we needed and will have a nice early retirement. Every other weekend we went to visit my Dad who was living in a camper at a camp grounds at one point. He has no money, he always worked construction and isn't getting many jobs any more because of his age. He will work until the day he dies without a penny to his name, and at one point broke down in tears that he wasn't able to see us more than he did. Back then 4 days a month was pretty much all any dads were getting.

Tiffany - posted on 01/11/2010

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FILL OUT THE PAPERS!!! I am going through a very similar situation. My soon to be ex-husband thinks 2 weekends a month is support enough for our children. He is now the "disneyland dad". When they go and stay with him, he buys them with toys, electronics...you name it. But it is never anything to help me out. He says he does his part. Meanwhile, i struggle from paycheck to paycheck. Good luck to you!

Jessica - posted on 01/10/2010

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Child support is suppose to help cover co-pays for when the child is sick, cold medicine, sheets, beds...anything your child needs to stay warm, comfortable. When I went to court they counted in what I pay for child care, I was on MassHealth then so I couldn't claim it, they also took rent into account (which i didn't pay bc I was with my mom). Everything but toys for your kids can be bought with the child support. I'd try to up my support because it barely pays for child care (another thing unclaimed at the time), but I'm not sure what he makes.



In short the child support should be used for any and everything for your child.

[deleted account]

child support should go to what ever it takes to run your household, from clothing your child, food, rent, utilities, even putting fuel in your car to make that paycheck or get you to the market or to the kids schools.
thats just my thinking and I was told that "which ever way" I use it, it don't matter as long as Im providing for my kids.
for example, I use my paycheck to buy the food,lunchmoney, pay the bills and buy my kids what ever they want. I use the child support for my fuel to get back and forth to work, to be able to get lunch and coffee through out my work day. I also have a debit card for my child support, and its great. I can use it like its a regular bank debit card. makes life a heck of a lot easier and not to mention, its less I have to deal with the father. not to mention, if he's late, DOR will handle it!! =)

Kerri - posted on 01/09/2010

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I know women who regret not filing but I dont know anyone who regrets filing!
Should not be all on you...

[deleted account]

I'm a single parent in the UK so we have a slightly different system. We have an agency called the Child Support Agency (CSA) which seperated parents can go through for maintance for the kids. I let them deal with trying to get payments off him and working out how much he's supposed to pay - when they can find any offical work details/benefits that he gets. That way there's a paper trail, as long as they don't loose any of the paperwork. I ended up going to tribunal to get some payments off the ex husband and they admitted that some of the paperwork for my case had been lost. If they'd had it all, it sounded like I would have got more than I did at the time. He didn't even bother turning up for it.



I would stay strong and make sure that you take the higher moral ground on this and fill in the paperwork. That way you can show that you fulfilled your side of being a parent and that there will be paperwork to show that. Good luck.

Bendetta - posted on 01/09/2010

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child support should go to whatever you need it to go to.Rent,electric,ect.even if you need gas in your car to get to work so you can get paid so you can take care of everything.My kids father was court ordered to pay child support,and we have gone to court plenty of times,and one of his words to me after court was"Im going to stop working" He hasnt really paid me for years now.Every time i say that im going to drop the 3kids off and i will pay him the 600 dollars he shows up and then i wont get anything after that.You need to do what you need to do for the kids,If i were to give up my kids wouldnt have anyone.Stay strong and dont give up

Stacie - posted on 01/09/2010

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I totally agree with you. Kids need way more than just diapers and clothes. What about food, heat ,electric, and a place to live? Really girl if he thinks hes hurting you by not having anything to do with the kids beyond paying support he's soooooo wrong. My kids dont even remember their father its been so long since they have seen him.. but they can see that he isnt in their lives, and he doesnt call or even send birthday cards for them. They are growing up just fine without him and they dont want anything to do with him anyway. ( And its not because i wont let them- but like i said they can see hes not here) Your child's father is only going to hurt himself in the long run by missing out on his childs life because of spite.....Go ahead and let him! You will be fine.

Saprina - posted on 01/08/2010

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I say FILE sweetie! My sis - in - law has 3 children and has never file one her children's fathers. I've seen her struggle ( and she has held down a job since the day the oldest was born ). She says that a=she would rather not get them involved. In a way I guess it's good, but with them getting older ( the oldest now has a son of his own she is taking care of ) I think it would have helped her out tredmously!!. Also, my husband just passed and he barely started to get disability when he did so I'm getting survivers benefits for my kids. It does help alot. The case worker there even told me to make sure I use the $$ for bills and clothes. Then whatever if left over I can give them an allowence if I feel they are deserving. She told me now to feel guilty about having to use their $$ on bills. The $$ she said was entitled to their dad and since he has passed it is now theirs. So, I think the $$ should be used for bills and clothes or whatever you feel they need at that time. No one can tell u how to spend it.

JILL - posted on 01/08/2010

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fill out the paper work cuz if u just wait for him it will never go thru i mean unless he signs a paper to say hes paying voluntarily support then tats ok but sounds like to me he pays when its convient for him so i would fill out the paper work. good luck

Michelle - posted on 01/08/2010

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I agree with everyone else. The state sued my ex for support because I felt sorry for him, but we needed the money and insurance as well. There are few things that I think child support shouldn't go towards. Food, gas, electricity, rent, school, etc etc all important for your child.

Megan - posted on 01/08/2010

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Fill out the papers!! It doesnt sound like hes even buying the basics (diapers, wipes, etc) for his child so any money you receive through support will be more than what hes giving now. You have the right to spend the support money on whatever you need to for your children. Example, kid needs diapers now, spend electricity money to buy diapers, receive support money in a couple days, pay electricity bill. The money still was spent on the child it was just spent before it was received. AND to top of the point your children also need a roof over their head and heatéhydro to keep them arm and see. Hes just an a$$ and doesnt think about these things and refuses to realize just what it takes to raise a child. I just wish there was a way they could be responsible for a child all by themselves and then they would REALLY know what it takes, but then that would be putting the child in harms way unnecesarily in most cases.

Bottom line, fill the papers, your child deserves more than the occasional box of diapers.

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2010

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Fill out the papers. My court order has a monthly amount plus what he's supposed to pay if he on unemployment and he has to get insurance if he has a job that provides it and he has to pay 53% of out of pocket medical expences. If he would spite you by neglecting the child because you are making him act like a father, she's probably better off without him around. He helped you make the baby. It's his responsibility to help provide for her. That includes a roof over her head. Think of it this way. If you didn't have your baby, you could live in a smaller place and be able to work the odd hours that pay better or even get two jobs. Having a baby is time consuming. You are raising his baby. Make him pay!

[deleted account]

Fill out the papers!

My ex has always been self-employed, so he doesn't pay the support that he's required to. It won't effect me til I can get us off of welfare, but it is so frustrating anyway. These are HIS kids too and has only paid a total of $300 (owes over $6000). Our son is almost 2 (in March) and his 'father' has only ever purchased him 2 outfits... both of which were too small. No Christmas presents, no birthday present last year, NOTHING. I don't care about material objects, but come on! You can't even send a $1 Matchbox car or something to let your son know you are thinking of him?!

Sorry to go off on my own little rant there. It would be different if he were making all the phone calls and visits that he's supposed to, but he's not even able to keep up w/ that.

Amanda - posted on 01/07/2010

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Screw him and fill the papers out and file. Child support is EVERYTHING that supports the child!!! Men seem to think that buying the things is child support, little do they realize the bills help their child too!!!

Lisa - posted on 01/07/2010

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I say file, you have given him enough chances and if he wants to play emotional games that only proves that he aint thinking about his child, stick to your guns with it though like Olga says. Good Luck xx

[deleted account]

I second what every one else said. There is no state in the union where fathers are allowed to micromanage what you spend child support on. This is why dads sit around and bitch about how we're spending it all on clothes and shoes (because the elves pay the rent and buy the diapers, obviously).

Fill out those forms and get some help. You could be struggling less, so why choose to struggle more? Believe me, no matter what kind of pity party he throws for himself about not having enough money to pay, you will always struggle more than he is because you are raising three children alone. Turn the matter over to the state and let them handle his mess so you don't have to.

Jennifer - posted on 01/03/2010

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fill out the papers! Too much room for argument if you try to settle amongst yourselves. Then he is held accountable for the set amount and it relieves you of having to chase him down for money. You can go on with your life and focus on your children more and less on him. Good luck!!

Tashanna - posted on 01/03/2010

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fill the papers out cuz i was in the same boat and he has yet to do anything more than what the state says of him but we both have the piece of mind that our kids will be taken care of.....my papers says that the support that i get from their father needs to go to the well bein of my children so i figure that includes lights water gas transpotation....

Renee - posted on 01/03/2010

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Fill out the papers honey. The kids need it in the short term and long term. The fathers need to step up, they helped create those children. My ex husband pays child support through the state and guess what it protects us both that way we know what's been paid and when. It comes out of his paycheck twice a month. It's a beautiful system. I would never settle for a verbal set up, get it through the proper channels. Fill out the forms and get things rolling!

Kekua - posted on 01/02/2010

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I think you need to fill out those papers. Like you said, a child's welfare is more than just the stuff you buy.

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