what should i do here?

Gina - posted on 04/29/2012

i would tell you my life story for the past 8 years but thats too long. My road has been very long and very tearful. What I need to tell you is he probably will forget every birthday, Christmas, and every other holiday in between. My ex had threatened all the same but never did anything about it. He's just trying to scare you. Doing this all by yourself is very hard to do, believe me. I didn't think I was gonna be able to do it. My daughter was born with a brain tumor on top of it all and I didn't have alot of family support except my mother. It took alot of streght from within to help me get through it all. I finally dug down deep and took a challenge that I heard on the radio. Now I've heard this before and thought this won't help me, but I said okay I'll try it. I decided to change the way I was thinking. I heard on the radio to listen to Christian music for 30 days and no secular music at all. Now I'm gonna tell you I actually started talking different, thinking different, feeling different about people. I'm not saying I was happy about the ex not paying support, not seeing her, breaking promises,etc. I could just forgive him for it. Which is something I had kept in me for a long long time. Enough of me chatting...all I saying is if you learn to do things on your own you will become a much stronger person from it and others will notice and things will start to happen...My ex now pays child support and talks to her on occasion..I'm still working on their relationship but I'm still praying...instead of hoping...I'll pray for you too....I didn't mean to sound all preachy...hope this helps

Shevaughne - posted on 04/27/2012

DO yourself a favour and check out the law on parental rights first. SOme countries do not allow access if the parent does not contribute. Arm yourself with the powerful knowledge of the law in scotland. Then keep ALLLLLLL the evidence you have on behaviour, write down how he behaved at home when he was there , and any communication you have take copies etc compile a file of all the information you have even if only observations. This will help you in two ways a) you have records that you can refer to if he is stupid enough to try anything and b) you can discuss the father in later life with your daughter or just give her the file to make her own mind up.

You cant force love and sometimes if you force things it does far mor damage to the childs emotional state. Children are CLEVER and have coping mechanisms that are miraculous. just communicate, love and be there and you and your little one will be strong and happy.

S. - posted on 04/19/2012

Good luck and i hope it works out ok for you and your little girl, I'v been threw similar my self as soon as i found I was strong I was determined not to be broken. so staying strong is a big must! I gave my daughters father weekend access firstly at a contact center then at his home, things didn't stay like that for long and he hasn't seen her for 8 years now but i know I did right by her.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2012

hi stacy, thanks for that info. yeah i think england is the same law with this type of thing.
it really is rubbish when it gets to this stage, we are exchanging bitchy emails back and forth so i told him im blocking his email address. i think a residency order is a great idea im going to phone a lawyer right now about that.

thanks a lot xxx

S. - posted on 04/19/2012

Save the emails for the court!!!!!!
And then if his brother-in-law wants to loose his job he can go ahead the court or social services won't take lightly to them kind of threats!

I live in England so think our law's are very close if not the same, babies don't usually get taken from there mothers unless the mother is unfit, depression doesnt indicate your a bad mum and it seem's to me your putting your babies best intreast's first un like her father so I wouldn't worry about him trying to use that against you either.
If he goes to court he will be given the right to see her, if you can't trust him to bring her back you can apply for a residency order to say she must live with you,he will be braking the law if he won't bring her home or you can agree he see's her at a contact center superviced.
Go get some legal advice your first hour is usually free and if your on a low income you can get legal aid and you will recive it all free! Knowing your rights equal power, then if he wants to frighten you with stuff like his brother in law and past depression you know were you stand! Be strong and don't let him break you! It's such a shame it get's messy like this.