What to do what to do...

Lakesha - posted on 01/02/2010

You should contact the Office of Child Support Enforcment and speak to someone over your case. In Georgia, your license can be suspended, you can go to jail, just so many outcomes. We have some who slip through the system, but that reward they offer really helps them find who they are looking for. If this happens to him, this would open his eyes up a little. He might not come around, but if he doesn't want to face the outcome, he will atleast pay support.

Calandra - posted on 01/01/2010

Girl, I feel ya! 100%...God will keep you going and your precious child will give you the strength you need to keep going everytime you look in her face. No matter what the daddy issue is, he will be the one missing out on the joys of watching Nia grow. The donor will have to answer to God for what he does or doesn't do. My prayer for you is that God will meet every need even though you are living paycheck to paycheck. He did it and does it for me still. It's rough being a single mother with a man who doesn't acknowledge his child or tries to make contact or gives gifts much less makes a phone call. You've probably done all you can do right now. But, everything will be alright. Trust me.

Jennifer - posted on 12/30/2009

If he hasn't come around already, he isn't going to. And if he hasn't paid any child support, he isn't going to. Have him sign his rights away, and do the best you can on your own. Nia doesn't have to have her biological father as her daddy, you will most likely meet someone in the future that will be a real daddy to her, and that is what really matters.

Christie - posted on 12/28/2009

Wow... sounds a lot like my child's father. He told me he wasn't involved with anyone. We dated for a year and broke up. I then found out I pregnant (2 weeks after we broke up). Then when I was 5 months pregnant I found out he was married and he still tried to deny it!!
Long story short, didn't come to see her and calls only when it's convient. His wife found out right before she was born and things go tvery ugly. I had to block his home number from calling my phone and block her email. I don't have time for foolishness. I have been keeping every email every text everything. That way when I do finally go to court I will have somethingto back up my request for terminating his parental rights. I would really like for him to step up and be a man and be a FATHER to his child but you can't get him to do what he doesn't have the desire to do. I want to spare my child hurt and disappointment in the future. So I am trying to do what's best for her. Sometimy isn't good and will only hurt her in the long run. Is he in the service too? He can get introuble for all this mess you know. :o)

KIM - posted on 12/27/2009

I'm afraid you are own your own raising your daughter, but make sure you track him down and get whatever child support you can for your daughter. Unfortunately he doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of another child. I now from personal experience it's a hard pill to swallow. Be very carefull of the next man you meet and start a relationship with make sure you investigate before you start the relationship.

Megan - posted on 12/27/2009

Dont lose faith and by all means keep pushing the child support. Im a single mother with 3 {very expensive} daughters. You can be just fine without a deadbeat dad. Im still waiting after 5 years for child support its hard but trust your daughter will love and respect you when she is older.As for having a father figure dealing with a deadbeat dad is like a trip to the circus they behave like clowns neways.

Chantel - posted on 12/27/2009

I'm so sorry I know it has got to be hard. I myself am a single military mom. We definately need to talk more cause sometimes the army makes me want to scream when it comes to my daughter... but as far as your daughters father go through the system to MAKE him contribute. Utilize the military free legal aid I know its tough my daughters father barely helps and he just started and my child is 7 months old. Its hard but dont have him sign his rights over just put the man in the middle of it and move on with your life.

Adriana - posted on 12/27/2009

Have the same situation, but my daughter's father only lives a few minutes from us, but yet to pick her up or have any contact her. Just keep on going and do what you do as the strong woman and mother that you know you are. If he comes around than take what he gives her but dont wait around to see what he will do cuz am sorry to say but it wont be much.

Lynda - posted on 12/27/2009

First things first. If you want the child support you can have his wages garnished so that it comes in. You can ask your local Department of Human Services or talk to an attorney about setting things up.
Secondly, think twice about having him sign away his rights, in some locations it isn't as simple as you would think.
Even if he doesn't want anything to do with your little girl, you need to realize that that is his problem. He helped you conceive her and it's his responsiblity to help out.
If you can't afford an attorney there may be a Legal Aid office that you can set up an appointment with. These are for lower income people and the attorneys can give you advice free of charge and some will even take a case without charging you anything.

Renae - posted on 12/27/2009

Well, I read this book when I was getting divorced and it helped me out a lot. This book is called the Wife-in-law Trap by Ann Cryster. It had some really good tips in there one that I remember well is that when they make plans and don't keep them give them 15-20 minutes to comply and then go with plan B always have a plan B. Believe it or not this helped me also by keeping me focused and not letting my frustrations show with the kids in tow. There were alot of good advices in the book you have to deceifer it to your own life and things actually make sense then. Here's my perspective on fathers they are what they are and what they do is what they do. For example, you didn't know him well, when you got pregnant and you still don't know him well. That seems to be the way he wants it so that is fine. When it comes to children having them isn't the problem following thru with caring for the children is the problem. So now you know that part of him too. You have to accept him for what he is that is he is her father, no matter what good or bad, you can not change a person they have to want to change themselves. One day when he sees that little precious princess he will have guilt beyond reason why he stayed away or didn't keep contact that will be his guilt not yours. I really hate when children grow up and know the truth about their parents it crushes their self esteem and makes them feel like they are not a whole and just half there walking thru life on a tight rope wondering if the abandonment will occur again any time soon. I know that my childrens father left me and we divorced he cheated and i couldn't forgive not to mention he wouldn't leave the woman she dumped him a year later anyhoooo he met the second woman whom he married and is now my best friend and the childrens other mother, they have 3 children now too. My point is that I confirmed what they remember of their dad that he didn't want them nor his lover when he first left I had to beg him to see them, I always told them dad can't make it so we are going bowling or for pizza or something, I never bad mouthed him and left it at that they forgave him for his mistreatment they love him today and have a good relationship thus far. I just want to say that is her father good or bad and if you choose to terminate his rights is it what you want or what she wants, give her some hope that hey this is my dad and he lives here and i live here but i have a dad and this is him. Hopefully, one day he will see the light, if you are to marry and the child is young enough and the person wants to adopt her then terminate his rights if still no contact and he agreees that someone else could better deal with raising her usually by then the father agrees. These are just my thoughts I hope that some of this helped you and if you want to you can write me back. By the way when I got with the childrens father he had an older son the day our jr was born she got our home number somehow and had him come and sign his rights away to his first born that man never got over that part of his life and his son was really bitter with the fact his father even did that, she did it out of spite and later married and her husband never did adopt her son so it was purely out of spite and the two individuals it involved the most had their lives ruined the most.

Michelle - posted on 12/27/2009

Sounds like my oldest sons father! The only thing I could do in this situation is to file for child support but the same goes for me he doesn't pay it. You have to move on and do the best you can for your child, I gave up on contacting my sons father because it was obvious that he didn't care so I stopped. Good Luck! It's rough but it's all worth it in the long run!

Sara - posted on 12/27/2009

Be the best parent you can. I have been through a situation similar to that with my oldest. If he does make an attempt latter to meet and get to know your daughter. Be there for her. he is the one losing out on it all. For him paying... don't hold your breath, but as someone stated it still all racks up against him. Try to find a support group, with friends, with a church, etc... Hope this helps a bit.

Also remember.... even if he is around you can't make him to be the "father" you would like him to be. It might be cold, but sometimes it is better that he is isn't around.

Brittainny - posted on 12/27/2009

Quoting Renee:

Did you go through the state of Nevada child support system? If not, do that. Being the mother of the child I think it's a fairly simple process. If you know his address wouldn't it be interesting for his wife to get this notice? That might be very motivating for him too. Do not let him get away with not paying it. The state racks it up and keeps track. Your child deserves this money, he was not a sperm donor you thought he was in this with you and he backed out. Maybe he is hoping you will give up, I'm urging to you keep going, it will pay off.

Yes I have already filed for Child Support in Nevada.  Now its just a matter of him paying.

Brittainny - posted on 12/27/2009

Quoting Jenna:

Do you have child support with the courts? if so and he has not paid you need to go back and get a wage assignment or someone for advice on your base you said your in the air force are you on base... i know they have law facilitators there but they also have them at the courts and its free they can help you. There also are child support agencies out there that will help you for free. you should really look into everything you can to help support your baby. Theres Wic out there theres alot of state help look into stuff and apply even if you dont get accepted atleast you tried.

Well I have gone to the legal on base and they can't do anything because its a civil matter.  I also make $200 too much to get WIC in Nevada.  I don't understand that one because I am not receiving any help but whatever.  Thanks for the advice.  I have looked into those agencies, and they are trying to help.  There is a whole more behind it than what I have shared though.  But thank you for your reply :)

Shulena - posted on 12/26/2009

My situtation with my son's "sperm donor" is about the same as yours. I too considered having him sign over his rights as well, but did not think he should get off 100% free because I did not make this child by myself. So in 6yrs, he pays child support (which is court ordered) and has seen his son maybe 4times (and that's because we ran into him in public) in the 6yrs. My motto is "I can NOT make someone be a parent (or a good parent) when they do not want to". So I do not bother him at all about his son. My son does not miss out on something he never knew, and is surround by family, friends and get male role models. Good luck in your decision. Just pray about it.

Renee - posted on 12/26/2009

Did you go through the state of Nevada child support system? If not, do that. Being the mother of the child I think it's a fairly simple process. If you know his address wouldn't it be interesting for his wife to get this notice? That might be very motivating for him too. Do not let him get away with not paying it. The state racks it up and keeps track. Your child deserves this money, he was not a sperm donor you thought he was in this with you and he backed out. Maybe he is hoping you will give up, I'm urging to you keep going, it will pay off.

Jenna - posted on 12/26/2009

Do you have child support with the courts? if so and he has not paid you need to go back and get a wage assignment or someone for advice on your base you said your in the air force are you on base... i know they have law facilitators there but they also have them at the courts and its free they can help you. There also are child support agencies out there that will help you for free. you should really look into everything you can to help support your baby. Theres Wic out there theres alot of state help look into stuff and apply even if you dont get accepted atleast you tried.

Teresa - posted on 12/26/2009

Keep him on child support, but don't expect anything.... Keep a record of whatever contact (or lack of) that he makes. Just let him go and do what you need to for the sake of your little girl. Good luck!!

Kekua - posted on 12/24/2009

Definitely a difficult situation. I would try to just let it go because I don't think that situation will likely change. Keep him on child support but also don't expect much because that system is fairly well broken. :(
I wish you the best of luck!

LiTonya - posted on 12/24/2009

Keep doing the best job you can and accept whatever gifts for the baby he give you but keep it moving!