what to do ..what to do without trying to have a mental breakdown and have a "Is it my fault "moment...

Sandy - posted on 08/12/2012

Hi Tamara,
Wow sounds like you really have your hands full. My advice for you would be to talk with your pediatrician and ask if he or she can recommend how to approach this situation. I don't know how far behind your twins are but you might ask their teacher if they would recommend an evaluation by a school psychologist to determine if there are any learning disabilities or related problems that might need to be addressed. I have a son who though he is an adult now, was given an evaluation by both his pediatrician and the school psychologist and it was determined that he has both a learning disability and ADHD. In these circumstances a child is given the additional help they need in school and regular meetings called IEP meetings are set up with the child's teacher, school psychologist and principal along with the child's parents. During the meetings the teachers report on the child's progress and set goals to meet in order to help the child during the interim between meetings. If your twins are only five years old it is probably too soon to have this sort of evaluation done but I wanted to tell you about this for future reference. Your pediatrician would be the best person to talk to and could offer you many explainations as to why your twins might be struggling as well as ideas about how you can help them, chances are there is no learning disability and it's just a matter of immaturity that will resolve itself in time. Would it be possible for a friend, relative or neighbor to watch your other children while you help the other child with their learning? Whatever you do don't blame yourself for feeling frustrated or for the fact that your twins are struggling with their learning. The fact that you are seeking help and advice shows what a caring mother you are and how much you want to help your twins. I have found that one of the most difficult things about being a mom is that we can not control everything in the lives of our children and it has taken me many years to accept that but now that I have I feel a lot "saner" and can better focus on what things I can do to help them. Hope all goes well for you and your twins and that this has helped.

Julie - posted on 08/10/2012

Deep Breaths Mama. It is way to early to get this stressed out. Best case scenario, they catch up by the end of the school year. Worse case, they repeat kindergarten which MANY children do. I would assign certain days of the week to work with each child individually for 30 minutes.
M/W with one twin, T/Th with the other, and F is for the 4 year old. Something like that. Also, have this solo homework session the same time as one TV show for the other two children. This will keep them quite and occupied.
Rotate it, and make it special. Something to look forward too. TV time, or time with mom can both be rewarding.
Write it on a chart so they don't always ask you, let them decorate it and make it fun. 30 minutes a day is all you should need.
That's ONE TV show on off nights, and one homework session a night with one child. Your 4 year old can be read too one on one or practice counting 1-30 or writing his alphabet ect.
Reading 20 minutes a night before lights to all three of the kids is also a way to increase there learning.
We do dinner @ 6. Bath @ 7, Reading @ 8. Lights out 8:30. Set a timer instead of yelling. Give them 5-10 minute warnings before transitions. They will do just fine, remember to have some FUN

Alisha - posted on 08/07/2012

I would ask your doctor or other parents of twins. I used to work at a daycare and we had twins and sometimes they were a little behind because I think they are born earlier than most other babies so they have some catching up to do. I would look online and maybe they will have some extra exercises you can do with them to help them along. I wouldn't be too worried about it unless a professional tells you to be concerned, even then they don't always know everything. You do what you have to do as a single mom, you get all the work load and it's tough! You're tired stressed and done, but your kids need you, that is motivation to keep going and not think you should get a break after work. I struggle with that too!

Tamara - posted on 08/06/2012

awesome thank you cherish ill check out that link now and see what help i can get...much appreciated..

Cheers..

Tamara - posted on 08/06/2012

thanks chaya ..i do try to read to them at night time .until it gets to the fighting stage with all three of them..its like they all want my attention at one time ..sometimes i think ill just divide myself up into 3 and then they can all have a piece of me lol but ill def do that and see what help i can get for them ..oh how i would love to have a break from them lol but the only break i get is when they are at school..but thank you for your advice much appreciated :-)

Cherish - posted on 08/04/2012

Hi,
There is a community for kids w/special needs and school issues
http://www.circleofmoms.com/special-need...

If they are behind then you can request testing for IEP services.Them being behind is not YOUR fault.Some kids just need extra help and honestly the school should be much more supportive and provide services for them and give you information on things that you can do to help them

Chaya - posted on 08/04/2012

Read to your children, no matter what time of day.
I don't know what they are behind in, but I used bottle caps to teach my daughter math. She didn't need them much, but I collected them.
You may be able to get a tutor from the library or school, or you can hire a teenager to help, this will work for homework and babysitting.
My guess is that you should hand your kids over to a friend for a few hours, you just need a break from them.