What to do when Grandma is a b*tch...?

Alana - posted on 03/24/2011

Have you actually tried explaining to her over a friendly cup of coffee your concerns? I had a similar issue and i was just upfront with my own mother, she badmouthed my daughters father who was abusive to me but not necessary.. also just how her views which i dont want forced on my daughter. i told her the things she discusses bothers me if she continues this behavior we will not be coming around often . and she stopped! she didnt want to lose time with her granddaughter and respected where i came from as a mother myself.. i find sometimes in avoiding problems you only create more..

maybe its time to be honest and just tell her what it is that is bothering you.. she might be completely unaware that her actions are out of normal behavior :)

JuLeah - posted on 03/23/2011

Is she a bitch or mentall unstable? She is not the kind of person you want your kids around, but you will put up with her for the sake of the kids???
Limit contact to letters or email .... supervised contact only.
Are the issues you have yours or the hers? I mean are you angry with her and maybe how she treats you is not okay, so you don't want her around the kids? This is a deeper issue the the basic question posted

Debbie - posted on 03/21/2011

My kid' had a grandma like that! Unfortunately she died May 20th, 2010. My mom was very demanding and angry all the time. She told me my grandfather used to beat her with a horsewhip when she misbehaved.

Jennifer - posted on 12/20/2009

Isn't it sad that it even has to be this way? I get so upset and yet I pray.. God, help me to never be like that when my son gets older. Do not let me forget how bad this feels and never let me put my children in a position to have to cut me off for safety. Yes, it is wise to cut it off. I hope that all these experiences make us better... and I want to be one of those grandmothers that loves and respects my children and loves the grandchildren through that.. I hope and pray my son feels free to go and live his life and chooses to honor and visit me out of choice and love for me so I now am faced with the task of building a strong relationship between the two of us and if that means cutting the ignorant out of the picture for awhile.. SO BE IT! Let the healing begin and the hurt from past generations be stopped at my doorstep and forced to leave.. I want my son to have the experiences I never had from my parents'.. and that is what makes us so AWESOME as single parents.. we get a little more pain, but we will get more blessings in it in the end because of our struggles if we choose better not bitter. My heart is SO with you on this one!! Sometimes doing the best, means you have to take a slap of misunderstanding of looking like the "meanie" for awhile. Its like.. parenting! hehe! Why we should have to raise our parents in the process is beyond me. But I know I could of never forgave my parents or even came to the point of phone calls if I would not of cut it off for awhile. A GREAT BOOK ... that really helped me with this.. "boundaries" by Dr.Henry Cloud. It really helped to see the reason for creating boundaries.

Tessa - posted on 12/20/2009

I went through the same thing, too. My exes mother actually took me to court and lost because she wouldn't also sue her son for visitation. I never said she couldn't see my son, just that she had to be supervised. Since I am not allowed in her home my ex has to bring the baby and they don't have a good relationship so she sees the baby less than she would have if she hadn't sued me! If the grandmother is unstable, I definitely say supervised visits or none at all...

Jennifer - posted on 12/20/2009

How is she with the kids? I would advise supervised visits only... However, I was in the same situation and eventually had to pull away for a bit altogether as I noticed that my son was disrespecting me as that is what he saw grandpa doing to me. It was causing a division in our relationship. I try me BEST to not speak ill to the kid about the grandparent however as two wrongs never make a right. Good Luck! Its a hard one!

Sharon - posted on 12/20/2009

This is not a uncommon issue to deal with, however hardly anyone wants to talk about it. My son is 7 and not once did he stay or even visit my mother. I feel you have to look at the situation and ask yourself do I want my child or children to be around that. my mother's house is filled with people that smokes and are not the most nicest people to be around with. I know my son now my daughter doesn't have a voice right now. But I am their voice and I say no. These are my children who will protect them if I don't. What kind of children do I want to raise. when they get older than they can make that choice for themselves.

Jessica - posted on 12/19/2009

I dealt with this and I am telling you to RUN!!!

Teresa - posted on 12/19/2009

Now that I read more than just your OP... I agree w/ cutting off contact. Good luck!

Teresa - posted on 12/19/2009

If they aren't the type of person you want around your children then how does tolerating them 'for the sake of the child' make any sense? I think it depends on what your issues w/ her are... Is it just stuff that annoys you? Or is it stuff that is actually harmful (physically or emotionally) to your child?

Jessica - posted on 12/18/2009

Using children to punish adults is unacceptable. You need to break contact with her and not look back! Her manipulative ways are not going to change and what she is saying to her grandchildren about their parents can have lasting effects. I think that you are making an excellent choice in breaking things off with her!

Colleen - posted on 12/18/2009

im in skool n work so my mom watches him i dont think its the best for him but i have nothing for daycare or friends willing to watch my son and his other grandmother is a very superficial person who lets her son(her grandsons father/her son) act like eh has no responsibilitys or a child to take care of nvm he has 2 kids to take care of but they love eachother so much so i let it happen but hes so good wit her then wen i com im the bad guy so im rethinkin on him goin there but its all i have for a break or daycare!!!

Tesha - posted on 12/18/2009

I would try to be understanding of the mentally unstable but would certainly not leave my child unattended with them. This is a difficult situation, it is not the fault of the mentally unstable person for their actions and perhaps needs to be on medication.

Annika - posted on 12/17/2009

Thanks so much to every one who has replied.. if this was any other person I would have no question about having nothing to do with her.. but being that it is my daughter's only grandmother (I don't have much family) - it's really tough to cut contact completely. She is not out to hurt my baby, she is out to hurt her son. She is a control freak, when she does not get her way something, which is becoming more often because I have stopped letting her push me around, she tries to emotionally hurt people. She once said to her son when he told her he was going travelling to Australia that "I have no son". I see how she is with the other grand kids too, she makes nasty comments about their parents to the children - the oldest is 6 and is just starting to pick up on it. She needs help, and I just don't want my daughter to have to put up with what we have to put up with when Grandma is intent on causing trouble!

Elizabeth - posted on 12/16/2009

You really have to weigh... is it about your relationship with her or your kids?
If she is really out to hurt them... stay away... if it is a matter of you might not like what she has to say... you may need to reconsider your thinking.

Renee - posted on 12/16/2009

My mother definitely has her moments but my parents don't live near me either so visits are few and far in between. I do not leave my children in her care when she does visit because she lacks the mental and physical capacity to deal with any children. If the grandmother is unstable I would never leave the children alone with her, Family get togethers and such sure go ahead unless she is dangerous, no point to endanger your children.

Patrice - posted on 12/16/2009

I am going through that with my soon to be exhusband's mom. She likes to drink and carry on. If she don't get a beer or 2 she acts crazy so no I don't allow my daughter around her.

Stephanie - posted on 12/16/2009

I am also going threw the same exact thing! My mother is a crazy person and I don't want to be around her so I don't let my kids go around her either. All she does is fill there heads will a bunch of nonsense and they just don't need that.

Frances - posted on 12/16/2009

i think the big question is how is that gran with the kids? it could be that there re dynamics in your r/ship with her from the r/ship you have with her son. if she is nice and decent to the kids when they have supervised visits with her, id say keep them in her life. however, if she is nasty to both you and around the kids..keep them away. nobody died from not knowing a granny!!

Krystal - posted on 12/16/2009

I am dealing with the same thing. I have decided that it is best that I keep my kids away from their grandmother. My children already have to deal with the fact that their father is dead. They shouldnt have to deal with a crazy grandmother too. I know some people won't agree with me. But what kind of mother would you be if you didnt protect your children.