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What to do when you disagree with how family disciplines your child?

Debbie - posted on 07/30/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I know I can be a permissive parent in certain ways. One thing I don't believe personally in is making my 4 year-old eat foods he doesn't like. I wouldn't treat myself that way, and I believe in time he will try those foods on his own.
I am a single parent, and live with my brother's family. I knew they disagreed on this issue, but I was not prepared when I left them babysitting my son to come home and find him crying at the table...two hours after dinner was over. They would not excuse him because he had not tried the food. I didn't want to undermine what they were doing with him, even though I disagreed, but when I found out they were going to let him sleep at the table in punishment, I was livid. I told them that was not okay with me, and although they think it would do no harm, I told them I believed that would be considered neglect by those who matter.
I did come up with a solution they could agree too. I told my son his choice was to try the food or to go straight to bed (it was definitely late enough). He was very emotional and agreed to go to bed. I tucked him in and read to him and kissed him goodnight. Now I'm trying to process this. What would you have done in this situation?

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1 Comment

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Sandy - posted on 08/12/2012

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0

Hi Debbie,
I think you responded to the situation exactly as I would have. It sounds like you are someone with a lot of common sense and your handling of the situation with your son was firm and loving at the same time which in my humble opinion is the best medicine in that type of situation. I would also suggest you arrange a "family meeting" with your brother's family and in a calm non confrontational way explain to them that though you appreciate their concern for your son, you feel that it is confusing to him when he is disciplined by you in one way and disciplined by them is another way and that it is best that their be consistency in the way he is being handled. You might also remind them that he is your son and you are his mother and therefore it is your right and responsibility to choose how you will discipline him. Again, this can be put in a non confrontational way which will help you to enlist their cooperation and nurture positive feelings between you. Best of luck!

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