Whats it going to take for him to grow up?

Kayla - posted on 07/01/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am 20 years old & although it was unplanned i love my little girl more then anything in the world!! Her father is 31 years old and she is his first child and he still lives with his mom and loves to party it up.He doesnt think she is his, but there is NOBODY else that could be her father, him & only him. So then he keeps saying he wants a DNA test done and i am perfectly ok with that, if he needs some reassurance then go ahead but everytime we have schedule to do it he makes up an excuse and then wants to procratinate. She is already almost 5 months old and i have been trying to make him feel apart but im beginning to think he just doesnt want anything to do with her. It hurts me because i was raised with both parents and i swore to myself that i would try to make sure my children would have both as well, although these days its very rare. I am so tired of stressing about it and i wanna just stop trying but its hard.He pushes me away more and more daily...i just dont understand why he doesnt want to except responsibility...he has had his time to live it up and do whatever he wants, why does he keep running? I thought older guys were the type who would want this, i was proven wrong. I was just wandering if anyone else has or is going through something similiar and why he keeps procrastinating? Reguardless of what he decides to do I WILL be there for her and make sure to give her the best life possible!!!! & thats a promise. Thanks.

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Kristi - posted on 07/02/2012

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He sounds like a bum. I know bums and losers and deadbeats and worse. (lol) My ex-husband fits in to all of those categories. If you are going to go after child support, you are going to have to get a custody order. I would strike now, while the iron is hot. He doesn't want to be a part of your lives and he's bobbin and weavin to get out of his responsibility. Talk to lawyer and put this on paper before you end up like some of us, fighting to get pop up, pretend-to-be's, deadbeats out of our kids' lives because they are screwing with their little heads just to get back at us and/or to get out of child support. Trust me, you don't want to wait on this. Chrissy is right, you are young. You have plenty of time to meet Mr. Right. My mom was only 18 when she had me, I was a complete mistake and my sperm donor said he couldn't handle it either. But my mom met my dad and he loves me as much as he loves my mom and my "half" brother and sister. You and your daughter have a brand new life start, you don't need some 31 year old frat boy disrespecting the two of you and treating you like second class citizens.

You said you want to "give her the best life possible." Ok then, sit down and figure out what that means to you. Does it mean a cute, 2 bedroom house in a nice neighborhood with a park and a top ranked school down the street? What do you need to do to make that happen? Finish/Go to college so you can get a better paying job? How are you going to afford that with a baby? Research grants, loans, etc...If starting off big and working back seems overwhelming or illogical, start small. What can you do today...take a mommy and me class or in the house example open a savings account. I know this probably sounds like DUH! but it does work if you focus and work on it. You can do it!

Chrissyomari - posted on 07/02/2012

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Kayla, if he wants nothing to do with your beautiful daughter than you should be doing a happy rain dance that he is pushing you away. You have a girl, therefore you are the most important role model for her. Unfortuneately, if you keep chasing him (since he's running), you and your daughter will be in a world of hurt for years to come.

Right now is the time to cut your losses and move on. You will find another guy who will love you and you little one, but ONLY if you figure out what it is about YOU that made you attracted to the loser that you love now. I'm sorry, but he is a loser. Any man who is displaying the actions that you described is a clear loser and if you don't control your emotions and cut ties now, you will read this years from now and say "I should have listened to that stranger on-line".

You are young, so you can recover. You should file child support against him. I absolutely GUARANTEE that the MINUTE he starts gettting money taken out of his check, he will show interest in your daughter, but keep in mind that you are the only mom she has and it doesn't help her that you are running behind a trifling man who can't see her for the blessing that she is.

He absolutely does not care if she is his or not. He knows that it's his kid, but he is using that as an excuse because he doesnt' want the responsibilty and you are falling for his lies hook, line and sinker. Further, The ONLY reason that you should not file child support against him is IF you are independently wealthy by that I mean you own multiple properties and don't have to work because you have you have sizable income coming in per month from passive sources. If this is not your case, you are doing your daughter a disservice by not forcing him to contribute regularly to her life financially and she will resent you for it in the future.

Sorry to be so rough, but . . .

Sweetgirlsmama - posted on 07/02/2012

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Consider yourself lucky, I have an ex who is making life a nightmare for both my baby and me. I would much prefer he take hid reduced child support and hit the road. If he is that immature do you really want him as a father figure? Good luck to you and baby girl, girls are so much fun!

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Julie - posted on 08/10/2012

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Swab his cheek for him @ home, stick it in an envelope and turn it in! You can do DNA testing by mail even these days. Sorry the "Daddy is in Denial", but that is why he is procrastinating. Once he accepts the truth his life will have to change. Fear of change is something we all have on one level or another, it is the unknown.
As far as "older guys" being mature. Not necessarily. Women develop emotionally faster than men. We also live on average 7 years longer. I know several bachelors in there 50's that still do not want to grow up.
Emotional growth does not co-inside with Physical growth. Just like you need to feed and water your body to grow, the same with the Brain and development. As soon as you accept he may never change, the better your relationship will be with him.
Good luck and Congrats on your new baby!! My mom had me at 20 and it was not easy, but she would not have changed it either.

Shanna - posted on 07/10/2012

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Move on and find a real man who will love and cherish you and your daughter. One day he will grow up and discover he had missed everything and to bad for him

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