When is a child old enough to decide to see or not see her father

BONNIE - posted on 06/11/2012

IN WHAT STATE, ITS SURE NOT 12 IN KY, I WISH IT WAS

Pati - posted on 03/27/2009

she has every right to say she does not want to see him. sounds like a brother to my ex..... the pain he caused out daughter is something she will hve to live with the rest of her life. Its up to you to protect her as much as you can from any abuse, verbal is abuse so hang in there and be strong for her.

Tina - posted on 03/26/2009

Yes, if she can express herself that well and had the courage to call him I completely agree. 

Sabrina - posted on 03/25/2009

Heck yes you did. If she dont tell him now when will she do it. It means more coming from her than from you. My daughters dad is the same way. He has nothing to do with her and when he does see her on accident, he walks the other direction. So I feel you did the right thing. I am proud that she wanted to tell him. That takes alot of courage. As far as supporting her, that is good. You sound like you are on the right track with her. Just dont ever lie to her about her dad, cuz she will figure it all out sooner or later. kids are very smart.

Cheryl - posted on 03/24/2009

Legally, a child needs to be at least 10, I think, maybe 12 before the courts will seriously consider what they say.

Personally, I think you're doing the right thing. You're treating your daughter like a rational human being and giving her credit for recognizing that not all adults are... visiting material. Just be forewarned, though. It's possible that she'll change her mind in a few months. There's always the problem of love and "he's my dad" to contend with. Those can be hard to overcome.

Tiff - posted on 03/24/2009

Oh, wow, Sis... it seems like we have sperm donors from the same mold. Your and Katherine's stories sound so much like mine. My daughter is eleven. I left her father when she was 2. He remarried about 5 years ago to a woman with two teenage daughters, whom he does EVERYTHING for and since then he only see his daughter at most 1 or 2 days every 2 to 4 months and he lives a HALF HOUR from us. For years, every week would be a different excuse. If he saw her more than what I just described it was because I brought her and picked her up. All year he has car troubles and can't drive the 1/2 hour to see her, but mind you he has a new motorcycle and he and his wife TRAVEL THE WORLD. Just recently, my daughter has begun to make comments on how she doesn;t think she wants to spend anymore time with him because she always comes back feeling sad and she feels like she has to beg him to spend time with her, not to mention the fact that she has caought him in several lies on why he can't see. She does not receive anything from him other than $80 a week from child support which I show to her and et her see how it is spent as compared to what she needs regularly. IT IS REALLY SAD... I try my hardest to not harm her relationship with her father by saying anything negative about him, but she is at an age where whe realizes his selfishness and irresponsibility and hostility towards me and feels like she'll always love her father but does not like him very much.

You definitely are not alon, unfortunately. I say continue to teach your daughter respect but allow her to recognize when respect and responsibility are not being upheld and allow her to express her feelings because you don't want them to keep getting crushed by the person she wants to impress the most. Too many of we women have father issues that carry into our adult relationships.

It is so hard sometimes trying to compensate but it can be done and our daughters are better for it.

Peace and Light, Love.

Andrea - posted on 03/24/2009

Thank you all for the feedback. Its hard enough being a mom these days, much less a father too. It helps to know I'm not alone!

Olanrewaju - posted on 03/24/2009

He obviously has a power thing going on. He wants to be able to control her without all the other responsibilities. He feels like she's growing without him and his pride can't take that. It's like you've moved on and are doing a good job raising his daughter WITHOUT him. Forget about him. But don't let her disrespect him. She may grow up believing she can talk to men that way or that they are dogs or whatever. She should respect him while at the same time not expect too much (anything) from him. Hope this helps.

Tameka - posted on 03/23/2009

Wow he is really a jerk, I think you made the right choice no child should have to deal with that, that is his lost she is a beautiful little girl oh he will regret it when she grows in become a doctor or whatever she wants to be then he will run back with his hands out.

Louise - posted on 03/21/2009

sounds like hes really not interested in the child, continue doing your thing mum, your a good mum, keep on telling her the truth when she asks about her father, when she is grown you will be rewarded. she will understand and appreciate you. Just be there for her right now because she just doesnt understand why he is like that, keep smiling mum...

ps: throw some cold water on him lol,

Teresa - posted on 03/21/2009

I think you did the right thing.  He doesn't seem interested in being a dad.  I believe (though I've only been at this a year) that if a man doesn't put his kids first then it hurts them more to be around him than to not have him around at all.  I hope, for my kids sake's, that I am right.

Kathryn - posted on 03/20/2009

My eldest daughter was 8 and a half. She had been seeing him for 1 hour every week. He had promised her that when he moved into a bigger house she would be able to stay weekends. It took a year of waiting for him to move into his new house with his girlfriend. My daughter stayed one weekend and was then told daddys girlfriend was having a baby so she wouldnt have the bedroom after all. She cried, asked to come home and has never been back. That was 3 years ago and she doesnt regret her decision. If he had really cared he would have put her first. Show her your love and support and she will be ok. good luck