Who's last name if the father isnt around?

La-Tricia - posted on 05/25/2010

It depends, If the father is wealthy then I say take their last name. If u can make ur son a junior. Real talk... Just cause he got the last name doesnt change anything, NOW... But bet if God forbid sumthin was 2 happen 2 him. Ur son will be straight.

Lyneeda - posted on 05/25/2010

i think that you should give the baby your last name i just had a baby(preemie)march 17th an i gave her my last name he has been there thru the whole ordeal so i named her after him i feel they should be my legacy if its a girl.. but hes a good man! so this way she can have both of our legacies.an i hope to be his wife!!

Michelle - posted on 05/21/2010

my son has my last name, his father, aka sperm donor, stopped coming around when he was 3months old. i knew when he was born that he would do something like that so i gave him my last name as i'm the one who is taking care of him and pays for everything. i have no regrets about giving him my last name.

Rotacha - posted on 05/20/2010

By giving the baby your last name , you're denying him/her their birth right. The baby shouldn't be penalized because the father is a "dead beat". He/she has a right to know who they are. Carrying the father's last name helps them to identifty their lineage/heritage. It has nothin to do with you. My daughter carries her father's last name and he has been M.I.A. for 3 years now. Trust me, she knows who pays the bills, cooks dinner, buys clothes, transport her from place to place on a daily basis. Carrying his last name doesn't take anything away from me being the sole provider and caregiver. From a legal standpoint, you never know when you may need to apply for your child's father's Soc. Sec. benefits or death benefits. Just because he doesn't provide in life, doesn't mean he can't in death. Believe me, I thought of that even when I was in labor. I made sure my daughter's father was present and able to sign her birth record. You never know what the future may bring .

Carrie - posted on 05/20/2010

I have 2 children by 2 different men. If the father denies or just isn't there, 1 thing u know 4sure is that they r yours! Give them your last name! What better way to keep your name alive! In my opinion if a woman is not married then the child should get the mothers name. Or maybe both names! Make a man earn it!

Jennifer - posted on 05/20/2010

My daughter carries my last name. Her father is still in the picture, although we are not together. You also can hyphanate the last name. like for example his last name- your last name. It really depends upon yourself. If you hyphanate the last name that is what your child will have to write when they are in school.

Orlene - posted on 05/19/2010

It is best to give him his father's name. Children should know where they are coming from, who their relatives are and it does not matter what the situation is. Its important to know the family tree so they don't marry someone who they later find out is their brother or sister.

Almeta - posted on 05/19/2010

The farther last name would be best and why because you didn't make her by yourself...:-)

Tammera - posted on 05/19/2010

My sons dad was not around when I was pregnant and wanted nothing to do with him (and we were MARRIED!!) I divorced him and Changed my last name completely and gave him my new last name. He went through the courts when he finally decided to be a dad (10 months AFTER the DNA test) and had made me hyphenate my sons last name!!

Shanice - posted on 05/19/2010

My baby's father was in jail throught out my pregnancy && is still in jail... I have pretty much moved on but I still gave my daughter his last name... I guess I did it because i wanted her to have some sort of connection to her father... IDK!

Angela - posted on 05/19/2010

The father was around when my kids were born, but I still gave them a "combo" last name...Justin/Ariell middle name my last name-his last name on the birth certificates. Now that he has been out of the picture for years we just use my last name on school and medical paperwork. Makes it much simpler.

Tamara - posted on 05/18/2010

My children have a hyphenated last name (with both his and mine)...I intentionally did that, knowing that I was going to be a single mom (never to marry him). I wanted my kids to have names that reflected their combined heritage (their dad is Mexican and I am African-American).

I support which ever choice you make--you know your situation best!

Jennifer - posted on 05/17/2010

I gave my daughter my Maiden Name and refused to even put her father on the birth certificate. I found out I was pregnant with her 2 weeks after I left him for physically abusing my other kids and me. Beside the fact of abuse, He never once asked about the pregnancy or came to see his other kids for that matter. I delivered her alone so She is only my baby.

JANETTE - posted on 05/17/2010

my last name..because obviously the man wouldnt deserve my child to carry his name if he isnt there to share his life.

Tiana - posted on 05/16/2010

Well I believe that if you aren't married to the father then your last name. My mother has 4 children and we all have her last name because she wasn't married to either of our fathers, yet I am considering giving my youngest her father's last name because child support is putting his name on the birth certificate after the paternity test so idk I guess it really depends on how you feel and the situation and if you feel he deserves recognition.

Brooke - posted on 05/15/2010

I gave my daughter my last name. Her father wasn't supportive during my pregnancy, and I left him when I was 4 months pregnant. He didn't deserve to put his name on her.

Anna - posted on 05/14/2010

my daughters dad is not around and i gave her my last name she's never going to know her father because he wants nothing to do with her why make her carry the moniker of someone who wants nothing to do with them and i definitely think having their last name is a privilege

Melanie - posted on 05/14/2010

YOURS! I have a family tradition where the baby gets the mother's last name unless you and him are married. I told my daughter's father. She has my last name and that was final. Good Luck!

Jennifer - posted on 05/06/2010

I would give them mine for sure! In fact I did!! If when he gets older and wants to dig into his roots from his father side then that is fine, but well, he wasn't there!

Valerie - posted on 05/06/2010

yours!!!! if the father isnt around then the baby should have ur last name! stay strong girl!

Yasemin - posted on 05/06/2010

I can't agree more. Currently We both still have his surname because of legal reasons. but when mine is changed I will change his also.

Karen - posted on 05/05/2010

Hi darl, my little girl has her father's name even though he sadly died just a week before she was born. We were planning on getting married so she was always going to have his last name so I decided to go ahead with that and now that I shant be getting married, I'm changing my name by deed poll to have the same surname as her!

I guess it all depends on the circumstances but if you're unsure, I'd stick with your surname.

All the best :)

Cat - posted on 05/05/2010

My ex and I broke up on Christmas Day '09 and I did not find out that I was pregnant until February 26th, 2010 and they guessed I was almost sixteen weeks along. I had not been with anyone else during or since our relationship. I told him that day that I was pregnant and that it was definitely his child and his response was basicly it's not too late to get rid of it, i'll pay to get rid of it if its even mine, along with a few accusations of cheating or not being as far along as i was told. I chose not to abort before I chose to tell him the day i found out myself. For a brief moment I had considered adoption but didn't think i could go through with it in the end. I felt it was only right to let him know although i knew things would be easier if i did not tell him at all. Even after I found out on March 9th, 2010 that i was seventeen weeks six days along and "we" were having a girl my ex was stuck on get rid of "it" "it" isn't mine! My parents, brothers and I baby name shopped online and decided on a name weeks before my ex stopped pushing for abortion. I chose to give her my last name for a few reasons. My ex was born to his mother out of wedlock and although she was still with his father she gave him her last name and she had said to me that to her and her family if there is no marriage there is no choice to be made it is always the mother's last name that is used. So in a weird way I am following his family tradition of sorts by not giving her my ex's last name. After more than a month of my ex still that far into the pregnancy pushing abortion even after i brought him copies of sono gram pictures and spent the time pointing out what was what then out of the blue he decided he wasn't "abandoning anyone" and would take me to court if i didn't let him name her! I found out right quick that in CT the only person married or not who has the legal right to decide a child's name is the mother. It was a huge drawn out fight before he realized he was better off "letting" me name her. The combination of his pushing abortion, acusing cheating, denying responsibility and then demanding naming rights made me second guess putting him on the birth certificate at all. Although he claims no intention of abandonment he also does not claim and financial responsibility or intention of any support, often complaining to me that even with his free of charge schooling, g.i. bill, under the table bar tending job and tips and being paid by a friend to rent a room that he has no money and doesn't know how he's going to manage through this summer. I'm sorry I'm getting off topic venting here. As time goes on and his irrisponsibility shines through I have decided not only will "our" daughter have my last name, and the first two I chose, but my ex will not be on the birth certificate. I have family around the world and do not feel that I should have to get his permission to leave the country with my daughter when he's already joined the army reserves with full intention of asking to be deployed as soon as his g.i. bill runs out in the coming year. I also chose to leave him off the birth certificate because I was advised that if i leave him off the birth certificate, keep and photo copy (reciepts often erase over time) all reciepts of things for my baby and document all (if any) contributions my ex makes, and offer a reasonable visiting window weekly or bi weekly for the ex to visit and document if he does or doesnt visit, his reasoning if not, as well as wether or not he attempted to reschedule, then down the line if he tried to get custody or if i needed to get court ordered financial support there would be no question that I am the primary caregiver and should remain with sole custody with my ex getting roughly whatever visitation was already in play. In my situation i doubt that my ex will find the energy or follow through to bother with a paternity test or custody battle even having access to free lawyers as a Navy veteran but if he does i want to know that i prepared myself to prove my side of the case as best i could. My friend warned me even if my ex and i are not together if he is on the birth certificate and takes my child he never has to give her back, where on the contrary if he is not on the birth certificate and does not bring her back when i demand it then i can get a restraining order against him, biological father or not! I prefer to try to be civil, not tell him he's not on the birth certificate, and not have to worry if i'll ever see my daughter again if he wants to take her to the park on day. I hope i have not wondered too far off topic or rambled on too long or incoheriently. I felt we had mildly similar situations and had intentions of being helpful. I wish you luck! I do agree with many posts that this is a decision that you must live with and there for only your reasons matter. As to your question of wether or not it will affect the child I have a very dear friend who was given his biological father's last name but raised solely by his mother and he has admitted that it bothered him basicly his whole life to be associated so obviously to such a dead beat a-hole and looks forward to the day he can have the money to change his name even at age 25. Of course this is one person out of how many in the world? But still one son of a dead beat's honest opinion.

Anissa - posted on 05/05/2010

My daughter has my last name. I decided long before i had her, back when i was still with my ex, that it would be easier for her to have my name and a lot easier with paperwork and insurance, etc.. i knew i was doing the right thing when i saw how my ex acted throughout my labor, i knew i was going to break it off with him and that he didn't care about me or my daughter. he is extremely selfish to say the least. he has not interacted with her in more than a year. We are family and should have the same last name, i don't want her depressed over it when she's older, that her and her mommy have different names.. i can hear it now.. "Don't you love me? why didn't you want me to have the same name as you?" etc.. She doesn't even know him, in fact my family refers to him as SD (sperm donor).

She is my baby and deserves much better than to be tied down with the name of someone who doesn't really love her.

Gianinna - posted on 05/05/2010

you all make very good points and its something i have been thinking about carefully. thank you all for your advise

Jaci - posted on 04/24/2010

yours girl !!!!!!!!!

Gabrielle - posted on 04/19/2010

DEF. YOURS! my daughter's father wasnt around the whole pregnancy, or hasnt taken in any part of her life (shes 3 months) i felt like she shouldnt carry on a name of someone who wants no part in her life. so she has taken my last name.

Kozbie - posted on 04/19/2010

YOURS YOURS YOURS.... Thats Your Baby!!!

Amanda - posted on 04/19/2010

My daughter has my last name and her dad tried so hard to get me to give her his but now I am so glad i didn't because he hasn't ever seen her and she is going to be six months old. Good thing I did it to begin with because now I don't have to worry about changing it.I figure that I would want to have the last name as my child for so many reasons. School, medical, later in life if I get married. He's not around so he doesn't deserve to have his last name on my child when he has done nothing. He may be her father but he is not her dad because a dad actually does something.

Joni - posted on 04/17/2010

I chose to give my son my last name and am happy I did. He is 9 months old and has seen his father twice. I went through my pregnancy alone and he showed up at the hospital about 2 hours after my son was born and then seen him two weeks later. We get no child support or anything from him. I was going to give my son his first name also but decided after I laid in the hospital for 48 hours with just my mother there that I was going to name my son what I wanted. I also put father unknown on the BC because I don't want him to have any rights to my son. I tell my family now that my son doesn't have a father just a sperm donor.

Jessica - posted on 04/17/2010

My daughter has my last name. Her father is in the picture however, it was decided she would have my last name as I'm the one she will live with. I have full custody of her and we felt she should have my last name. It depends on the situation and personal preference

Elizabeth - posted on 04/17/2010

i gave my daughter my last name because if her father isnt around to hlp raise her he doesnt deserve to have the right to have my child be named after him!

Karen - posted on 04/16/2010

Lexi has my last name. If I am the only parent she will have, I think it could be confusing to have a different last name. Plus I am mom AND dad, so it's only right!! :)

Sandra - posted on 04/15/2010

I've been on my own for the past 9 years aia'm divorced from my sons father. 18 months ago my son decided to change his name to my maiden name he is 11. I changed my back also the court deems him at the right age to make up his own mind. personally if I had to do it over I would give him my name.

Olivia - posted on 04/14/2010

my daughter has my last name..i dont know if our situation is the same but with me her farther wants nothing to do with her he tried to go to court but i think that was just to hurt me....but he lost ,so i prefer my surname is best for her

Mandi - posted on 04/13/2010

Yours! I have 2 children and neither of their fathers are around. I feel that in order for my children to have their last name then they need to be a father to my kids and if they can't do that then they don't have the privilage of my children having their last name.

Monica - posted on 04/11/2010

You should definately use yours. My baby's dad isn't around and i gave him my mothers maiden name. Only because she was married before and he wasn't my dad. She never married my dad so she gave me her married name.

Leslie - posted on 04/10/2010

I gave my daughter my last name. I was told by the hospital that if the father was not there to sign the birth certificate than I could not give her his last name. I didn't want the constant reminder of him. I didn't want to have to explain why we had different last names. It was easier in the long run.

Michaela - posted on 04/09/2010

I gave my kids his last name... I think just because I liked his last name better than my own. But your choice

Olivia - posted on 04/09/2010

Give them your last name because if anything happens you will have to get a letter for that child and depends on what it is he might not want to give you the letter.

Regina - posted on 04/09/2010

Your last name!!! Why give the man the satisfaction of having a kid named after him and he is a deadbeat dad or isn't around. Both of my kids have my last name because I told him the only way they would have his last name is IF I was married or engaged. Since none of that happened then both of my lovely kids have my last name. My son was just born in October 2009 and he wanted it both last names, but of course he was jumping from woman to woman while I was pregnant which means we were priority so I named my son and also my daughter myself. GOD has helped me so much, so I have no problem with me being the only parent. I want my kids raised up right!!!!

Jessica - posted on 04/09/2010

i have been raisin my daughter since she was born an now she 3. i use my last name not his because i dont think he deserves it.but i dont have the money to get her last name changed to mine but i still tell everyone she has my last name

Ashley - posted on 04/09/2010

My daughter has my last name.. Her father isn't involved so neither should his last name.. Besides, if she ever gets married whens he's older her last name will change anyways.

Jeanna - posted on 04/09/2010

To my knowledge in all states the father must be there to sign the birth certificate or affidavit of Parentage. If not the father's spot is automatically left blank.

He will have to petition for rights with a DNA test unless you go for child support then they will automatically do a DNA test.

Some states once the DNA test is done the state law is that they will put his name on the birth certificate. Did DNA test for my daughter after he was proven to be daddy he was automatically put onto the birth certificate.

Rebecca - posted on 04/08/2010

that is terribly sad that he hasnt met her...i am sorry

Rebecca - posted on 04/08/2010

my son has both our last names ...so it is hyphenated with mine being the last name

Erin - posted on 04/07/2010

Your last name all the way!!



To give your child the fathers last name would be a honour to the father. Really, does he deserve the honour of having his child named after him if he can't even be bothered to come around and care for the child?

I just had a little girl, and I gave her my lastname. Her father was VERY unimpressed about this, but he's not around, and I am her caregiver not him. And to this day, he still has yet to even meet her.

Amanda - posted on 04/07/2010

If the father isnt going to be around, like my daughter's father isnt, you are therefore mother and father, the child should have your last name. You are going to be that childs life and that child knowing that they share the name of their mother, their only parent, will help them to know that they truly belong with you.

Lorie - posted on 04/07/2010

i gave my kids my last name to make legal issues easier (i.e. health care mgmt, school registration, etc.) this has worked well for us over the years, and i don't regret the decision a bit :) my kids are now 14 and 10.

Jessica - posted on 04/06/2010

yea i would go with your own.

i did. deep down i felt like the fater didnt care or wasnt really going to be in his sons life so y give him the same last name. i mean if your not trying to be apart of it befor the childs born what makes me think u will after the kid is born....im happy and disapointed that i was right. but thats y i know i can do better. dont worry about last name to much. cuz even if u end up back together with they guy u can get the name changed easly. and if not then the next guy can too. but thats up to u.