Why is it so hard to let a man step in and become the father figure.

Andreka - posted on 11/26/2009

Oh yes,, I know the feeling.. And no one can blame us. Just looking at the news on a daily bases will scare you to death. I feel my sons look to me as thier protector. I just don't want to ever catch myself slipping... I'm about to get married next year.. I have two teenager and a 6 year old. So punishment he mostly leave to me.. It makes him feel comfortable.. That is so hard to find..

Kelli - posted on 11/25/2009

Thank you very much ladies for your thoughts. It's really nice to be able to talk about this stuff with people who have actual gone through this!!

Kelli - posted on 11/25/2009

Thank you Maggie. It's good to hear someone who has been on the other side of this. I really appreciate your input!

Maggie - posted on 11/24/2009

As someone who had a lot of stepfathers, I think you are all correct to not let the men you are in a relationship with become the parents of your children. Both my parents were married 3 times and also had common-law relationships that lasted a while. I do not keep in touch with any of these people, yet they all got to "parent" me. Love feels like forever, but sometimes it isn't and kids should not have to go through the pain of break up. They can do that when they are older and fall in love for themselves.
Sorry that I'm so opinionated on this topic; I guess it just struck a nerve in me.

Robyn - posted on 11/24/2009

yes, I know exactly how you feel. I have a theory about this too. My son has never met his father either. When I accepted that his father was not going to be a part of his lives, I committed myself to being "both" parents. i knew that my son was all mine and that I got to make all the decisions and take all of the responsibilities. It's hard to let go of that...My son is 10 and I still have a hard time with it...lol. I think that we, the truly single mothers, have a hard time sharing our children because we have already accepted that we may be doing it on our own forever.

Tami - posted on 11/24/2009

My son was 12yrs.old when i married.( He's 18 now) He has never met his father either.I feel your pain on this issue.My husband was not allowed to spank my son , untill... my son thought he was grown, a man, or just lost his mind and disrespected me in front of his DAD. I couldn't handle him on my own(physically) at this point, so my husband HAD to step in . I didnt like my husband putting his hands on my son, but im glad he stood up for me before i got hurt.

Tiffani - posted on 11/24/2009

This is the biggest reason why I am still single today I am afraid of how I would react to another man stepping as a parent! I have been raising my girls on my own since they were 2 and 5 now they are 11 and the oldest is fixing to be 14. I have trouble dealing with anyone saying anything to my girls because so many people not any boyfriend have broken so many promises that it is hard to trust anyone and with that I have a hard time dealing with anything they have to say about my girls especially if it is negative. I feel blessed to have the girls I have they are out spoken but they are very caring. So I think it comes down to security of losing what we have had for so long we have been the care givers. I think I would be willing to give him a chance though especially if he has willingly and lovinly filled the shoes of a father figure for your son. It may even in the long run do you some good because then you won't have to feel as if you are the bad guy all the time and will maybe get more opportunities to enjoy the good aspects. My girls are now expressing the fact they are wanting that father figure and wish I would not have held onto so many of my fears and would have been more willing to give another person the chance. G