Why isn't my daddy coming to see me?

Jane - posted on 01/15/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Looking for a bit of advice girls - I'm sure alot of you must have been in this situation. My 3 year old started seeing his father in August. (He has been in his life a couple of times, but never quite managed to sustain regular contact). We spent alot of time together, but I'm sure you'll agree, if daddy hasn't been around from the start, that bond isn't there straight away. I let him spend Christmas with us, which was really nice and my little boy loved having him there. However, a couple of days after Christmas, he visited, and my son ended up very upset - his dad was hard on him, and when he was asking for me, his dad was saying "you're not getting your mummy".... not a great visit and both of them were a bit annoyed. However, I received a text on Hogmanay, saying he'd decided it best to leave seeing my son until he is alot older and understands better that he is his dad. I can't force him to visit him, but I am stuck as to what to say to my 3 year old. He has asked a few times, and so far I've just said that his daddy is busy working. That will only last so long though. Any ideas?

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Kathryn - posted on 01/18/2010

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i understand where you are coming from..i have a very smart 3 year old..whose father doe the same thing...we were married but have been separeted now for 2 1/2 years...trying to get a divorce...in the beginning he was always calling and trying to come see her but then as time went on and his new girlfriend got pregnant my daughter was pushed in the background....she knows who her daddy i and the hardest thing i have to do so far as a mother is to pick up the broken pieces of her heart when he tells her he is going to come see her or call her and he never does...it breaks my heart when he ask for him and i have to lie and tell her that he is busy and that is why he doesn't call her or come see her..i would never bad mouth him in front of her..she will eventually learn for herself what kind of man he really is...and she will always know that i am there for her...the best advice i can give is to just be there for your son...it you have to just stick with the he is busy...its going to be the fathers that miss out in the long run when they finally do decide to step up and be a dad and their children tell them no thank you...don't know if thi helped...its alittle hard to give advice when you are going through the same thing..

Khristina - posted on 01/15/2010

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My 2 year old daughter is way to smart for her own good. She to has been asking about her dad. I straight out tell her I don't know here her daddy is- which is the truth. I never talk bad about him although thats very hard. We are legally married- I left him 2 1/2 years ago and he is active duty military and moves around I had a hard time tracking him down. She has seen his 2 times- we webcam every few months and he calls every couple of months. I just tell her that daddy loves her very much and wishes he could come see her but that he can't. Which isn't all that true- he is stateside has been for almost a year and hasn't come to see her once..money isn't an issue for him he could fly here but he just won't. I feel you pain! They take the easy way out- they see how hard it is to raise a child and they don't want to get hurt or cause hurt. They think they are doing good by just staying out of things if they could only see the truth. My saying has always been be in her life or out of it for good. My guy says he can't come see her till June- that will have been 16 months since he has seen her last. Like in my daughters case maybe that is whats best. For him to be gone and away. Your son will be able to tell on his owns. No matter what you say to him he will be able to see and know the truth. Just never talk bad or lie about his dad. He can make his decision about his dad on his own.

Rachel - posted on 01/15/2010

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im having a bit of the same issue only my daughter is 5. she just met her dad for the very first time in dec. due to being incarcerated however they had 3 visits together then he got locked back up the day before christmas... since then he has not called or wrote to her... now my daughter says its her fault he wont come see her and that his is back in jail because she was naughty.. not to mention my daughter has the mind of a 2 yr old at the age of 5 and alot of emotional and behavioral issues..... i guess the best thing to say is that daddy is busy and cant come over but he is thinking about you and loves you alot... its really hard not to be able to tell our kids that there dads suck and dont need them but even so its not the answer... sorry i know this does not answer your question but shows your not alone!

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