wich do u find harder bein a single mother or explaining to ur child y daddy isnt around?

Krista - posted on 04/25/2010

I can only tell you what I do. My son's father hasn't been around for the last 5 months. I don't say anything ugly about him to my son. He's 9 by the way. I just let him figure things out on his own. He has already figured out that his dad doesn't come around like he should. I just tell him that I can't help what dad does but that I will ALWAYS be here for him no matter what happens. Kids understand more than we give them credit for somtimes.

Nikki - posted on 04/24/2010

I just read Monica's response and it was soooo TRUE and heartwarming :) I too am in the same boat Ladies and every day is a battle . My girls are grown now and my 3 year old son's father abandoned him when he was a baby, vanished, gone , have no idea where he is except that i know it's somewhere in Austin Texas and he never looked back, no child support and never even called OUR son. He could care less if our child is breathing and it's the hardest thing I have dealt with so far in my life and I have lost a husband by death and been through a divorce amongst many other things. I stayed in "shock" this guy could simply just "walk away". I too have agonized over the day I have to sit down with my son to "explain" BUT that is where God comes in I think. I certainly have my faith in Him alone and as I have posted before on some other Mom's questions God says "he is a father to the fatherless" and I agree with Monica that God intended for children to have a Mother and a Father to raise them. She is right, we simply cannot fill all the slots in for them even as much as we do for them and love them they will still suffer some sort of emotional pain over not having a father. Period. I know I stayed angry at my son's father a long time simply because I was aware of how hurt my son will be once he is old enough to realize his father chose to not be a part of his life and how can I lessen the blow? I can't. I knew I had to let go of the anger so I could be the best Mom I could possibly be to my son yet even that is trying as I do stay exhausted. I am 42 now and do not have the energy I once had and that in of itself really hurrts me too as I am not very "active" with him outside as long as I would like to be. I can only stand the heat outside for so long etc. Also when I get sick I have to bare through it wishing I could simply lie down for a nap . So to answer both questions, each one is very tough I think. Again though I really do try to stay positive for my son and rely on God. I also will never say a bad word about his father , I will let him figure that out for himself once he can fully grasp it. On a lighter note there have been such tough times we have gone through that I have cried on my bedroom floor exhausted trying to discipline my son, change a poo poo diaper , have a toilet flood , be out of money completely only to think of how his father is living it up somewhere having fun thinking to myself in those moments I could kill him then go eat at Shoney's with no remorse !!! LOL , Of course I would not do such a thing but I think you get my "point" !! However I do know his father is the one who loses out and in the long run I will always have my beautiful son and we share a special bond :) All of us mothers in this journey and our precious children will "hurt" , no way around it but let us pray for guidance from God and be there for each other :) God Bless , Nikki

Monica - posted on 04/24/2010

I promise, I'm not judging, but I've never truly understood the whole woman being the mommy and daddy. My daughter's father is a deadbeat dad, but there is nothing that I could ever do to replace the space in my girls hearts for their dad.



God made men and women to play 2 totally different roles in the raising our children. The role of the dad in the house in addition to being the head of the house (not overbearing dictator) is to show his son's how to treat women and to show his daughter's what the love of a real man looks like so she won't end up with a joker. We, as women, can't do this for our children in the way God intended. I can change a lightbulb, fix a leaking pipe, change stuff on my car...but I could never be a father to my girls.



For that reason, to answer your question, I say explaining why daddy isn't around is the hardest. It's hardest to explain because we may never reallly know the answer. We can tell our children about situations that happened, but do we ever know what went wrong? Don't get me wrong, being a single mom is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's what I do, though. I surround myself with pictures of my girls and I go in their bedroom while they are sleeping and it all makes sense. When I look at my 13 year old who looks like a 17 year old and I look at my 10 year old who I thought I would have been planning a funeral for 3 months ago, it all makes sense. Getting up at 5am to start my day, 7 days a week is all worth it. I never knew that I could endure what I have over the past 13 years. Single moms rock!

Elisa - posted on 04/23/2010

It's tough. mygirls dad is in and out of their lives... sees the oldest yet ignores the youngest. thinks just becaseu he pays a pittance of chid support that makes him a "good dad" i can't even tell the girls when we have plans with him, becaseu i have no control over wether or not he will cancel at the last minute. i'm ready for hm to either step up and be a dad, or step aside and let me truely do it on my own!!!

Catrina - posted on 04/23/2010

i find it more difficult to explain to my children why they hardly see their dady. it try to be as nice about it as possible. he is always making up excuses on why he cant see them. but then he gets mad when i tell him he cant see them. i just tell them their dady is really busyand he will see you when he can

Kenyetta - posted on 04/22/2010

thank u everyone for responding and bein respectful of my feelings and not bein judgemental!

Tiffany - posted on 04/21/2010

my childs father lost his license but that wont stop him from driving and he also is gettin charges for contempt of court but he will simply just not show up he is a peice of crap that works under the table and tells me he cant see her cuz he is out workin to support her i said how the fuck r u supporting her when i havent recieved any help since july 09

Tiffany - posted on 04/21/2010

the Beauty of being a single mom is that we have to power to be both mom and dad and when we raise our children right or should i say the best way we know how our little ones one day will ask that questions and the greatest reward is knowing that they understand and realize they were always better off with moms that have them selves and love themselves and belive in our selves to take that challenge to do it on our own...

Jennifer - posted on 04/17/2010

Both. But its all in the detail of being a single mother, father or even just a parent in general. Its not so much explaining the "why" he isn't there, rather its being prepared to care for the heart of the child when it gets broken (and it will get broken) and guiding them to a place where the pain they feel is used as a tool to build strength and wisdom instead of bitterness. That is what is our TRUE honor and glory in being parents. Instilling the foundation so they can better navigate through their own minds and hearts with peace. We stand constant in a world that is always changing. We stick when everything else in their lives seems to fall apart And what we cannot do, we live in prayer, faith, hope and confidence that all seeds sewn when they were younger will bring forth a good harvest in its own due time. Keep on, knowing that your choice to commit will NOT go unnoticed by God and dually rewarded in time. Our children are the best investments and are worth every pain we endure to have them, raise them and release them into the world someday. Love you and stay strong.

Amber - posted on 04/17/2010

I am wondering the same thing......my childs father is in and out of her life and sometimes i wonder if it would be best for him to sign his rights up or not....People say it would be harder but i think it would be harder if she goes why does daddy only want to see me once every two months or him just not be in her life at all...

Jen - posted on 04/17/2010

Definately being a single mother is harder. I guess maybe because my children are older and understand more than I thought they would, but doing it alone for the rest of my life scares me to pieces!

Lavonia - posted on 04/17/2010

its hard with both. but its easy for a man just to walk away from his kids. but as a real women were all that our kids have. its hard but hang in there. there is a light at the end of the tunnel.