wondering if a book for kids, without dads, would help?

Dawn - posted on 04/11/2010 ( 199 moms have responded )

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i am the single mom of an incredible three year old boy... his father lives six minutes away, and hasnt seen him in months. Quentin, knows his father by his first name... as we used to have weekly visits at a coffee shop with him for an hour... but i never once called his father ( Daddy. )... nor, did i speak badly of him... Quentin has recently told some of his friends, who have a dad ... that he doesnt have one... this started my search. i have looked everywhere for a book that he can relate to, on living without a daddy... can t find anything.
so.. im wondering... if i wrote a book, for children, probably under six years old... about families without a dad... ( not families with two homes, or divorced parents.. ) but something they can relate to... something that fills that need for answers... in a way they can understand... would you be interested in it??

once i have it completed, i can post it to a couple of you for a once over... and you can give your input if you like... would help me out as well as, hopefully, your precious children...

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Sandra - posted on 11/18/2012

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Did you write one Dawn? I took on this venture in 2011 before I even knew about Circle of Moms. My daughter's father left when she was two and a half and she is now seven going on eight and he has never come back to see her. I basically wrote this as a gift to her not realizing the impact that it could have on others. I started my own little company to put it together and worked with a great artist who did the illustrations. A graphic artist helped me pull it all together and then she found a printing company for me. I sunk everything in to it, with the believe that if I could sell half of the copies I would break even. That worked, however now I am on the search to have it published by a company so that they can take care of the marketing, which really has become so much work. It has been a wonderful adventure and we quickly sold one thousand copies and I had to take a break due to some illness. Now that I am recovered I am looking for a literary agent. So I was wondering if you actually made it to print? Our book is called "Above the Trees" and you can see it on my website" www.abovethetrees.ca ( It is about a baby giraffe who's father gets lost in the jungle never to return) It confirms the message that no matter what kind of family you have, it is the perfect family for you. The methaphor of being "lost" works perfectly as it takes away the blame children so often feel when a parent leaves.

Caroline - posted on 04/25/2011

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I agree with everyones comments - there is a definite need for such a publication. Especially as I seem to be surrounded by the message that dads are important and children need dads and dads have a positive effect on children. Well guess what? Not in every case. Dads may not be present in a childs life for a variety of reasons, occasional dads often take more from the childs life than they give - after all if you are not contributing to their life in some way what are you doing there at all? And lets face it some dads have a very damaging effect on their offspring. When my daughter school realised I was a single mum they started lecturing her about how important dads are and how wonderful it is share your time with your dad - without a thought to what the actual situation was. I realise some of these people are well-meaning but a lot of damage and confusion can be caused in teaching children that only the traditional family is normal. Children should be taught that they are loved and valued by many people and it really doesn't matter what their designation is in that family. Good luck with the book/books x

Miranda - posted on 04/25/2010

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I found a book in the library when my 3year old starting asking where his daddy was. It's called: "Do I have a daddy?" is a story about a single-parent child with a special section for single mothers and fathers and written by Jeanne Warren Lindsay ; illustrated by Jami Moffett. It was really good and he really liked it, maybe you can find it. The ISBN number is 1885356625. That was the only book that I have been able to find, I would to find more for him.

Jennifer - posted on 04/14/2010

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I am sure the book that was read when you were little was written with a little bit more of a condensending type attitude about the mother.. Single mothers. fatherless homes.. etc.. weren't really that publicly seen until just in the last 10 years.. And before that it was all negative and blaming and hurtful.. I am sure the emotions it brought up in you, and in your mother were not positive.. I think a book written today can have such a positive and optimistic twist on it.. Even about such an epidemic that we have faced for far longer than we have even shown our own neighbors.. To help a child... To show a child that it is ok.. That he or she is not the bad person and does not have to live up to the negative sterotype of what a fatherless home has put on them.. What the world has put on the children who are fatherless!
I don't know.. But I think if it is done with such connotations... It could be such an asset to our childrens futures.. Even one at a time!

Crystal Rose - posted on 04/12/2010

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I just read a book called, raising boys without men. It was an awesome book for single moms, and moms in general who are raising boys . I highly recommend it. We can always use more books of this nature, so more power to you to write one yourself!!!

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Kristin - posted on 11/13/2012

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I think it is a FANTASTIC idea. I have an 11 yr old daughter who's bio Dad that she has always called by his first name just up and decided he was sick of making the drive to visit her (20 minutes at the most) so we are at 6 yrs now. He thinks sending a Christmas card and Gift card makes up for it. I have raised her, her entire life and Thank God for Grandparents. I still worry how this might affect her later.

Thank you

Sandra - posted on 11/13/2012

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I noticed this was an older post and I too felt this way and decided that I would write a book for my daughter like such. I have only started to look for a traditional publisher as the marketing really is the issue when you have a full time job. It is called :Above the Tree's and you can see it on my website www.abovethetrees.ca ( I wrote it to appeal to my daughter who was at the time only five, and it is wrote in verse - It is about a giraffe who initially has a mommy and daddy, and the daddy gets entranched by the great beauty in the jungle and wanders off, never to return. The questions and feelings that this little giraffe demonstrates are all my daughters questions and feelings. The mother giraffe soothes her little baby with a ryming verse that goes" I will always love you and protect you, and as you grow you'll see, that I was chosen for you and you were chosen for me, and if though your Daddy is lost we are still a family". It is only when the giraffe is old enough to see above the tree's, she is able to see that there has always been different kinds of families in the jungle ( "some with one mom, one dad, there were grandma's, aunts, and sisters, even grand dads, and each jungle family looked as right as right could be, there even was a small giraffe, foster family.) The mothers verse is repeated through out the book, until the end when the baby is all grown up - and she reassures the mother (" I couldn't see the jungle for the tree's, now that I am old enough, this you can believe. That I was chosen for you and you were chosen for me, and even though we are only two, we are the Perfect Family). This book was written from the truest part of my heart and the metaphor of the Dad being lost is truly is such a nice way to heal the hearts of all these little one's - because it takes away the blame they internalize - the reason their Dad is lost has nothing to do with them, loving someone is not a prerequisite for finding their way back. I know there will be more questions, but this book opens the dialogue in "a safe and secure loving manner". I have been selling them on line and will add that the illustrations are simply beautiful and I had a local artist paint them for me. I sunk my life savings into it as I am only a single mom, but I wanted to leave this as a gift for my daughter. Shortly after it came out I had a cancer scare and two surgeries and thus that is why I say...marketing is everything. Those that have bought the book on line are saying wonderful things as it is often an emotional read for the parent raising the child on their own. Children's publishing is such a tight knit organization- you have to basically hire a literary agent to get in the door, and now to get a literary agent, you basically have to do as much as if not more to get their attention, and again...that too is limited. That being said I am now looking on how to get it on Amazon and we will see how that goes. I stated I just wanted to atleast sell 1000 or the 2000 copies I purchased and I was over the one thousand in less than three months. Anyway did you write something Dawn? You can read our story as well on the website and look at a few of the illustrations at www.abovethetrees.ca ( it is available for purchase through the website as well).

Jennifer - posted on 11/08/2012

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I would be VERY COMPLETELY interested in it, & I would BUY IT 100%. My daughter is 3 years ols, the most ADORABLE LOVING little DARLING. We both moved in with my parents (her grandparents) she has her Grandpa as a male role model BUT, I dread the question I'm sure she'll have for me one day. I have found two books, that I saw online regarding this, I have not read them yet, BUT will BUY TODAY if possible: "Bear at the Beach," and "Above the Trees" Wonder if these will help. Please let me know if you are going to write a story regarding this issue.



Thanks,





Jennifer*

Cheryl - posted on 05/11/2011

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I think that is a wonderful idea and I would appriciate the opertunity to read your book...I'm worried about what to tell my son he is three and his dad as blown in and out like the wind....He adores his father but I know he is now gone for good sadly enough...He sees the other kids with there dads and he tries desperately to get other fathers attention on the playground

Christa - posted on 05/10/2011

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Natasha, not sure if u meant me but.. Amazon.com the title is. Do I Have a Daddy?: A Story About a Single-Parent Child (Paperback)
by Jeanne Warren Lindsay
They are all used books, maybe find it at the library...

Natasha - posted on 05/10/2011

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FOR CRYSTAL.......Can you tell me where to get this book please as i have 2 young boys and dont have a clue about questions they may ask etc

Jessica - posted on 04/12/2011

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I think this book would be Fantasatic for mothers who are going through the exact same Situation and i know as a mother who is going through the same thing i would definatley buy a copy.

Jessica - posted on 04/12/2011

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I think this book would be Fantasatic for mothers who are going through the exact same Situation and i know as a mother who is going through the same thing i would definatley buy a copy.

Terri - posted on 09/25/2010

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How are you doing on the book? I am still VERY interested in hearing about how it's coming!! Email me if you'd like to bounce some ideas off an eager reader of this!!! tagimit@sbcglobal.net

Tracey - posted on 06/15/2010

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I would love a book like that. I have two beautiful daughters that never see thier father and I tell ya what he is deffinatley the one missing out.

Bre - posted on 06/11/2010

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I would defiantly be interested in something like that for my daughter. She is 15 months and her dad left when she was around 4 months old and hasn't seen her once since then or even call for her birthday. To make it worse like you situation he lives 10 min away. ~Bre~

Haven - posted on 05/11/2010

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My 3 yr old daughter has recently taken intrest in her dada, who left 2 hours after her birth. He's seen her twice since then, the last being almost 2 yrs ago. She takes the pic I keep up of the 2 of them and either signs "pretty please" to go see him, throws the pic, or takes one of us 2 and trys to put them together. So I think a book suitable for preschoolers would be great too. I talk to her about how families can be made up of any people, but she wants to know why her dada doesn't see her. I tell her he lives too far away to come see us. She knows it takes a man & a women to make a baby, so incorporating those concepts into a book would be great!
Good luck with the book!

Jennifer - posted on 05/11/2010

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Can I just say, it is just so heatbreaking to read everyone's short stories on this subject and their own needs for a book like this. And only if our children read and understood these postings, they would know and feel that they are not alone.. and it is more the norm than not....
I shake my head as I read further and further.. It is just amazing to me.. I thought my childs father was heartless and immoral. But I guess he is far from alone...
It is just such an epidemic, that is now a way of life...
I too tell me 2 1/2yr old son every other day, because he asks "where's my daddy" a short and sweet answer.. But only to save him from confusion now.. it will get complicated later, but for now this is all he needs to know.. That is until I can get my hands on a book that will help :)
All I can tell him is that he has a daddy, who is not in his life right now. But someday, may be. and that is it..
sad.. really sad to have to know the whole truth and cut it down to this..
Ladies, neither our children nor ourselves are alone..
Always remember that... in your moments of heartbreak, stress, and drama.. This is happening all over the world to many and many of women and children..
All to the suffering of our sons and daughters..

Dene - posted on 05/05/2010

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Sounds like a wonderful idea! I would definitely buy something like that for my kids to read. My only suggestion to you would be to interview others in that situation, & even interview child psychologist, social workers/counselors, to be able to add that clinical aspect to it. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Sahs - posted on 05/05/2010

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yes i would definately be interested. my son has no contact and never will with his father. while i am carfeul to help fill the void with trusted male friends and family members. it is not the same thing and he will have many questions

Tammy - posted on 04/29/2010

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While it is that WE are tha mother and tha father we try extra hard to make our young ones feel they are NOT missing a beat. I have enough LOVE to ease my son's mind... I try and remember that he does need a male influence to answer questions that he might not feel comfortable discussing with me, I have a few positive men friends in the community that unselfishly share their Dad for a day thing with my son...

Stacie - posted on 04/28/2010

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I think it's a fantastic idea! I've thought a lot about how I'm going to explain to my daughter why she doesn't have a father and not make her feel regected by him and haven't been able to come up with much. A book to help the process and help her know that there are many other kids out there in the same position would be wonderful.

A - posted on 04/28/2010

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Hi,
Actually, literature addresses all universal themes that occur amongst us humans. From greek plays to sacred text there are situations that will, and can apply to your young ones. Ask your nearest Librarian to assist you with a selection that deals with your unique set of circumstances. Good Luck!

Tammy - posted on 04/28/2010

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yes I believe a book of this nature would be encouraging, a lil help for a whole heap of single parent households where the non~custodian parent have absolutely nothing to do with the children... patiently waiting.

Terri - posted on 04/27/2010

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I think it is a great idea although my daughter's father is in her life, every other weekend. I still think it is going to be difficult to explain to her why he is not around all the time. I have been looking for good books not only for me to read to give me strengthbut also for me to read to her. I hate how every childrens book call a family a mom and dad I think it would be excellent if we had a book that focused on our FAMILY

Angela - posted on 04/26/2010

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yes definitely need a book like that out there my daughter is growing up with out her dad cause he has passed away when she was 4 months old and shes 2 now and starting wonder about her dad. I would gladly read and give you my imput.

Christine - posted on 04/26/2010

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Absolutely I would be interested. My child turned 8 today, but she has so many questions..... and unfortunately there just aren't many answers. She has a dad, has a few pictures, but has never talked to or met him. It's terrible said, I have painted him to be a hero.... so in her mind he is one, but the question keeps coming up- when will I get to meet him? I like you, have searched for literature, but can't find anything that seems like it would be much help.

Tammy - posted on 04/25/2010

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Can't wait! I have a 9yr old and a 5month old and would love to read this would even help if you need it! Let me know when you get it done would love to read it!

Tammy

Faulyn - posted on 04/25/2010

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That would be awesome!!!!! I have a two year old. My husband left when I was 8 months pregnant (Jan.). He was born in Feb. We tried working things out but his family had a hand in our "demise" i guess you could call it. By Mar. we were at each other's throats but he came to see my son at least 2-3 times a week. By June (still married) he was seeing another girl (stopped coming around) and she got pregnant (I didn't find out til Mar. 09 when the child was born). Also found out he got his ex girlfriend pregnant 4 months before we got pregnant. This May (2010) will be 2 years since he has seen his son. He claims (as does his most current piece) that he loves his son and wants to see him, yet has attempted to make any contact (other than a letter, typed by his current, stating he has completed his drug counseling and his 2 yr bday present which was FedEx'd--from the town 15 min away). Everyone is saying that I'm a ruthless B & that I'm keeping my son from him..... What's sad is my son hears my niece call my bro-in-law "dad" & that's what he calls him. it breaks my heart to see this happening... I feel like I should be on Jerry Springer... haha... He's currently only allowed supervised visits thru DHR but he hasn't tried to set any up. Never showed up to court dates to get anything settled. He finally started working and paying child support & then tax season rolled around & DHR took his money for back pay & sent it to me.... HAHA!! Karma!! Needless to say, my son has lots of toys, clothes, & a nice lil savings account for the future.... one good thing about the gov't..... ANYWAY, now you know my story. I'd love a book like that cuz every book I read my son at night has mommy & daddy in it & I have to reword it to fit our current situation....

Laura - posted on 04/25/2010

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I could sure use some answers! (as an adult)



from the mother of a child without a dad

Chloe - posted on 04/25/2010

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This BOOK sounds AMAZING...My 2 yr old has NEVER met his dad and has been asking 4 a year about him. Where/when can i buy.....

Amy - posted on 04/24/2010

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It is a fantastic idea. My daughter sees her dad but my niece had a moron who only pops up every year or so, causes trouble to see her then disappears. Its really hard on her.

Jenifier - posted on 04/24/2010

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that sounds like a good idea... i could have used a book a couple of years ago... my daughter who now is 9, had never met her father then he came into her life for 2 days then left again. She had soo many questions, worries. A book would be a good/easy way to explain why fathers/mothers dont stay around...

Laurie - posted on 04/24/2010

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Have at it lady !!!! It would probably be a best sellar. Unfortunately there's a lot of out here doing on our own. I don't even get child support. But that was my choice. It was better than the alternative. Good luck

Kendra - posted on 04/24/2010

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i think its a good idea.. im in the same boat... but u have to realize too that maybe you should write a book or include those kids who dont have mothers.. and write it in a way that its okay either way for the kid and they will not be any different because of that. there are a lot of absent mothers too as well as moms who had complications and died during labor... just a thought maybe

Christe - posted on 04/24/2010

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I am not sure if it would help but hey it is a great suggestive way to try. I wish there was a book for children to read that dealt with the parents that alienate there child towards the other parent. In order for the child to realize the truth on their own and maybe then the child can put a stop to it since the laws don't do much to believe the parent that is shut out.

Christine - posted on 04/24/2010

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Wonderful idea but please include older children as well because the problem only intensifies with age!

Erica - posted on 04/24/2010

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Sweetie, I think that would be a beautiful thing to do. It was hard to tell my daughter when she asked, where was her dad. I didn't want to be like some of my friends that bashed him to their kids. I just told her where he was and then she asked why he didn't come see her, call her, or send her cards like other dads. I thought my heart would fall out of my chest. I didn't want her to think he might not love her, even if i myself wasnt sure. But i also didnt want to lie to her. What i told her was that some people, men and women, couldn't handle the responsibility of having children. Then i made sure she understood that just because he wasnt around, doesn't mean that I dont love her. She will always have my full love and support until the day i die. Write that book, girl. I wish there was one when i had to explain all that to her. Might have made it a little more emotionally easier to explain. Will be looking for it in Barnes and Noble!!!!

Holly - posted on 04/23/2010

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I would be very interested in it!! Please send it my way when you get ready for reviews

Colleen - posted on 04/23/2010

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You've got a great idea there! My son is only 16 months now, but I've been wondering (and trying to prepare myself) for what I am going to say when he starts asking why he doesn't have a dad...I'm at a loss, so if there was a book (he loves to read) that would be wonderful! Keep me posted on your progress. If there is anything I can do to help let me know! Kudos to you!

Misty - posted on 04/23/2010

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I think alot of kids out there need a book like this .My 4 year old has maybe seen her Dad about 12 times ever.How do you explain to a kid why their dad is not around ?

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