wondering if a book for kids, without dads, would help?

Dawn - posted on 04/11/2010 ( 199 moms have responded )

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i am the single mom of an incredible three year old boy... his father lives six minutes away, and hasnt seen him in months. Quentin, knows his father by his first name... as we used to have weekly visits at a coffee shop with him for an hour... but i never once called his father ( Daddy. )... nor, did i speak badly of him... Quentin has recently told some of his friends, who have a dad ... that he doesnt have one... this started my search. i have looked everywhere for a book that he can relate to, on living without a daddy... can t find anything.
so.. im wondering... if i wrote a book, for children, probably under six years old... about families without a dad... ( not families with two homes, or divorced parents.. ) but something they can relate to... something that fills that need for answers... in a way they can understand... would you be interested in it??

once i have it completed, i can post it to a couple of you for a once over... and you can give your input if you like... would help me out as well as, hopefully, your precious children...

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Holly - posted on 04/23/2010

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I would be very interested in it!! Please send it my way when you get ready for reviews

Colleen - posted on 04/23/2010

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You've got a great idea there! My son is only 16 months now, but I've been wondering (and trying to prepare myself) for what I am going to say when he starts asking why he doesn't have a dad...I'm at a loss, so if there was a book (he loves to read) that would be wonderful! Keep me posted on your progress. If there is anything I can do to help let me know! Kudos to you!

Misty - posted on 04/23/2010

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I think alot of kids out there need a book like this .My 4 year old has maybe seen her Dad about 12 times ever.How do you explain to a kid why their dad is not around ?

Danielle - posted on 04/23/2010

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Absolutely! It's a great idea. But just so you know, I did actually find 2 books at my local library, I need to think... One is called "A father like that" and the other one,, hmmmm Anyhow they both helped quite a bit.. but that said, there isn't one 100% exactly as you described.

Angela - posted on 04/23/2010

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That would be a great idea! Our stories are pretty much the same except my son is 2. He has alot of problems though he has something called Ocular Motor Apraxia and severe near sighthed. Drs say that if he hits his head hard enough it could cause him to be blind. I worry about him ALL THE TIME. I just dont understand how anyone especially his own father would not want to be around. It really bothers me because he has to grow up without a father figure. I almost blame myself because i should have chose a better male role model not someone that has no responibiltes. I wish you luck and im glad to know that im not the only one that has this sad story.

Melissa - posted on 04/23/2010

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that would sound great, my situation is much different than yours of course because my two little ones lost their dad a year ago (he's deceased) and it's really hard not have him there for them. i hate to hear that your sons dad will not come around or have anything to do with him life's to short and he needs to realize that he's needed more than he realizes.

Terri - posted on 04/23/2010

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Dawn.....Are you finished with it yet? Hahahaha!! Looks like you're gonna be on the New York Times Best-Seller List by the looks of it!! Good job and good luck!!! Can't wait to get my hands on it!!
xoxoxo

Angie - posted on 04/23/2010

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i think this is a great idea....i am in the same situation, but my son is 8 now, but his dad left when he was 2 yrs old, his father also lives 5 minutes away, doesnt see him very often...maybe twice a year, he doesnt call him daddy....even tho i do if we do see each other, my son has also told his freinds he doesnt have a dad....so heartbreaking!! i think it is so hard for them especially on special occasions.....like fathers day, christmas etc

there seem to be books that cover all other aspects even same sex relationships, but not really anything for our children......a good positive book would be great!! :)

Brittany - posted on 04/23/2010

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I would love this idea!! Ayden's dad for 9 months of the year lives 7min away, and he hasnt seen him in so long. He(ayden) now calls his "dad" by his first name when he sees the one picture i have of them together. So in my case i would love a book like this for Ayden, is it 2 and im sure the questions will start coming sooner or later!

Krista - posted on 04/23/2010

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i think that is a great idea... i have a 10 month old and his dad chooses to remain out of his life. i have been trying to figure out what i am goin to say to him when he is old enough and starts asking me questions and i think it would be helpful for him to see that it isnt all that uncommon for kids to not have a father in the picture.

Debra - posted on 04/23/2010

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This is a great idea...I wonder what damage my daughter will have because her dad is 5 minutes away and comes very randomly. When he does come my daughter doesn't like it when he tries to hold her and just wants to come to me.

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2010

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yes i would my kids real dad is not around and their step dad is doing a good job but i would have both of my kids read a book like that my son is the only one that knows that my husband is not their farther by blood and he always ask why his real dont want to see him so if you can write a book so the kids with out their real dads can relate to then that would so be great just hang in there

Jamie - posted on 04/23/2010

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i think it is a great idea. would love to see when u r done. good luck. i know how hard it is.

Sharine - posted on 04/23/2010

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yes that would be an awesome idea...my daughters father hasnt been to see her in about 8 months and before that it was wen it suited him.My daughter is 3 and a half and rarely asks for him but a book wuld be good for wen she does ask n wen she is abit older...i dont understand some fathers at all.



Let me know if you do this because i am interested

Nicole - posted on 04/23/2010

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I'm very interested in this. I have a 5 1/2 yr old girl who has never met her father in person because he moved from the East to the West coast! She talked to him a few times about a year ago but he would much rather pretend she didn't exist. As a teacher, I love children's books but haven't found anything she can relate to! The other day she asked if I was married yet, I said "No" and she said she couldn't wait to wear a wedding dress to my wedding. She then asked if we will go to California to get married or if "Dad" would come here. What a sweetie, she things her dad & I are getting married. :( Broke my heart.



I've always talked to her about her "father" - but tell her that people in her life that are like "Daddy" figures are her grandpa & several Uncles...but she still has questions (naturally) that a book may help to clarify.



Good luck with your book, please let us know when it is finished!!! I'd love to preview & give feedback if you would like me to.



Have a wonderful day. Nicole

Betsy - posted on 04/23/2010

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I have noticed there was not any children geared specifically to this issue. My daughter is now 13 and she struggled with this since before kindergarten. She is very emotionally stable now, but she did hunt for her dad on the internet when she learned how to use google search engine. I have found there is a large void for books to help kids of any age deal with the emotions when they DO find their dad and have to deal with the pain they feel. Good luck.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/23/2010

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I think also a book for children who are older would be useful, my son also says he doesn't have a dad, in truth, his father and I split up when I was pregnant and he lives in America, whilst I live in the UK, so he has never seen him or spoken to him. He has pictures and knows his name, but I think he struggles at school sometimes... I've never found anything useful but keep looking... thanks for bringing this topic up, I've always felt it very important but hard to talk about as it makes me feel inadequate.

Danielle - posted on 04/22/2010

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yes i would. i have 3 kids and my son geys to see his dad but my 2 girls dont and they are always talking about it. i dont know what to tell them but that their dad is far away

Tracy - posted on 04/22/2010

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I am a mom of a 13 yr old who has been without his dad for 11 years- a book like that would of been wonderful!!!! I now have a baby girl whose dad is not present either.... I am in ... you write it-- I will definately give support!

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I would absolutely be interested. My twins see their father and he is quite involved, but I have a 7 month old as well, and while she is too young right now, I know she will have questions when she grows up. Her "father" is not involved AT ALL and doesn't want to be. We're better off without him, but it would be nice to have questions answered later on when she's old enough to ask them.

Maree - posted on 04/22/2010

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I think that is a fabulous idea. I have looked also and thought it is definately needed out there. Would love to read it.

Tammy - posted on 04/22/2010

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I think it's a great idea! You could probably end up with a set of books... by using different stories and situations. I am 46 with a 4 1/2 year old deaf son, Cole, and he hears with a Cochlear implant. We lost my husband when Cole was 22 months old. I see sadness in his eyes when we read books that have a Daddy in them. He doesn't ask about him (yet), but I always tell him that his Daddy loved him very much....

Good Luck!!!! Can't wait to hear more!

Mary - posted on 04/22/2010

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i can totally relate!!! my son is 14 months, and his father has NEVER seen him, not because I don't want him to see him, but because he has taken absolutly no interest in seeing him. If here was a book just about families without dads, I would definatly buy it.

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hun that sounds like a great idea will help kids come to terms with there surrodings and how life can be. good on u hun. i for one would certainly buy it for my kids x

Rebekah - posted on 04/21/2010

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i would and AM extremely interested. pls forward me a copy of whatever you create. in the meantime, i recommend "the family book" by todd parr. it's about all the incarnations of family. i change a few of thhe words around and it doesnlt directly address fatherlessness, but it has served to enable my son to understand that not having a dad is not an insurmountable issue -- it's helped to remind me of this too...

Francesca - posted on 04/21/2010

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wow this is a fab idea! i would love to have a read of it!! my son's father lived next door (yes literally next door!!) and hasnt had anything to do with him in 16 months! last weekend he decided to do a runner! my son has been calling every guy 'dad' whether its my friends, the neighbours even the guy delivering my shopping the other day!! think your idea is brilliant! well done!

Ahuva - posted on 04/21/2010

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please do write it!

you can self publish on amazon.com

they print as you sell

there are SO many of us in the same boat

and many kids who could benefit from such a book.

i would be happy to edit for you.

pls let me know when it's ready!

i think you can make at least 4 versions

Hannah - posted on 04/21/2010

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Yes, I would deffinatelt be interested!, my son is only 16months old, but I have been looking for a book to help explain when he starts asking questions, my son's 'father' hasn't seen him for over a year, even when I contacted him telling him he was ill, neither did he acknowledge his 1st birthday, the pain this mahy cause my son doesn't bear thinking about, so anything I can do to help him understand, or make him feel a little bit better about it when I do tell him would be a godsend, x

Keri - posted on 04/20/2010

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My 10month old son Wyatt's dad left when i found out i was pregnant. our agreement is no contact (his wish) and i can't find a book about it either but i tell wyatt a story about it. so that he starts hearing it now.

Dawn - posted on 04/20/2010

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Awesome idea!! My daughter has an absent father also, i would love a book for her :)

Gemma - posted on 04/20/2010

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Fantastic idea :) I'd be interested too (sounds like you need to make a lot of copies!!). I'm a single mum too and my son is in his 3rd day of starting school and after day one he said the kids are being mean to him because his dad doesn't live with him - I'm stuck a to what answer to give him.

Chandra - posted on 04/20/2010

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I would be interested in the book. My daughter's father passed away when she was only 8 months old so she does not know what it is like to have a father. Please let me know when you are finished with it;) I would buy it in a hurry and I think you are on to a great idea. Thanks!

Amanda - posted on 04/20/2010

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As a single mother with 2 little boys I think that is a wonderful idea. I have often wondered how to talk to my boys about it. My oldest is now in school and asking a lot of questions about why other kids have a dad and he doesn't have one anymore.

Jessie - posted on 04/20/2010

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that would be great. you could also do what i did... i went to tikatok.com and made my own book. you can insert your own pics and your own words. after the price of the book and shipping it was 24 dollars. i did one for my daughter who was involved in a car accident one year ago with my husband and he died in that accident. shes now 4 and its still hard for her to understand. for everyone in any type of situtaion it might be worth a try!

Marisa - posted on 04/20/2010

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yes a book like that is def needed..my kids knew their dad but after they saw him hit me too many times they decided they dont want him as a father. he is a holiday dad and will only contact them on holidays and when it suits him. i need something that helps explain things a little better to them.

Meghan - posted on 04/20/2010

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Oh my goodness! that would be so helpful! My sons dad lived 3.5 blocks from us for almost a year and never saw him he is now two and hasnt seen his dad in over a year.. My son has a father figure, my fiance but I want him to understand why daddy wasnt there for so long for him and why he still is not. I want him to know that his father is out there but hes being a butt! that would be so helpful!

Camille - posted on 04/20/2010

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Georgia Bowen, I have the same situation with my 8 year old daughter. It went from "Do I have a Dad?' (because all the kids in school asked a lot of questions when she was younger) to "If I have a dad, why don' t I see him? All my other friends do. Even the ones with parents who aren't married anymore. Why doesn't he want to see me?" And the questions keep coming. She "re-met" him for the first time since the first visit when she was 4, and when the divorce was finalized at 2, this past Jan (as I think I mentioned to Dawn Henderson, the brilliant woman who has started all of this... THANKS!) and now nothing again. I let her see him because of all her questions not because he wanted to see her. And although the very poignant questions are still coming at me like bullets and I try to be as honest as I can without painting him like a monster (she is asking some hard hitting questions) she knows who he is, what he is about, and honestly right now has no interest in seeing him again. I will even remind her that if she ever wants to talk to him, I still have his phone number, but she doesn't want to.



And to all the other ladies reading this, I live in a community where it seems as if everyone is married with their 2.5 kids. So, standards are very different. When I first moved here 3 years ago, I felt like I was on an island, and to this day, even though I have finally made some good friends, I have not met another mother who, if they are divorced, is in the same situation, The parents have joint custoday and they see mom and dad on a regular basis. Again, alone. So to every mother out there, doing it alone, at least we have something like this to let us know that we are NOT alone. And once again, Dawn, I admire you for thinking so grand and starting this thread and giving us a place to connect and finally, for the desire and willingness to write a book that, as you can see, so many mothers would love to have.

Dawn - posted on 04/19/2010

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Camille DeAngelis... its funny that i started this thread to see if there was any reason to finish a book in a publishable state... or if i should just finish a version specifically for my sons use... because i have never been sooo overwhelmed in my life.
i seriously had no idea how many other children, and moms... were going through the same issues as in my family. i am blown away.
since starting this thread, i cant seem to get my head to stop thinking... i already have the plots laid out for at least four more books... one for older children... needing answers that arent easy. one for children without mommys ... or being raised by people other then their parents...
the list seems to be growing quite quickly... it breaks my heart to know so many men have impacted our children so negatively... that they can, or do just walk away without ever realizing the implications to our innocent, sweet children...
and, in the same breath, i am amazed at the strength and perseverance of all of us... all of you moms... who do what it takes for our children.. every single day.

the only thing i can promise.. is that all of your words, encouragement, and advice, havent fallen on deaf ears... if you want books... then i will write books. lol

now, the only question i have... where to from here??

Keep smiling... we are in this together.
xo

Camille - posted on 04/19/2010

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I would absolutely be interested. My daughter is 8, however, and just saw her "dad" for the second time since she was 2, when we got divorced. No calls. No showing up for visitations. Nothing. And since I let this "play date" happen (only because of her questions and what not) , one call. December to April. So the cycle starts... But what you are speaking of - the kids asking her about her dad, etc, which resulted in her asking me if she had a dad is how we go to that place. So I see that not only is it happening at her age, but younger as well. I would still read the book, even if you said it would be for 6 and under because it is now that I am being faced with this problem. And I'd imagine that I am not alone in this. I am sure many of us would find some aspect that would realte, at any young age. I think it's a great idea. But if you can, maybe broaden it out to 9 or 10 years old? Just a suggestion...

Irina - posted on 04/19/2010

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I have been in search of the same thing. My daughter is almost 26 months old and her father has not been involved in any way since she was 3 months old. He has not seen her, has not made any of his child support payments and has not shown up to court for supervised visitation. He is completely absent. Like you, I don't speak badly about him and my daughter hasn't asked any serious "daddy" questions yet. I tell my daughter that our family consists of mommy, grandma, grandpa, uncle and her. I would love to have a book that she can relate to. I was actually thinking of writing one as well! There's nothing out there for us to read together. I think it's a great idea and a necessary one.

Terri - posted on 04/19/2010

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Sounds great Dawn!!!!!! It does feel like you're alone sometimes....know the feeling exactly. As dumb as it sounds, I felt a little comfort in reading all these lovely ladies comments....knowing that I am not alone!!



CAN'T WAIT TO BUY THE BOOK!!



I'm really excited to read it!1



Good Luck! And once again, feel free to email me to bounce any ideas off!!



tagimit@sbcglobal.net

xoxo

Dawn - posted on 04/19/2010

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Jennifer Jacobson, because my son hasnt started school yet, i never even considered the fact that this kind of book could help children outside of this situation understand... im glad that you have opened my eyes to the possibilities...

since this thread was posted, i have been seriously writing... and am taking two days off of work in the next week, to dedicate to finishing the first book... i had no idea that sooo many people were in the same situation.. sometimes it feels like you are all alone. that no one understands... makes me wonder what the kids feel like, if this is how i feel some days.



if the first book goes over well... and is helpful to even one child.. ( boy or girl.. ) then i believe i will have begun the first book to a whole series needed..



please keep on the look out for the next thread i start, asking for imput into other following books... your imput is motivating me.. and helping to put the final touches in.

once this first book is complete... i promise to give you the heads up.



thank you all so much... hope i dont let you, or the kids down.



always, Dawn.

Dawn - posted on 04/19/2010

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Lisa... the book, Daddy doesnt live here any more... works great for families who still have a dad they can relate to. even see at a different house ( i believe.. if this is the book i am thinking of... ) but, in my search for literature in regards to not having any dad at all... nothing my child can relate to, i couldnt find any.
i am hoping to change that soon enough though. funny enough, what got me started on this endeavour.. was the movie, Robots... where the dad says... ( see a need, fill a need. lol )
thanks for your imput though... every bit helps.

Lori - posted on 04/19/2010

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That would be great! I have a 6 yr old daughter with special needs- Mild CP, and developmental delays. Her father and I have been separated for exactly 1 year, and he lives in our city and has never taken her for visitation. He never even calls to see how she is. She told me last week that she hates her Dad, and she doesn't want to see him anymore. so, I think a book like this would be fantastic. Especially if it helps the kids understand it is not their fault, and helps them deal with their feelings. Great idea.

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