I am amazed! A bit of a rant I suppose.

Shannon - posted on 04/17/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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I recently was on the circle of moms home page and someone posted a question about giving her daughter peanut butter. It amazes me the amount of people who get so upset and heated about a subject such as peanut butter! Really?? I am a fairly opinionated person but I always try to state my opinion as just that and I try not to put down other mothers (everyone has their own way of doing things and if it works for them great). When someone asks for advice I will explain how I do things and most of the time why and I always try to have facts to back it up. It drives me crazy when people spout off complete nonsense. I am the type of person that if I don't know something I will research it until I am satisfied that I know what I am talking about. I admit while I was pregnant and right after my son was born I did alot of reading on alot of things baby. that is just who I am I loved my childcare class in high school and even though I didn't finish college I majored in psychology and was very interested in child psychology. I am getting off my point, basically I just would like to see moms show more support for each other and pass less judgement. While I am all for a good debate I do not feel that mothers need to call each other lazy or say someone should have never had children which I see alot of. We are all here for a reason and I doubt anyone's reason for being here is to be put down by another mother who herself is not perfect because no one is! Sorry guess I just needed to vent that out! lol

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Jessica - posted on 04/26/2010

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Morgan, I actually enjoy reading your food posts. I have the same problem with being blunt, so I totally understand you, lol.
Becky, my daughter doesn't like the graduates either. she's not a fan of the ones in the bowl much either. I've given her pasta pick ups once, but she wasn't thrilled. The only thing I've found she'll somewhat eat is the shells n cheese or somethin like that! She's 10 mos and the only thing I feed her is baby food and baby cereal, formula, ritz crackers and gerber snacks. She also just started with those del monte mandarin oranges packed in water with no added sugar. As far as unhealthy... she gets french fries IF I'm eating them, but I try to get her to stick with her gerber stuff! Oh and like... pizza crust, but it's not an every day thing! She's no dummy, so she definitely has figured out that what I'm eating is much better than what she's eating, lol!

Shannon - posted on 04/26/2010

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Becky,
I think banquet makes them but they are called kid cuisines, they are a frozen dinner. I agree about the gerber graduates too I looked at them for my son but quickly ruled them out! Salt isn't all bad it is a necessary mineral but dang!! He had it good why should he give it up! He's not a dumb boy! lol :o)

Becky - posted on 04/26/2010

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I haven't seen the kid cuisines (is that a brand name?) but those Gerber graduates meals, holy high in sodium!! My son didn't even like them, so they were a total waste of money. We won't use them with this little one! If I ever get him to eat solids at all. Right now it looks like he might just breastfeed for the rest of his life, lol!

Shannon - posted on 04/26/2010

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Hi Morgan,
Welcome to the community! I haven't read any of your other posts so I'm not a good judge. Being blunt is not a bad thing but there are those people who have been "sugar fed" their entire lives and can't handle it. I agree about the what we feed kids thing totally! I have just recently started working on my own eating habits but have tried to keep my son on the straight and narrow from the get go. I do give him treats once in a while but it is just that occational treats! I really wish ppl would grasp that. I was reading another post about what do I feed my daughter and I about died! The suggestions were ramen noodles, kid cuisines, and chef boyrdee. I wanted to scream! I am not against chef boyrdee as an occational meal when your short on time or ideas but not every day! ramen noodles for a 16 month old? get serious there is no nutritional value at all! Kid cuisines? my son had 1 once but they really are not the greatest either. There are too many options that are healthy and easy! I wouldn't sweat what someone else thinks about how you feel I don't :-) lol

Morgan - posted on 04/26/2010

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I am the one who always comes off as "rude" I try so hard to state my case in a nice way but I am a very blunt and sometimes come off in a way I dident mean too :) sometimes I feel as if people arent reading my posts for what they really are they just read it how they want to, I am very passionate about a few subjects like what we feed our kidlets and spanking very young children, so I seem to be in trouble and get nasty PMs all the time :)

oh well I guess I just need to work on my wording!!

Becky - posted on 04/26/2010

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I was 31 when my first baby was born. I wouldn't say it was so much a choice - I would've had one straight out of highschool if I could've. But looking back, I'm very glad I didn't! I just didn't meet the man I wanted to have children with until I was 29, so that's the way it worked out. I'm glad I have the life experience I have though before having kids.
The downside is that starting later means probably fewer kids than I would've had if I'd started younger. And they're going to be closer together too - my 2 are 18 months apart and we'll start trying for our third and final when my now 7 month old is a year. Simply because we don't want to be having children into our 40s. Some people do, and I have no problem with that, we just prefer to be done by then!

[deleted account]

Thanks all :) I felt out of place in that group too. I will be 30 in July and was 25 when Jake was born. I thought that was pretty young. I wanted to wait until I was 28 or so before children, but hubby was older didn't want to wait any longer. He would have been 39 by then and just felt that was too old for him to be starting out b/c he was afraid it would be too hard physically as the child got older. He was 35 when Jake was born and I think we made a good choice.
I really like this group and it's fun--it makes me remember a lot about Jake when he was just a couple years younger than he is now. Those were fun years, but I have to say, I love the 5 year old phase!

Shannon - posted on 04/26/2010

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Kelly,
As Jessica said you are more than welcome to stick around! 5 is a fine age! I don't really mean to limit the childs age I just wanted mommies that are the age group who have youngsters and can relate.

Dana,
You are so right and this is why I started this community. I felt out of place in that community because I am 30 and waited to have my baby when I was no longer a baby myself. I'm sorry if I offend and I do not mean to but it is proven science that a girl does not reach full physical maturity until 19-20 yrs of age and studies done by Dartmouth show that the brain is still maturing well into the mid-20's if not longer so the maturity is literally just not there is these young girls.

Becky,
There have been many times that I myself have read things and wondered that too!! There have been times I've really wanted to ask that to be honest, but never have. I have had my share of girls blasting me but its mostly been about child safety harnesses. I usually don't put up with the bs but know when enough is enough too! That is another lesson some seem not to have learned yet. People get a little nutty on both regards to spanking drives me nuts too. Oh yeah, and welcome to the community! Hope to see a good bit more of you!

Becky - posted on 04/25/2010

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I totally agree with you all. It is simply amazing to me how incredibly rude some moms can be to other moms. It's like they are unaware that it is possible to disagree with someone without bashing them. On the other hand, some of the advice I have seen makes me question whether the poster is on crack!! LOL! But I don't actually ask them that! :)
I've only gotten blasted once so far, for posting my opinion on c-sections (I said I felt sometimes dr's rushed into them.) The dumb thing was, several people agreed with me, but I was the only one to get blasted. And the o.p. wasn't in the least bit offended by my opinion. Ah well.
Oh, and on the spanking thing, those debates drive me absolutely mental!! I don't care if you want to spank your child, but don't tell me I don't discipline mine because I choose not to!! Seriously, when people feel that spanking is the only way to discipline a child and say that if you're not popping them one on the bottom, you're not disciplining them and are going to end up with a juvenile delinquint on your hands, I want to pop them one on the bottom!

Jessica - posted on 04/25/2010

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Hey Kelly! We'd love to have you! =)

Dana- yeah, shannon and I were talking about that! They ask some seriously stupid questions and get even more seriously stupid answers! They're like "thanks for the tips guys! love you! xoxoxoxo!" haha! Some of the things people ask and answer, seriously scare me!

Dana - posted on 04/25/2010

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Yes you can definitely tell that group is made up of a lot of very young girls. And if some of them are older, then I REALLY feel sorry for their kids! It is so crazy how the littlest things turn into a huge deal and God forbid someone asks a loaded question. My favorites are that all spankings are beatings and your child will hate and fear you :) I also got really annoyed with the question about advice for a pregnant 14 year old. I worked with pregnant teens and I know what I'm talking about so seeing most of that 'advice' really ticked me off. And it makes me worry about how many young moms are on here truly looking for advice and taking some of this crap to heart. Sad.

[deleted account]

Thanks for the "only child" support! Only children are rare around here--I only know one other mom in real life with an only, and I know one adult, who is a really awesome man, but he is a workaholic, and I mean like a serious, in therapy, gave up his wife and kids for work, workaholic. Everyone blames it on him being an only child, but I say we all have faults, be it tons of little ones or one big one, it balances.....and I don't know how being an only could drive someone to be a workaholic--they seem so unrelated....

Anyway, it's late and I can't sleep, so I guess I'm just rambling. Btw, I just noticed that this group says (expecting to toddlers) after it, some how I've managed to miss that! My son is 5, so we are just past the toddler years, do you mind if I stick around?

Shannon - posted on 04/23/2010

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Awww....thank you and you're pretty awesome yourself! that would be halarious!!

Jessica - posted on 04/23/2010

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Haha! Shannon- you're awesome! =) Too bad our kids can't all play together... granted, it would probably set up a disaster! the 3 stooges! haha!

Shannon - posted on 04/23/2010

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LMAO! Oh Jessica, I had to laugh while reading that! I have the same issues! My son is going to be 2 and I keep saying he is the future generation of jackass! He does the craziest things and thinks it is hysterical!! He does the same stuff, I tell him no he looks at me giggles and does it anyhow. I have smacked his hand for touching things after I have told him for the 3rd time not to, I have swatted his bottom for doing things that I have told him repeatedly not to, and it doesn't work so I figure why bother? Most of the time he laughs cause he thinks its a joke, and I have noticed him wanting to hit more when he is upset so I have just become more consistant with time-outs which for me means he goes to his room for a couple mins because at his age and activity level there is no sitting on a time-out chair.

Kelly, The to spank or not to spank conversation is another one that makes me want to scream when I read what some people have to say! GRRRR!! I feel that there are MANY forms of dicipline parents can choose to use to show their children what behavior is desired and what is not! It doesn't hurt a kid to give them a little swat now and again (I know I got my fair share) but it doesn't work on every child (apparently mine, yours, and Jessica's lol) just like time outs don't work for every child, taking toys doesn't work for every child, ect, ect. My son is much more upset about my putting him in time out than he is with getting a swat on the butt. and another thing Kelly, my son is also an only child and probably will remain that way and I see nothing wrong with that. I myself am an only child and I feel I turned out alright! I have seen children with siblings that are spoiled too so that arguament doesn't fly with me! I'm sure my son would be considered spoiled and his being an only child probably aids in that because I have the ability to give him extra time, love, attention, and yes stuff, but I also believe in raising him to be respectful, polite, and kind so screw it if someone has a problem with him being a spoiled only child!!

Last I checked we all lived in America (the land of the free) and that gives me the right to raise and disipline my child how I see fit. People always tell me how wonderful my son is and what a good job I'm doing and I myself feel that I am a good mommy. My son is happy, healthy, energetic, well adjusted, very idependent, and completely secure so obviously I must be doing something right. To those that think being a mother is this, is that, my way or the highway, they can kiss my ass cause I walk to the beat of my own drum and I like the way it sounds!

Kelly, Jessica, from what I have heard from the 2 of you so far, and the other ladies that have put in their 2 cents, We are all great mothers and to hell with the GIRLS that are so insecure in their own skills that they have to bash others!

Jessica - posted on 04/23/2010

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Oh good grief. Yeah, with some kids it makes no sense to spank. I.E My daughter. Granted, she's only 10 mos old, but she knows exactly what the word "no" means. She will stop... look at me, think about it, and do it anyway. I called my mom one day and asked her how young is too young to pop a hand. She said it depends on what she was doing. (Dog bowl...) so I flicked the back of her hand... she looked up at me and laughed! Then... went right back to it! STINKER! I've popped her hand several other times and she just laughs! I've always wanted spanking to be a last resort. The ONLY time I've popped her anywhere other than her hand was last Sunday on her bare lil thigh, b/c we were at a restaurant and I was changing her poopie (which she hates) and she was bucking soooo hard she almost fell off the the table! I popped her thigh... she just looked at me like "oh... no... u... didn't!" She didn't cry though! It didn't really work though! She calmed a little bit, but she was still fighting me. I have a feeling she's going to be fun to discipline the older she gets. My mom just laughs and says "paaaayback!"

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I remember that post! Someone pointed out there were lots of lots of ways we treat kids like dogs--baby gates, cribs, etc. there were bunches, but I don't remember. My kid was 23inches tall when he learned to walk. No 10 month old is going to understand, "stay by my side" and I would just like to see her walk through Target holding the hand of a kid less than 2 feet tall--you have to bend over sideways and it HURTS after like 5!

One mommy said I didn't discipline my child b/c I don't spank him! I have no problem with moms spanking their kids, I think most know were to draw that line and consider it a last resort, but in my case, it always makes things worse (or doesn't have any effect at all unless I hit him harder than I think is okay). She went as far as telling me that I was raising a spoiled brat b/c he was an only child, which apparently is just wrong in itself, and I wasn't a "real mom" unless I "step up to the plate and smack his bottom." I was rather hurt :(

Jessica - posted on 04/22/2010

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HAH! wow! That's funny! I was on a leash... I was a horrible toddler tho! lol! I don't think they're bad at all! Some kids (most likely my daughter) need them. Avery is soooo hyper, I don't forsee her being one of those kids that willingly stays at my side! She's about walking... not completely, but almost. Even in her crawling stage she's always wanting to get down and crawl away at like restaurants and target!
I had one girl message me and cuss me out and call me ignorant. It's b/c she knew I was right. "kids" these days are just rotten. They have no respect for anyone. MY mom raised me right and to respect people! I try to be nice on these things, but sometimes ppl are just soooo stupid and ridiculous, so occasionally I'll snap! Thank you 4 creating a civilized adult group, hah!

Shannon - posted on 04/22/2010

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Jessica,

I couldn't agree more about the ear piercing. I had my ears pierced when I was very young (approx a yr old) and mine where always getting caught in my blankie and stuff like that and finally my mom took them out and let them grow closed and I had them re-done when I was older! There is no need for a baby to have her ears pierced IN MY OPINION, but I also agree with you to each their own if a mom wants to deal with it fine her choice.

In that same community I stated how I felt about the child safety harnesses (I have one for my son and am totally for them) I took alot of heat about it from one girl claiming anyone who uses them is a lazy mother, I took offense for myself and other mothers and responded to her and she then told me it must be true if I was that upset about it and even went as far as emailing me! I responded once again (only on the post) and told her I didn't assume she was a bad mother because she didn't use one so don't assume about me ect, ect, I was pissed! Then another girl posted that leashes were for dogs not children. Children are people and people are able to learn. Perhaps mothers that use them should teach their child to obey. I found this hysterical that she claims leashes are for dogs yet you should teach your child to obey? (don't dogs go to obediance school?) I pointed that out and told her perhaps she should respect other mothers choices. She didn't like that and told me I should practice what I preach. Hey whatever I'm sorry she couldn't handle my pointing out that she herself treated her child like a dog.

Oh well, you can't make people grow up before they are ready to.

Jessica - posted on 04/22/2010

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Shannon- yes... the 20-30 group is soooo hateful! Everytime I put input on how I feel something is wrong I get blasted for it. Most of the "girls" on there are just that! GIRLS. They'e 18-20. I.E. Ear piercing...I said I didn't think it was right (but pointed out, that it's mom's choice and she can do what she wants) and I said WHY I didn't think it was right. MRSA/STAPH... how special it was for me to be old enough to get my done. It was a lesson in responsibility. yadda yadda. Anyway... I got totally blasted by the young moms who do it b/c it's "oh so cute." Told me to quit being a know-it-all... I was like Woah Dude! I was just stating opinion and some facts. That's what this place is for. It not like I was mean about it... at least, I didn't try to be!

Cynthia - posted on 04/22/2010

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Great! It is refreshing to see a community like this. I agree with you about the young moms 20-30 community also, I've noticed a LOT of harshness in there. It's sad to see moms wanting support from people their own age (who they should be able to relate to, being their peers) and they can't get it!

Shannon - posted on 04/21/2010

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Cynthia,
I really hope that this community changes your mind and allows you to feel free to both share and ask for advice! I promise you girls I will not be tolerating anyone being disrespectful to others for sharing their thoughts and feelings! If you can't debate nicely and give advice and help without being rude you don't need to be here! So far the community that I have seen being the most disrespectful and mean is the young moms 20-30, at least that is where I have had the most issues.

Kelly,
There is nothing wrong with putting your 4 yr old in a stroller to save his little legs and make it easier to get through a busy, crowded airport! Obviously the poster has either never been to a busy airport where she has had to rushed to catch a flight herself let alone with a small person, or she is a super hero. I get so upset when I see people post stuff that is so ignorant!

[deleted account]

Melanie, KUDOS!! That's an awesome way to deal with his temper! Chastising him for it would only make him hotter, louder, and more disruptive.

I got picked on because I use a leash too, and last year, when my son was 4, I still put him in a stroller at some airports. He simply could not walk fast enough to keep up and make out connecting flights, and we couldn't carry him b/c we had our luggage. The poster said I should schedule my flights better, but in most cases, it's either a one hour layover that you have to rush through, or a 16+ hour layover that you have to sit through! I'll plop my kid in a stroller every time before I force him to hang out in an airport for hours on end!

Cynthia - posted on 04/21/2010

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I'm with ya! I know there's a lot of rude people in the world, but in the COM community, where people are looking for advice and support, it would be nice to see everyone doing just that! I like to share advice or tips that have worked for me, but would never put anyone down or patronize them, like I see SO many moms doing. It's this reason that I have not started a conversation on here in a long time... because I don't care to hear most moms' replies, as I know they will be judgemental, and that's not what I'm here for.

Shannon - posted on 04/21/2010

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Melanie I think it is great that you go the extra mile to make your son comfortable!! Alot of people don't grasp that you need to take a different approach with special needs children.

Melanie - posted on 04/21/2010

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I think sometimes people have nothing better to do than say rude things to others looking for advice. My son is disabled and one of his traits is to get very upset when we are shopping. He shouts as loudly as he can and so to help him feel more comfortable i tend to scream and shout with him. A mum was horrified that i did this instead of chastising him. For me it works for others it might not. Other mums said i had a lot of courage to do it. I think we should give advice and not criticise others. If you can't write anything nice don't bother writing anything x

Shannon - posted on 04/18/2010

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Lol yes Dana I agree! That is a huge pet peeve of mine! I am not the worlds greatest speller and I know that but I can not tolerate trying to read someone's question or post when it is all misspelled and abreviated. If you are seeking help allow your readers to be able to understand what you need help with!

Dana - posted on 04/18/2010

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Isn't it ridiculous? I think the SAHM group is the WORST for it. I hardly ever go on there and rarely comment because it's just pointless. It seems like they are just looking to start arguments. It also drives me nuts that half the time these women are trying to one up each other and show how smart they are they can't type or spell to save their life. Drives me nuts!

Shannon - posted on 04/17/2010

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I hear ya...I posted on a conversation asking moms opinions of the harnesses for children and omg did that turn into an extremely heated conversation. On girl stated her opinion in a VERY rude manner saying mothers that use them are lazy blah blah blah well I commented on it because I was deeply offended by that (I use one when in busy places such as zoo, aquarium, ect) and she actually taunted me AND emailed me! I could not believe it! I respect that others have different, sometimes very strong opinions on things and I respect their opinion and understand why they feel the way they do but I want the same in return. You do not have to agree with me but I would appreciate it if you respect the way I feel too! People do not have to be rude to express how the feel about a subject and I hope to convey that in this community.

Tammylee - posted on 04/17/2010

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Absolutely agree! It makes me feel the same. I always say to my hubby "I cant believe some of the mothers on here, putting each other down". I always think, "If I dont have anything nice to say, then I wont say it". The amount of times I have seen "your just a lazy mother" is crazy. We are all here to support one another, not make each other feel worse! ..... Great that I have found a group that agrees. :-)

Sophie - posted on 04/17/2010

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I have not read that specific post yet, but I know exactly what you mean. I have also read several posts where a mother is looking for support and someone very rudely puts them down. And I hate that, very recently I was thinking of leaving circle of moms for that very reason. We are all here to get advice and talk to other like minded mothers not be put down because we are doing things differently from someone else.

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