Michelle - posted on 05/16/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )
First off I am happy to have found this group in Circle Of Moms . Thank you, to whom ever started it.
Last septemeber really has left a tear in my heart that I am still trying to heal . I was so excited to be edging close to the "safe" 10 week mark that everyone talks about . We had just told our kids we were expecting again, everyone was excited.
We lost our baby on 9-12-9 just days from being 10 weeks . I know that it was still early on , but the loss really hurt deeply. After returning home from the hospital I also found out that shortly after we left my mother left a message that my cousin had passed at 32 . I think that day alone has to be the worst day of my life .
Happily, exactly 3 months to the day of our loss I found out I was pregnant again . New fears took over as soon as my test came back positive. I am currently 27 weeks along and everything looks great!
I think when I miscarried I was pretty mentally numb . Once my due for our angel got close I became a complete mess . I didn't anticipate how hard it would be for that day to come . All I could do was cry out of fear the life currently inside would be taken also.
Noone seems to really understand. To others it was just another day . I didn't expect the world to stand still while I grieved , I just needed some time to drown myself in my sorrows in remembrance of my child I never got to see , hold or name. I have nothing. No sonograms, just a piece of paper stating his/her brief existance inside of me.
I still have days where I can't help but cry. I have had many , many days like that since it has happened. I couldn't even go to my best friends baby shower that was a couple weeks after my miscarriage. The pain was still way too deep , and it was so close time wise , I was even getting shaken up seeing baby things that we had bought. I think going to the shower would have been a mental overload.
Thanks for listening