any wives out there whos hubbies work away for 2 month at a time ?

Leigh - posted 3 days ago

Hi Lee, what an awful thing to do to you, that is just so selfish, whilst your struggling on he is totally disrespecting you. I really don't understand how the guilt he must have felt didnt overwhelm him . I have also had personal experience of how these women will prey on western men! But I also believe that each one of us ultimately has the choice to say no and respect your partner and be faithful.He obviously thought he could get away with seeing these women behind your back and now it's out in the open the novelty may have worn off ? But now your left with the devastation and having to either work through this awful situation or to walk away from your marriage, either way its going to be really difficult . I wish you all the luck in the world to come out of this with your head held high and your spirit strong.You deserve so much better than how you have been treated. There are many many women whom I have spoken with whom have had the same thing happen to them , and a lot of there husbands have been away working in Asia. If you do a google search you will see just how many are going through this destruction to there marriages and maybe get in touch with one of them to gain some extra support. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on x

Lee - posted 4 days ago

My husband starting working in Malaysia several years ago. I was suppose to stay in the US till our kids finished high school. Well he sure did take to that right away. Every time he came home he would go on and on to everyone about how much he loved it. Well that's because it was a bachelor pad! By the time I was suppose to go there, I didn't want to because he was always making comments about the asian women over there. And many times, people would tell me how the asian women will steal your man. And so sure enough, my son finds out by accidentally logging onto his dad's email (they have the same name) that he has been seeing all kinds of women. Well I never, ever, ever would have thought this of my husband. Now I am learning from other people that most of the men that go overseas do exactly that. That is why they seem so happy over there. My husband said he thought I would never find out, but now that I have, things are a mess. Apparently a lot of men like the way the asian women treat them because they are willing to do anything to get a western man, even if he is married. Now that I know, my husband's not sure he wants to stay married. All this time, I have struggled with all the responsibilities at home while he did whatever he wanted over there. I'm just so depressed about the whole thing. I wish my husband had never gone overseas.:(

Jessy - posted on 05/23/2013

thank you so much for your wonderful advice. I will definitely take it!

Leigh - posted on 05/23/2013

hi, I think the best advice if you are going to stay is to talk with him and set some ground rules. You need to try make him understand how your feeling, he needs to make you his number one priority, if he can't or won't do this then you have no choice than to leave him . You've got somewhere else to live , and I think that without all the stress this relationship is bringing, you will in time find a new job and be able to give it 100per cent without feeling constantly drained from how he is making you feel . Ask yourself truly what he is bringing to this relationship? Write it down if need be so that you see it in black and white . Only you know how much your prepared to put up with, each one of us have different breaking points, if it were me I couldn't put up with how he is being towards you , and as much as I loved him I would have to leave for my own sanity and give myself chance of true unconditional happiness. I wish you all the very best in dealing with this , it needs addressing my friend . Let me know how you get on .

Jessy - posted on 05/22/2013

.sounds like he's having the time of his life traveling and i'm left home with all the responsibilities...have you found anyways to deal with this?

we are getting serious and I want to marry HIM but I don't want to marry into this job...any suggestions? would you take back getting married if you could have? That's a bad question...but I mean...would you have picked a different life for yourself after living it for years...
I know that I love him and if he was home we would have an amazing life together but I don't know if love and depression is better or lost love and no depression is better.

Julieth - posted on 04/28/2013

My husband works away for 8 to 10 weeks and now is only coming home for 10 days.

We have a 4yr old daughter and I see how it is becoming harder on her everytime He leaves and of course that makes it more difficult to me, I am SAHM live in a place where I have no family nor support from anybody and He have been working like this for about 3 years now. I do know He is trying to take care of the family and provide a good life to our daughter but at this moment I really feel like I can't do it anymore. I am extremely in love with him and when He is home He does try hard to be a good husband and father but I am really having doubts about how I am able to continue to live this way. It is nice to read other moms who have been doing this for longer than me and seem to be happy with their families and continue to try make it work, it makes me feel a bit more optimistic.

Mary - posted on 04/28/2013

My husband has been working abroad for 2 years now and has extended for a further 2. I'm on my own in a foreign country raising our 3 daughters as a full time stay at home mum. I love being a mum but sometimes life is really challenging with no family support at all and I feel physically, mentally and spiritually drained. There a times when I feel that I could just leave my kids with someone and go out and just breathe some fresh air but I can't. My husband on the other hand tries to come and visit us every 3 weeks but only stays for the weekend and he is on that plane again. We have everything we need but I feel that my kids are missing out on their dad big time. My oldest is 12, My middle child is 10 and I have a 2+toddler. (all girls). The first time their dad left, they would always cry as they missed him so much and now they think it's normal and whenever their dad is on the phone and asks to speak with my 12 and 10 year old, they just refuse to speak to him and I do not know what to do. I feel like my kids are forgetting the Father figure they once had or knew.

Natasha - posted on 04/22/2013

With all due respect...I think you are full of shit. Your hubby working abroad "Heather"???

Leigh - posted on 04/04/2013

I honestly don't think he is being fair at all! If it were the other way around and he was looking after 3 children while you were out in bars after work and didn't want him to come stay for summer can you imagine how he would be ? he has to look at this from your point of view. If there is any chance that you can be together for the summer then that is what you should do, there is no point in being married and not wanting to spend time with your family even for just a couple hours a day if its at all possible, what is he thinking ? Mess his schedule with his friends ? What planet is he on . You will end up resenting him so so much over how he is treating you that he will push you away from him emotionally , and its very hard to get that emotional connection back. Once you hold resentment for your partner over how they have treated you it's very hard to forget . You will constantly ask yourself why , why don't he want to spend time with his friends and not his family . He will end up selling your marriage out for the sake of what ? Fair weathered friends !!!!! You need to tell him exactly what you feel , your not going to play second best to friends and work end of girl , go for it Hun

Liz - posted on 04/04/2013

I am so relieved to see that I am not the only one out there with having to be without their husband. My husband works in the same state and has been gone for a year maybe have seen him 9 weeks out of year. We have 3 kids ages 3 months 2 years and 9 years. I am not going to lie I feel lost and abandoned.

When he is gone he seems so happy hangs outside of hotel after work drinking with guys. Sometimes he has went to bars during the day. However I am the stay at home mom with no friends and not able to go out because he refuses to have anyone watch our kids. I went to see him last weekend and the guy he rooms with is married with baby on the way. He was getting ready to go dancing and asked me if my husband could go... I said no he also said no. I asked the guy if his wife knew he said no he uses different name to women so that they don't find him in Facebook. I couldn't believe it it discusted me. I had a great time with being with husband past weekend he showed me the bars he went to on occasion. However I can't help to think about does my husband really go out with these guys not telling me..
I also mentioned wanting to come see him for the summer since no school and for us to have time to be in the family mode. He freaked out got mad saying we can't afford a rental and he would still never see me. Which with his per diem it would be the same. He then said he don't want to mess up schedule with other guys. WHAT ABOUT US!!!! He just gets up tight about everything never does he like my opinions or wants to try and bring us together. Not to mention we bought this house to be together then he moves 4 hours away. I need advice on the whole situation including how to deal with him. Thanks gals!!

Leigh - posted on 03/30/2013

Hi, my husband is the same , tells me how hard it is being away from us all then ever time he rings me he sounds like he's having a ball , it's so hard to hear him feeling all happy an carefree when I am really down and struggling with him being away and the insecurities I have with him . I don't feel he listens to me when I try to tell him how I'm feeling, it goes in one ear and out the other !!!!

Kimberly - posted on 03/30/2013

I'd love to give another example : He was working on a show in detroit called Detroit 187. IMy son and fly out to meet him , can he pick me up from the airport no he has his crew do it. So we go to set and hang out for bit . Time goes by the next day my son wants to go shoot hoops in a park in detroit and the whole morning my husband says ok sure. well they get ready to leave and my husband tells my son he'll drop him off at the park ??? WTF? HE"LL DROP HIM OFF AT A PARK IN DETROIT THE KIDS 13 . First off why wouldn't he want to spend some time with him. He hasn't seen him in 8 months. I got mad and said "what?" he said he was trying to teach our son some independence NOW THAT"S MESSED UP THINKING. Thisis what I've been dealing with...........thus I give up@ All the fame and the money in the world isn't enough to deal with this the rest of my life.

Kimberly - posted on 03/30/2013

Leigh yes for years and years he would call me in the morning all happy cause he's off ready to go make his movie in egypt or china or wherever he is. He calls right in the early morning when I'm making my sons lunch getting him ready for school , I'm getting ready for work and as most mornings go with kids it's not all joy joy smile smile. It's usually hurry get dressed , get ready , get in the car. And he would call like he was in paradise happy as a claim. After years of it , I finally said you know I'm not happy when you call me in the morning I'm stressed out with zero help and he acts like he's on a damn vacation. Yes it bugs me. I'm stressed out and he's just doing his thing WORKING and playing GOLF on the weekends and he thinks that's enough for a women to be in la la la land , I think NOT!

Kimberly - posted on 03/30/2013

No he's not helpful. I beg him to spend time with our son who just wants his dad to play Basketball with him for oh 20 minutes and he can't even do that. I just can't do this anymore. He works on that show "glee" isn't that special. Well "Glee" is more important then his own family. He didn't even bother coming home for easter because he thinks we should go out there and we didn't want to because my son has scuba diving. I went to visit him in LA and guess what there was a golf game on and he wanted to watch the game instead of walking on the beach with me. So we were in the same state yet I was still walking around alone. I deserve better and I'm going to get it. I have officially asked for the divorce after 17 years of dealing with this it's all made me an angry sad lonely person. I have so much resent and anger that I think it's going to be a long time until I can be happy again , I just hope someday I will be.

Leigh - posted on 03/26/2013

hi, I understand how your feeling Kimberly, I was wondering how your husband is with you when he is home? Does he give you a lot of his time and support then ,so you can at least draw some positives from how he is back at home ? I am sort of getting used to my hubbie being away now , I find the worst part is the few days before he is due to go back , I just want the departure day over and done so I can gather my strength and thoughts for the weekss he is away. I don't know how any one else feels but the hardest part for me is when he calls and he sounds so happy and upbeat whilst I feel anything but happy and upbeat, then I end up feeling resentful that how come he can seem so happy when he is away for all this time without seeing his family! I don't want to mask my emotions and pretend to be all ok when in reality I'm not but I also don't want to bring him down. It's a no win situation . I believe you have to be honest and true to yourself and if your feeling down you shouldn't try and hide it. I realise that we also have to be grateful he has work and we do get to have a comfortable life , it's just sometimes a lonely one , but I also have friends who have hubbies who work at home and can end up feeling lonely even though there husbands come home of a night !!

Kimberly - posted on 03/25/2013

I honestly can't think of anything my husband would be doing differently if he was single. ALL HE DOES IS WORKS..........same thing every man in the USA does. A husband shouldn't be a husband if he's going to be GONE for years and years and years. Question: What's my husband actually doing differently because he's married, answer NOTHING!!!!!! I'm not happy I"ve sat alone for 4 years with no more then 10 visits is that a family. Should I be grateful for roof over my head. All my memories are of me being married and lonely what a JOKE.............I"m about to pull the plug on the whole thing!

Mary - posted on 03/18/2013

All I can Say is be grateful if he didn't love you, he wouldnt b with you plain and simple he has all the money in the world.. H e can leave you right now if he wants too, i learnt its not worth nagging and becoming depressed when he s not their. He brings the bacon home he sill loves yous so give him the best time of his life when he gets home so he'll never forget you when he s gone. Give him good memories, I know its hard but it works. My husband always remembers me when hes working I try.

Mary - posted on 03/18/2013

Hi i'm from brisbane and my husband goes away for 29 days and hes only comes home for 9 days it really sucks but i have 3 sons and 1 daughter all 20 to 25 but it really helps the family you definitely have more money but less time together and then you have to fit all your time in 9 days its shit its really lonely but youve got to think if he was home could I afford everything we have nice car holidays when you want never stressing over money its a no win situation but in the end you get really independent and you learn to do things on your own. Still miss them I don't like to say it but you'd know what it was like if they died it feels like that when they go away you really do grieve. I cry now and again and then i feel alot better.

Northern - posted on 03/10/2013

You stole the words right out of my mouth Lisa and its so nice to know women here that have been married longer than me :) In regards to Kimberely, being resentful and angry will only bring about destruction. Rather, work to open communication lines, sit down with your husband and have a serious talk. Be honest with eachother! Ask yourselves what have you contributed to the marriage downfall ? If each one of you will deliberately point fingers at the other without a drop of self accountability, there's reason for suspicion. If you do this properly, you will eventually develop a better understanding and more affinity towards your husband. It takes two to make a marriage work and marriage needs to be constantly nourished in order for it to survive.
In every divorce, there is a guilty third party involved that helped create the divorce. I would encourage you to find that third party and cancel communications with it.

I am speaking here out of my own experience.
I know I had to deal with a lot of low individuals who tried to influence me into a divorce by telling me how miserably my husband must feel for leaving me behind to work in the oilsands for months on end. In time it took me many years to develop a hard shell) I learned to brush off their negative comments. I understand now that they were really just trying to break up our marriage... What my husband and I offer eachother is unconditional love and loyalty. We share a moral responsibility to be there for our children and teach them the same principles so that when they grow up and get married, they don't jump ship whenever a problem presents itself.

Lisa - posted on 03/10/2013

Northern Mom, I respect your attitude. I've come to much the same place, but, I will say it wasn't easy. We have been married for 17 years, and my hubby has always traveled, it has just gotten more frequent and for longer periods of time. I think you are right attitude is everything!
Kimberly, I feel for you! I have been in that same place where it just didn't seem worth it. What helped me was understanding that my husband worked the way he did as an expression of his love. For him being a good provider was a way to communicate to me and the kids how much he loved us. I used to struggle with the idea that his job was more important than me and the kids. Part of the challenge for me was learning to understand WHY he does what he does. Changing my attitude changed everything, hope this helps!

Northern - posted on 03/10/2013

Rachel,

I only have one month to go ... The last two months just flew by, this one feels like forever.
I find that it is sometimes difficult for my husband and I to reconnect when he gets home. Its because he is tired and exhausted after travelling across country to see us. I am usually tired from organizing and cleaning the house in preparations of his arrival. It takes us two weeks to get back to ourselves, and that's a minimum. I am grateful for having him home for minimum two months. I just got the news yesterday that he will be namehired to start work on the Keystone Pipeline in July. The project will last three months ...

Communication is so important and I understand thats hard for you because your husband is away at sea. That must be a lonely job :/

Anyway, youre doing great. If you ever need words of encouragement I'm here. We're pretty much in the same boat :)

Kimberly - posted on 03/08/2013

I also want to add that decisions should be made by both people in the relationship. I do not like that he works away and he will not change . To me that's wrong and it's selfish. I tell him I'm stressed, depressed, lonely and he just says you should be happy I'm working. so he's really not caring much about what this is doing to me and our son , who's basically never had a father and I've lived my past 16 years as a single mother with zero hands on help . It's not good for my me but he doesn't change , his jobs more important then his family .

Kimberly - posted on 03/08/2013

It's nice to know I'm not alone. :). I guess I have a "sour" attitude about my relationship. As I explained before it's been 4 years since my husband has been home for longer then 6 weeks. My main problem is that this seems to be a one way support system. You see , he can't really support me and what I need because what I (WIFES) need is help around the house , help raising children, someone to talk to , someone to touch , someone to share activities with...........BUT THAT"S IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO DO. So what's left US supporting THEM and much THEY do. What do they need for support , well they need a wife who's extremely emotionally supportive of them, telling them thank you for working so hard for the family. This WE CAN DO. So I'm basically at the point where I can see that my husbands really not being a father or husband he's just WORKING. Now I say to myself so he WORKING well what's he really doing differently if he wasn't married. NOTHING he's just doing what he's always done which is work. So we sacrifice our lives for their jobs, our jobs and our children and what exactly have they sacraficed????? On the brink of a divorce :(.

Rachael - posted on 03/08/2013

Hi northern mom the reason I say I want it to be his choice is because he was in this job when I met him , he says all the time that if I asked him to leave he would ! Problem is work is scarce at the moment not many jobs at all .
I do trust him its just times of insecurity always pop up when hes at sea and we cant talk . 1 month down 3 to go ha ha anyhow life goes on :) x

Northern - posted on 03/08/2013

Hi, Rachel.

I read your sincere comment and I think it's wonderful that you are acknowledging your insecurities and coming up with coping strategies. Its great that you are focusing on happy moments to carry on through the days. It is a challenging lifestyle on the relationship.

It will be three months till I will see my husband again. He is working away on the pipeline project in Alberta. The kids miss him and so do I, and i have a lot of good days and bad days. I dont have issues with trust. We've happily been married for twelve years. He worked away from home for most part of our marriage, first as a truck driver then as a Teamster. We had many to endure many hardships that tested the strength of our relationship. We are at a point in our relationship where we trust eachother, we try to communicate on a daily basis and are not insecure. I find that constant communication is very important when you have trust issues. Trust strengthens over time and it will get better. You are doing the right thing.

By the way, its also important that you make family decisions. Its not his decision to work away, its both of your decisions because you are both committed to the survival of this relationship...

Rachael - posted on 03/08/2013

My husband works away 4 months at a time I hate it , I would never ask him to leave as this has to be his choice ! Its so hard at times , the kids miss him , I have good days and bad days todays a bad day ha ha .
I was married previously for 14 years , he cheated so as a result im so insecure , luckily my new hubby is understanding and sympathetic to me .
Its hard to balance life and work when your alone and the slightest romance on tv or even seeing couples sets me off .
When you love someone its very hard not to have them around you . He rings alot when hes not at sea , it doesnt get any easier you just learn to live with it and you train your mind like a flip chart when you have your insecure days or your lonely you
Find your mind trains its self to adjust to happy thoughts and to keep busy . Good luck and if ya ever need sympathy im here x

Natasha - posted on 03/05/2013

Hi Rose. We probably all feel the way you do but unfortunately it's not very realistic. In 2011 my husband's contract was ended abruptly and he had to come back to h/o where he earned half of what he used to. I have been working my whole life but could not support the family on my salary. Two weeks after he came back he was in a motorcycle accident breaking his ribs, multiple fractures, etc. He was home for 2 months where I nursed him, worked full time and looked after the kids etc. By now even less money because he does not get sick leave as a contractor. Last year we almost lost our only car, our house and school fees hasn't been paid for a year. We couldn't afford medical aid or insurance, so still had to pay the motorcycle as well. Luckily we do not have additional debt like clothing accounts, etc. This contract he has now has come as a godsend! We have a 5 year plan while our kids are still young which will enable us to pay up the house, the car, school and actually send the kids to university some day (or at least give them a choice) . We skype each other every night and text during the day, he feels loved and we support him any which way we can. You can't possibly say the money is not worth it?? It's not about the money or a bunch of stuff but what the money is taking care off. Have you actually been poor? Nothing to eat, looking your children in the eye when you have to mix milk and water to stretch it? Trying home remedies when the children are sick because medicine are too expensive? The numerous phone calls a day from creditors? Your husbands depression because he can't take care of his family and making him feel less than a man which will eventually turn into resentment because you convinced him to come home. Now he has a choice at least, when you're "poor" he forfeits these choices. It sounds like you and the kids absolutely adore him! So support him, write letters, text and skype if possible as often as possible. I live in South Africa and arranged with one of his co-workers in Madagascar to give him flowers on Valentine's Day (he doesn't even believe in it). I got a picture of him smiling from ear to ear!!! He was extremely impressed (even loved me a bit more I think lol) He never expected me to go through these extremes! Main thing is we are trying to make things work. Do you have a job? Are you contributing in enabling him to come home sooner so that he doesn't feel like he has to work abroad for better money and get a less paid job closer to home? Please do not think I'm at all lashing at you but like I said....we all want our hubbies home like it should be. In reality though we are not doing this to get "rich", we are trying to provide for our family and this is our main priority....oh and not to depend on welfare.

Rose - posted on 03/04/2013

What I am wondering is, at what point do you, as a couple, decide it isn't worth it? I would much, much rather be financially struggling than have my husband gone. He has been working 3 on 1 off in North Dakota for over a year. He feels that he has to keep working there, because the money is good and economy is so bad where we live. But for me, it's not worth it. Our kids need their daddy. I need my husband. I would so much rather be poor! He feels strongly that, as a man, he has to support us in a certain way, but I just don't see it that way at all, I don't know how to make him understand that I would rather have him then a nice house or a bunch of stuff.

Natasha - posted on 02/21/2013

Hi Kimberley! Just catching up....how you doing????

Sharee - posted on 02/15/2013

Hi Leigh,
My hubby started working a 3 week on 1 week off roster out in the mines at Coppabella, CQ in November.. I also work in a mining town with my own business out at Blackwater with family & friends 10 hours away from me in Brisbane.
The first month was the absolute hardest, I was so lost & just didn't know where to start with getting into my own routine without having anyone else to care for - the second month was so much easier as when I seen him again I knew everything was going to be okay & that our relationship is the strongest it's ever been!
Just as I was getting my mind & body on track with health & fitness, finding hobbies (photography) & really coming into my own, I have found out I am pregnant (1st time mum) & as lonely & scary as that is atm we both know that we are working towards providing better future for ourselves & this situation is not forever.
Focus on number one in the meantime hunni, cos that is what is going to make it so much easier - your relationship will grow & distance truly does make the heart grow founder.. It's not easy but will be so worth it :)

Kind Regards, Sharee x

Natasha - posted on 02/13/2013

Hi Kimberley. I understand where you're coming from but after reading your post I think you should start investing time in yourself. It's time for you to make you happy! I know it's difficult but according to your post your son is a big boy now??? Now is the time to start working on the wife your husband is going to come home to. It will be a difficult journey but I'm sure you are up for it??

Natasha - posted on 02/13/2013

Hi, been together 11 years (married 2) and have 1 daughter 8 y. Hubby currently working 11/2 from next rotation 6/2 (phew, but still). New contract after a year at home. Doesn't help bickering to and fro, heh? We are all in the same situation...I find that skyping every night as a family truly helps. Then there is definitely ways to keep your sex life alive (wink wink). He works in Madagascar and I am in South Africa so the network is awful sometimes, but still.....
We were in a lot of financial trouble last year and almost lost house, car, etc. Now finally we're in the position to dream again..saving up for our own little lodge in the African bush... This contract came as a godsend! For this to work out you both have to be in the right mindset. I recently decided that I am not going to sit in a corner and cry. I am now learning how to cook from recipes!! The challenge is to prepare a meal in less than 35min and it should still look the same as the picture...(I am domestically challenged). I REALLY miss him preparing meals for us every night!! And last but not least.......We have started OUR own dildo and vibrator collection (again Wink Wink). I send him an e-mail everyday with a love message (and sometimes a picture of one I'm interested in) . He is absolutely NOT the romantic kind and hates talking about his feelings, but since working away he is becoming more and more assertive re that. Trust me, he also feels alone and misses his family but as a "man" he cannot show it..
Now.....are there any gals out there who can help me drop a size before he's home end March??????

Kimberly - posted on 02/08/2013

Not trying to "complain" but come on it get's old being married for 17 years and sleeping alone, eating alone, going to family events alone, raising kids alone and for what a pay check and I'm suppose to bow down and kiss the ground because I have a roof over my head. I don't have anyone to touch , to talk to , to sleep with , to help me, to be with and to have a relationship with. Yes I'm grateful and maybe that's why we stay because we feel quilty because we know they are just working but who can wake up day after day after day and feel happy when they only see their mates 3 or 4 times a year??? I honestly think it's a very hard thing to deal with and I've been really depressed and lonely for years . If being happy my husband works is enough to make someone happy then I commend them!

Northern - posted on 02/08/2013

I applaud your message VIesta because It's about time mothers stop playing the victims and take responsibility for their decisions in the family.
I have been married for more than eleven years now. My husband is a Teamster working for months away in the oil sands. Prior to that, he was a long haul truck driver. NEVER have I thought about being neglected and taking my anger and frustrations out on him! I have always thought - we are in this together! It's not like he was enjoying himself when he was a truck driver! Imagine driving for twelve hours straight with no access to a public washroom. Imagine sleeping in the back of a truck, showering at gas stations, driving through blizzards and thunderstorms day and night with sometimes only three hours of sleep. It's a lonely world, the life of a truck driver yet NO ONE talks about THAT...
When my husband became a Teamster, we both knew what we headed ourselves in. It was a family decision, that means we were BOTH responsible for it. We thought about having our debts paid off and about saving money for our retirement. We thought about being able to pay for our three daughters college and university degrees.

My husband is currently working on the pipeline in Alberta and will be back in two months. He spends his evening in camp, in a room the size of a shoe box. He has no access to town or anything. Do you think that's a glamorous lifestyle ??? At least we get to be home, surrounded by our children and family.

My husband works hard so that I can have the PRIVILEDGE to be a stay at home mother. I am grateful for having such a devoted husband who sacrifices his time away so that our children have all the necessities in life. When he comes home, he showers us with love and attention. He is a real man and i will never take him for granted!

My advice to these mothers ?

Take a look around you, we live in increasingly unstable economic times. Appreciate the simple things in life like a roof over your head and food on the table.

Viesta - posted on 02/06/2013

I do not understand any of you complaining that your husband is working away, working here, working there, you are missing the most important part of it all, YOUR HUSBANDS are working, not for their peace of mind, NOT because they want a new toy, NOT because they are shoveling money into a secret offshore banking account, NOT because they want to stuff clothes away in a walk in dream closet somewhere! And so on, they are working for YOU, their KIDS and themselves so ALL of you as a family can benefit. So the kids do not have to wonder where the next meal is coming from or where do we sleep at night, or where there be presents under the tree for Christmas this year. It is a HUGE adjustment for the FAMILY yes, it is not easy on you, the kids or him, but as time goes by it DOES become your new normal. Instead of whining or crying or singing the blues of POOR ME, do something... if there are enough of you living in one area, have a luncheon each month, where you have a Mom's day out, or meet at a park, or take the time to get out a camera to make your husband a photo album of family moments while he is away.... there are so, there is so much more you can do then sit on a computer and sing the blues! Have some self respect and respect for what your man does for all of YOU!

Viesta - posted on 02/06/2013

I do not understand any of you complaining that your husband is working away, working here, working there, you are missing the most important part of it all, YOUR HUSBANDS are working, not for their peace of mind, NOT because they want a new toy, NOT because they are shoveling money into a secret offshore banking account, NOT because they want to stuff clothes away in a walk in dream closet somewhere! And so on, they are working for YOU, their KIDS and themselves so ALL of you as a family can benefit. So the kids do not have to wonder where the next meal is coming from or where do we sleep at night, or where there be presents under the tree for Christmas this year. It is a HUGE adjustment for the FAMILY yes, it is not easy on you, the kids or him, but as time goes by it DOES become your new normal. Instead of whining or crying or singing the blues of POOR ME, do something... if there are enough of you living in one area, have a luncheon each month, where you have a Mom's day out, or meet at a park, or take the time to get out a camera to make your husband a photo album of family moments while he is away.... there are so, there is so much more you can do then sit on a computer and sing the blues! Have some self respect and respect for what your man does for all of YOU!

Gabriela - posted on 01/29/2013

Hey Nick,

I totally understand how you feel. I have been with my husband since i was 21 and have been together for 17 years now. I kind of grew up i guess you would say in this business. He builds mega projects all over the world....and he loves doing it and travelling. I love travelling too so most of the time i went with him up until we had kids. When we had our first son he left us for 6 months and that was very difficult. I had alot of resentment and anger, we almost broke up, but decided to work things out. He then came home and it wasn't until almost two years later that he was going again... this time not too far from home, only an hours drive, but he was still living there 5 days a week... and again i was stuck doing everything. Again, very difficult. We fought a lot and I withdrew from him. He was oblivious to it of course... and i got angrier that he didn't even notice. It seemed like nothing I did would get his attention. In his mind there was no choice, even though there was....and he just kind of dealt with the punches i was throwing at him and he moved on. I got to the point that i stopped fighting it or wanting his attention. I did my own thing and he did his. We saw eachother on weekends only and even then i took that time to go out and do my own thing. It was not a great life, very sad in fact. And then i came to the conclusion that i either had to accept things the way they were or move on from him. I realized that my feelings for him were fading and i decided at that point that i didn't want that. I did not want our relationship to end so i decided to talk to him and let him know exactly how i felt. It was no surprise to him at all. He too had been feeling the distance between us and did not like it... he was afraid that i would move on and find someone new... which by the way almost happened. So we talked, had a serious conversation and i told him i couldn't or would not live a life apart. I did not sign up for a life alone and raising my kids on my own. I told him that i would rather be totally alone, as in not married, than alone and married. He got scared and made a decision right there and then. He informed his boss that he was going to finish the job and then he would no longer take jobs away from home. Well, he has taken jobs away from home since, it's hard not to in his business, however, he has not gone anywhere without us since. He sat me down and talked to me and told me that he wants to travel with his job but that he would not go anywhere without me and the kids. So if it meant taking a job that payed less but he was home he was going to do it. This didn't happen of course... we move with him from now on wherever he goes. He is now, however, very much in control in his career so he can pick and chose which jobs he wants to build and where it might be a nice place for the family to have an adventure at. Things are much better now.... but they were touch and go for a while. I dont know how it is with people whose husbands go to remote locations and cant take families.....i think that if you are in that situation you really have to come clean with your feelings to your husband and really know for sure what it is that you are willing to put up with. Living alone is not fun, or raising kids on your own, i think its more frustrating when you have someone who is supposed to be there to share all the responsibilities with you but is technically not able to. All i can say is decide what you are willing to live with, and if its only a temporary move can you hold on? Everyone threshold is different... mine was very small...and thankfully my husband realized he stood to lose alot if his lifestyle did not change. Now it is all or nothing... he doesnt even ask me if he can go away to work. He asks if its a good move for us and the kids, if not he doesnt consider it. Good luck to you, your very young and should not be unhappy and alone. Communication is the best thing you can do, talk to your husband. He may not even know how awful you actually feel if you have been keeping your feelings to yourself. Hope everything goes well with you.

Nick - posted on 01/29/2013

my husband left today for work.He will be gone for 12 months.I have two small children.I am so sad and heart broken.How do you get over not seen you husband for 12 months.He seemed fine when he was leaving not as upset as me.How do you stop urself feeling mad that all the house,kids and the bills are now left up to you.We have been together 14 years it feel like i have lost part of my life.I dont have too many friends or family.Any advice to stop me turning in to a sad bitter person.I am 30 years old.

Kimberly - posted on 01/25/2013

Gabriela,
I know how you feel too !! I get very resentful and angry that I have to do "EVERYTHING" when it comes to child raising and doing all family events alone, sleeping alone, no help around the house, etc....when I do talk to my husband about my feels he just says he misses us to but that he's just working hard to support us and that I knew his profession when we got married. The film industry is such a hard business because there is no schedule most of the time and when he does come home we never know for how long because he can literally get a cal and he's gone for many many many months. I'm tired I've been with him since I was 29 now I'm 45. I love that I trust him and how hard he works but I feel so lonely and I get very resentful that he only has to work and I work full time and do all the kid / house stuff. It's so so hard , I have tried to get a divorce from him but I guess I'm so used to our relationship that trying to start over seems worse then being alone and sticking it out. Our son will be leaving for college in two years so I guess I am trying to convince myself that "someday" we will be together. I get really upset thinking about him with someone else and that person being able to get all the benefits of all the hard work I've put in for 17 years. I know he loves me and our son but I feel so very neglected I'm not sure what to and I've spent so many years unhappy and lonely. I fear letting go of him.......then I'd really be alone :(. I am not sure what to do anymore.

Gabriela - posted on 01/25/2013

Hi Leigh,

My husband has worked away alot throughout our relationship and it is hard, I'm not going to lie. But there are good things that come out of it. Your bond will be tighter cause when you do see each other you will cherish every moment together and not waste it fighting over stupid little things.

I do have to tell you though, that it has taken time to get to this point. When he first started going away it was really hard on our relationship especially after we had kids. I began to feel alot of resentment towards him and the situation. I didnt know what to do with my feelings because intellectually i knew that i shouldnt be mad because he was making money for us. However it didnt make the feelings go away. I felt alot like a single parent and i didnt like that at all. We had to find new ways to communicate and do it very often. He tried to be involved as much as possible. It was hard for him too as he felt alot of guilt for being away and when both people are feeling things that they feel might make the other person mad it is easier to just not talk. Be careful that this does not happen to you. If you dont want your relationship to suffer you must communicate to him all the feelings you are having. Hiding them or keeping them to yourself is not good and even dangerous.

My husband had not worked away for 7 years up until now. We both came to the decision that it was too hard on our relationship so if he went away to work we would go with him. But now the situation made it so that he is away again and im struggling with the same feelings of loneliness and resentment. The only advice i can give you is share all your thoughts and feelings with him, if you cant be physically together, try harder to be emotionally closer, this is the only way that your relationship will stay healthy.

I hope i helped a little bit... hang in there it gets easier. And your lucky its only a few months at a time, my husband might be moving to Kuwait for a 5 years !!!! i have no idea of whether to go with him or stay???

good luck

Kimberly - posted on 01/23/2013

I've been married to someone who works in the film industry and who has been traveling doing TV shows for the past 4 years with no schedule. We have a child who is 16. My husband has never been home , when we first got married he traveled to China and Egypt for 4 months at a time. During the past 4 years he has been to numerous states filming. He has not spent more then 6 weeks at our house since 2009. I've been doing this for literally 17 years. I would always feel like we needed the money for our son or to pay off bills or to buy a house so I felt like I needed to be grateful to have a husband who has such a good job that we could afford to pay bills and send our child to private school. I trusted him but I also became very lonely and miserable , imagine having to spend years and years and years being married but alone. I also would never know when he was coming home because his job was based on TV ratings and we would have to wait to see how they were before we would know if his job would continue. He's currently in LA working I'm not sure if I want to do this anymore it' snot normal and I'm starting to feel like I've wasted so much of my life spending it alone and lonely . I've had zero help with child raising. It's depressing :(.

Ann - posted on 12/09/2012

Hi, yah we're in theysame situation actually my husband works 2 months offshore then 1 month at home. Its hard but im still here....We have to be strong and give them the full support. I marry him now imarry his job too. He got 2 lives me and his job and i fully understand that. Try and keep busy as u can. We dont have kids yet and im just really a housewife.

Kathy - posted on 12/03/2012

Hi, I am online looking for a mom support group. I have 2 children 4 and 8 months, my husband works 85 plus hours a week, 2 jobs, til 1030pm at night and weekends. It's so hard, although he does come home everynight, I'm usually asleep and asleep when he leaves in the morning too. I'm here to talk if you need to. hugs.

CarrieRae - posted on 10/28/2012

yep.. Mine is gone 6-9 weeks at a time. He's been doing this for 3 years now..Stay positive and don't complain. That's my only advise:)

Ashley - posted on 10/17/2012

Ashley Negretti, There is no reason to be so rude. If this is not the forum for you then kindly just don't post. Your life is the one you and your spouse signed up for. We're all here to support one another, clearly you're not supportive in this at all. Please find a forum for military wives.

Ashley - posted on 10/15/2012

WOW you should try being an ARMY WIFE we are about to go through our first deployment which is for AT LEAST NINE FULL MONTHS no breaks imbetween... toughen up at least you get to see your husband!

Leila - posted on 09/27/2012

my husband and I have only been married for 4 months, and now he has been posted in the ivory coast doing 5/4 (five weeks on 4 weeks off), i have always know it was coming but i never thought is would be this hard, i guess that i feel that i have just lost my husband and especially best friend and i miss him

Kelly - posted on 09/15/2012

Yes, I am dealing with this now. My husband is a tech who was laid off and found the quickest job he could because we just had our first baby. This new job is horrible. He is sent away for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, comes home for 1 day and sent back to far away states. Then when he is there, the company is so cheap they just give him 40 hours a week so he literally is in a hotel on the weekends with nothing to do. We are miserable. I have to go to family functions alone, come home to an empty house. I also work full-time so I never see my child. Something has to give. Pray for us please!

Heidi - posted on 09/02/2012

My husband works away for between 1 and 2 weeks at a time and is home for max 5 days each time. He's been doin it for a few years now so I'm more used to it now than I was at the start. I find I need to keep myself busy a lot. I study, so that helps a little, but going to bed at night is the WORST! I use self hypnosis and meditation tracks on my iPod to fall asleep and I keep my easle up all the time to paint out my feeling.

Try to do something to keep u busy. And keep in touch with each other, even if it's just text messages. Any kind of communication helps. The last thing u want to do is get depressed. I have been there and it was horrible. If u think u need help to deal with feelings and emotions, get it ASAP.

I hope this helps!

Heidi

Sue - posted on 06/15/2012

My husband also works away from home several weeks per year. What I find hardest is the lack of sleep that inevitably happens. After two weeks of getting awakened earlier than normal (hub is on early morning duty when he's home) and needing a long time at night to wind down fom crazy non-stop activity for 16 hours or so, I have trouble falling asleep and then I get awakened early again. It's a vicious circle. I start not being able to react in my usual, normal way when people talk to me at work, and it's because I'm exhausted. I value the esteem I have managed to earn from my colleagues, and that gets diminished when I am so strung out with work, driving almost 50 miles a day the commute to various child care places and work, that I just have to throw my hands up and call it good if no one is injured or sick. This is not ideal for the kids, and it's not good for me. "I make it work," is hardly satisfactory. It is just reality.