do u trust whrn there away?

Kelli - posted on 04/21/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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So its almost time for my hubby to head back to north dakota and im feeling sick about it. I hear all these storeys of men he works with chrating on.there wifes keeping seperate checkinh accounts to go to mens clubs and bars so there wives wont find out ect. I cant help to worry that im at home taking care of our daughter and the bad things that can happen out there. Anyone go through this? Im praying but the thought of hin having free will scares the hell out of me.i feel the need to spy then not bc i want to trust him.

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Lady - posted on 11/06/2012

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The way I see it is there are plenty of people, men and women alike who react to stressful situations inappropriately. To pose another question here, how many of you feel like porn is cheating? When our Men are away from us for 2 weeks at a time and they are surrounded by other men using porn, prostitutes, and lap dances as a means to relieve the stress of the job, married men can get caught up in that mentality too. It's human nature to act the way others around you are acting. With that said, I strongly believe every human being has the responsibility to keep him/her self in check regardless of the environment we are living/working in. Marriage vows come first! Commitment to marriage and family is the whole reason he is away working and we are keeping the home fires burning. If you have feelings that he isn't being entirely honest with you, then check his laptop and cellphone for clues. Tell him how much you miss him when he is away, be loving, kind and supportive until there's a REASON not to be. Remind him what waits for him at home and let him know it will always be there unless he mistreats it.

Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you and misses you,

because one day you might find you lost the moon while reaching for the stars.

Erica - posted on 04/24/2012

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Don't worry yourself for no reason! If he hasn't given you any reason to be suspicious, then you shouldn't worry about him cheating. I continually remind myself the same thing. My boyfriend has known nothing else but long distance relationships for the past 20 years so he knows how to deal with it. I'm new at this long distance stuff.

If you have trust and honesty in your relationship then you should be fine. Don't go thinking about things that may never happen. Because, that will only make you question him and accuse him when he's acutally being faithful to you. If you become jealous and accuse him of cheating that may push him away.

Try to talk to him as often as you can and video chat if you can. Talk about the kids and the good times that you two have had together and how much you miss him. I hope things go well for you both.

Good luck hun,

Erica

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Jessica - posted on 04/02/2013

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I'm sorry. My husband works in Florida and we live in Texas, so I know what you're going through. We pray, take things day by day, have rules about behavior..for example, no hotels when he travels ( He is military on a ship). I also check the bank account and phone records from time to time just to put my mind at ease.

Kristin - posted on 11/05/2012

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I never said all I said most men will cheat when unhappy. I believe happy people do not cheat . I also said that men worry while they are away as well and that one can not worry about whether or not their spouse is cheating. I do agree with you that there are a lot of different factors of why people cheat but there needs to be Trust in a relationship especially when working away from home

Nicki - posted on 11/05/2012

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@ kristin i agree with you till a a few points. Not every man who cheat is unhappy or have a Cheating wife at home. If men have a opportunity to cheat and they believe they won't get caught then they take a risk. But there are a lot of factor WHY a Husband cheat. Think about it when they are away for weeks around single man. Or he is in the midlife crises need to know if he still have it. So cheating have nothing to do with being unhappy or with a unfaithful wife. It has only to do whit the man and his issues. When somebody is unhappy then he is unhappy regardless of being married or single.

Leslie - posted on 10/09/2012

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It's really hard when they work in ND. The two weeks on, two weeks off, instead of the usual one week on, one week off takes it toll. First off, the travel expenses are nearly double. So the money seems like it's great, until the travel expenses are added up. Then, what you have is one stressed out mom/wife dealing with the added stress of being solo for twice the time, and a man who is still really only making about the same he was in Colorado or Wyoming or Texas....but thinks he has improved the overall situation because his pay stub says so. The reality is that he is away longer and bringing home about the same money. The mother/wife is so stressed out that her mind can barely function by the end of the hitch. Then she looks at the pay stubs and the bank statements and starts to wonder....why is so much money being spent while he's on the road? Combine that with the loneliness and fatigue on the part of the wife....and misguided arrogance on the part of the worker, and you've a got a recipe for trouble. North Dakota is the new boom town. Whenever a town is the new boom, wages go up, but right along side of the wages, the cost of living goes up too. It's a false inflation that leads people to believe that times are high, when in reality they are about the same, with the only boom being stress on the family structure.



The bottom line is that the oil field life is a hard life. I am so glad to have found a forum of women like me to at least have some sort of support! Good luck and warm wishes!

Denise - posted on 09/07/2012

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Although you shouldn't worry... As much as appreciate the feed back, I feel the same!!! The pictures of sunflowers and him on the rig don't add up all the time when I get duplicate photos!!!

Kristin - posted on 05/23/2012

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You can not worry about things like that. Keep in mind your hibby is working away to give you and your children a better life. Yes some men cheat on their wives and they most always get caught and the only way to keep your sanity is to have good communication with one another and keep in mind also the same thoughts go through the mens heads too. I have known plenty of wives who have affairs when there hubby is away. Honesty, communication, and trust must be there or you marriage will never work while he is working away. And honey if a man wants to cheat he will cheat regardless of whether or not he is working at home or away, Feeling the need to spy on your hubby is not good and you must not succumb to it. If you feel you cant trust him than you need to tell him that and maybe he will need to look for a job closer to home. I know i certainly would not like my bf spying on me when he is gone. SPying and mistrust creates doubts in any relationship and you will create things in your head which are not even true and this will end up hurting you and your hubby as well as your children. Enjoy your life and time with your kids and forget about worrying whether or not your hubby us cheating, It is hard i know but you will make yourself crazy with worry and doubt. if need bt get a part time job or join some play groups in your community to help keep you from worrying, I find that making me happy keeps the doubts at bay and is better for my relationship with my bf and my kids. I believe what is mean to be will be and that truth always comes out so until the day comes that you have proof your hubby has cheated dont worry about it. Most married men do no cheat on their wives and the ones that are cheating while away usually are not happily married and have wives that are cheating as well. So be strong be positive and live for you and your kids and remember he is WORKING to give you and your daughter a good life and after a long days work cheating is usualloy the last thing on their minds.

Brandi - posted on 04/25/2012

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I completely understand because my husband had to work in Africa for a month at a time, and I heard all kinds of stories about the men he worked with. One of his friends got a woman pregnant in Africa while his wife was at home pregnant taking care of their first child!!!!!!!!!!!!! You may have nothing to worry about, but understand that when your man (my man or any man at that) is out with their buddies and possibly getting wasted they are vulnerable. There are a lot of homewreckers out there waiting to dig their claws into what you have so you need to protect what you've got. If you feel something is not right then you should check it out because it is not right for you to have to stay at home and stress yourself out over it. Piece of mind is always nice...

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