Husband has a new job and expecting me to move to a different state?

Sarah - posted on 02/25/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My husband got a good job out in west virginia and is making really good money. We are from michigan and that is where i still am with our to children. Before he took the job i knew he was going to be out there for three weeks at a time and i agreed to move if that was the case. Well know it is and i am having second thoughts about leaving my life , family, friends and everything i know. I really love my husband and wanna do whats best for my children. What should i do? Can someone help?

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Jen - posted on 11/13/2013

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I have been in this situation. I moved to a different province for my husband's work with a newborn and.3 year old and have never been more unhappy. I miss having my own life and friends as well as our kids having their cousins, friends and family.

I am moving back to our home city to raise our kids and when my husband is transferable he will come home. I think in our society we think only about our family's happiness and forget our own as mothers and wives which is crazy because we are the heart and glue that keeps our family going. I really love my husband and will hate being apart but I miss my happiness and myself. I think when we as wives and moms aren't happy, no one really is and our family misses out on the best of us. I believe I'm doing the right thing but always feel guilty and question myself.

Ella - posted on 01/19/2014

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my husband would not move to the city that I had a full-time management position when we married. I had to move to where he worked. Now he is working in a different state and he expects me to move again to where he is, which is in the middle of nowhere. My advice is something I wish I would have done, don't go. You will forever regret it

Ashley - posted on 03/05/2010

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I can tell you that eventhough you are states away and you will miss your family it doesn´t mean that you have to give them up. I have moved to another country to be with my husband and I have realized that eventhough I love my mom and dad and brothers and sisters... they are not MY family that I have to worry about. The ones I have to worry about and take care of are the ones that I brought into my life which are the ones that I promised to take care of even if that means making sacrifices. Talk with your husband and see if there is a way that you and him together can make a decision for your family. Please don´t make a hasty decision... those are what you will regret later.
p.s. your kids need both mommy and daddy.

Stephanie - posted on 08/06/2010

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You didn't say whether he was working in the oilfields and whether you would get to see him or not during his working rotation. If you don't, then don't move. It is so important to have a support structure when our husbands are away. While moving there would show him support, if you don't get to see him, then all you are doing is making yourself unhappy. And, unfortunately, when we are unhappy, we take it out on those that are closest to us. Would it be worth the resentment that could occur should you move and become potentially unhappy? Wouldn't it be better to be surrounded by your securities while he was gone and then appreciate him tremendously when he comes home? Sometimes, the time apart can strengthen a relationship.

Thebarbers12 - posted on 08/28/2014

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This is a super old post. But I am about to go through this, except my husband is moving for an oilfield job in Montana, and he has been unemployed for 9 months. Surprise! I'm also 3 months pregnant with a 2.5 year old already and an EXTREMELY rocky marriage at best. He will be gone 10 days at a time, home for 4, and I don't want to go, but he's threatening to divorce me if I don't and take our son. Fun times.

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Lisa - posted on 11/08/2014

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What did you do? I am faced with same decision and background as you. Only he is threatening divorce just getting low paying job and be miserable. Ugh.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/19/2011

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Don't be scared to move. You can always come back! And moving has taught me sooooooooo much. I moved every 3 months growing up and although sometimes it was hard, I got to see and experiance LOTS of different things! If I were you, I would embrace it and try it at least! :D

Raychel - posted on 04/19/2011

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I just moved from Texas to PA with my husband and our son. We are away from everyone and everything we know. However I still talk to my friends via facebook or texts and I video chat with my parents and sisters at least once a week. And we call each other every other day if not daily. I mean its tough beinging away from them but it was harder beinging away from my husband. We have already set our vacation times to every 6 months. And my parents have already come up here for a visit once even though it was very breif we enjoyed it. Really it is up to you if you want to move.

Jennifer - posted on 03/24/2011

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I am just contemplating a similar situation. Have you had a chance to visit the new town where you are thinking of moving to? (I haven't yet.) That might help you picture a possible new life. I think the ages of the kids makes a big difference. The younger they are, the easier it is for them to adjust. My son is 14 and has always lived in the same neighbourhood, so moving him is a big deal. I also think from a mom's point of view, the younger the kids, the harder the adjustment because you really need that support network!
I would certainly wait until your husband has been at his job long enough that he is past any probationary period before you pull up roots!

Coralee - posted on 10/27/2010

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moved a ton of times in the same situation - it is hard but it has always been the best thing for my family

Dawn - posted on 10/21/2010

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My husband got a job being a contractor for shell in Pa and we live in Tx until christmas. We have been there to visit him and look for a house. It is very hard being so far away from him, but it's hard to rip your children away from all they have known for the last 4 years also. But we are not from Tx and dont have family here, so it's not as hard for us. Good luck and God bless.

Coralee - posted on 08/17/2010

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16 moves in 23 years...it is hard but every move has been a blessing for my family and me. No regrets ever for following my husbands work.

Ashley - posted on 08/14/2010

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Sarah, im in the same boat my husband just got a job in ND and we live in Wisconsin. My husband is already working out in ND and our house is for sale here in Wisconsin. Im here with my 2 kids as well. all of my family and friends and some of my husbands family is here in wisconsin. My husband does have some family in ND but isn't as close to them as i am with my family. I know its going to be hard by my family is preparing, my mom and my sister have bought cameras for there computers so we can video chat and can see the kids and our kids can see them and won't forget them for they are only 3 and 1. i hope for the best for you and your family and everything will fall into place, that is what im told daily.

Sarah - posted on 02/27/2010

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It's really hard to move away from everything and everyone. I think that you need to talk with your husband and figure out how the two of you feel about this. I also know it's so hard to be apart for long periods of time. Especially when they are in a job where they could spend time with their family when they are not at work. No, it's not a lot of time when they are working, but it makes a difference. My husband worked 3 hours away from us (he was gone 5 days a week) and after a year of that we wound up moving to where he worked. It was very hard on us as a family to have so little time together. I have moved from Wyoming to Louisiana - twice - because of my husband's work. It is a HUGE adjustment, but one that can be well worth it for your marriage and family. I'm probably sounding preachy and I don't mean to. :) One last thought... You have family and friends to get you through the time that he is gone.... he's stuck there with no one. Ultimately you have to do what is going to be best for your family. Good luck with it and I wish you guys the best no matter what you decide. :)

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