Single moms vs. Moms w/ oilfield dads?

Jenna - posted on 04/07/2013

I don't know if it would be harder to be a single Mom or be a working oilfield Mom, because they would be the same thing except for the marriage certificate. I guess I assume oilfield wives stay at home if they have little kids. I tell people I'm a Married-Single Mother, but I can't imagine working and doing school/daycare/activities and still cook and clean and not go crazy. I don't think a stay-at-home-mom with a Man at work earning the living can compare themselves to a single parent raising and supporting children alone.

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Ashley - posted on 01/11/2013

i dont see a difference between single moms and oilfield moms, we do everything on our own, my hubby was at home maybe 3 weeks in my sons first year so that makes it seem like a single mom to me, they only difference there is, is a finical difference


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Crystal - posted on 12/03/2012

Oh and I'm truly thankful he has a job when so many don't! Count your blessings ladies!!!

Kayla - posted on 10/05/2012

I was a single mom for 3 years and then I met my boyfriend. I work a full time job an hour away from home and it is really hard when hes gone but when he is home he takes care of everything in our home. I'm so blessed to have him and his kids in our lives.

Carol - posted on 11/28/2011

When your an oil feild wife you are practical a single mom. My husband worked for Weatherford, at one time he worked 72 days staight, took three off and went back to work. He is supposted to get 30/10 or 15/5 never once got that. He now works for MI Swaco, a divison of Schlumberge and he has signed up for training, he isnt sure if he is going yet, so he can advance in his company. I am extreamly proud of my husband, I dont even think it can be measured. When he worked for Weatherford, we lived about 2 miles from his parents. During the time he was gone i never got a call to check and see how me and the kids where, unless he called them and asked if i had been out. I am an introvert, and i dont like going where i know i am not welcomed and would rahter be left alone, however it would have been nice to have gotten some help. Yes I could have asked them, but i didn't want to impose since they aren't my biological family, and even then i most likely wouldnt have asked, propably wouldn't have had to.

Angela - posted on 11/06/2011

I feel so alone and so overwhelmed, I live 15 hours away from family and have no help, with a 2 1/2 year old and 7 month old.... I am so run down, help, anyone in my shoes?

Paula - posted on 01/20/2010

I have never been a single mom but I have friends who are and in my opinion being a single mom would be much more difficult!



I am very blessed that my husband makes enough money for me to be a stay at home mom! We have been married 19 years and have 3 kids, 18, 16, and 13. It was a lot harder on me when my kids were babies than it is now as teenagers ( yes I am blessed.....I have wonderful teenagers!) I think it is harder on my husband now because he misses alot of school and sport activities,and he realizes, now that my daughter is in college, that they grow up way to fast!



I absolutely love my life! None of my friends understand this life because none of them have husbands in the oilfield.....I try to explain.......think about being able to do whatever you want ( within reason! lol ), whenever you want for 2 - 3 weeks and then having your husband come home....."missed you soooo much sex"; honey do's done, daddy time with the kids and just family time for a week or 2 and then start all over! I think I have the best life ever!

Dallas - posted on 12/01/2009

My husband works in the oil field also, he has been in the field for 20 years and has worked his way up to being a consultant for several different companies. We have been married for 10 years and have three children all together. There have been times it has been difficult for us before becoming a consultant two years ago he worked a schedule of only everyother weekend off so he was gone all the time. He would get in most nights after midnight then back up before five in the morning and gone again. there was a lot of nights he didn't even get to come home. Now that he is consulting I though it would be better hours but really it is worse he is gone more and does not have set days off at all. last year at this time he worked for three months straight with out a day off. It did get a little old at times but we began to just thank God that he does have a job and is able to support our family and I can stay home with the kids. We have just decided to homeschool our two young children that way when he is shipped off out of state for weeks at a time we can go with him and not have to be away from each other for so long of a period of time. There are always options when you are a oil field wife yes at time you do feel like a single mother but with support and a strong family foundation you can push through it and enjoy the times you do get to have together just remember what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger you are teaching your children how to be a strong mother and handle what comes your way.

Lora - posted on 11/14/2009

Quoting Brieana:

I love this group! Oilfield wife is better if they are never home! My hubby took a job close to home that doesnt pay well. I now have extra housework and pain in the butt hubby around. I love him to pieces, but now feel like I have an extra kid. Could you imagine what they would say in a facebook group about us though? Lol.

LOL, O Brieana, I thought I was the ONLY one who felt that way!! lol, thanks for posting!

It can get really lonely and it is hard to get used to the hubby being gone, but MSN, Skype, the phone... probibly did more for our relationship than being 'together' much of the time! First, he actually TALKS on the phone, lol, not staring at the tv...we can get through a discussion and I have the option of hanging up if he gets me mad, lol. Over these 14+ years with him gone I've discovered many plus's...cleaner house, things were I LIKE them, rules I MAKE, the kids couldnt run from one to another and manipulate all the time, I had the 'say'...gosh, I like that. When he comes home there is so much adjustments to make, things MOVE to places I cant find them, I have to pass things 'through' him that I would have just made the decison myself..no arguments! It gets to the point days off are long enough and spring break up lasts TOO long once the holiday is over. lol. Dont get me wrong, I love my hubby as much as the next wife, but there are plus's! When we retire we will get enough of each other and re adjust..but for now, it works well. lol.

Lora - posted on 11/14/2009

Hi Ladies

I raised my first child as a single mom and hard wasn't the word, it at times was impossibly hard, but mostly that was for financial reasons. For the most part being married to a rigger and raising a child was/is allot like being a single parent, though easier since finances weren't my major issue ( now that the oil work has crashed it's another story all together), the loneliness is harder this time around.

My last is in college away from home now, empty nest AND dealing with a hubby who's work takes him away months at a time, I also work from home so there isn't the colleagues outside of work to count on that daily change of scenery.
I do however appreciate the fact I have learned to deal with anything, I have found strength and ingenuity/creativity and stamina I wonder if I'd ever known I had. Times and situations were sometimes hard to get through, but at least I had that nightly phone call to talk things through with that I didnt have being single, and that paycheque in the bank has been a blessing.
At first it was hard, but over the years it got allot easier, especially the older the kids got. I feel for those who have small children and the daddies are away for extended holes, but it is better than being single I think. Reaching out to groups like this can be really helpful to new rigger mom's, we have to stick together.

Lee - posted on 11/14/2009

There isn't too much difference between a single mom and an oilfield mom.... i've been doing it for about 10 years now and it doesn't get easier.... if anything it gets harder as the kids grow older. My oldest is 16 (girl) and youngest is 14(boy). My 14 year old is a handfull because he hasn't had any male role models in his life. Its like what i say doesn't matter because i am always here. I might have answers if you have any questions. Oh and my husband is usually gone anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months and only home for either a weekend or 1 week. Any longer than that and i want to kill him because he feels the need to change the systems that i had in place. But .... i miss him all the same...

Toni - posted on 10/30/2009

I defenitely feel like a single mom. My husband has worked in the oil field for the past 5 years. He recently took a job in pennsylvania where he's gone 4 weeks and home for 1 week. But I know this is much easier than a single mom. Even though I don't have help around the house, I also don't have to take all of the financial burden on myself. And I get to run my house the way I want, without having to explain it. Its defenitely an adjustment, but it does get easier with time.

Brieana - posted on 10/28/2009

I love this group! Oilfield wife is better if they are never home! My hubby took a job close to home that doesnt pay well. I now have extra housework and pain in the butt hubby around. I love him to pieces, but now feel like I have an extra kid. Could you imagine what they would say in a facebook group about us though? Lol.

Amanda - posted on 10/27/2009

I am an oilfield wife. I have never been a single mom, but I was raised by one and she did the best she could, but I know it was never, ever easy. I do sometimes feel like a single parent in that my husband works very long days (gone by 5:30 am and not home most nights till 7, 8, or sometimes 9 pm or later), but at least he gets to be home almost every night. He does work away sometimes, and once my 2 girls and I get over the initial heartbreak, it seems like it gets easier. I can run the house my way, and on my schedule (which sometimes means doing dishes at 1 am if that's when I feel like it lol).



It is a hard life because almost all of the home respponsibilties are up to me, but I feel that I am one of the lucky ones. I have a wonderful husband who sacrifices a lot so that my girls and I can have a beautiful home, nice things, and not have to worry about how the bills will get paid. I do wish we had more time together, just he and I and as a family. He has no set schedule so his days off are few and far between. It is also really hard to plan anything in advance, if he is going to be included. We do have the hope that we will be able to afford an early semi-retirement for him, but by then our girls will ba all grown up.



He and I have been together since I was 14 (now 29) and have been married for 8 years. I have become an independant woman in many ways. If I want to do something (camping, boating and fishing with the girls, day trips to the zoo, whatever) I have to pack things up, 5th wheel and boat included, and go. I love that I can do these things, and it is because of him and his dedication to providing a good life for us, that I can.



There are of course things that are more than annoying about the patch, but overall I am thankful for a loving, supportive husband who enables me to be home with my girls, nuturing and watching them grow.



I do sometimes get a little crazy when the girls are acting out and making a mess and all that "comes with the territory" stuff, but I have to remember to make a little time for myself, and that he is dealing with all kinds of stress I can't even begin to understand either.



So, in the Single Mom vs. Patch Wife debate, I definitely think that we patch wives have the better situation. I can't imagine having to work to pay all the bills and still find time and energy to be the mom I want to be. Kudos to the single mom's out there who are courageous enough to take on the world and are still good mothers to their children. It is a hard and daunting task (as I said, my mother did it, and unfortunately my sister is now a single mom of 5/ex patch wife), and the strength you all have is admirable. Keep your chins up and don't be afraid to ask for help, especially when it's so you can have some time for yourselves. ;)

Sarah - posted on 10/26/2009

I was a single mom (at 17) for two months. Not a lot of time, but enough for me to know that I couldn't provide for my child in the way I would like to. My husband (who is my children's biological father) and I worked things out and I moved 1700 miles from home and got initiated into the life of an oil field wife 2 days later.... I hated it! As time has gone on, I have come to love it. We have done 7/7 and 14/14. He's been 14/14 for the last 9 years. We look at it this way... what other job pays like this and gives you 6 months off per year? It still sucks in a lot of ways. It seems that everything bad happens when he's gone and I have to deal with it by myself. I know he feels bad that I get stuck with it all, but we both do what we have to for the good of our family. I honestly don't know if I could deal with it if he worked 7 on, 2 off like a lot of you ladies' husbands do. That has to suck big time. I do think it's easier to be an oil field wife simply because there is that income coming in and you don't have to do it completely on your own. The husbands do tend to bring in more mess and hassle when they come home, but I would much rather have him working in the oil field and leaving messes than laid off. :) Sorry this was so long and kind of wandering! :)

Nicole - posted on 10/17/2009

I have been an oilfield wife for 10 yrs and have a 1 1/2 yr old and 1 on the way. My Hubby is 6/4 (6 weeks away, 4 home) yes it is hard and I do it on my own for most of the time but I can't see how I can compare my situation to a full time single mum. A) I don't have to worry about $$ or how the bills will be paid or the kids clothed. B) At least I get to see my little angel everyday and don't have to leave him for 6 weeks at a time, it must be so hard for the daddy's to leave their kids for any length of time. C) I do have a partner to chat to on the phone/ internet and someone who does come home to us everynow and then. Yes when he is home it's like having another child around to cook for and clean up after (he forgets sometimes that I'm not the campie!) But my friends who have full time hubbys complain of the same thing. Lets be grateful our hubby's are working hard and sacrificing time with their familes to provide us with the lifestyle I'm sure we have become accustumed too. Lets also not take away anything from those single mothers who struggle every damn day and don't have the luxery of our incomes or someone to talk to or who comes home to them.

Ashleigh - posted on 09/29/2009

Quoting Carrie:

I love it! We make things fit to our schedule. I had someone tell me one time "I feel so sorry for you cause your husband is 7/7 and mine gets to be home evry night" I responded like this, " I feel sorry for you because you get no alone time, your husband is home everynight which results in sex when you dont want it, dinner when you may not feel like cooking it, and he gets home at six long enough to say hi to your kids, eat and then sleep. When my husband is home we have his full attentiuon for 7 days." I think we just need to realize that it is a blessing. Granted being an oilfield wife is not for evryone but absense does make the heart grow founder, I know I am excited and so is he when he gets home. And this has been for 11 years now!

I like the way you stated this. My husband is also 7/7 and I love it!

Megan - posted on 09/28/2009

My hubby and I have only been at the OS thing for a year now, before that he was inland, but it is so much better! I think being a single mom would be more difficult. Yes, I have to take care of our 10 week old son and the house and bills alone, but I don't have to factor a job into all of that as well. I know it is much harder for him in fact, he hasn't seen our son since he was 5 weeks old and he misses us so much and misses him growing. He has an undetermined schedule so we don't know how long he is out for or in for. All in all, as hard as it is it's all worth it when he gets to be home with us for a couple of weeks and we get to enjoy each other without being exhausted from working all day and having to go back in the morning.

Chrissy - posted on 09/24/2009

I'm glad I'm not the only oilfield wife who feels this way. My husband is on 2 weeks, off 2 weeks and I literally count down the days until he is home. Its hard especially with 3 kids to take care of. I feel like I'm constantly on the go, picking up from practice, teacher conferences. I can't do everything that needs to be done half the time.

Carrie - posted on 09/20/2009

I love it! We make things fit to our schedule. I had someone tell me one time "I feel so sorry for you cause your husband is 7/7 and mine gets to be home evry night" I responded like this, " I feel sorry for you because you get no alone time, your husband is home everynight which results in sex when you dont want it, dinner when you may not feel like cooking it, and he gets home at six long enough to say hi to your kids, eat and then sleep. When my husband is home we have his full attentiuon for 7 days." I think we just need to realize that it is a blessing. Granted being an oilfield wife is not for evryone but absense does make the heart grow founder, I know I am excited and so is he when he gets home. And this has been for 11 years now!

Angela - posted on 09/19/2009

I HAVE BEEN A OILFIELD WIFE FOR ABOUT 21 YEARS. AND YES IT IS HARD ESPECIALLY WHEN THE KIDS WERE YOUNG. AND REALLY IT'S NOT SO EASY NOW THAT MY SON IS 17 AND NEEDS A STRONG HAND. BUT THE TIME THAT I GET TO SPEND WITH MY HUSBAND WHEN HE IS HOME IS SO SPECIAL. WE MISS EACH OTHER SO MUCH THAT IT IS SPECIAL EVEN WHEN WE ARE SO BUSY. I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED HIM TO STAY AT HOME BUT HE HAS TRIED AND HE HATED IT. SO I HAVE GIVEN UP AND DECIDED TO BE HAPPY. IT TAKES AFEW DAYS FOR ME TO GET USED TO HIM BEING HOME AND A FEW DAYS FOR ME TO GET USED TO HIM BEING GONE. I HAVE AN AUNT WHO CAN'T WAIT INTIL HER HUSBAND GETS HOME AND CAN'T WAIT UNTIL HE LEAVES. BUT I HAVE NEVER FELT THAT WAY. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 21 YEARS AND I STILL CRY WHEN HE DRIVES OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY. HECK I START GETTING DEPRESSED 2 DAYS BEFORE. BUT BY THE 3RD DAY OR SO I START COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS AND GET PRETTY EXCITED LIKE WE ARE DATING. NOW HE IS GONE 21 DAYS AT A TIME BUT IT'S BETTER THAN WHEN HE WAS IN KOREA FOR 42 DAYS. BUT I WILL SAY THAT HE MISSES ALOT WITH THE KIDS BUT I RECORDED EVERYTHING FROM THEIR FIRST WORDS TO THEIR FIRST TEE TEE IN THE BIG POTTY. AND YOU CAN'T BEAT THE INS. MY SON WAS 2 MONTHS PREMATURE ADN COSTS ABOUT $35,000 TO BE BORN AND THE INS. COVERED ALL BUT ABOUT $10,0000 . ANYWAY IF I COULD CHANGE IT I WOULD. BUT I DO LIKE THE SPECIALNESS THAT WE MAKE OF HIS TIME HOME.

Tara - posted on 08/25/2009

I am a wife of an oilpatch worker. My husband works for Sanjel and he works 16 on and 5 off. Use to be 15 on and 6 off until they changed it on them while we just happend to be on vacation. Before my husband I was a single mother of 2 and to be truthfull I find no difference between them. My husband is gone what seems like for ever and I still can not adjust to it.I am around way more then he is and for that fact I am the one that does everything just like I did when I was single. The kids even notice it as well and they to have a hard time with him being gone. They keep telling me that they miss daddy because he is never around. My kids are 11,10 and 7. So as you can see I have my hands full just like most of you out there do. So for me it is no difference between being a single parent or just being the wife of a man that works in the oilfield.

Tina - posted on 07/31/2009

I am also an Oil Patch workers wife...my husband is working 15 days (gone) and home for 6...I personally feel it is the same as being a single parent...I am just in a different tax bracket...when he comes home there is still no break for me...I have 2 children 13 months apart...they are 5 & 4...I have NOT had a day or night to myself since I got pregnant with the first...when my husband do come home for his day's off, he too is tired, grumpy and dirty...my workload increases 10 fold what a normal day is...I feel if I was a single parent, at least I would get time to myself when he would have take them for his visitation...

Sarah - posted on 07/31/2009

Oh and to add to that last very long reply. My girls were used to seeing daddy everyday, and having him wrapped around their finger. So, the "When is daddy comming home", " I miss daddy", "why, is daddy working all the time", was pobably the hardest to deal with. So,next time daddy goes away to work, Mommy will make sure the kids are well prepared in advance instead of waiting until we are packing for him to leave.



How does everyone else deal with the kids, and their transitions?



I have found that telling them daddy has to go away to make enough money to fund all the fun things they want to do does not work. I mean everyone "else's daddy works here and they get to do fun stuff."

Sarah - posted on 07/31/2009

I have really enjoyed reading these posts. My husband and I have been together since highschool (12 years). My oldest is 9 so I have never been a single mom. My husband just got into the oil field about 5 years ago. For a few years we had schedules such as 7 days on 2 off, but rotating daylights and nights. Needless to say on his 2 days off he slept. He never really had a day off. he also worked for Patterson in PA. three weeks on 2off. With travel time and sleep-he had less than a week for us. It was very hard on me and the kids because we were so used to seeing him everyday. The money was great in the beginning, but after a while I was looking at a fat bank account instead of my husbands face everyday. Some ladies may see this as a good thing, but I would have rather had him.



I also have to say, I was not prepared for this type of life when we first began. I just thought OK we will move 2 hours away from home, he will start his new job, everything will be great. What really happen was we moved 2 hours away, he started his new life-not job, and every thing was totally hectic. I ran up and down the highway to see my family, never knew when he would have the chance to call, and didn't know what to do with myself because I felt as though I lost my husband. So, i guess i got a glimps of what single life felt like emotionally-except someone else financed it.



Now, he works for a local company, for a very crappy wage. For the past 6 months we have been talking about him going back to the "big rig", and I think we are ready for that change. I now know what to expect, I just wish I would've known that 5 years ago.



So, to answer the initial question. I think it is very hard to be a oilfield wife. It's like there is something there that is all yours, but you cannot have it. As opposed to being single, which really sucks because you do not have a husband. But, at least you know you are single, and not just feel like it.



There should be a handbook out there for wives/girlfriends whose man is going into the oil field. Maybe the transition would be a little easier for all of us! LOL

Kimberly - posted on 07/30/2009

I have been a military wife, a single parent, and an oil field wife. They are all very similar in that you are pretty much on your own. My Husband works for Pride.. now Sea Hawk 14 on 14 off, so he's pretty much gone half of the year, and when he is home he isn't always the happiest guy :-\. I guess it's pretty stressful out there. I'm a stay at home mom w/ 3+1 on the way kids. I guess the only difference is that I get to stay home with the kids now, and that I only get to keep my home in line for the half a year he is gone. It really is difficult. We are always having to readjust to dad getting home, and readjust to living with eachother.. then it starts over again.

Crystal - posted on 07/29/2009

I have also been a single mother and now I am an oilfield wife for over a year and I personally think it is much harder being a oilfield wife than a single mother. My husband is gone so much that when he is home he is worse than the kids and he is always so dirty and grumpy. I enjoy the large income but I would love to have him home more and in a good mood.

Jennifer - posted on 07/21/2009

I have been an oilfield wife for 3 years, and yes it is hard. I came from being a single mom also, so it is nice to have someone you can count on, to help make decisions and to just listen (even though he may be hundreds of miles away). It is a hard life, being an oilfield mom & wife, but it is easier than being 100% on my own!

Sarah - posted on 07/19/2009

Hey, I think it would be more difficult as a single mom simply b/c your the only one working. We have 2 children both with medical issues and one one the way with pregnancy complications. My husband is gone all the time. He works in PA for 2 weeks then home working in the field for 2 weeks, except this time he'll be gone for 3 weeks. You never can tell with this line of work. I'm very grateful though that he is working and I don't have to. I don't think I could handle putting my kids lives in the hands of another. Its very difficult though. My daughter quit breathin on me when my husband was out in Booneville which at the time was only 30 mins from where we were but still it seemed like forever. I had to go to the drs and emergency room and Childrens hospital all by myself. He had to pull over on the side of the road b/c he had been up since 3 am that morning. My daughter and I were in an ambulance going 100 miles down the road to go to childrens hospital which was a 2 hour drive. It took my husband like 4 hours to get there b/c he was so exhausted. I had a lot of anger after that for along time about the way the oilfield does things. It took dispatch 30 mins to get ahold of my husband..they weren't allowed to have their cell phones on while on the rig!!

Wendi - posted on 07/19/2009

I have to agree with kammi. my hubby works 7on/7off but on his off days he is just as bad as the kids so instead of a break or help i get extra work, lol. it's kinda like being a single parent that has to ship their kids off to dad's for the weekend except instead of you getting you alon/lover time you have to be mommy/lover/sane all at once. i've been living this life for 7 years. been married almost 8 and been with my husband for 10. we only have one income, i do a side business of web design for play money.

Kammi - posted on 07/17/2009

Hi Ericia,

The only difference between a single mom and an oilfield wife is that you have two incomes verses only one. I have been a truck drivers wife for 6 years and now an oilfield wife for 1 1/2 years. Both lives are hard and I have no good advice because I still have trouble. The one thing that I know is that I should have tried to be a stay at home mom from the day my kids were born but life does not always work out that way. I have now been a stay at home mommie for a 1 1/2 years and it has made a difference to my children. Find friends that understand what it is like or aleast be accepting of how different life can be.

Kammi

Moms helping moms

www.internetceomoms.com/kammicorman