"you must have your hands full..."

Laura - posted on 08/12/2009 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I have 4 kids... all age 4 and under. My oldest is almost 5, middle just turned 3, and 7 month old twins. I was just wondering if anyone else gets tired of hearing other people's opinion on how hard we must have it, etc.

My kids are pretty much 2 years apart (with an exception to the twins) .. and i think that 2 yrs is a pretty normal gap. And I didnt purposely have twins. (I love them,,, and am happy about it), but Im just saying that it is not something that I CHOSE to do.

Yes, 4 kids is hard. Yes, I have my hands full. I dont know why... it just drives me crazy hearing other ppl tell me about it. LOL. any other ppl with me on this?

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Kyra - posted on 09/07/2012

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AHH! Me too! 25 with a step daughter (11) daughter (5) son (4) and son (10 mo). God forbid I go out in public with the small ones. I'm sure I look like a daycare center but who cares?! I love it when they start by complementing the baby, boy or girl?, how old, awww...then look at the other two...you must have yr hands full! Yeah well yano what?! IVE GOT BIG HANDS!

Annette - posted on 03/31/2012

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I don't think you are the only one who gets that talk. I am 25 years old with 8 kids and 1 on the way. Its a combined family with kids between 11years and 2 years old, no twins. I go to the store with all of them and people look at me and stare and ask me are they all yours??? I said tech yes haha! Then some lady asked me how old was I when the oldest was born. I said oh about 13 going on 14 years old. Then the lady scolded at me and said SICK. People just don't understand I guess. I have a large family yes and it gets quite overwhelming at time. I just hope people don't judge a book by its cover!

Nykee - posted on 03/02/2012

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Oh, I know! I Have three kids - 11 weeks, 2 1/2, and 3 1/2. People tell me all the time that I must have my hands full. My friend and I were just joking that we were going to start a vacation fund by charging $.25 every time someone says something like, "You must have your hands full!" (and even included a discount for those who say it while holding the door or helping you detach one of those giant kid carts from the others in the grocery store)



Why would you make this public observation to a mom who is struggling to accomplish something? At least give her a hand if you're going to announce that you realize she's having trouble.



I HATE, though, when people insinuate that my children were "accidents" or unplanned because they're close in age. They were not unplanned, and even if they were don't EVER say that to me! Jeez! Where is your filter?!

Kimberley - posted on 11/05/2011

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I completey understand what u mean I get that alot.I am 29 and have 5 children who are 12,10,8,6,and 3.When ppl decide to try and tell me how much hard work they think my children must be I reply by saying having a large family is great fun as there is so much more love to go round and that nobody ever gets bored lol

Ruby - posted on 11/02/2011

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I am 25 and have a 2 yr old and a 7mth old.. People think i am crazy because they are my latin twins since they are soo close in age.. i feel sometimes like i am losing my mind I cant imagine having more but reading all your post of three and four and more kids close together gives me hope that it is doable :o)
Thanks ladies any advice on how to keep ur cool when they are both going crazy...

Rebecca - posted on 02/27/2011

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yes me and my sister go to the store i have three and she has four and the oldest of the bunch is 7 and the youngest is 4 months and with just us going not our husbands they think were crazy (you guys must be busy in you spare time ) it just really pi**es us off i no how you feel

Kristen - posted on 02/12/2011

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Yup i hear it all the time i have a 2 yr old and 8 month old twins and they always say wow you must be busy . I alwasys tell them no you think. Come live in my shoes and you will see the business but also the joy of them being so close. Or i get the people that have 3 kids all different ages that think there lives are busier or the compare how hard it is for them and how its easier for me cause i have twins. People are just annoying ENJOY YOUR KIDS AND LEAVE US ALONE lol

Sarah - posted on 01/23/2011

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I've started replying "yes listening to peoples questions/comments about my children does take up quite a bit of my day thank you for your concern". Most people have to think about it for a second and they usually get offended, but serves them right. I have 3, 2, and 1 year old girls and am due with another girl in April. The question that bothers me the most is if they all have the same father. I once told a woman that they had six fathers. It took her so long to realize that I was making fun of her that I had time to get away while she was trying to figure it out.

Aicha - posted on 01/22/2011

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just reply the other children are at home with daddy and watch their faces fall to the ground , some people can be really rude I have 3 and am due with the 4th any day people all the time ask me how many children I will be having I just tell the AS MANY AS GOD GIVES ME

Shannon - posted on 10/06/2010

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Hello Everyone, I am a mother of 5 boys and three for them were 11 months a apart 2001, 2002, 2003 and they get along pretty well most of the time and i had bottles diapers and everything all at the same time and even now when I think back I wouldn't have changed a thing. I have 3 brothers as well and my youngest berother is 11 years younger then me and he was basiclly raised an only child because we all grew up and left home and poor kid was still there

Verona - posted on 08/29/2010

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I agree! I have 3 beautiful girls, 4, 2.5 and 5 months. Yes, its hard but worth it. They will grow up together hopefully be friends and share similar experiences together. I'm 30 and I wanted all my kids before 30. So, I'm content...why is it someone else's concern? blah

Lori - posted on 08/29/2010

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i have 3 boys, ages 6 (7 in oct) 18 months (on the 4th) and almost 4 weeks. I get "the look" all the time. im 26 and people dont stop looking at me like im nuts. i hate it. its even worse when my toddler is having a temper tantrum. people look at me like not only am i bad mother but my kid is out of control. it makes me want to scream, "hello!!!!!! hes not different than ANY other toddler!!!!!!!!!!" whatever, its my life, my choice and me that has to take care of the kids!!! even my own family had so much to say when we found out we were expecting #3 when #2 was only 8 months. its not anyone else's business, especially when we dont ask anyone else for help!

Vina - posted on 08/28/2010

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I am 22 and have two little girls...My oldest is 18mnths and my youngest is 7mnths...11 mnths gap. And I have yet to meet anyone who has a closer gap!lol. I get so annoyed at the looks I get not only for being a young mommy but also with the two young kids close in age. I love that I had my children young and close in age, they bring so much joy and happiness to me and my husband...And we are looking forward to adding to the family=) I remember I had attended a wriggle and rhyme baby session with my oldest, I was pregnant with my second. I just stood up and left because the husband of one woman wouldn't stop looking at me with the 'look'...I was very uncomfortable and very offended! He obviously did not agree or like the fact that I was young and making babies...he and his wife looked like they were in their mid 30's. I can't believe the prejudices people have! To judge before knowing me. My husband and I are loving parents who strive everyday to be better role models for our children.

Krista - posted on 08/23/2010

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Ummm, yeah. I have three boys, and that's all it takes. I get it all the time. "Man, you must keep busy." "wow, you have your hands full." I just say, yes, some days. But I love it. And walk away. I don't let it bother me tho, it's the same as everyone touching your belly when you're pregnant. There are some people who don't get it. And I am not going to let them get to me.

Charlotte - posted on 08/12/2010

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ditto! Oldest 2 are 15mo apart, #2 and #3 are 23 mo apart, #3 and #4 are 14mo apart, #4 and #5 are 26mo apart, and #5 and #6 are going to be 14 mo apart. Yeah, we are busy but it is our norm. I wouldn't have it any other way. There is my new comeback!!!

Melissa - posted on 07/29/2010

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yes i get that aswell, my youngest 2 are 13 months apart,, and i get tired of hearing that.

Sarah - posted on 07/26/2010

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im 21 with 3 kids 18 mnths apart. i get "you dont look old enough" "i bet you got your hands full" "do you know what a condom is"

Karen - posted on 03/30/2010

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I hear that a LOT. Mine are almost 3, 2, and 1 and Hubs and I are 27 and 28.

I remember sitting in the Insurance office hugely pregnant with my last and both girls wanted to sit on my lap. Kinda uncomfy but it's ok they were being good lol. An old women next to me says the hands full comment and then says something to the effect of, so you're done after that one right?... I'm like idk for a little while lol. Some people. I'm not done actually, but it's not really anyone else's business.

Natalie - posted on 03/21/2010

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that comment just about makes me nuts I get it everytime we take our 4 kids out,they are 31months(boy), 23months(boy), and two 10.5month olds(boy & girl)yes we have 4 under 3. Just this past weekend I took them all to the park alone, i got a ton of dirty looks and the "are they all yours?", "are you babysitting?", "your brave"(which stands for i think your crazy, and my response to it is "brave or crazy its one of the 2" and then i walk away). We will never fit the typical family, for one we are blended 2 of the children are biologically mine and 2 are biologically his, yet all 4 live with us. People keep asking if we're going to have a 5th, I'd like to know what business it is of theirs if i get pregnant again by the man i have choosen to spend my life with and raise my family with.

Liz - posted on 02/02/2010

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I love some of the replies to rude questions and comments I've read here! I have 3 kids under the age of 3, and while day in, day out it's extremely challenging, I wouldn't trade it for the world! Rude comments still catch me off guard, but I remind myself, TO EACH HER OWN! Just because you may not be able to imagine being able to love, nurture, teach and provide for as many kids as I have does not mean I can't. We may not have chosen exactly the lives we have, but we are doing the very best we can and, I have to say, we're doing a pretty darn good job! =) I had to become comfortable with the fact that we will never fit into that description of the "ideal American family" of 2 kids and a dog. I have 2 boys. My oldest has Down syndrome, my younger was a premie. My youngest is a girl, who was born with no medical issues. Our family is NOT boring and I believe there is a reason each of us is here. Our family is a testament to unconditional love. Our family story should be one other people cherish and respect. Don't let rude comments of ignorant people ever make you forget that!

Kristina - posted on 01/30/2010

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I'm 23 and also have 4 kids. My oldest just turned 4, second one is 3, third is 1 1/2 and my boy is 5 months.... I actually had a lady at the grocery store tell me "They can't all be yours"... then she pulled her husband around the corner to POINT at me and yell "Can you believe this!" I couldn't believe it.... I hear so many comments and they bug me.... People think they're witting and original asking if I "know what causes that".... THAT is my children.... I hate hearing "So you're done, right?" A) That's none of their damn business B) Hell no, just got started C) Since when is the content of my womb open for public discussion?! Some times it feels like just because I'm young and have 4 kids that are 4 and under I no longer have a right to privacy!!! Grrrrr..... Sorry I needed to vent.... This one is my button pusher.... but I'm trying to learn to deal with it....

Carissa - posted on 10/14/2009

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I get "the look" a lot. The first look that I get is the look that says "your not old enough to have kids." Then, just so I can see the shock on their face I tell them that I have four boys and their jaws just drop to the ground. My oldest just turned 5, my second will be 4 in two and a half months, my third will be 3 in three months, and my youngest turns one next month. When people give me those looks and say those things I always remember this one African man at wal-mart. When he saw my shopping with my children he told me I was very blessed to have all of those boys. My husband is from Liberia and it is very important in his culture to have boys and to have many children (he comes from a family of 12). There are people in this world that can't have children so it really is a blessing to have kids.

Jennifer - posted on 09/29/2009

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OMGosh!! I feel ya! I'm 25 (and look really young, someone thought I was the babysitter/older sister). And my kids are 13 months apart, my son will be 4 in two weeks, and my daughter will be 3 in 6 weeks. When I announced that I was pregnant with my son people were mad and worried I couldn't take care of him, I was 20, but then when he was 4 months old I got pregnant with my daughter, we announced it 2 1/2 months later and my own dad said "oh well what are you going to do about it".. SERIOUSLY?? i'm going to have two kids very close together... I'm happily married and have been before and after this.. jeez

Kimberly - posted on 09/26/2009

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I heard comments like this when i had my first two 16 months apart. I just announced that i am preggo with # 3 (there will be 2 1/2 years in between the next one and my last one) and people act like i have flipped my lid!!! i only announced that we were pregoo a few days ago but boy have a i had my share of comments. This willbe our last and we are excited! Children are gifts from God, NOT burdens!

Andrea - posted on 09/21/2009

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I hear that comment alot. I like your reply Laura. I have 2 boys who will be turning 3 & 4 soon. They are 14 1/2 months apart. I like that they are close in age. You go thru one phase with the oldest and the next thing you know the youngest is going thru it. I think it makes things easier. At my age, 37, I couldn't imagine having kids with a big age gap.

Another comment I get is, " I don't know how you do it." Well, I don't know any other way I just deal with whatever the day brings.

Jamie - posted on 09/14/2009

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I kind of just laugh it off. It really does make me laugh when they say it and I only have two of my three kids with me. I then say one is missing and their jaw just drops. My boys are 13 months apart and my 2nd and 3rd are 20 month apart. I do have my hands full but I don't really think about it during the day. We just do what we need to do, it is our life.

Cari - posted on 09/07/2009

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I agree, I'm 26 and have 4 kids too. Mine are 5,3,2, and 3 months. I wish people would just keep there opionions to themselves. I really hate it when people ask, So are you done yet?

Joanne - posted on 09/06/2009

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hi i have 4 children aged 4yrs 8mths, 3yrs 5dys, 1yr 10months and 7mths 2 weeks
i always get the "your busy" or " you've got your hands full" sayings all the time
i'm 30 but look younger, keep getting odd looks from some people when i'm out with the children
i love the way my children play together and help each other, i wouldn't change it for anyone or anything

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2009

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It always bugs me because I feel like they are saying they wouldn't want to be in my place, like having my kids is a BAD thing. It's vaguely insulting. A couple of times people have been outright insulting, like the grocery store clerk who told me when I was 23 and pregnant with #4, "If you were my daughter, I'd kill you!" How I wish I'd had the guts to say, "If I were YOUR daughter, I'd kill myself!" Or maybe point out that our family was clearly doing better than hers, since my husband is a computer professional and neither of us needs to work in a grocery store.

Laura - posted on 08/30/2009

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I say 'better full than empty' ;) when people would say I have my hands full. I got that a ton when my kiddos were smaller. Now that they are almost 6 & almost 5, I still get 'twins' alot, but, that is all. =) 2 years was what I was thinking, but mine came 1 year & 19 days apart. Both were due Sept 30th, 1 year apart, but my 1st was a mos early. It annoyed me a bit at 1st, but, mostly, I felt 'in control' & I could 'do anything' since I could overcome having my kids so dang close in age. =)



Mine were a surprise (I never, do not, believe in accidents, that sounds so mean =( ) , I was on bc, & only had sex, freaking ONCE. LOL So, feel free to ask any questions about close aged kiddos. =) I had mine, & my 1st didn't walk until 17 mos, so I carried both & went out everyday through the bitter cold, & record snowy winter of 04/05 in Ohio. =) I did it because I could & 'had' to, to keep my sanity. LOL

Melissa - posted on 08/20/2009

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I hear that at least a couple of times every time we go anywhere! My guys are 4, almost 3 (he's 12.5 months younger than the oldest), almost 2 ( 14 months months younger than the 2nd) and 2 months old. All boys. We get so many comments...and some rude ones that are very offensive. I usually say "ya, I do but I wouldn't trade them for anything" and go on about my business. I do get tired of hearing it.

Laura - posted on 08/12/2009

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oh, and I have to add in that I am only 25... so I am young with 4 kids. That adds to other people's comments too!

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