married to a cop

Jenn - posted on 12/17/2008 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Anyone else out there who is married to a cop but not a cop yourself? How do you deal with all the remarks you get from other wives? My favorites:



"Aren't you worried when he goes to work" and "Aren't you scared being all alone at night"



I haven't figured out a good answer to those yet. Of course I worry about him...whenever the phone rings while he's at work my first thought is "how fast can I get to the hospital"...but that doesn't change the fact that he still has to go to work every night. And yes, I would rather he be home with me at night, but again it's a fact of the job and I have no choice but to deal with it.



Anyone else share my frustrations? And anyone have good answers to those questions that will make people quit asking them?

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24 Comments

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Patricia - posted on 09/19/2013

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Hi, Patricia is here to the rescue- posted on 09/19/2013

I understand everyone negatives and positives about being married to a cop. I've been in a relationship with a cop for 6 years, i guess everyone sees things differently. He can be very overly protective and insecure at times but showing your affection for them helps all the time. Loves conquers all right!!!

Not saying put on a costume every night but simple things that makes him want to come home and appreciate it. I love him and understand the countless hours he stays at work. He still my world when he comes home. My job can be stressful too; to him (military). Yes but my schedule is a set schedule 7am to 5pm. and he works night shifts 7pm to 5am. He has days off and he can swap days when he needs to also.

I feel that if we show them love the right way instead of accusing them of being cheaters and liars, the cycle can be change. but reguardless keep up the positive attitude. Not every marriage is perfect but they will eventually see that their coming home to their wife and kids, or just wife was the best thing that can be offer to them. I can only imagine the feelings he has when he sees me when he comes home, really hes at ease; but of course ladies he is spoiled. For the most of it Communication works. I know he cares about me as much as i care about him.

Be their strength and encouragement, they will always look forward coming home.

Hope you gals have a different outlook on your experience, or change the bad for the good together. Say things like i want to do something special for us in your home or at the beach at night; he will always remember good times with his wife or he will wish he can spend more time. and for that matter you will know because he will tell you.

Dedicated to the only man i will always love.
I cant wait to see you.
Love Patricia

Charlisa - posted on 09/13/2013

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I just tell them that I have more faith than that, I already know that God has it under control and I know that my husband is coming home to me after his shift.

Natasha - posted on 03/26/2012

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My husband is a sheriffs deputie and I feel ya. He work 3-3,8a-8p or 8p-8a three on and three off. Sometime I feel like I never see him... I find myself listing to the scanner to see where he is out helps a lol. Unless they get in a high speed Chase... Always scary! As for the smart remarks like how do make it work or don't you worry or do you ever think he is with another women. I like to remind them that why they are Eatting dinner as a famliy he misses dinner with his. And why they kiss their kids good night he is keeping the streets safe. Sometimes I get really mad when people say things like all they do is drive around and drink coffee and eat donuts. They forget they they give up a lot to protect them. You know what am saying. Hope this helps ladies

Crystal - posted on 03/18/2011

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i am both a police officer wife AND a firefighter wife.i hear it all too but i get it twice as bad and im always worried about the dreaded call.

Bekah - posted on 06/29/2010

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i am also married to a cop and people will always ask the same questions. I do worry but God takes care of him. He was attacked once during a traffic stop and that bothers me but I put that at the back of my mind. As for being scared at home by myself I'm not. My husband takes me to the range and I know how to use all of our guns if I need to. But there are also 4 other cops who live within 5 miles of us so if I get worried I can call one of them. Also when he is at work if I get worried about him I call his cell phone and if he doesn't call back within the hour I call the police department and ask the dispatcher if he's okay.

JULIA - posted on 03/06/2010

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I know What Ya are going threw My Husband is (Chief) . and i got 3 girls (10 1/2, 2 1/2, and 1 . and i get the same questions all the time

Lana - posted on 02/17/2010

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I am married to a cop and honestly I don't get those kind of questions..sorry hon, the only thing I can say is my opinion and that would be to politely let those people know that you and your family are just fine and you would rather not be asked those kind of questions..

Good Luck!

Laura - posted on 12/21/2009

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What got me was when I got asked that by another cop's wife. I told her that if all I ever did was worry when he was at work then I'd probably go insane. I just don't think about it. Besides if I had a problem with him being a cop I wouldn't have married him. Also I am on the streets and in danger just like he is as a Paramedic and he has a gun and weapons I don't so if I was so worried about him then how could I possibly be able to do my job. They are trained just as we are to recognize a potentially dangerous situation and how to deal with those situations as they arise.

The only time I really start to worry is if its after his shift was supposed to end and I wake up and he's not home and I haven't gotten a call from him. Then I start blowing up his phone til I get a hold of him. He is usually pretty good about calling if he is gonna be home late but every once in a while he forgets.

Jen - posted on 10/22/2009

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I hear you sister. On a daily basis someone goes 'OMG HE IS A PHILLY COP , HAS HE EVER BEEN SHOT AT?" " AREN'T YOU WORRIED?" but the honest answer i have for them is even though he is running toward the danger my job is still more dangerous ( i am a truck driver and we are 5 times more likely to be killed on the job) I tell them that anything can happen at any time and you just have to sit back and try and relax because worrying is going to make the time before he goes to work more stressful and if something does god forbid happen than i wasted my last hours with him worried and on edge. I do keep my phone on me at all times because it makes me feel better than if something does happen i can be there asap

Sandy - posted on 09/02/2009

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Hi Jenn, my husband is a highway patrolman. I do get those questions all the time. However, my husband was attacked on the job a few years ago. He was at a stop and some guy came out of no where and tried to kill him. Anyway, I was wondering if your husbands office or maybe somebody else out there would know about groups where wives could actually get together or how to start one.

Danielle - posted on 02/19/2009

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My husband graduated from the Police Academy in December of 2008 and I am already getting frustrated by people making remarks along the same lines as you are talking about. I know in my heart that my husband loves what he does and that he will be as safe as he possibly can so he can come home to his family each day. It is weird for me because I worry about him, but at the same time I feel peace because I know that he has great instincts and will do everything in his power to be safe.

Kerensa - posted on 02/01/2009

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My answer to those questions is always the same, it's in God's hands.  I know my husband is a very safe officer and prays before each shift that he will come home safe in the morning.  I pray the same thing before I go to bed at night.  We aren't in control and if we lay in bed at night and worry that is not doing our family any good.  We need to be there for our husbands as well as our children.

Laurie - posted on 01/31/2009

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I get those questions all the time. It really bugs me sometimes. I never know how to answer them. Yes I am scared. But I knew what I was getting into when I married my husband. I do the best I can do and hope he comes home safe.

Jenn - posted on 01/15/2009

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That is actually something I have told people in the past too...I believe that God has a chosen time for everyone to die. If he's supposed to die at 30 then it would happen whether he had a nice "safe" office job or whether he had the most dangerous job in the world. Same is true if he's not supposed to die until 80, no matter how dangerous the job he will continue to come home every night.

Nicole - posted on 01/15/2009

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I'm married to a rookie cop (on the job just over 2 years). We've been married for 8 and 1/2 years. I always thought I would worry excessively about him, but I know he's been trained extremely well, and I'm a stay-at-home mom with two young kids, so I don't really have the time to think about his job being dangerous. He always tells me he will come home after each shift - no questions about it. I tell people when they ask if I worry, that yes, I do when I have a spare minute to think about it. But at the same time, being a police officer doesn't mean he will die on duty and won't get killed crossing the street to talk to a neighbor. He could get in a crash, just like their husband could. Then I ask them if they worry about their husband (or loved one) at work or on the way there. That usually puts things in perspective and the questions stop coming. Plus, I believe that when God decides to take my husband's life it, I will see him again in Heaven. His timing could be with my husband at work or at home or on the road. Knowing that won't make it any easier when the time comes, but I know that God is in control and no amount of worrying can change that.

Jenn - posted on 01/14/2009

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hmmm...that's a really good idea. I think most people would respect that if I asked them not to talk about it around the kids.

User - posted on 01/14/2009

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Jenn,



I grew up in a family of police officers.  My Dad and several members of the family were cops and I was married to a cop.  I have a different perpesctive because I was a child who used to always be scared when my Dad left for work because people would ask ME those questions or ask my Mom those questions in front of me.  I think that is why I am such a stickler today about "you better call me if you are going to be more than 15 minutes late" no matter who it is.  I always think the worst has happened until I find out everything is OK.  That was always a problem in my first marriage (to the cop).  I don't think people realize what they are doing to children when they ask you those questions when they are within ear shot.  When I became the wife of a police officer and people would ask such questions when my kids were around, I used to say, "Can we not talk about that right now, it upsets the boys to hear how dangerous their Dad's jobs is.  I'd rather talk about all the good our police officers are doing for people not the danger."  That usually shuts them right up

User - posted on 01/14/2009

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Jenn,



I grew up in a family of police officers.  My Dad and several members of the family were cops and I was married to a cop.  I have a different perpesctive because I was a child who used to always be scared when my Dad left for work because people would ask ME those questions or ask my Mom those questions in front of me.  I think that is why I am such a stickler today about "you better call me if you are going to be more than 15 minutes late" no matter who it is.  I always think the worst has happened until I find out everything is OK.  That was always a problem in my first marriage (to the cop).  I don't think people realize what they are doing to children when they ask you those questions when they are within ear shot.  When I became the wife of a police officer and people would ask such questions when my kids were around, I used to say, "Can we not talk about that right now, it upsets the boys to hear how dangerous their Dad's jobs is.  I'd rather talk about all the good our police officers are doing for people not the danger."  That usually shuts them right up

Iva - posted on 01/10/2009

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Hi....Believe me, I think everyone married to a cop gets asked those questions. I am a cop myself and people ask me, too.....!

Off course we all worry, I think it's natural, but I think with time, you will not think about it as much....until someone asks you again. lol

I tell my husband "Be careful" of "Be safe" everytime he goes to work, even if we are angry at the time....

Meredith - posted on 12/21/2008

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I'm a cop and also married to a fireman, so I get the double whammy sometimes. Sometimes it gives me the freedom to tell people to MYOB, but you're probably a whole lot nicer and patient than me when it comes to silly questions people ask. I turn it off (cop mode) when I get home, which saves my marriage I think.



The retort I sometimes use when people say things like, "Wow, you and your hubby's jobs are so dangerous...how do you deal?" is..."It's more dangerous at home when I have PMS." I think you might be able to adjust it a little when people ask you about worrying about your hubby..."He's safer at work...etc."



As for "being scared while the big brave man's at work"... you could always tell them you can still kick his butt when he gets out of line...



Don't know if it will work, but it's worth a shot. :)

Rebecca - posted on 12/19/2008

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I'm also married to a cop and absolutely get the same questions and answer them obviously. It probably makes the person asking the question feel pretty stupid. Unfortunately I don't think there is any way to get people to stop asking those types of questions.
I know all to well the thoughts of how quickly would I be able to get to the hospital or if I would act the way my husband has told me to if someone was to ever break into the house. I take a lot of comfort in the fact that I know my husband's first priority at work is to get himself and everyone else on his platoon home safe at the end of the night. I know he is very good at what he does and he does everything he can to make sure everyone else he is looking after does what they need to do to make it home safe.

I think what bothers me most is when someone will pullover when my husband is making a traffic stop or something to ask for directions.........get a bleeping map! I don't think people realize that routine traffic stops are very dangerous. They don't really know who is in that car.

Jenn - posted on 12/18/2008

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Thanks... I don't know why it helps to know that other people are as clueless as the ones around me, but somehow it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who gets asked those stupid questions over and over again.

Melanie - posted on 12/18/2008

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Hi Jenn,



I understand where your coming from 100% When I'm asked about being scared at nite I tell them I have an alarm. When asked if I'm worried I will say I usually don't think about it untill someone asks me!! Of corse I worry but that usually will make people stop asking the obvious. I think the only people that understand are the family of Police Officers. I hope that helped a little.

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