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Night shift man

Brittany - posted on 02/27/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

Hi! My name is Brittany and my boyfriend (will be husband one day) is a rookie police officer in Lumberton, MS. We have a 16 month old. He works night shift and I go to school during the day. So, when we are home during the day he is sleeping and then off to work all night. I feel like I am raising our son all alone because on the nights he is off, he goes out with his friends. He says that he needs to stay on the night schedule shift and needs guy time. How do I stay sane with a night shift officer?

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Gemma - posted on 04/09/2009

hi my name gemma from london we have the same going on her i have 2 boys teddy 4 and charlie 2. it hard work having a police officer husband. it will get better .

Brittany - posted on 03/03/2009

thanks for all of your advice...i will just keep talking to him and see how it goes

Jenn - posted on 03/02/2009

My husband has been a cop for 6 years now and still stays up late on his days off "to stay on the night shift schedule". I have managed to get him to cut down on the amount of time he spends out with the guys now that we have kids. It took a lot of talking and explaining and sometimes even whining and crying, but I think he finally gets it now. That's really all you can do is just keep telling him that you need him at home too and he has responsibilities with his son. It might take a while but eventually he will catch on. In the meantime know thatyou are not alone!

Meredith - posted on 02/28/2009

Hi Brittany, and welcome to the group.

Well, I work the night shift and it is hard juggling family and work. It took me some time to get things down, but I also was never one to go out that much with the people at work.

When I get home, I end up spending time with my daughter for about two hours and then go to bed for about 5-6. When I wake up, it's around 4 pm or so, and I usually tend to start making dinner and spend time that way with my family. Then I leave for work around 9 after I've put my daughter down to bed and spent some time with my husband.

As for my off days, I usually spend them at home unwinding, or with co-workers/friends hanging out, but we also do it as a family, or with our daughter. We also make time at least once a month to go out as a couple.

I don't think it's a question of staying sane so much as telling him what you want/need from him. It's not too much to ask him to go out with the boys one time out of the three he is off (if he works 4 on, 3 off), and spend the other two with you and your son. Tell him it's affecting your son and you (if it is). Men are clueless for the most part and can't be expected to read our minds. I'd be upfront with him so there's no misunderstanding, or annoyance on your part.

And if he uses the "I'm just getting started and I have to go out to get to know everyone", yada, yada, yada stuff....tell him (nicely) to stuff it. He doesn't have to go out EVERY night off to do that. Or ask him to join him one night a week when he goes out with the boys...

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Meredith