Crying tantrums,how to end them or cut them short?

Cathy - posted on 01/01/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So my son,who is 18,going on 19 months has started having these crying tantrums where he will cry and cry for up to an hour. Occasionally picking him and walking around with him helps,until I set him back down,but nothing else ends this. It came about,I believe,because my husband cannot stand to hear him cry,at all,and so,to keep the peace I just picked him up,whenever he wants. The problem of course now is he expects it all the time,with whenever he wants to be held/picked up. I had thought,back when this started(this past spring),that as soon as my husband left for his job that takes him to AK for at least a couple of months,I would just start teaching him then that no,he can't be picked up whenever the desire to be picked up hits him. Unfortunately my husband ended up staying home the rest of the year,and now,as a result,he has started in on some really fine temper tantrums. Do I just have to leave him to cry it out,or is there something I can do,we've tried distracting him,even firmly telling him enough/quit,even offering him to let him nurse does not stop it. Once he gets going,nothing seems to work.

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Julie - posted on 02/26/2013

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Hey Mama, you are exactly right. You started the "pay off" of getting moms attention with tantrum. now you need to fix it.
If your husband "can't stand the crying" tell HIM TO LEAVE, nicely of course :). Or simply remind him it is not about him and his feelings, but about raising a child, good bad and ugly.
What I had to do with mine, was when the tantrum started, ignore. If it persist, I gave a warning, if he did not stop, he would be put in the crib. When he did not stop, I would place him in the crib and say, when you are finished crying I will come get you out. It was not "nap time" so, daylight fine, animals or crib toys available. Then, I'd set the timer for 20 minutes. (I had read that's the time it takes for them to sooth selves, or fall asleep). If he did not stop when the timer went off, I would get him out. But 9x out of 10 he would fall asleep from the emotional and physical exhaustion, or be playing calmly with his toys.
It is WAY harder on the parent. Sometimes, I'd have to call my husband to "talk me off the ledge" He would say, "turn up the stereo, or go water the plants out side", so I would not be tempted to "save him" and there for "teach him tantrums get him his way."
The last bit of advice is from my brother in law with three kids, he told me to just remember, "no child has ever died from crying"
I would literally repeat this mantra for ENTIRE 20 minutes!
Good luck mom, it ain't easy, but it's worth it =)

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