hope after heart break

Michelle - posted on 10/20/2010

i lost my child the day after my birthday this year on oct 13th 2010, i was in shock ot find out i was having my 4th because me and the daddy thought we were finished having babies but after talking about it and acceoting our fate as oarents again we started to get excited, not even a week later i lost the baby at home and went to the hospital to see if i was ok due to the loss of blood it was alot, lets just say from the hours of 10 am and 4pm i went through a whole big pack of pads, im still crying to this day, well its only been a week but its so hard and im so sad....i feel like if i had loved unconditionally from the start and never questioned i would be 17 weeks prego right now with my little girl katie renae...:(

Megan - posted on 05/12/2010

Hello everyone.....my name is Megan. I have a 19 month old son who is happy and healthy. And since having him I have had 2 miscarriages in the last couple months. Both miscarriages were at 5 1/2 weeks. My doctors ran all sorts of test, but everything came back fine. I just found out on 6th that Iam expecting again. Iam 4 1/2 weeks pregnant. I had a small amount of blood on Friday and went in for Hcg level checks Saturday 335 and Mondays was 1268. Im so scared of miscarrying again, but the dr seems to think that my numbers are going up good.
But yesterday and today I have been having mild lower back pain and a mild pain in my lower front abdomen. Has anyone else had pain like this??? Is this normal???

Chelle - posted on 04/12/2010

good luck ttc. fingers crossed all goes well for you this time.

Natasha - posted on 03/30/2010

Hi everyone. I have just had my 3rd miscarriage just last Tuesday :( I am still very upset but i think i am coping better this time then with my first two. My first one i was 7 weeks pregnant that was back in January 2007. The second one was in July 2008 i was 5 weeks pregnant and two weeks later i fell pregnant again with my now 11 1/2 month old son how lucky was that!! :) Now i have just had my third miscarriage and i was 6 weeks along. It still hurts losing a baby i keep wondering what it would have turned out to be if it was a boy or girl and what it would have looked like. But having a son now really does help me deal with it. I am trying to fall pregnant again already as i so badly want another baby! Hopefully it will be like last time and it wont take long for me to fall pregnant again :)

Chelle - posted on 03/27/2010

congratulations on your little boy :) i hope he brings you lots of joy.

Joey - posted on 03/24/2010

This last week has been hard, it would have been the due date for the baby we lost last year. But I was encouraged by feeling the first movements of this new baby. It was exactly what I needed to make this week easier. I am now at 21 weeks and we now know we are having a little boy!

Marjorie - posted on 03/16/2010

Thanks for your words of encouragement and seeing you gives me hope that everything will be okay for me as well. Thanks and good luck with your baby girl

Chelle - posted on 03/16/2010

im so sorry to hear you had to deal with the loss of your mother aswell as a child in such a short space of time. your daughters love will keep you strong through this hard time. you and every other woman in this group are in my thoughts. if you do decide to try again so your daughter will have a little brother or sister, try not to stress. it should happen soon enough and hopefully you will have a lovely little baby at the end of it. After i lost my 1st i went on to have a healthy daughter and am now 29weeks pregnant with what seems to be another healthy little girl.

Marjorie - posted on 03/15/2010

Hello, I found out I was pregnant Feb 3rd, I was so excited but did not tell my whole family yet. I have a 4 year old and that was hard not telling her yet. I went for my 1st sono around 7 wks and the doc did not see any cardiac activity, she thought I gave her the wrong date and I was too early. She told me to come bl for a 2nd one and she still did not see anything, at this point I'm really getting worried but still hopeful. She said to come bl again just to creconfirm the 2nd one or in the meantime get a second opinion. i followed her advice and went for another sono today, unfortunatly she was right and the baby was not there. I am just so upset dissapointed, hurt everything you can imagine. I really wanted this baby and my daughter really wanted a sibling. I lost my mom this past Nov and now I have to deal with another loss. I have not passed the baby yet, but I know when this happens it will be devastating.

Meredith - posted on 02/25/2010

My experience was much like Karoline's. I found out I was preg. just before Christmas 2009. my husband and I were so excited. We told our families at Christmas...so early. I went for my 1st apt at 8 weeks along. I was giving the urine specimen when I noticed I was bleeding. They immediate did an ultrasound. There wasn't a heart beat. The baby had stopped developing at 6.5 weeks. I have been devastated, but what gets me through is the idea that we will conceive again....soon.

Karynda - posted on 02/03/2010

All I Hear is I'm Sorry for Your Loss.



I was in to see my dr at 5 weeks in jan 2010. she said it was to early so come back in 2 weeks. when I called franticly she told me to come in a.s.a.p on jan 27th 1 day shy of the two weeks. she did an ultrasound. she told me everything was ok. there was a very strong heartbeat. she told me to stay off me feet for a while. As i was leaving the dr office I went into the bathroom. I had very larg clots it worried me. so I called for the nurse. she went 7 got the dr. The dr looked at me & looked at the clotts and said. you'll be fine just go home & relax. I was in more pain by then. by the time I got home i couldnt even get up my stairs to my apt. I made it to my frontroom where i stayed for 3days. When I went back to my dr. I had been placed with another obgyn so he had checked my ultrasound & said lets look & see how things are. once he had placed the probe in place. We saw nothing. I didnt panic cuz you could see a slight sack. but mostly blood. so he told me i had had a miscarriage. I told him i figured that. i have had 2 others in the past, prior to my son who is 2. he tod me it couod be a number of things that he would help me get thru this. he gave me info but i told him why take medicines to speed the natural process that was alread half way thru. a D & C was just like an abortion scrappign the inside of my uterus. for what to cause more scar tissure on top of the emdometriosis, no thank u. i just left. i went home where i have been all week. I bearly talk to anyone. I have returned to work but only to help out for a few hours so i dont go crazy at home. I go back tomarrow to see the new obgyn I dont trust the original ob \because I feel she did everything right to help me become pregnant after 1yr & 2 months of trying. But did nothing to help me maintain the pregnancy I had hoped & prayed for over a year. Everywhere I go I see pregnant women. At work pregnant women bring their children in for haircuts. Or they have newborns. my best friend's due date is 2 weeks before the date the dr had given me. There's hope now that I can at least concieve but now I need to educate myself on my health more than I have already. I know my body & when Im going to ovulate, when my period would start. when to concieve. but I never thaought that I needed to educate myself on how to maintain the pregnancy. I thought that was the easy part. I know that there is hope for me. Through everything now. I cantalk about it. I feel 100% better about talking about it. I feel there should be more talk & awearness. I have grown from this & would never want to go thru this again or anyone else. It happens & it happened to me.

Chelle - posted on 01/25/2010

congratulations on your new pregnancy, take it easy and even though its easer said then done but try not to worry too much. it sounds like you are close to your family and its great they seemed to be there for you in such a hard time...its always a great help to have a shoulder to cry on....also congratulations on your recent marriage :)

Chelsea - posted on 01/25/2010

Hey I lost my baby july 30, 2009 I was 18 I was supposed to have a scan August 14th which was my birthday and then My birthday turned into pure mourning, wanting something I couldnt have. I Wil Always love that baby. I was driving and I had been having some cramps on and off for 3 days, I thought I should go to the doctor but I didn't I had called them and they said to lay off the sex, thinking that the pink in my underwear was from sexual reasons, They made me stay in bed and as I went to the bathroom I was starting to bleed a lot and it was a stream of blood, I called my friend and told her she told me I needed to go to the ER ASAP, so I told my dad and his gf and they took me to the ER, I went and i couldnt stop bleeding. I felt like I had to pee so I went in the bathroom of the ER room, and i was still bleeding, I went to wipe, and I wiped the sack out, They took it to check it because they said they didn't know, but I knew the pain had stopped instantly no more crampings, I still had bleeding but I no longer felt pain, my family was around me and I tried to make the best of it even though I knew that that was it. I looked at my mom, she said it could be i was still pregnant and i just shook my head no, I had known. The doctor came in and confirmed it, we all cried and it took awhile for me to be ok without crying, I had to take down all the baby stuff and I was really sad.



I am now married to A wonderful man and I am now expecting im 6 weeks along, and I am scared but hope all goes well this time. Hopefully it wont end in the painful way that the other had.



Stay strong, pray and believe and hope.

Chelle - posted on 12/11/2009

im sorry for your loss. i know too well of that feeling when they tell you that they can not find a heart beat. i never thought it would happen to me in a million years. but it happend with my first pregnancy. im happy to say that i was lucky enough to go on to have a lovely little girl and that im now nearly 16weeks pregnant with another healthy baby. i hope thats a little reassurance that you will probably go on to have a happy,healthy little baby soon enough. i know its hard but i promise you will heal in time and talking about your heart breaking experiance is a big step. no one should ever hold in how they feel in hard times like these. everyone here can relate to how you are feeling. you are not alone.

Adelina - posted on 12/11/2009

Hello,

I'm a 38-year old mother of a 13-year old boy. I had my mirena IUD removed 2/19/09 and found out I was pregnant 11/13/09. Needless to say, I was ecstatic! Anyhow, on 12/5/09 in the very early morning hours I woke up with mild cramping and needed to use the bathroom. It was a #2 if you know what I mean (sorry for TMI). I felt something drip down from my vagina and when I wiped, there was some brown blood. I went back to bed and when I woke up in the morning, although the cramping had stopped when I went to the bathroom again (again #2) this time there was a mauve colored discharge, kinda dark pink. The funny part was that there was no discharge when I pee’d only when I did #2. I called the doctor and they had me go in for blood work and to be examined. The mid-wife was very kind and after examining me she said she felt a 7-week-old embryonic sack and then she called me the next morning with my lab results and told me that my quant was 35,443 and that the numbers were very reassuring. She had me call the office the next morning to schedule a ultra sound just to be sure. I went in the next afternoon and the doctor performed a vaginal ultrasound and told me she was having a hard time finding a heartbeat. She said that the machine that had was kind of old so she scheduled for me to go to the ultrasound facility as they had more sophisticated equipment and would be able to better pick up the heartbeat with it. This time my heart was in my throat as I had to wait an additional day to get the reassurance I was looking for. I went in the next day and after a wand scan and 2 vaginal scans, the doctor told me that there was no heartbeat. My world was completely shattered. I couldn't believe it. It's one of those things you hear about happening to other people but not yourself. Nothing, I mean nothing prepared me for this and I couldn't believe what I was told. They said that it measured 6 1/2 weeks when I should've been almost 8 weeks. I told them that maybe I got the dates wrong and maybe it was too soon to expect to hear a heartbeat but they told me that no, the heartbeat could be heard as early as 5 1/2 weeks. Anyhow, I had a D and E performed this morning as I couldn't even fathom letting it happen naturally. That seemed too much like I would've been torturing myself. Everyone has told me that it wasn't my fault and that these things happen and I guess that intellectually I get it but my heart feels so empty now it's hard to wrap my head around it. I have a follow-up appointment scheduled the end of the month and am determined to remain optimistic. Although it's too soon for me to say for sure that I'm going to try again I don't want to close any doors. It's just I've never been through something like this and I'm so scared of it happening again. I'll keep you posted in my progress. Sorry for such a long post but thanks for listening. I would appreciate any feedback. Take care...

Chelle - posted on 12/11/2009

good luck with your pregnancy i hope this time around it all goes well for you. im nearly 16weeks pregnant now and im only just starting to let myself relax about the whole pregnancy thing. lucky for us we have the blessing of children already but it still doesnt take away the pain of a loss. but we stay strong,never forget and always keep a space in our hearts for our little lost ones.

Joey - posted on 12/11/2009

I have two wonderful kids and on July 2, 2009 (after five years of trying) I found out I was pregnant and on July 21 I had a miscarriage, I KNEW I had but the Dr couldn't see until Aug 2nd so they put me on bed rest. I had to sit in bed for two weeks knowing my baby had died. It was aweful. I found out on Dec 1st that I am again pregnant! They said I was 6 weeks the first time and yesterday I hit 6 weeks and so far all is going perfectly!

Chelle - posted on 11/23/2009

congrats on the pregnancy im 13 weeks with hopefully my second child. all seems to be going good this time. :)

Lacey - posted on 11/22/2009

ive had two miscarriages. the first one happened in may of 2006 and the second june of 2007. the first one i was around 7 weeks and the second i was around 10. they were both very very different. after the first i just felt so sad all the time..it was hard going down the baby aisles at the stores and seeing all the cute baby stuff. so my husband and i tried again a year later and got pregnant...we were so excited! but lost it :( luckily we were able to get pregnant again less than a month later! we had a beautiful baby boy in march of 2008 and i am pregnant yet again..24 weeks tomorrow!

Chelle - posted on 11/16/2009

im so sorry for your loss. and for that to happen around your birthday is upsetting. i hope time will heal how you feel right now. i always get a little sad around 4th july because 4th july 2008 would have been when my 1st baby was due. im trying to focous all my energy on my daughter and new bump but i know there will always be a space in my heart for the one i lost. venting how you feel seems to help sometimes. its helped me. xx

Danielle - posted on 11/10/2009

i didnt even though i had misccarriaged until i went for the first scan and they said they couldnt see a baby just a sac xx so i went bk on my 2oth birthday and they said there ws no baby i had a missed misccarriage and had to wait natural for my body to take the corse of the misccarriage i went to a+e on 31st of august this year and passed the anabolic sac in there toilets and placenta in the emergency room it ws the worst day of my life i think nw wt stage i would be at feeling the kicks and all the normal stuff xx

Chelle - posted on 10/06/2009

im sorry for your loss's

just remember your not alone and this community was made to support and share with other mums going and gone through the same heart breaking situation. the loss of a much wanted child will always be painful to look back on and we will never forget them. but we must remember that life goes on ....you can move forward ,dont feel bad for doing so. just remember there is allways going to be a space in your heart for your little angels. x

Karoline - posted on 09/30/2009

I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant Sept. 23. We were so excited. Had names picked out and was already buying the stuff we needed that we didn't have from my first son (17 months old). Monday I went for my first OB appt and was doing the first set of labs... went to the restroom to give urine and saw a lot of blood. I was hysterical and freaking out. Ended up at the hospital for 5 hours as they did all kinds of tests and ultrasounds... I already lost my little baby. I'm so heartbroken and don't know how to deal with it. I have my beautiful son.... but I still really really wanted that baby. It just kills me that my body is slowly bleeding out my little baby and yet I still have the pregnancy symptoms. I feel like a wreck. It's good to hear that other moms go through the same thing and are able to cope afterwards.... because it sure doesn't feel that way now.



Kar

Danielle - posted on 09/02/2009

hi , i lost my first on 18 july 2007 , on my dating scan i never got a picture coz i had already started to pass my baby , it was a horrible day . i had to go back for test as my hornmone levels werent droping and the hospital thought i was having an eptopic pregnancy , after the 3rd blood test they said that it wasnt an eptopic pregnancy and that i had only misscarried , i felt so empty i was 17 at the time and couldnt believe it . 4 days after my mum told me my sister had taken a pregnancy test and it came up possitive , i felt like my world had fallen apart , and i felt like i hated my sister for it even tho it wasnt her fault . i started staying away from home i really didnt want to no my sister or even my unborn nephew , i just could get my head round why i didnt get my baby and she got hers .



october 2008 with my new partner lost our 2nd baby it hurt but not as much as the first time i new what feeling i was going to have and how it was going to go .



but now im 28 & 1 day pregnant expecting a little princess at the end ov november and me and my partner are so excited but also scared as we are both first time parents , me and my sister get on alot more and i love my gorgous cheeky nephew as he is 17 months now and his speaking is cumming on and doesnt stop shouting my name or my partners when he is in the house lol .



**** everything happens for a reason , and what brakes u down will only make u stronger*****