Please Read!!! Thank you

Brittany - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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HELLO!!!

My name is Brittany and i the community Administrator, I just took on this position and am very excited about it.
So a here little bit of my background, I am a 23 yr old single mother of 2 BEAUTIFUL children. Wyatt turned 3 in November and my Daughter Riley just turned 2 in March.
They are victims of what you would call "typical" abuse( getting hit, punched, slapped), mental abuse and the worst of all sexual abuse. Your most likely thinking "OMG, where were you and who did this to them?"Answer to that one is their father and it was done when i wasn't around. I was overseas on a 6 Month Deployment in the Navy.
I had no clue about any of this until the day i pulled in from my deployment and my then husband would not answer his phone at all. I thought i was coming home to my little family after being away for 6 months and missing Holidays, my daughters 1st birthday and alot of milestones.
I came home to my "husband" disappearing in Alabama (where he is from) with the kids, all of my money gone that i made on deployment and NO bills being paid at all. I flew into AL the next day where he finally agreed to pick me up. when he did my children were filthy and smelly and just sad. He told me he wanted a divorce because all i do is abuse him (he was serious ugh), but he wanted to be in the kids lives (never heard a word from him since)I had no clue what had happened yet.
He takes me to his dad and step-moms house and leaves us there, I'm from Tx. My Dad and brother came to pick the kids and i up and drive us home to Tx. I then get a call from a Detective about a week after i got into Tx, telling me that since February 24, 2009 ( 4 days after i left for my Deployment) my ex thought he was talking to a 14 yr old girl online.
It was an undercover sting operation to find pedophiles, he was actually talking to the cops.
He admitted to what he thought was a little girl (the cops) that he had been with children before and went into detail. Kiddy porn pictures ages 1 to about 7 or 8 both genders and very graphic, he attempted phone conversations with the fake # the cops had and sent pictures of himself.
My son was 2 yrs and 3 months old when i left, He was a happy, outgoing, talkative little boy who loved to run around naked, loved to play sports, and slept like the living dead.
i came home to an almost 3 yr old that didn’t talk AT ALL, didn't play, didn’t laugh all he wanted to do was watch TV and if you took his clothes off to change him he would scream bloody murder, start shaking, crying and yelling "no" while trying to cover himself up and now has night terrors.
My Daughter Riley was 5 days away from being 11 months old when i left, she is a preemie (I had a brain tumor when pregnant ), she was barely crawling when i left but she was a very happy child. When i came home she was 15 months old the only thing she was doing that was good was walking, but she did all the same things Wyatt was doing, angry, no talking (only grunting), screamed if had to get naked ect.
My ex got only got 4 yrs probation, mandatory rehab and registered sex offender for the rest of his life. No jail time at all!!
Why? Because the they would only do an external exam on my children not an internal and by the time the facility could "fit my kids in" was 3 months after i got home, all external evidence was gone. They couldn't find the children he said he had been with, and "technically" he was not talking to a 14 yr old ( even though he thought he was). Cops cut him a deal for the laptop with the kiddy porn pictures on it, so they could try and find the kids in the pictures and get them out of harms way.

I am telling you this because this happens on a DAILY basis. My hopes for this community is to see it grow and to raise awareness of abuse against our children. Talking about what has happened to my children and I in the past year of our lives has helped me tremendously.
When everything first came out I was felt so alone, helpless, lost, scared, hurt, angry and guilty. I blamed myself because I am the one that married him, loved him, had kids with him and I am the one that had to leave for War to protect the people of America and left my children, my flesh and blood, the loves of my life at the hands of a monster all by themselves and defenseless.
A complete stranger reached out to me on a random military blog one night, shared her own story, gave me information on people who could help my children and I, and just reassured me that I was not alone. That one beautiful person that I still don’t know saved me from my own destruction, She helped me pick myself up, dust myself off and gave me the tools and advice i needed to get me where I needed to be not just for me but most of all my kids.
Now I share my little family’s story, advice and information at every chance possible, and I can see the difference our story is making in other people’s lives, and it is the best gratification I could ever ask for. Knowing that I helped someone just like my beautiful stranger helped me.
Now I can’t even tell you how many people that have heard my children and I’s story and come pull me aside because they or their children have gone through some sort of abuse and feel the same thing I was feeling when I was where they are now.
So with all that being said this is what I would love to see happen in this community.
Tell us about yourself, why you joined this community, share your stories, even if it didn’t involve you someone you knew, family member or friend.
Give advice, opinions and information to other people who are asking questions and looking for something. You don’t have to be an expert or gone through the same thing as that person but letting them know you care can be one of the best thing we can give our community
No one wants to be alone.
Ask questions even if it is hard, embarrassing or even if you think its just a stupid question, it’s not!

Bring up topics that you would like to learn about, talk about or want information on.
~*~There will be no disrespect in any form tolerated in this community*~*
We are all mothers and are here to help each other!
Knowledge is the best weapon we have to protect ourselves and most importantly our children. The reason so many people get away with abusing children is because abuse is not reported or not talked about because of the lack of knowledge. A lot of people are scared, don’t know what to do, lonely, and feel helpless.
It’s time to change that! So please help us at Circle of Moms do that!
I am very honored that you joined this growing community and please help us make it grow more each day.
If you have any questions, comment or concerns please feel free to contact with any and all questions and I will do everything I can to help.

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7 Comments

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Mary - posted on 02/03/2013

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Thank you for your post.... I have a situation and am not sure how to approach it.... I have a friend with two kids (one is 8 , the same age as my daughter, and a little boy less then a year old, and is pregnant with the third right now). In this situation it's not so much abuse but neglect... The little girl has been going to school with head lice for a last couple of months off and on... I've tried to talk to the mom about it but now she is starting to get pissy with me because I'm trying to tell her how to raise her kids... I've gone over to their house and it looks like a pig sty with the little one crawling around through it... Mom says there is nothing wrong with her house when I tell her it needs to be cleaned up... there is so much more I could tell you... One of my friends think we should try to take the daughter and cure her of the head lice and give her some love and attention for awhile but I'm really scared of getting in the middle of all that..... I'm thinking of calling CPS (I know one of the workers and have talked to him before) just not sure what to do..... HELP please!!!!!

Donielle - posted on 08/01/2010

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Oh my gosh! That part about him NOT getting jail time irks me big time! A friend of mine had only 6 pictures that were kiddie porn (still horrible, but still) and he almost got jailed for life! He was actually arrested on completely unrelated charges, but those photos were enough to almost get him life. Anyway. I don't want to get on a soapbox here.



I am a victim. The offender was my mom's husband at the time I was 5-6 years old and my sister was 4. He told us the usual stuff. "They'll stop loving you if you tell." But the one I remember the most is that he said he would do the same thing to my mom if I ever told her. So we didn't. However, he made the mistake of doing stuff to my teenage aunt and she flat out asked us. I've always been honest and couldn't lie (thank God), so we told her and she told my mom. Everything happened like a whirlwind. He went to prison. I went to stay with my aunt and uncle and my sister to my grandmother's. My mother was feeling very guilty and incapable of being a proper mother at the time. After a year, she was much stronger and we all were a family again (minus the pedophile of course). We were put into counseling and my family was extremely supportive and patient. It was hardest on my dad (who was deployed at the time) and my uncles, as we did not trust men for a while, but they were awesome none-the-less. I was extremely blessed as I really didn't have too much consequences other than being more introverted and dealing with sexual feelings that a child should never know until much later. Still, I never blamed my mother, I never blamed myself, I never blamed God, I knew whose fault it was and through much I was eventually able to forgive him for what he did to me. It took me longer to forgive him for what he did to my sister and my mother, as well as the rest of my family.



I'm now nearly 25 years old with a wonderful husband (that I thank God everyday that this has not really effected our love life) and a beautiful baby girl. I'm well aware of how often this happens. I am not scared of being a bad mom as so many are, but I am terrified of something like this happening to her. That is truly my biggest fear.



Oh and Brittany, I also want to thank you for your service. My husband is in the Navy as well as was his sister and I know that it is even tougher for our lady sailors to be away from their babies. I pray God blesses you and heals your babies quickly and that this will have the smallest effect on their lives as possible. Also, for your healing as well. As I got older and more of a friend with my mom, I really saw how incredibly difficult it was for her and now being a mom myself, I honestly think it is harder on the mom even more than the child.

Leah - posted on 06/22/2010

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Thank you for your service to our country. During my husbands last deployment there was a wife who stoped taking care of her children, and the youngest who was just a baby died due to her negligance. The dad was sent back from the deployment early & had to try to get custody of his children back. It was a very sad situation. The military is poorly equiped to deal with situations like this. I'm so glad to hear that you are getting the help that you & your kids need. Please, don't blame yourself for something that was out of your controll. The snake would have come out of hidding at some point weather you were home or not (I'm speaking here as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of my stepdad). No one can controll these sick people, and what I mean by that is that if they are determend to do it they will find a way to do it...we just have to be vigalent & know what the worrning sighns are that a person is not a safe person. I wish you, your children, and all who have been affected by this horrible violation a smooth healing journey.

Margaret - posted on 05/18/2010

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Hi, What a dreadful time you have all been through and I am so relieved to hear of the help you have had! This happens to, too many children and needs to be recognised and stopped. I have always believed that openess and honesty in talking about abuse is vital to making people aware that these ghastly things do happen all too often, we need to break down the doors of silent suffering! Talk is the key as is listening!
I would not be true to myself if I wasn't honest with you about my concerns about you publishing your details and your childrens names - please don't take this as a criticism, it's not! All I want to do is point out that paedophiles are notorious for trawling the www - as you know to your costs- and I fear for you three. Paedophiles come in all shapes, sizes and sexes (NOT excluding females) This doesn't mean you must distrust everyone on the planet, just trust your instincts. Sorry, I really don't mean to preach but I know from friends that some people, as sick as it might sound, actually get off on hearing the details.And I worry that your children might be targetted in the years to come by people who might recognise them as victims.
Believe me I do understand where you are coming from, having similar personal experiences, which beggars belief when I stop and think about it. I know the anger, the self blame and what-ifs you must be going through, and what they say about what doesn't break you, makes you stronger, is so true! Take care x0x

Robin - posted on 05/08/2010

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I'm so sorry to hear that. Take good care of your children and yourself.

Chrissy - posted on 04/17/2010

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Thank you for sharing your story!! This is a sad reality for many parents. I pray that someday soon we will have a legal system that will do more to protect our children from this nightmare.

Giselle - posted on 04/06/2010

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Thank you for your complete openness and honesty! This is a great way to launch this group and establish a caring and supportive environment where mothers can talk frankly and honestly about this sensitive, but extremely important, issue.