how do you over come domestic violence?

Casey - posted on 12/13/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Im 22 years old, and have been the victim of domestic violence by the hands of my sons father. We were together for just about 3 years, & its now been 1&1/2 years since i left him & i feel like i am never going to be free of his evil. i havent been able to move forward & be involved in any new relationships. its taken all this time just to repair the damage he caused to my mind, my heart & my spirit. cuts bruises & broken bones heal in weeks, the damage done inside takes years heal.... & you can never go back 100% to who you were before it happend. Well, he got back about 3 weeks ago from doing a 6 month rehab course, in which we began comunicating again in regards to our child because I hoped & beleived he was changing his life around, but my hopes were so very wrong. Im already recieving phone threats of violence from him, today he even threatened to kill me. Im so tired of going through all this, the fear of what hes capable of & guilt i feel over my son having him as a father. Its made me miserable on the inside; being afraid to get too close to anyone because I dont want to see them get hurt because of me, always looking over my shoulder waiting for the day his threats start to turn to action. i dont know if he truely means it or if hes just trying to manipulate me & break me down but it doesnt matter. its still destroying my peace of mind. I want to be happy, I want to be able to be free of his evil & find someone who truely loves me & my son, and will be there for us like a real man is supposed to. Be a loving Father to my wonderful son, not just use him as a tool to manipulate. Has anyone else been through anything like this? How do you get through it? Not just survive it, but overcome it? What does my life matter if my heart & soul have been broken & destroyed.... God, anyone, help me.

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Laurie - posted on 11/12/2013

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How does a mom ever get over the pain caused and lives shattered as a result of dv and sexual abuse of children?
Family is seperated and in conflict most of the time cause can't deal with the traumatic event.
Blaming mom and resentment towards younger sibling for her fathers wrong doings? Yet having to deal with daughter wanting to know why her dad is in prison?

Abby - posted on 08/29/2012

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i am in the same boat i was in an abusive relationship for 8 years and it was horrid. i feel guilt because my son witnessed a lot of it and now he has this anger that i can not seem to control i am trying to get him help i just need to know what how. i am in a new relationship and this has carried on to my new relationship. the man i am with is so sweet an loving and caring and cares about my son but i still can not seem to get it together i lie to him i hide things from him because i still have this fear i can not over come i dont know what to do. i am destroying a relationship with someone who is so sweet and loves me truely because i cant seem to move past the fear., if we argue i still have this fear that i dont want to come home because of what might happen. he has never laid a hand on me or even yelled at me to a point of not be tolerated. i dont know what my problem is. he will keep coming at you until you put a stop to it. i just cut all ties with my ex because that was the only way to do so. good luck.

L.A. - posted on 04/25/2010

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Your group link isn't a link but an image. Go to where you have the group page highlight the address in the top go box on your tool bar & repost for others to find it. ;-)

Hang in there. It's going to be a rough ride but you can do it. Won't be easy and things may be bad before they get better. Stick to your gut instincts & what you know is right in your heart. Seek out others whom have been through it. Myself being one of them & now can say I am a survivor in so many ways still a victim as we are under state protection programs still 10 yrs later. Still not easy but gets better.

Weak moments confide in friends. Make a list of the pros & cons to keep by you when you feel less strong. Read it again. To easy to remember the good that you thought or once had when first meeting but the bad usually always out ways the good, honey. Support is what you need to keep you strong. Without it the struggle not to go back again will be a very thin line. Here is another link you might want to check out & become a part of: http://www.couragenetwork.com/

You are stronger then you think you are and the first step in the right direction is getting out! Support groups help a lot as well. Chin up. Any questions or guidance I can provide I'd be happy to. 7 yrs in abusive relationship that consisted of hospital visits, restraining orders, court days, arrests and one very angry abuser because of it. Yes, even I went back twice. Wasn't long before I did what I already knew the first time but wouldn't listen to heart or head and finally stayed out. Helps to relocate yourself as well if possible. Fresh start. The further away the better. I hope this helps. Lisa

Katlynn - posted on 03/18/2010

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i was in a relationship for two years with my daughters father we were engaged to be married and he was a nice man, when he was sober which was very few and far between. He has alot of substance problems and was very physically mentally and emotionally abusive towards me, and it got even worse once we found out i was pregnant, are last big blow out before i left him for good almost wound up with me loosing my daughter because of his actions, and at that point i finally got the courage to charge him, so it was atleast documented witht he police if anything ever came of it, the last words he yelled at em as the police were taking him away was that when ever he got out he was going to come and rape and murder me,,,, i was heart broken for a very long time and i lived in fear of him. even today i still live with a huge amount of resentment towards him for what he did to me and for not being a father to such a beautiful little innocent girl and am unable to move on to a new relationship out of fear and severe trust issues. Slowly its getting better, after talking to people about what has gone on, and time is helping a litte, one day i will find soemone who is loving and accepting of both me and my daughter and our past, as you one day will to. It will be fine there is suprisingly a large number of women that have been through this situation...

Casey - posted on 12/20/2009

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I have created a group to help victims & loved ones of Domestic Violence start dealing with and overcoming the hurtles that come with living through these experiences, or getting oneself out of such situations, by sharing experiences encouragement & advice with one another. As a survivor of domestic violence i know the challenges it brings, and have myself gained strength & support from some of you moms who responded to a post i made in the Single Moms group... I just wanted to allow other women, any women, to have the same loving support as you have offered to me. i have set the contents of the group to private to keep discussions limited to the eyes of those participating, but anyone is welcome!! This is a problem that too many women face, and we need face it together & get strength & hope from one another.... this is the link, please join... today may be the day that you save someones life or read something that saves yours!! thank you & God Bless all

Overcoming Domestic Violence on Circle of Moms

Emily - posted on 12/16/2009

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thats great! it always helps to talk about things, especially when the persn you are talking to can relate, so hopefully your program will benifit you greatly! good luck with everything! and if you ever need to talk dont hesitate to drop a line!

Casey - posted on 12/16/2009

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I went and filed a PPO on Monday, & I am still waiting to here back from the court/judge on the ruling. and After posting this message here & on the single moms page, i had a lot of women in similar shoes that reached out to me and gave me the courage to start doing something about all of this. I joined a program yesterday at the neighborhood church called Celebrate Recovery for anyone who has "hurts, hang ups, or bad habits"... while they are helping work through all this with Gods love, they have also put me in contact with another local group that offers assistance, counseling & even temporary housing if neccessary. thank you for your help! God bless

Emily - posted on 12/15/2009

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Hi; while i have never been in a situation that is nearly comparable to your own, i do have a few friends who have been in similar situations. I think its great you are reaching out for help, and i think talking about it is going to help you. Do you have any support groups in your area you can go to? or any access to councelling? i think that that could really help in regards to your situation and the guilt you are feeling. You shouldnt be feeling guilty, the problem isnt yours. Have you gotten an AVO on your ex? if you havnt maybe you should consider that?



sorry i couldnt be of more help.

Emily - posted on 12/15/2009

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Hi; while i have never been in a situation that is nearly comparable to your own, i do have a few friends who have been in similar situations. I think its great you are reaching out for help, and i think talking about it is going to help you. Do you have any support groups in your area you can go to? or any access to councelling? i think that that could really help in regards to your situation and the guilt you are feeling. You shouldnt be feeling guilty, the problem isnt yours. Have you gotten an AVO on your ex? if you havnt maybe you should consider that?



sorry i couldnt be of more help.

Emily - posted on 12/15/2009

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Hi; while i have never been in a situation that is nearly comparable to your own, i do have a few friends who have been in similar situations. I think its great you are reaching out for help, and i think talking about it is going to help you. Do you have any support groups in your area you can go to? or any access to councelling? i think that that could really help in regards to your situation and the guilt you are feeling. You shouldnt be feeling guilty, the problem isnt yours. Have you gotten an AVO on your ex? if you havnt maybe you should consider that?



sorry i couldnt be of more help.

Emily - posted on 12/15/2009

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Hi; while i have never been in a situation that is nearly comparable to your own, i do have a few friends who have been in similar situations. I think its great you are reaching out for help, and i think talking about it is going to help you. Do you have any support groups in your area you can go to? or any access to councelling? i think that that could really help in regards to your situation and the guilt you are feeling. You shouldnt be feeling guilty, the problem isnt yours. Have you gotten an AVO on your ex? if you havnt maybe you should consider that?



sorry i couldnt be of more help.

Emily - posted on 12/15/2009

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19

7

Hi; while i have never been in a situation that is nearly comparable to your own, i do have a few friends who have been in similar situations. I think its great you are reaching out for help, and i think talking about it is going to help you. Do you have any support groups in your area you can go to? or any access to councelling? i think that that could really help in regards to your situation and the guilt you are feeling. You shouldnt be feeling guilty, the problem isnt yours. Have you gotten an AVO on your ex? if you havnt maybe you should consider that?



sorry i couldnt be of more help.

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