Thanks so much & a quick request =]

Becky - posted on 01/09/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Thanks to all of you for joining Moms Against Domestic Violence! As a survivor myself, I would like to know if there are others in our community that have fought this battle also. In the next couple of days (like, when I have a few free seconds while the kids are at school!) I\'ll be sharing with all of you my personal experiences at the hands of an abuser, and how I and my children were able to get out. \n\nWhen each of you have time, if you\'ve struggled or are struggling with domestic violence in your home, and if you are comfortable sharing your personal story, please consider sharing it with our community. The purpose of this community is to provide encouragement and support for families suffering in this way, and to spread awareness of what a very real, very dangerous problem domestic violence is. Those of us who have survived it need to use our awful experience to benefit others and save lives and homes.\n\nThanks so much, y\'all! I really appreciate your support of our community!\n\n-Becky

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14 Comments

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Kial - posted on 02/15/2010

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how many different forms of abuse are there?

my story; i married very young (16) and had my first child at age 17. I was abused emotionally and mentally and occasionally hit for a long 4 years before my husband up and left me and my children while i was 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child. the moths after he left we devastating and i felt as if i was lost. he played around with my head for a little while after this saying that he was no longer with the other lady but then me finding out otherwise. after about 8 months i was at home (my own house) sleeping when he came in and beat me to a pulp the police were called and he was arrested and i was hospitalised. we went through the whloe court case and what not and he has saught help for his anger issues. i find that he isn o longer angry and have not been hit since but i still ive in the constent fear that he could switch at any time its been alost 3 years since and things have been great. he has moved home he is fully devoted to me and our children and i have never been happier. am i a sucker for staying? please help me if you can.

Adriana - posted on 02/05/2010

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hi everyone my name is adriana im 23 and have 4 kids, and also a survivor of domestic violence....at first i didnt think anything of i was just 15 and he was 18 at first it was a slap here and there but then it started to get worse and thats was when i found out i was pregnant( at 16) at 8 months he tried killing me when i was trying to sleep he was choking me i thought after i had the baby things would change but it didnt i finally left when my son was 11months old he had smacked me in the face and pull my hair and threw me in to wall he then left but he had locked me and my son in the room so we wouldnt leave but as soon as iknew he left i picked the lock i grab my son a bottle and acouple of diapers and left i came back to my mom and never went back i havent seen him and he hasnt seen my son and my son is 6 now....i thank god every day for the courage to get up and leave to protect myself but most importantly my son .....domestic violence in teenage relationships wasnt well known no one really talked about it so no one knew what was going on

Kimberly - posted on 02/03/2010

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I'm sorry I'm over a year late. Yes, I've survived domestic violence, among other types of abuse. I don't actually want to get into my story here, as it's extremely lengthy and drawn out. I support all of you, and know that in time of need, I'm here for emotional support, listening, whatever you need!

Annabanana6448 - posted on 11/08/2009

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Hi becky, My childrens father was murdered in a DV situation. This is a very real issue for our family. I currently work at the YWCA in Utah. Its a domestic violence shelter for battered women. Anytime you need to ask me questions i will be more than happy to share my story. Annalee

Brandy - posted on 07/28/2009

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I married at a young age had two children and was widowed and unlike most widows I rushed into a new relationship thinking it heal old wounds. I ended up in an abusive relationship I was in it for 6 years had one daughter with him and have been abuse free now for 7 years.

Becky - posted on 05/19/2009

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What a nightmare! I don't know if she has religious ties to a church or synagogue where she's moving to, but if so, here is one step that might help:

My aunt's sister and her sister's kids were victims of terrible abuse. Eventually, they had to run from the man, literally in the middle of the night. The leaders at the church that she attended helped plan and orchestrate the family's escape, and an associated congregation in another city hid them and their whereabouts for months. Not even my aunt or her parents knew where they were - they just knew they were being protected by a church family where they were taken. Restraining orders do not help if the one against whom they were filed is not afraid of the law. The only thing restraining orders can do is provide a guarantee of justice after a violent act has already taken place. I know that there are churches that would help your sister and her kids, even if she has no prior affiliation with them. This is an option if she needs to keep her whereabouts secret for a while. They would know how to help her live and function without having to publicize her identity, if necessary. Have her get in touch with a church, and if you need some suggestions, let me know - I would be willing to help find one in the area she's moving to. Law enforcement does a wonderful job of helping protect the public, but on an individual basis, it's much harder for them to adequately ensure a single family's safety. Let me know if there's anything I can help with or research for you - those of us who have been victims ourselves are willing to extend whatever assistance we can to help another victim to safety.

Jamie - posted on 04/26/2009

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Being a victim of Domestic Violence myself, I realized, for me, it wasn't until my ex went to prison for 7 1/2 years that I realized that I was really strong enough to leave. I really always though I was a strong person endouring what I went through as a child and not having a father myself, living with abuse, and being taken away from my parents, but my ex, he was my weakness. It was a really bad situation, but the worst for me, was the mental abuse and the level at which it lowered my self-confidence and self-respect. I am SO glad my daughter was young enough to not remember it all now. Looking back, it was going through those days/years that make me THAT MUCH stronger now! Women are strong I've realized! We have to be!



Now, my sister has been going through a similar situation. She is trying to escape her girls' father, who is by every definition, a sociopath, mental and physical abuser, etc. She is a single mom, and he extorts money from her she doesn't have, and she has been too afraid to tell him no. Well now, she's really taken steps over the last month to try and get protection from him. She had to quit her job because he was stalking and harassing her by phone there. He looked-up my #, our mom's #, and constantly leaves me harassing voice messages. It's just a nightmare! But I am trying not to be a victim. I am in contact with our local police. I also set-up an appointment with our county DA, which was not exactly easy, and my sister told them everything (about the other women he has hospitalized, weapons, arsen, leaving someone for dead literally, and so on). I have really tried to do all that I can to help the situation, I think? She is moving out of the county next weekend, taking her kids to a new school, she has 2 restraining orders (1 civil and 1 criminal), but really... what else can we do to get her some real protection from him?! If he were to find her, she would be in SERIOUS trouble!

Anyone have any suggestions of any next steps or personal experience?!

Becky - posted on 04/23/2009

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Thanks for sharing your story with us, Louise! I'm so sorry that you and your daughter had to go through that, but it's encouraging that you were able to get out. I'm glad you emphasized the necessity of getting professional counseling for you and your daughter, and how helpful it was to you. More women coming out of these types of relationships should recognize that there's no shame at all in seeking a professional's assistance during recovery - because that's just what it is: a recovery. One wouldn't attempt to recover from leg or hip surgery without recovery therapy; nor would one expect to get over a bacterial infection without a professional's administration of an antibiotic for recovery. So it is with other types of trauma, such as being abused. We were never meant to go through those things, and therefore, we're not built to recover from them by ourselves.

Thanks again, for bringing out one of the most important steps for victims and their families in recovering from domestic violence.

Louise - posted on 04/17/2009

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Hi Ladies...i have read your stories and i am to a survivor of domestic violence......i was lucky to escape after a 5 year ordeal with this monster ! the only way i escaped was the help of another person whom showed me that i could do it and i didnt need to die to escape him....that person has been my true inspiration in life and we are together to day and very happy....so i suppose there is happiness in the world we just have to find it..or in my case it came to me like a true angel blessing !

i think the best thing that i ever did was to seek help from a physcologist and what she taught me was it wasnt my fault ! she made me understand why he idit and the power he needed to have over me ! my daughter is a whole different case, coming out of that marriage she suffered from adha/seperation anxiety/ high anxiety.....this has been my biggest battle....and the saddest part for me is that because my daughter witnessed how he treated me and everything that he did to me ...she has grown up thinking thats exceptable and she treats me exactly how her father use to treat me ! it has been a long hard recovery process with drs, specialists, naturpath, counsellors.......

we take day by day hats all we can do, but with the support of my family and and the constant understanding of my husband i couldnt of gotten this far without them.

Becky - posted on 02/28/2009

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Sandra,



What words of courage and strength!  I am so moved by hearing stories from women like you who stand taller than they were before, having conquered such gut-wrenching evil.  Thank you for your post, and thank you for your example.  You are an encouragement to me and, I can only imagine, many, many others!

Sandra - posted on 02/28/2009

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hi becky as a survivor of domestic violence that i thought would be the death of me, i would like to say how from the bowels of the earth i somehow found the courage to escape from hell,it has taken me 15 years to find a remnant of myself, with 6 mental breakdowns,and left suffering sycosis that i will never be rid of i am now back from a journey that i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy,but today i stand here stronger than i have ever been. escaping from my home with my kids was the scariest thing i have ever done,but it was the best move i ever made. i urge woman everywhere who suffer domestic violence make the break or ask for help it's very frightening but very worth the peace of mind you will have in the long term. i cant stess how strongly i feel for women and childeren trapped in D V situations.

Joy - posted on 01/17/2009

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I hope you enjoy it.  It was alabor of love.  It taught me a lot about myself, and what I still need to do to get healthy. 

Becky - posted on 01/10/2009

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It would certainly not be a bore, but rather, an inspiration!  =]  I will check out your website, and respond again when I've had a chance to peruse.  Thank you!

Joy - posted on 01/09/2009

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My story is pretty lengthy, but rather than bore you  with that, if you are interested in getting to know me,and learn a lot more about DV in the process, check out www.ladybugflights.com and go into the archives. (I also hasve an articele this month)  The Sep-Nov issues have a domestic violence section called fly away home that I wrote.  CHeck it out, and let me know what you think!

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