How did you lose your child?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Beckey - posted on 05/24/2010
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.
This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!
Tammy - posted on 03/09/2013
My name is Tammy. I am new to circle of moms... I lost my son Brandon suddenly on 02-13-2013. I was at work when I recieved the horrible news. I screamed and got down on my knees and begged Jesus please dont take him.. But it was too late. My son went to sleep and never woke up.He was 28 yrs young. He was complaining with a headache. We dont know if it was something medically wrong or we think he might of taken too much medicine for the pain. I have to wake up to 16 weeks before I know. My son was Handsome,kind, generous, fun, thoughtful. He was not married nor did he have children, It saddens me he will never have them now. My heart is broken into a million pieces. I miss him so much. He was my pride and joy, Im told time will heal. I dont think any parent can get over loosing their child. I am fine for about and hour and than I cry and I cant stop. How does a parent learn to live without their child? No more birthdays, no more christmas, no more anything.. I cant live without him. We were very close. I want him back. I love him so.. I dont want to be told he is in a better place.. No he should be here with me with his family and living his life.. Im so mad at the world, He hasnt even ben gone a month! How do I do this? How can I go on living. The pain is too much... I love and miss you my sweet boy Brandon. You will always be with me every minute of everyday of my life.. I will be doing everything I can to keep your memory alive.... xoxoxox Momma
Alisha - posted on 01/27/2011
Hi..I am a new member. My daughter passed away almost six months ago. She was 2 months away from her 3rd birthday. She drowned in our family pool. I went to get her and my other daughter clothes to wear to dinner...came out and my daughter was out of the play room. I was never in the pool that day, I was almost five months pregnant and not feeling well... and the others who were forgot to remove the ladder. In the time it took me to pick out two outfit..my daughter had made it upstairs, outside and in the pool..She was face down and non-responsive. The doctors worked with her for several hours and in the end she didnt make it. I have struggled with how the other adults didn't see her..and sometimes I was like how was I the only doing what I was supposed to be..how didnt they realize my baby girl? When I went to get her clothes she even still had her life jacket on..I always left it on right up until I changed her clothes and checked the pool myself..but that day her life jacket got removed without my knowledge.. But I have tried so hard not to place the blame. The pain is unimaginable ...I dont know how to get through this. I miss my little girl so much. The pain kills me inside.
Lacey - posted on 11/05/2013
I can feel your pain and there are no words to completely describe after losing your only child. I can not believe there are people out there that actually believe there is this magic book, or maybe a pill that will heal us. There is NOTHING that can possibly help, but only speak with others who have the same situation as well as somewhat the same pain as you for your precious child, Tammy! I have noticed that absolutely no one has taken the time to reply to your post. I just want you to know that I am replying to you and I DO CARE!
With Love, Lacey May
Susan - posted on 01/29/2013
In a carr accident. He was 15 years old and a passenger in his best friends car. His best friend was driving over 100 miles an hour and my son (who left a twin sister behind) and our neighbor girl all died on impact. This was 7 years ago and It still feels like yesterday. :(
Shelly - posted on 06/23/2011
April, That is a horrible accident. But I must commend you for knowing and doing things to keep strong for you 5 year old. It is so important that they still feel secure. And it is equally important for you and your husband to stay strong for each other. Your 5 yr old son can tell when things are not right. But being strong is often difficult to do. You have a deep pain that my never go away, but will get better. Your little boy just needs to know he is safe and how much you love him and his brother. We found that if we talked about our daughter often and positive it was much easier for our other children to accept and understand what was going on. Sounds like your doing good and learning to cope well. Keep being strong and with time things will get easier! --Shelly
Shelly - posted on 06/23/2011
Alisha, I'm SO sorry for your lose and SO sorry for not replying sooner. I hope things are going better. I, too, have had questions in my mind of how no one saw my daughter disappear form a youth activity with over 150 people there. But over time I've come to terms that placing any fault on someone else is not going to bring my daughter back. You also have to remember that the others that were in the pool and left the ladder in are feeling tremendous guilt of there own. Even as hard as it might be, you (as I had to do) might need to reassure them that it happened and they need to let go of their guilt and that you don't hold them responsible for what happened. It was a terrible accident. But I'm am very sure no one had want any harm to your little girl. The will suffer with it for the rest of their life. Be strong for them as I'm sure they've been for you. It's the hardest thing to let things like this go but you have to. Not just for your own well being but the all those around you. If you need to alk more please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Even if you just want to vent or cry. I'll listen. BTW how did everything go with your pregnancy? Wishing you well. --Shelly
April - posted on 06/22/2011
my son reece died in january. he was eight years old. he died unexpectedly in a hunting accident. his gun was caught on a tamrack and fired accidentally. the past few months have been just horrible, but my husband and i are coping and trying everything we can to be well for our 5 year old son. we do so many things in his memory, but we just wish he could come home.
Lisa - posted on 11/06/2010
My name is Lisa Colfer. I am a new member and am reaching out. I lost my Brittney at age 17 October 1,2010 28 days before her 18th birthday. She was struck by a car 3 feet from the curb.She went to the ER 2 days later telling them her head hurt really bad and she was forgetting things.They sent her away and made a appointment with her pcp.Well she told them the samething they set her up with a dr. for the 8th for memory loss instead of sending her to the hospital for another CT scan she died that nite by herself. I still hear my ex- husband saying Brittney's dead. It haunts me so bad.I just don't know what to do or how to feel. One minute I'm so mad I could rip something apart, next I'm crying so bad it's not funny.I keep saying She was only 17,she had so much life left in her why, why did she have to leave us. I don't know what to do. I have a 2 and 4 yr old I know I have to stay strong for them.I could honestly stay in bed all day in the dark.She had a ruff yr and a half but she pulled her life together she went back to school got a job.She was so proud. How does a parent get through this. The holiday's are coming.Brittney loved christmas.How do I get through this day without her. I have 3 older kids how do I support them when I don't know what to do for myself. What hurts the most is she could of been saved if the drs. would of done there jobs.
God Bless you all
Marlina - posted on 10/08/2010
I had a stillborn baby girl march 19, 2010. I went to the hospital march 17, 2010 because i was worrying and panicky because i have not felt the baby move. I told my husband and mother-in-law and they took me to the hospital. Well i delivered her 2 days later and they took the placenta and the umbilical cord to the lab. We got the results back a few weeks later, the umbilical cord had 4-5 twists in it. I guess she was moving around alot or the umbilical cord was to long and some how she twisted it and it cut off her oxygen. I miss her even tho i never heard her take a breath or her first cry. My husband and i help each other thru this. His sister went thru the same thing so i go talk to her too. I cry when i see babies or whena pregnant woman walks by or i even see her. I will never forget her. People say god does things for a reason, don't put a question mark where god puts a period. How can i not??
Beckey - posted on 05/24/2010
I can't share this with anyone as they would think I was crazy! But the last two night I have been awakened by something rubbing my lower leg. I know it wasn't the cat as I quickly woke and my door was shut and no cat in my room. Has anyone had visits from their children..............I think he was comforting me.........
Beckey - posted on 05/24/2010
My son had battled depression and drug abuse from the age of 14. He had several suicide attemts that failed. When he had finally pulled his life together he made a choice of taking pills..........Because he was clean they killed him. But his death was ruled methasone intoxification...............mannor of death unknown. I still cry myself to sleep...........the dreams, the nightmares and the way I found him will haunt me forever. I still don't understand why he is gone..........just when he pulled his head out of the clouds and was on top of the world............it ended.
Beckey - posted on 05/24/2010
Don't Tell Me
Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don?t tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don?t tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.
Beckey - posted on 05/24/2010
I lost my son to an overdose of methadone. I have to attend his High School Graduation on June 1st as he will be remembered for his accomplishments. I have been having a very hard time as he died on Jan 30 and days I just can't get out of bed. I will never be the same person I was.............but I have to find a way to go on living
Alicia - posted on 05/03/2010
I lost two sons on Mothers day, 2008.I have 6 kids, and I had six then, I've had two more kids since I lost Noah and Spencer.
Spencer was 17, and he was going somewhere in his car. Noah, my nine year old son wanted to go with him, and I let him. I got a call about an hour later saying they had been involved in a car accident.
When I got to the hospital, I was allowed to see Noah, but Spencer was in emergency surgery, to fix a puncture wound near his abdomen. Noah was cut and bloody and his hair was matted. I talked with him for about an hour, he was drifting in and out of sleep. He had alot of pain towards the end of our hour together, and they came in and gave him sedatives. He was out like a light.
I was then allowed to see Spencer. Spencer didn't look too good, and his breathing was faltered. He had congestion and was asleep. He woke up about 30 minutes later, and we talked and talked for a while.
They told me that they found a small brain hemorrhage. They moved him to the PICU for observation.
Spencers heart monitor went off around 3 am, they rushed in and out and told him they were going to let us talk for about 30 minutes about whether or not we wanted him to go on lifesupport. We decided yes.
around 5 am, Spencer started going braindead. Only about 36% of his brain was responding. Spencer was completely braindead by 11:00 am. They said that if they left him on the ls, that he would just be like a vegetable for the rest of his life- unable to do anything. We took him off of LS, and Spencer passed away at 11:53am on May 12 2008.
After that, Noahs condition went from stable to critical within minutes. Noahs brain hemorrhage doubled in size, and there was nothing they could do to stop it. Noah was announced dead at 3:24 pm May 12.
I feel like my heart has been broken, shattered into a million pieces, and over the last two years, I have been going back, trying to replace the pieces. But theres always two missing. Theres always two pieces that I can't find, and those two pieces belong to Spencer and Noah. I can't wait to see them again.
Niesiagarza - posted on 03/25/2010
Hello everyone, it will be a year on Saturday (27 Mar 10) that we lost our middle child, Daniel. He was 2 years old when he passed away. Our son had a rare blood disorder called Hemophagocytic lymphohistiocytosis (HLH). It is a rare blood disease that is caused by an excess of white blood cells called histiocytes. It can attack different parts of your body and central nervous system. In our son's case, it attack his brain. He was diagnosed at 13 months with this illness. Daniel was born a happy and healthy baby boy. He was walking at 9 months, saying "Ma and Da" and eating on his own. At about 11 months Daniel stop walking, doctors said it was due to an ear infection that he had. We were at the hospital every week from April to May 07 but the doctors were saying that everything was okay (they did a CAT scan nothing showed, blood work showed his was anemic so they thought). Then on 2 Jun 07, we rushed Daniel to the ER because he was unable to move on his right side, he had had a stroke that left him paralyzed on the right side of his face and body. They did a MRI (which shows more than a CAT scan, we didn't know that at the time) and our son had lesions (holes) all on his brain. We were rushed to a children hospital and the ran every test possible for 2 weeks before knowing what was going on with our son. That's when they told us that he had a rare blood disorder called HLH. With it being so rare the doctors didn't know what the symptons were (which Daniel had all of them) and didn't know what to look for. Daniel fought a long and hard battle for over a year in a half before his little body just gave out last year. Daniel has taught us so much about being a fighter and he touch so many people lives at such a young age. Our faith and our family grew much stronger. The doctors only gave Daniel a couple of months to live but he was a fighter and he had the Grace and Mercy of God. We have two more children (a older daughter and a younger one). It hurts so much to see them hurting and not truly understanding what happen to their brother and the youngest not truly knowing her brother besides the pictures and stories that we share and keeping his memory alive each and every day. Each day is a struggle but we try to press forward for our girls but it is hard because there are days when all I want to do is crawl up in a ball. It will be a year and I'm still angry, mad, sad and need answers. It hurt so much to know that everyday that I wake up that he is not here or seeing my girls playing and knowing that he is not here growing up with them. I just feel guilty when we do something as a family because Daniel is not here to share these memories with us. Its hard and I know that our family will never be the same again. I'm blessed to have my girls and they are healthy but I'm incomplete without Daniel being here. It hurts so much. I know we will see him again one day but it still hurts right now.
Grace - posted on 03/05/2010
I so feel for all of you! The grief never completely goes away. And it's okay. The tears come easier now for all kinds of emotional things. And that is okay, too. We can so much more empathize with others who are suffering and we need to do that.
Our little Amelia died 10 years ago February 15 of neuroblastoma - a solid tumor cancer that travels where nerves are made starting from the andrenal gland at the kidneys. She was almost five years old. But God let us have her for more than a year and a half after her diagnoses and we were able to teach her about Jesus and she was ready to go see Him. We had a hard time letting her go but knew she couldn't live her with the body she had. Her last words just before she slipped into a coma were "Daddy, Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so." She died about six hours after that - quietly, gently, without a struggle. We had her funeral the next day...she is buried on our property here in the country just east of our home.
After she died, our little boy, said, "You still have me!" And we did. He has been a delight...
Then God blessed us with another little girl four years after Amelia died. She is the joy of our lives.
We still miss Amelia very much...we talk about her often. We know we will see her again.
Jennifer - posted on 02/10/2010
I am so sorry to everyone who has lost a child, no matter their age at the time. Thank you all for sharing your stories. Unfortunately I have a similar one, and it goes like this. At 19 I was married and expecting twin daughters, Identical twins. When I was 6 months pregnant we found out one of our daughter's had a congenital heart defect.We prayed alot and I stayed on bed rest for weeks. I had terrible preterm labor and my daughter's were born 8 weeks prematurely. Valerie's heart defect had progressed and her surgeons were hopeful! Valerie weighed 4lbs and had no other health issues at birth. Vivien weighed 3lbs and had no health issues at all, thank God. When she was ten days old, Valerie developed Necrotizing enterocolitis, which means her intestines were dying and perforating, extending her belly with bacteria filled air. She was rushed to Loma Linda University medical center and underwent emergency surgery. She came through the surgery fine and was recovering well. Though it was painful to see, we had every hope for her recovery. We traveled non stop between our two children's hospitals, trying to be with them both. Vivien came home at 21 days, a healthy 4 lbs. Valerie's condition worsened at the doctor's attempt to put a central line IV into her chest. Her body went into shock, her kidney's failed, and she passed away at 26 days. We made the decision to remove her from life support and let the Lord take her, if that was what was going to happen. We tried everything but in the end we had to have faith, and if I did not have my other daughter who needed me, I don't believe I would have made it through my deep dark hole of excruciating grief. The hardest thing I have ever done was to place my child's body in the arms of the nurse for the last time and say goodbye.
My daughter is almost 14 years old now, and I wonder what it would be like with two menstruating teenage girls...I would give anything to know.
The hardest part for me was that I come from a family that doesn't know how to deal with issues like this, so they don't. My daughter's name was never mentioned by family, that really hurts. I know she lived, they know she lived, and I want everyone to know she lived, because she lived for a reason, and she is my child.
To everyone who shares my pain...you are not alone, I am with you in this. The years may lessen the pain, minimally, but it can never lessen my love.
In Loving Memory of my Daughter, Valerie Joy Ridgway (6/4-6/30/1996) RIP Angel.
Tara - posted on 02/06/2010
My name is Tara Benacka, and I am a new memer here. I recently had a stillborn son on October 6, 2009. I was only 22.5 weeks along, and was beginning to feel him move. The day it all happened, I had went to some appointments during the morning and was feeling fine. Then all of a sudden I started heavy bleeding that wouldn't go away, and started having back pain. I knew something wasn't right. My husband rushed me to the hospital and the nurse checked for a heart beat with the doppler and couldn't find one. Then they checked with the fetal monitor and it was only picking me up. The nurse called my doctor and she came and I was already 10 centimeters. I later found out that I had pre eclampsia. I was shocked. I have no idea why it happened to me. I just want to find ways to grieve. I also found out that my 3rd child has Autism. I just need help.
Crystal - posted on 01/29/2010
My daughter was stillborn November 1, 2007. It was shocking!! i spent about a month in the Harrisburg Hospital due preterm labor. I was monitored very closely. They keep me and Eden on monitors 24 hours a day. When I was 36 weeks along they sent be home and told me everything was ok and if I went into labor that I could deliver with my ob/gyn in Chambersburg. The next week I went to my check up and the Dr could not find Eden's heartbeat. This was so shocking because I felt her kicking the night before. I miss her so much. I can only image what my husband goes through. I feel blessed that I got to carry Eden for 37 weeks, he didn't get that chance. We talk about her all the time and my family has been great through our ups and downs. I feel for any parent that has lost a child at any age. It gets hard sometimes because my sister was just 4 months ahead of me being pregant. We joked all the time that we are close and were so close as kids that now our daughters were going to jsut as close. I love my neice with all my heart, but seeing pics of her sometimes just pulls at my heart. (my sister lives in Missouri)
Sherry - posted on 01/20/2010
Oh how fortunate I feel for having my precious daughter for 19 wonderful years. She died because of an auto accident on 4/22/2009. Brande was a nursing student going to LSU in the fall of 2009 and she was an organ donor. We have talked to her heart recipient and met her liver recipient this year. I am now a volunteer for Donate Life and LOPA.org. Brande Nicole Denson is on the hero page at www.lopa.org . I have two other daughters and two sons, but there is nothing in this world like loosing your child. No matter how old that child may be. I think it would be harder for me to lose a baby and my heart goes out to each and every one of you who have written. I hope you find comfort and love, This world is filled with angels. Sometimes we just dont see them all. Sherry
Toni - posted on 12/10/2009
we lost our 2 week old son 3 weeks ago, he had died in his sleep. near enough every week on the same day it happened i am overwhelmed with tears, but for the rest of the week on the outside im fine and i go about my business as usual looking after my other child tidyin his grave etc, i saw a baby boy a bit older than him but looked a lot like him and they had the same changing bag etc and i jus broke down in tears and on 1 hand i think why am i crying i shouldnt be cryin in front of people and tryin to cover it up and on the other i think why the hell not, if i could stand on top of a mountain i would be screaming as loud as i could and asking why he was taken, then on some days i think that it was his time to go, he was only visiting, he must of got taken for a good reason. so many things go through my head, like all different beliefs, is he looking down on us or is he near us in spirit is it him that makes me go all cold for a brief few minutes when that morning ive stood at the foot of his grave asking for a cuddle, or is this world just 'it'? i have another daughter who is 3, and just recently shes got a viral infection and has been vomiting and for the last 48 hours shes been downstairs where we can keep an eye and takin it turns to watch her whilst the other sleeps im so cautious now like checkin on her all the time. when i cry i try and hide it from her but just recently like in the last week she keeps talking about angels she said her best friends an angel and she was playing with a red ball with him. She loves going to visit her little brother cos she talks to him and blows him bubbles and gives him her lollypops. when she talks about 'baby' or angels as if they are there it makes me wonder whether she sees him, which to tell you the truth eases the pain a lot. i think the best thing is to take a day at a time but i am so thankful i got to spend 2 precious weeks with him and i have a video made of him and lots of photos were taken before it happened, so for that im very thankful. i hope he is looking down on us, and visiting my daughter in her dreams, and in one way i hope this pain never goes away in case hes forgotten.
Sarah - posted on 12/03/2009
I lost my daughter in a car accident on October 3, 2000. I can't believe it's been 9 years. I've had my ups and downs over the years and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her...what she would look like, etc...I can only imagine what a wonderful young lady she would be. I have since had 4 more children and it is hard because they have so many questions. They are still young and don't fully understand and I don't have all the right answers. I can only hope that they will understand in time. I miss Haleigh everyday. I give her all the credit for the women I am today. I was very young when she past away and it changed my life more than I can express in words. I love her very much and am proud of her. I was able to donate her heart valves and am blessed to say that 2 very sick children were able to use them. I feel that she is living on through them and that makes each day a little easier. I send my sympathy to each and everyone of you during such difficult times. Hang in there and be strong for our little angels.
Beverly - posted on 11/30/2009
i lost him in a car accident it will be 10 yrs. the 12 th of dec. it seems so long ago he was my only child he would be 27 and half now. I wish i could hold him and give him a big hug and tell him how much i love him and miss him. i could go into a lot more but i don't know if you have time. I was praying that i could find a site that i could talk things out with people and get other ideas of how and try to move on sometimes i feel like i can't go on more later on if you would like.. my love goes out to you for listening to me just this much God Bless You and my prayers are with you too
Elizabeth - posted on 05/25/2009
I as well lost my son at a very early age. he was born in march and died in april he was about a month old. he was our first child and we were young so we let the baby sleep with us and he got rapped up in the blakets and sufficated. we did not hear anything. when i awoke i could not find him so as i search i foun him in the blankets he was blue. called 911 but when they arrived there was nothing they could do he was gone. because he died at home the state had to do an autopisy to insure there was no abuse. which they found none of. we did donate his organs they were able to transplant two of his heart valves. we were scared to have any more children for the fear that the state would take our next child. i am happy to say that we now have to wonderful children a boy and a girl. when they were to little to roll over i was always checking to see if they were breathing and now as they get ready to turn 2 and four i still am checking even though they may not yet realize. the death of my first son had a very tramatic effect on me. now when they are old enough to understand i will have to try to explain what happened to them. i hop i will be able to when the time comes. i am still very emotional even over simple things. my son is and always will be part of my life here or not. you will never forget but the best thing to do is remember the good times you had even if only a few days.
Mary - posted on 03/05/2009
It was all so sudden. Lukas was my first born and he was only 21 days when it all began. He had been feeding that night and became fussy. I went to check if he needed a diaper change. As I walked with him to his nursery, he began to throw up. I screamed to my husband to come help me clean him. Then, I noticed he had a temperature. So we gave him a warm bath and his temp came down. I spent the night rocking him in his room. All the time praying that God let me keep my son. My husband came to check on us and told me to come to bed. So with Lukas, we went to bed. He slept on a boppy on our bed. So the next morning we called the doctor to make an appointment. But I was beginning to get nervous so after I hung up I told my husband that we had to go now because they were going to see my son. I was going to be the first one. We were on our way when I heard Lukas had some congestion so it eased my mind. I walked in and they took us right away. I walked with the nurse over to the scale. But then when the nurse took him from me to weigh him my nightmare began. She hurried back to the office with him calling another nurse and the doctor. The doctor came in and listened to his heart. He than began to yell at us. Asking us why we had taken him there? I was confused. He began to yell at us that my son was dead. We told him that couldn't be true he was just breathing. Then my son gasped. They did CPR transferred to him to the hospital across the street. Then they transferred him to a childrens hospital. After twenty-seven hours, they tested him for brain activity. There was no reaction. They weren't able to save my son. I am so traumatized by the whole thing. I'm afraid I won't recover. I so want to be a mom again but I feel I had poor judgement and I couldn't go through that again.
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