New to this group...

Linda - posted on 02/25/2009

Dear Cathleena,

Being a survivor myself, your story deeply touched my heart and I'm thrilled you were able to share it here. All of us do need to hear the stories because everyone's story, although similar, is different. And we never know who's story is going to connect perfectly with someone else and uplift them and give support, hope and the feelings that you are not alone. My story is posted on here too and again I thank you for sharing!

I am grateful to hear that things are moving in the positive direction for you and know that is only going to get better, and better and BETTER! My daughter is going to celebrate her 4th birthday on March 2nd and I cannot even describe in words how blessed and excited that I am to be her Mother and the connection and bond the two of us now share - IT'S AMAZING!!!!

Thanks again for opening yourself to the group, we need each other! We are not alone and We will and can get through this!

Cathleena - posted on 02/25/2009

Hi Kim. I'm currently in treatment for PPD. I also developed an auto immune disease about two months ago which has interfered with my progress. It has increased my drepression and the medication has inhibited my PPD meds.  But anyway, I was very lucky to discover a program through my hospital that has a grant (I believe it is the only one in the country) so that the services are free. They have a support group and private therapy sessions available.  We bring our babies to the support group and it's made up of moms at varying stages of PPD. It saved my life.  Hopefully you have a doctor or are recieving some sort of therapy or at least reading books on PPD to help understand what you and many many of us are experiencing.  Because it is not our fault.  It's hormonal. Eventually, we will have more control in overcoming it, but at first, it is to strong and overwhelming. Here's my story. Hope it helps. Please do not feel alone. There are a lot of us out here. I am so glad there are ways like this we can reach out connect on something like this where support is really needed.

I was aware of PPD before my daughter was born but I didn't know what the symptoms really were.  It was my husband who went to my parents with concerns about me and they first brought up PPD. I had experienced a very traumatic emergency c-cection that inclded my own medical complications afterwards that kept me in the hopital for almost two weeks after the birth.  It prevented me from seeing my daughter more than maybe twice a day and the round the clock drugs and blood tests causing very little sleep and poor appetite made pumping and therefore breastfeeding an uphill battle that I lost.  Breastfeeding was always something that was part of my dream of being a mother.  I've always known I wanted to be a mom and that I would be a good mom.  But perhaps it's those expections (combined with other factors like the trauma of and unexpected c-sectino 6 weeks early) that contributed to my PPD.  We were very lucky with our daughter, though.  While I was under observation in the hospital for the two days before, while they were deciding what all the monitoring and readings meant for me and the baby, they gave my shots to help her lungs be ready in case they had to deliver early.  And they were...she came out screaming.  Perfect, kicking and  healthy at 3 lbs. 5 oz. and 15 inches long.  She just had to learn to feed, grow, and maintain her body temp without the incubator.  When she was delivered, I didn't see until 34 hours later.  My blood pressure had sky rocketed and they thought I might stroke out.

Once my daughter came home from the hospital after three and a half weeks in the NICU, I felt like she wasn't mine.  It took two and a half months for me to feel any connection with her.  That was a very difficult thng to admit to anyone...to the safety of the confidentiality of the support group, to my husband, and mostly to my mother. It was so shameful that I didn't feel that glow that my husband and my parents and everyone else felt when they looked at her.  Sure I fed her and changed, her, bathed and took care of anything she needed. But it all felt fake. I was just going through the motions.  I hated feeling like that.  Mostly, I felt like some mistake had been made and I coundn't reconcile that she came from my body.  I so wanted that moment when I've pushed and pushed and then I see the precious reward for the sacrifice that makes it all worth it.  I wanted that moment where my husband is holding my hand while I scream and then sits next to me on the bed and kisses my head as we stare at the new little angel that has blessed our lives; the child we had waited for for so long.  I know life is not a movie, but I felt robbed. I felt robbed of my most cherished dream.  And I know motherhood is and will still be special without those moments because we are having moments now that are wonderful.  But at the time, I wasn't myself anymore.  It was when she first smiled at me that changed everything.  She used to hate getting her diaper changed. Then I just kept talking to her, almost talking to myself really, whioe changing her diaper. And one day, she didn't cry when I put her on her chaning table. She stretched out when i took off her diaper, looked at me while i was talking and smiled. My heart melted.  And that became my gooey moment. Now. changing her diaper, or just being at her changing table for any reason is the happiest part of our day...just her and me.

There are many other obstacles I delt with in my battle with PPD but this was the first and most difficult one for me. I would love to share more with you and this group. But I feel like I've probably posted a lot tonight.  If this helps Kim, please let me know and I will go on later. I would love to hear other stories too. I am so glad to hear you are recovering.  Hope to hear from you soon.

Linda - posted on 02/24/2009

Hello Kim! I am a PPD survivor myself and you can read my story on here. I definitely believe it is extremely helpful, comforting, useful, etc.. to share your experience. I wish I would have had this available back when I was first going through PPD and did not even have a clue what PPD was or even know of it's existence. And as far as support, I'm definitely here for you. Feel free to connect with me on here or email me at health4family@yahoo.com. Hope to hear from you soon! Linda

Kelly - posted on 02/24/2009

Hi Kim and Welcome! This group is closed so only the members can see what is posted. Please feel free to share your story, I know I myself and a lot of other moms find comfort in knowing we are not alone!



Kelly