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Lucy - posted on 12/16/2008 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Has anyone ever had horibble thoughts about what they could do to their children while suffering ppd? Please don't get me wrong I would never act on these and I'm very ashamed that I even think these things! I'm just wanting to talk to someone has been through this!

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Peggy - posted on 07/28/2009

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I had post partum pshycosis so I can completley relate to you.. I went through it almost six months before saying any thing and once i did i was put on an anti depressant and was my normal self in like two weeks and during those two weeks i just had a girlfriend or my boyfriend there to help me in any way possible. What also helps is make sure you have an hour to yourself and take a bubble bath and read a book. But what you need most is a support system make sure your husband knows everything that you have been feeling he can't be there with you unless you make him understand that this is something that isn't uncommon i think they say its genetic. You can't help if this happens to u and u just need him there

Andriana - posted on 07/27/2009

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I am a mother of two boys and I suffer from PPD. My one month old is a cute little snuggle bunny and he and my husband have no problems cuddling all the time, but I constantly find myself resenting my son if I have to hold him. It makes me feel like I'm not allowed personal space and I wish it could be that since I never had a chance to detatch from him the previous nine months that my husband would have the same problem for the next nine. I was even worse with my first son. He was a surprise pregnancy and I wasn't ready. I was depressed the entire pregnancy and when he was born I thought, well maybe this isn't so bad. Then I tried to breastfeed. There is nothing in this world that can make you feel more worthless as a mother than watching your child lose ounce after ounce of body weight while you are desperately trying to get him to latch because you want to do the best you can for him and all the while, the nurse is telling you not to supplement with formula. After five days and my child weighing 10 ounces less than he did at birth, I gave up and started bottle feeding. He immediately improved and grew in leaps and bounds but the damage was already done on my confidence. I resented him. I told myself that he didn't like me, that children intuitively knew a horrible person when they met one and I was obviously one of those people. I had to keep myself from picking him up when he was crying because I was deathly afraid that I would shake him the way my mother shook me. The worst thing though was when I finally had the courage to talk to someone about it, I told my mother-in-law. She was completely understanding and said that a lot of women went through this, and then immediately turned around and told my husband the next time she was alone with him that she thought I was a hypochondriac. This time I am going to do the smart thing and talk to my OB-GYN about it tomorrow at my post-pardum check-up.

Naomi - posted on 01/27/2009

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I had PPD with my 1st son. that was 6 years ago. I use to say to my husband " take this child away from me before i throw him across the room. - Breast feeding i hated it. We were living with my parents at the time and my mum or my husband didn't leave me alone with Sebastian until he was 5 weeks old. I know i wouldn't have done anything, except stick him in the cot and walk away and let him cry. Which i did do. But boy some of the things i was thinking.  Don't feel ashamed. It happens a lot more than people will say and they don't have PPD.  If you feel like you are getting to that point. Pop them in the cot and walk away. Ring someone to come over and watch you baby and go for a walk. You child can't remove themselves from the situation but you can. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I still have thoughts like that about Sebastian but now its more to do with what he or his brothers have stuck in the DVD player.  Listen the best thing i ever did was go on happy pills.  



Good luck 

Amanda - posted on 01/08/2009

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  Ya, mostly with me it's myself I think of harming & my husband that I am having issues with. But occassionaly when my baby is crying and I am having a bad day I want to throw her out the window or other things. Sometimes I do raise my voice to her & tell her to shut up when she is over anxious....which makes me feel awful.
I miss my life before I had her...and I resent that I don't have my body. I miss the life style I had before. Don't get me wrong....I love her and can't imagin not having her....but it was so much easier before.
Your not awful for feeling the way you do. But I would talk to your Dr. I did and she explained that it could go away easily, but not on it's own. She put me on an anti-depressant, after one day I feel a bit better which is better than before. I realy didn't want to do med's but she assured me that it's safe and she is going to monitor me every 2 weeks.
Also take a break from your baby! Find someone to babysit for even an hour....I know it's hard sometimes to have another person take over...atleast for me it is. Funny....I'm worried about someone else watching my daughter & her getting hurt....but if I am overwhelmed I'm probably the one who she shouldn't be near.

Peggy - posted on 01/03/2009

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More people then you think have horrible thoughts I'm 22 and have a now 13 month old son and when i had him it was the most amazing thing ever but shortly after i came home i didn't want to be a mom and couldn't believe this happened to me my baby was 3 months old and i tried to love him but i couldn't get passed all the thoughts going through my head i needed sleep and i wasn't getting any support from his father on the night shift cause he went to school and provided us with a roof...I was watching tyra banks and she had a show about ppd and there were ppl on that stage who had many different forms of ppd I had put my baby in his car seat a little harder then the norm i didn't hurt him but along with that i started cutting myself and becuase of that show i went to the dr's got put on meds and have been the mother i know i am suppose to be

Jeanine - posted on 12/24/2008

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I feel like PPD is a dirty little secret. No one will talk to you about it unless they are pretty sure you are suffering from it. I had an easy, breezy pregnany and got blindsided by PPD shortly after coming home from the hospital. I didn't so much have the thoughts of hurting my son, more about becoming temporarily incapacited myself. Like when I would go to walk down a flight of steps, for a moment I would think "Wouldn't it be great if I just fell down all these steps? I could be in the hospital for a little while and people would take care of me and someone else can take care of the baby." I never threw myself down the steps but there were some days that seemed like a fantastic idea. I think it's a subconscious way for us to cope with things, you can imagine the worst and live it out in your mind and hopefully never have to act it out. I agree with Larissa, I can see how some women can be pushed to the brink and act out towards their children. I never thought I'd say that before he was born and I don't agree with it but I can see how someone could get to that point.

Please don't be ashamed, this is a hormonal imbalance that almost all post-partum women experience, some just get it worse than others. My suggestion would be to check out local hospitals to see if they have support groups, you need to find women who are going through similar things so you can know that you're not alone with what you're feeling. Good luck with this, you will get through it. Come back here and talk to us if you need to.

Larissa - posted on 12/16/2008

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I was in the same boat with my now 5 year old.

i used to visualize myself putting a pillow over her head, thank god i was still sane enough to realize that my thinking was wrong and that i would never actually act on my feelings, but somee people completly lose that too.

I don't agree with it, but i understand the mothers that shake there babies or do something else horrific in the thros of ppd.

it was horrible, i wasn't supposed to feel like that, i was supposed to be in love with her, but i wanted her to go away.

I didn't feel like i could talk to anyone either cause it was embarrasing and shameful.it will go away, u will fall in love with him/her, and it does get better. make sure u have good peop;le working with you(i had a great health nurse who even sat down with my husband and talked to him about how to help. u can't keep this a secret or u could risk losing your sense of right and wrong and doing something stupid....be smart about it, and not ashamed!

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