am truly thinking of divorce

Unhappy - posted on 02/06/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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i feel i am living with a stranger and i am not happy at all, nor my husband is, i am truly thinking of getting a divorce, it is so hard but i am considering it as an option. we are having lot of problems. i have no idea about the procedures. we are not us citizens, we have 2 babies. what shall i do? anybody can advice or help

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Allison - posted on 04/15/2009

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if there realy is no hope of working things out then you got to think of your future and the future of the kids better for your children to live with one happy parent than two unhappy ones the longer you leave it the more unhappy you will be and the children will pick up on this been there done that my children are more happy now than they ever where in the last year or so of my marraige wish i could help you with the procedures but there must be some advice centres out there wish you luck

Dee - posted on 03/30/2009

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Here is a little info that may or may not help.



I have been married for 10 years and just before our 9yr wedding anniversary he told me he wanted a divorce since he met somone online. I thought that my world had fallen out from under me. I remember the feeling of aloneness. I never thought that if you told me we could work this out, that we would still be together.



The first thing that I had to do was look at myself. What was I doing to make our marriage work? Was there anything that I could do differently that might make a change? Was I really giving my marriage my all? These were very hard questions that I had to ask myself. Then the last but definately not the least was, Did I still love him?



Once I started to look at myself and see where I coud change I did. I fought for my marriage. I didn't want to go through anything this painful again and I hope that no one else will have to either. Don't give up what ever you do. Remember why you fell for him. Think about the things that you did when you first were together and start doing them again. Really focus on serving him and I guarantee you he will come back. He may fight you at first and say really mean things (my husband did) but he is testing you.



Should you marriage fail you can walk away knowing that you gave your marriage your all. You never stopped trying. I do agree with Jody that counseling can help. Sometimes just having a third party to vent to and to help you work through you issue's is very helpful.



I wish ya'll the best and hope that it all works out.



Lanita

Maria - posted on 02/21/2009

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My husband left me in OCt. The laywer bills are outrageous!! We have not agreed on anything. Take that money (actually a very small portion of that money) and put it into your marriage. Counseling, a weekend away just the two of you, do anything that will help you both remember WHY you fell in love and try to re-caputre that. I wish I had this advice a year ago. I may still be married.

Unhappy - posted on 02/11/2009

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Jody thank you so much for your reply and for your concern and your advice. I totally agree with all that you said. the thing is that between us things are in lots of ups and downs. we love each other and we are newly weds and we had baby also. i am taking my time and hopefully things will work out between us. it is so complicated. but after i read your thread i felt kind of good. sometimes a small advice can make you feel good and give you positive strength and open your eyes to new things...

again thank you so much anf may god bless you all

[deleted account]

Before you jump to divorce, it would be wise to get counseling,  individual as well as couples counseling.  Even if the two of you are unable to work out your differences, you will have a better understanding of the issues between you.  I remember all too well feeling this same feeling before I got divorced.  Even though my marriage didn't survive, my ex and I worked through some painful issues. 



If divorce is the only solution, then you need to find a good lawyer.  Look in a phone book under divorce lawyers and ask some local friends if they know of a good lawyer.  Under no circumstances use the same lawyer. Just know that during the divorce, things will probably get worse before they get better.  Custody issues, child support, and property settlements tend to stir up negative feelings.   A good lawyer will guide you through this.  Some states now require mediation to work through these issues.  This is when a neutral third party is in the room when these issues are discussed in order to keep the conversation focused.  Some men have a hard time talking without belittling the other person (my ex).  If you are being abused in any way...this includes verbally or emotionally...please leave the relationship.   You do not deserve that.



With children involved, I know that makes it a hard decision.  Always keep the children out of everything if possible.  If they ask questions, you need to tell them only what they need to know.  Keep negative feelings about the other parent out of it.  My children were 2 and 3yo.  They handled it pretty well.  My ex and I share custody which has its own challenges, but it is probably best for the kids.  This is different for every situation. Single parenting is difficult financially but it can be done.  I wish the best for you.

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