Anyone dealing with an ex-husband who has severe psychological problems?

Dr - posted on 03/25/2013

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Kathy - posted on 03/16/2013

My ex and I have been divorced 10 yrs now and there is no relief with him he convinced the court through many trips that it was myself that has many mental health issues and they have forced me to see apx 7 diffrent doctors and evalutors and all have conculde there is nothing wrong with me but failed to make him see any cause of his ability to pay an high class attorney the courts have went as far as giving him my sons with visitation for me and he has deined me that when we went to court for that they took all visitation away for 6months cause of his lies the ex has biplor mantic depressive disorder and hate towards me I have not seen my youngest child in 14 months as the father states it is the sons dission which I doubt he wont even allow phone converstation with the son and the son is see a physicologist and the doctor wrote letters to the courts about me which she has never met me or spoke to me even filed a ppo against me and failed to have me served cause she was affraid of replations of it. I need help my soon to be 20 yr is autistic and the court in Oakland county gave my ex full guardian ship cause they read the divorce degree from wayne county and believe my ex .
I am unable to pay for an attorney any longer and wayne county court stated if I come back they will take my parental rights away my heart is hurting to see my sons

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2013

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted this and so much has changed! We never ended up in court for the modification. It was settled outside of court. Basically, we used the child support amount as a bartering chip. When he found out he had the option of agreeing to what I wanted or paying much more child support and dragging it out in court, he buckled and signed what we had written up. Our current modification has been in place now for over 3 years. He is allowed to see him every Tuesday and Thursday from 5-7pm and Saturdays from 8am-12pm. He also can see him every holiday from 8am-12pm. He is never to have overnight visitation and no more than 4 hours at a time, EVER. He has 30 minutes to show up for visitation. We meet at the police station parking lot. He must have a driver (since he alleges that he has a seizure disorder), he must have a proper car seat for him. He must give me 24 hours notice of his intent for visitation. I was also awarded sole physical and joint legal with my parents (we put this in place, so that if something happened to me and I was unable to parent my son, he would be placed with my parents instead of his father.).

We wrote all of that in because he kept jerking us around on showing up on time, no call no show, etc. He still calls and confirms 24 hours in advance and then cancels or doesn't show up, so I started calling him about 1-2 hours before the meeting to confirm again and that has worked really well.

For Reagan, I found the best way to deal with my son, who is now almost 5 years old, is to not tell him anything. If his dad says he is coming, I don't tell him about it until we are sitting in the police station parking lot. I let every visit be a surprise! It stresses my son out much less, and doesn't leave a feeling of ill will with him when his dad constantly cancels.

At this time, my ex saw him a total of 7 times in the entire year of 2012! Every year it is less and less visits. I have met someone new and who treats my son and I wonderfully! We are to be married in March 2013 and he has expressed interest in adopting my son as his own. Even if his real dad fights us on the issue, I cannot see the courts not granting a step-parent adoption to a man who has acted as his father for the past two years. A step-parent adoption terminates all parental rights to my son's real father and terminates all obligation of child support. It cannot be finalized until 6 months after we are married, but it's a light at the end of the tunnel and a new beginning for my son with someone who truly cares about his well-being and safety.

Hang in there everyone! It can get better! My best advice is to maintain the least amount of contact with them as possible. Only conversations about the children! Do not show any reaction to their tactics and eventually it won't be fun for them to try and get a reaction from you anymore. I wish everyone the best of luck in their own situations!

Reagan - posted on 01/19/2013

Hi I have a similar situation divorced my ex has BPD and HPD among probably other undiagnosed this is what is diagnosed . I did have a therapist tell me off the record she feels he leans more toward a sociopath. After a 4 year long separation took a couple years to get a divorce because he took off. He still rules our lives and creates disruption. Legally he never wanted visitation so the paperwork says visitation to commence when he desires and sets a schedule. So he refuses to set a schedule and will visit maybe once a month very sparse and always at my home. He will text me about every other day which doesn't help her at all.

My issue is my 4 almost 5 year old has a lot of emotional issues from this she crys, has anger/rages used to have night terrors and she talks about him and misses him every day, she draws the same pic everyday of us 3 with hearts.

I feel in a loss what to do. I tell him all the time to be consistent and he refuses he will say he is going to visit and no show no call nothing and she is devastated, I have begged him to stop because she is so hurt by all this. She thinks he is perfect because she doesn't spend time with him she has him on a pedestal She takes her anger out on me and her brother and sister because we are the ones around. There have been periods of 6-8 months where we have heard nothing from him no communication at all. Then he will resurface with some great change he claims to have and do the same thing again and again probably about 5 times now.

So we are in another period where he is ignoring her again. Still texting me every couple days how he is going to call her or he will see her soon. Note I never initiate a text to him. How do I cope I mean I can't stand him because he does these things to my child but I have spent all the holidays with him this year and am always helpful because it is the only way she will have a dad.
He tells me she will understand when she is older and she will hate me if I don't accomadate his current system.

Heather - posted on 11/09/2012

For anyone who may be accessing this information, here is a great article on why evaluations may not be so helpful in custody and divorce situations : http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/03/25/per...

also, check out http://coparentingwithsociopath.blogspot...

Heather - posted on 11/08/2012

Ah, yes been there and I am still wading through the muck. My ex was diagnosed Antisocial Personality by an evaluator who testified he should not be alone w/ the child. That does not help. STILL he was awarded equal, shared custody (legal and physical). The chaos continues. Antisocials are impossible to co parent with and at the end of the day, they will never care about the child.

Rebecca - posted on 10/27/2012

I realize this post is very old. I have been researching this very same issue and this just popped up. I have borderline personality disorder and married a sociopath. How crazy could that have been, you could imagine!!! Being borderline, I do feel love--- unlike my ex. I am terrified that he may try to obtain unsupervised visitation. He looks like such the hero to my kids. And I HATE IT!!

Cheryl - posted on 09/18/2012

Yes. I can completely understand your situation. I am currently going through a divorce. I have 3 young children. Two of which have special needs. My ex is diagnosed with bipolar depression. He attempted suicide in 2009. He is fighting supervised visitation and although he is high functioning at his job, he has physcotic outburst around the children, and puts their safety at risk. He has his phychologist coming to court saying he is fine to be around them. That doc. has never talked to me or seen how he is around his children. He has recently dosed off at the wheel with children in the car. {my 13yrd old had to scream to wake him up} I am terribley scared for them emotionally and physically. I am trying to have faith in the system, but im not too sure anymore. Good Luck to you. Fight for what you believe is right

Aalves - posted on 04/15/2011

I know this conversation is old but just in case people are accessing it in the future looking for information, I recommend asking for help from Child Protective Services. If your ex has the children and neglects them or puts them in harm's way, CPS will investigate. They then make a recommendation to the court and you can get a modification in visitation. I asked the court for sole custody with visitation at my discretion and only when I agree to it. You could also get supervised visitation where you take your child to a court ordered location (such as a relative's home or a special facility in your county). The Legal Aid Society and my local women's shelter helped me with all this.

Pamela - posted on 03/02/2011

Try Nolo.com first for some free legal advice. I would have a requirement of your ex being tested by professionals to diagnose his specific mental illness and then act accordingly. Keep any and all documents that you have stating mental problems or which help establish a mental health concern ie letters, notes, etc. he has wriitten to you or others and any written statements by others who can testify of disturbing behavior. Submit it to the court to be factored in.

Pamela - posted on 03/02/2011

Try Nolo.com first for some free legal advice. I would have a requirement of your ex being tested by professionals to diagnose his specific mental illness and then act accordingly. Keep any and all documents that you have stating mental problems or which help establish a mental health concern ie letters, notes, etc. he has wriitten to you or others and any written statements by others who can testify of disturbing behavior. Submit it to the court to be factored in.

Tina - posted on 06/24/2009

My ex has borderline personality disorder that was diagnosed while we were still married, however the records were lost. He constantly displays sociopath behavior. No matter how much I document his behavior, none of it is illegal or "abusive" according to the law, no matter how damaging it may be for my daughters. I cannot convince the judge that it is unhealthy for my daughters to live with him, even part time. He has been awarded half time custody, and no matter what he does, I cannot convince the judge that he is an unfit parent.

You are unlikely to get what you want from the judge. Unless you can find some way to prove that he is damaging your son, he will probably be allowed visitation as it stands. Even finding a therapist to prove your son is being harmed emotionally or psychologically is extremely difficult because almost all refuse to become involved in custody battles. Most therapists have refused to see my daughters (who need someone neutral to talk to) after they find out that they may be asked to write an affidavit. My only hope is that when my daughters become old enough to testify they will be able to tell the judge what he is like.

Cheri - posted on 06/23/2009

My ex is bi-polar and when we split he got violent with me. He was arrested & charged. The reason we split was because he refused to maintain a relationship with a doctor to manage his condition & I didn't like the affect it had on our daughter. He had two stays in the lock down ward of the hospital for suicidal thoughts. This was brought to the attention of the judge when he asked for unsupervised visits. The judge ordered my ex to disclose the violent episode to his psychiatrist & remit a letter from him stating he is not a danger to his child. My ex told his doctor but didn't admit to the violence, which was stated in the letter from the doc. My ex received unsupervised visitation. I am doubtful a judge is going to give you what you are asking for. He may feel that the stipulations don't benefit the child's relationship with the father. It may also look like you are trying to deliberately sabotage the relationship. If you feel that you child is in danger and you want to protect him you can always get child services involved. If they open a file and make recommendations a judge may be more apt to grant your requests.

MILCA - posted on 06/12/2009

In some sense i have a ex that has had problems in the past with his mental health..but he is a great father and i do trust him with his children ..if u truly have the feeling in ur heart that something is not right..then follow ur insint..it will lead u to do what right for u and ur son, it doesnt matter what ppl have to say ; it matters how u feel.It's ur life...but on the other hand if u belive that he can be trusted , then let him be a part of ur son life...Now in days crazy things happen everyday to children, and i belive that in court the judge would comply with ur wishes...thats my advice..take care!