Help I feel so hurt and mad and I dont want to be bitter

Krystal - posted on 11/26/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

well my husband and I have been married for over 5 yrs. we have twins that are 5 and a 4 yr old. Last yr he moved us to ND from TN because he couldnt find work. well we when got here he decided to open up a tattoo shop. I went back to school this august to become a nurse so I can have a steady paying job. we talked about it and he said it was smart and he would help.But he soon started staying out late at first 2-3 am then 4-5 am and even a few days where he wouldnt come home til after 11 am. I had to put our youngest in day care because he wouldnt stay awake the 3 hours a day I was in class then he would sleep til noon and go to the shop. He started not making much money but was always gone. So I told him that in December I was going to move back to tn with the kids. we both cried but he said he understood y and that maybe it would be his wake up call and he would eventually move to TN he just couldnt do it yet.well 5 days ago when he was sleeping he got a text from someone saved in his phone under little mermaid. I confronted him about it since it said hey baby you awake yet? he said i was just being paranoid and it was just some girl trying to get a tattoo. well 3 days ago he was sleeping still and I looked at his phone and he had texts from little mermaid saying how he misses her and she said that skips my heart a beat everytime you say that she said i wish you could be in my bed and he said your parents wouldnt like that just be patient in 4 months you can be in my bed. it broke my heart i confronted him and he said that i was crazy and he was just trying to get her to get a tattoo i was like im not dumb fred this is pretty cut and dry. he proceeded to crush his phone so i wouldnt be able to use it against him anymore. then i called my friend and I guess my 4 yr old heard me talk to her because he said something to my husband and my husband kicked the bathroom door where i was and started yelling at me how I am so messed up in the head to be talking to a 4 yr old about this. I was like I didnt tell him anything in fact I was in a different part of the house door locked, I am sorry he overheard stuff but dont act like this is my doing you did this. well he left to move in with friends. then i posted on my facebook page how I feel so alone and it hurts so much that no one seems to care that my husband is cheating on me just because i am moving in december. yea probably shouldnt have done that but i have no friends or family in nd and i felt like i was loosing my mind with anger and sadness then he and his bf proceed to yell at me talking about how immature I am and its slander he can report me and i am a bad parent and all this. then my husband told me he is filling for divorce in nd so i cant leave for tn in december ( the reason I have to wait til dec 16 is because of my college classes if I leave earlier I get W's so I wouldnt be able to get financial aid) I dont understand he is the one that goes days without seeing the twins, we are paying for daycare because he cant stay awake with our 4 yr old, before all this came out he was not home before 4 am in wks, he does no housework, never been the boys school and yet I am the bad parent? My mom told me even though its hard to apologize for putting it on facebook and even though I wanted to scream instead of say sorry to him who is killing me I did, and freddie hasnt even said anything back he just said tell the boys happy thanksgiving and i love them. I only have 20 more days to go but I am so afraid he will file here and i will be stuck. I cant get the texts out of my head it hurts so much. people kept sayin he was cheating this whole month of never being home and i feel so stupid for believing him. then last night at midnight he called and asked if i wanted him to come over so i can black friday shop, i told him not but it confused me he offered. sorry this is so long i just feel like i am going crazy........