How do you handle your ex cussing at you in front of your children ?

Amanda - posted on 10/22/2008 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My soon to be ex-husband has cussed me like a dog in front of my children to make himself look all good to his girlfriend. How are you suppose to handle that? Then when your kids come home cussing and they dont understand what they really are saying, how do you deal with that? Ive tried to explain that those arent nice words and we dont use them....but my son is 3 so how do you get him to understand?

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Amanda - posted on 11/15/2008

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this will help very much except i do have to watch yelling i dont cuss because i dont want my kids growing up around that language. I picked my son up on his last visit to his daddy's and my son and daughter got to fighting in the back seat and i told them they better be good my son told me mind you he is only 3 he told me go to hell mommy daddy says so i was shocked my friend that was on the phone with me at the time was shocked to and said did he really just say what i think he just did yeah i absolutly hate that he has to go around that when we were married i did not allow him to cuss me now that we arent married its all the time...... uuuuugggghhhhhh i just cant believe what a person he has turned out to be

Kessy - posted on 11/15/2008

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Amanda L has a good point with having a male friend of yours talk to your son, have them come over and form a connection with your son first. Then after the connection is made and your son looks up to your friend have him explain to your son that these words are naughty words and we don't use them. We especially don't use them when we are talking to Mommy. Also you have to be consistent on telling him that these words are naughty and we don't use. You may even have to come up with some sort of punishment for him using these naughty words.

As far as what your lawyer said about it not standing up in court. Bull.. if you have what your ex is saying to you recorded along with the date that the incident occured, then it should stand up in court. I'm not a lawyer by any means but my mom did this with our father when he was verably abusive towards her, and I have done it with my son's father when he becomes verablly abusive, plus my lawyer has recommended doing this with a number of other situations simialr to yours.

But what ever you do, don't yell back at him, don't cuss, just stand there and take it, and if you do say anything just talk to him in your normal voice. If the judge hears you also cussing or yelling at you ex then your whole case will be lost.

Hope this helps.

Amanda - posted on 10/28/2008

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Does he go to preschool? Do you have any close girlfriends that have husbands? The reason I ask...talk to them about talking to your child about this. I have seen it work with my two kids. Kids will listen to another adult before they will listen to us moms! I hope everything gets better for you really soon :)

Juliet - posted on 10/26/2008

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He would do it even if I had someone with me. We have an epo between us other than during drop off/pick up times. My mom was with me during the worst time. I don't get why these men can't act like normal humans during this time. Do they think it is easy for us to hold our composure as well?

Amanda - posted on 10/26/2008

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i hide mine in my bra too.... so far ive caught pretty much every time. He wont say nothing if someone is with me when i get my son go figure that one huh? he is so big and bad when im by myself but not if i have back up....lol

Juliet - posted on 10/25/2008

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I hid a voice activated recorder in my bra and caught every sickening minute of it including where he wouldn't give me my daughter until he was finished screaming at me. The look on his face in court was priceless. He was ordered to do a few things before he got visits back and has not seen her since February. How do you handle it when he does this?

Amanda - posted on 10/23/2008

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I have recorded the conversations but my lawyer says it will never stand. My day in court was suppose to be today but it got postponed til Jan. So until Jan I have to continue on with this.....

Roisin - posted on 10/23/2008

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I hope you have a lawyer. You need to explain to both the Hubby and the lawyer that he is verbally abusive. If he doesn't stop behaving that way in front of your children, file a Protection from Abuse with the police on behalf of you and your children, and keep your children away from him. But consult your lawyer first.

Jennifer - posted on 10/22/2008

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I feel your pain...I have 3yo twins and the youngest one will repeat everything he hears his father say...he will call me an a$$hole...its frustrating, I know. I just tell him that, that is not a nice word...and I tell their dad that if he is going to continue to use words like that in front of our children then he's not allowed to see them. I have the courts on MY side...I have custody...I have 5 children, but my older 3 know better then to say those words. If your 3yo continues to come home cussing because of what he heard from his "father" then I would not allow him to see him anymore until he can learn to act like an adult. Good luck hon!!

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