waiting game

Candice - posted on 12/31/2009

there's another group on here called "custody issues". there are some awesome moms on there who have kept me sane. geeze, one even keeps track of all our court dates and wishes us luck. feel free to join (it's not my group, but they are really nice ladies).

Sheena - posted on 12/31/2009

I know we will win, eventually. But it sucks they can make us jump through so many hoops!!

I am glad to know and correspond with other mothers who understand!!

Candice - posted on 12/31/2009

poor you!!! my october court date got cancelled because the judge was sick...totally understand your frustration. i had to wait till december to just get a first case conference! and same as you...not a penny from the father. it's like he's waiting till he's forced to do it. he doesn't realize i'm going for retroactive support...ass.

you should have seen him in court. he says to the judge "i live with my mother, i have to pay her $400 a month rent, i have to help pay for groceries, i have to feed my kids when they are with me"...he was looking for sympathy...but seriously? i pay $850 a month for a 1 bedroom apartment (i can't afford for my daughter to have her own room yet), i spend $120 a week on groceries and supplies for my daughter, and i feed her EVERY DAY!!! he gets her 4 to 6 days a MONTH (at HIS request i might add)...seriously? you think that feeding her 6 days a month absolves you from paying support? the judge had no sympathy for him. it was awesome to watch. i laughed my ass off.

so now, for me, we make him an offer (laywer says he'll most likely refuse. my lawyer is going for the high end of the guidelines since the ex isn't even paying guideline amount for his other kids. Lawyer thinks there's no justification for him to not pay me the full amount. We're also asking for life insurance with her as the beneficiary, help paying for medical insurance, retroactive support, and half of daycare costs should i lose my subsidy when i start working). if he rejects the offer, we go to a motion hearing...someday.

BUT! there was good news. i got re-evaluated by legal aid, and they made me pay an extra $1000 (they think i have disposible income apparently). When i told my lawyer, he said there's no way he'll charge them more than i've paid them already, so he said if they re-evaluate me again and ask for more money, to not pay them and he'll keep working the case for me anyway. So at least i can fight this to the end without going broke. That was my christmas present. Sometimes the law sucks...but sometimes people are kind.

Keep your chin up. we'll win this in the end.

Sheena - posted on 12/30/2009

Just an update of what is going on in my battle.

He waited until the 45th day to answer the papers.

He contersued for legitimation and custodial time.

Waited a month to have a paternity test done, the positive results were back in 3 days.

He still did not try to contact or help in any way.

Our lawyers put together a temporary child support motion, which he refused to sign.

My emergency Dec. 30th court date was canceled by my own lawyer so he could go on holiday.

The hearing has been moved to February 3rd.

The system does not work or help the mother.

Candice - posted on 09/28/2009

well i wish you the best of luck and hope you keep us updated. the waiting is the hardest part of all this.

Sheena - posted on 09/28/2009

Yes, I think he is. I have sent him pictures of my daughter and tried to get him to respond to her in any way, but he has not taken any interest.

I would love for him to be a part of her life, for my daughter's sake. She deserves a father. BUT I am hoping he ignores this so we can just move on without having to fight him.

Candice - posted on 09/28/2009

it's not that your case isn't important, it's that there are a million other cases just like it that are equally important. and that the court system sucks. lol. just look at this site alone and see how many deadbeat dads are out there being sued for support, or how many custody and divorce cases there are in the court system. It's sad, but it's true. we are in a long line for a court date and a lawyer's time. patience is something you have to learn in custody cases and support cases. it could take years to be settled, especially if your ex is like mine...the type who will pull out all the stops to keep delaying it as long as he can.

Sheena - posted on 09/28/2009

I have a feeling this is going to happen to me. I know it will.

He was suppose to have been served his papers August 19 and they didn't bother to serve him until September 14. It is so frustrating and I want to just chew everyone out, the court, my lawyer, my daughter's father. I am trying to be patient but it seems that my case isn't important to anyone but me.

Candice - posted on 09/28/2009

what happened to me (same situation but i'm in canada) was they said if he shows up on the court date but doesn't have his papers filed, they will likely give him more time. if he doesn't show up, they can make a ruling without him. but the process may be different where you are.



Mine did the same thing and even though he was only given 2 more weeks to answer, the court date got pushed back a month and a half because nothing was available sooner. pissed me right off. i went to my lawyer in may, and because of all his delays (first they couldn't find him to serve him) i won't be in court till october! and that's just the FIRST case conference...ugh.