Dree - posted on 03/01/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )
I dont know where to start. I guess I'll start by telling you I'm a momma of 4. Kalynn Elizabeth is 11 yrs old. I gave her up for adoption at birth. I did open adoption though and still have some contact with her family. Britany, my stepdaughter, will be 17 this year. Timothy, my stepson, will be 15 this year. They are my light!!
My precious angel is Ryleigh Storm. I miss him so very much. I lost him before I even got to meet him. It still tears my heart to pieces thinking of him. I found out 06-08-05 I was carrying a baby boy. It didnt matter to me though...the name was going to be the same girl or boy! Later that night I started feeling 'funny'. My partner at the time called 911 cause I was spotting. (I hadnt spotted the entire pregnancy) They came and rushed me to the local ER. The dr on call met us at the ambulance bay. I was rushed inside where I started seeing all the supplies to deliever a baby. I instantly freaked out. Told them it was WAY to early...I was 5 1/2 mths. The nurse...I thank God for her...was up by my head telling me it was to late to stop it. In a matter of minutes I had lost my son.
They put Stillbirth on the certificate. But when the dr came and spoke to me he said it was miscarriage. I still to this day dont understand how that could be!! I never got to hold my precious baby. I never got to see him. I grieve everyday for him. I long to hold him in my arms. He would be turning 5 this year. Does that pain ever go away? Will the tears ever stop??
I want to try again. I desperatly want a baby. My partner and I both want a baby. She just had a hysterectomy though...so her having one is out of the question. How do I get over the fear of losing again??