Is it wrong for a married man to text a girl he knows from school that he LOVES her?

Kelly - posted on 01/10/2011

i would kill sean if he did that! i tell some of my friends i love them, and it's only ones I have known forever and a day..and if it is a friend I am texting "i love you" to, it is spelled LUV where my husband gets the full correct spelling.
he tells some friends he loves them, cuz like i said, they've been around forever and are close liek brothers.

Monica - posted on 12/29/2010

i think its wrong...i dont think any man should tell any girl that he loves them except for family of course but thats about it.

Melissa - posted on 12/13/2010

I think that if u even needed to ask this question, you already know it is wrong. In my opinion it is okay to keep old friends that are of the opposite sex but not make new ones. Especially if he is saying he loves her.

Autumn - posted on 12/13/2010

Ok ummmmm YES WRONG!! I go to school and have males numbers that I have txted before.. ONLY to make sure we have class, what assignments are due, ect..... I NEVER have EVER told them I LOVE THEM!! That is crossing the line to me!! I had a friend that her and a male friend from school would txt and then they would go for runs together... His wife found out and was furious!!! She called my friend and flipped out and my friend asured her that they were friends only but my friend ended the friendship with the married man bc it was causing drama... There is a line NOT TO CROSS when u are married or in a relationship!!

Lea - posted on 10/12/2010

its making u uncomfortable for a reason?? bottom line YOU are the WIFE not girlfriend or dating partner, u 2 took vows before god that u would be honest and faithful. if u are not ok with this then he needs to END it!!!!! YOUR FEELINGS COME FIRST!!!!! NOT HERS she will live

Krystle - posted on 09/15/2010

Yes it is wrong...a little creepy...lol

Gloria - posted on 08/27/2010

yes its wrong! thats not normal if they just met and are friends, theres most likely something goin on or going to start. but it could be i love since u can almost be my daughter lol

Jane - posted on 08/11/2010

There are no existing circumstances that would warrent this kind of behavior outside of family; it is unappropriate and disrespecting of your relationship.

Stacey - posted on 06/24/2010

Yes! It's wrong! Look at it this way...How would you feel if it were your husband whom you love and trust? How would you REALLY feel? Think hard!

Candi - posted on 05/07/2010

Def WRONG!! Its one thing if they were exchanging homework answers or working on a project together, but texting for any other reason is inappropriate! Does he let you read the texts they send back and forth? That girl needs to take a hike and your husband needs to get his priorities in order

Pamela - posted on 05/04/2010

I would definitely say that this is inappropriate behavior. First, he's married. Second, she's 19 years old and he met her in school, which he only attends two days a week. The question I would ask him is why was it necessary for them to exchange cell numbers, and why is he saying that he "loves her as a friend?" They don't know (or shouldn't know) each other that well. I would love to see the text messages they send to each other. That would tell a lot! Good luck.

Carrie - posted on 04/27/2010

I'd say that yes it's wrong! It would seem that he has feelings for this 19 year old for some strange reason. If it were my husband there would be some explaining to do.

Amber - posted on 04/26/2010

I said that his wife's feelings should definitely come first, and I do believe that. However, I think that saying that the other woman's feeling are in no way important is wrong. I personally believe that every person is important and that their feelings are important. Should she come first? Nope. Should she be completely written off as unimportant? Not at all.
I guess I'm from a different mind set...My boyfriend, whom I have lived with for 4 1/2 years who I have a child with, has many female friends. He is allowed to go out with them, email them, chat with them and I never even check up on them. I have never even seen his phone to know whether or not he says I love you to them. I have no need to micro manage his life and read every word that he says to others. He has a right to privacy also. I believe that is his personal life.
He is wonderful to me and makes sure that I am happy and satisfied in the relationship. If he weren't good to me, then I might have a problem with these friendships. As long as we have a solid relationship and he comes home to me...I really don't care who he hangs out with or if they are friends who love one another. He has the same set of standards for me.
We have our own lives outside of our relationship and we have never had a single trust issue. I would never insist that he cut ties with one of his friends. That causes hurt feelings and resentment that will likely outlast the lifetime of this friendship. I mean really, how long is a 19yr old going to hang around a married man? Let the friendship fizzle out on its own.

Suzette - posted on 04/25/2010

Sorry, I agree with Tah on this one. I don't give a flyin rats behind about some chick's feelings when it comes to my husband. Although my husband doesn't use those three words with anyone but family and myself.



@Amber, "Who cares about her feelings? Wow...I understand that her feeling are not the most important part of the big picture, but I personally believe that you should always be respectful of another person's feelings."



In a marriage there are two people, not three. The wife and the husband are the only two people that matter, unless there are children to consider. And, when we're talking about the foundation of the marriage and whether it's staying together, then I firmly believe that the children should also be taken into consideration. (Not to the extent of we should stay together for the children's sake - because that just doesn't work in my opinion. But as to what would be best for the kids - staying together and fighting or being divorced and being friends? That's a different topic.) Back to the topic at hand... no, her feelings do not matter one tiny little bit when it comes to their marriage. It's the wife and the husband period. That might sound harsh, but it's the truth of the matter.



"The wife should definitely be the main priority and his main focus, but no person's feelings should be completely ignored just so another person can be happy. Her husband would not want to hurt the feelings of his own friend either."



I disagree. If this woman is coming in between them, whether it is purposely or because of the husband, then her feelings are going to get hurt when (if he's smart and he chooses to focus on his marriage like a husband should) he tells her he can't be friends with her anymore.



Just so I can grasp what you're saying with "no person's feelings should be completely ignored just so another person can be happy"... are you saying that regardless of whether it's the other girl or the husband, then this girl's feelings shouldn't be ignored just because the wife is uncomfortable and the wife should continue to feel uncomfortable and just deal with it so that the girl and the husband can continue their little emotional affair? I'm curious, not trying to bash, just curious. Honestly, that's what it came across as.



I know that my husband wouldn't feel comfortable with that, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that if it were him either. And neither of us would do that to the other just to save someone else's feelings. When it comes to our marriage it's about us, not about other people. We're the ones living with one another day in and day out, we made the vows to one another, just the two of us, no one else matters in that, not their feelings or their opinions. But that's just my opinion. :)

Tasika - posted on 04/22/2010

A definite YES! If its a sister or family member no, anything outside of that then yes.

Kellie - posted on 04/20/2010

i hope that young lady doesn't belive that. that is totaly inaproprite behavior for him! his wife would be ticked off in a big way! and if she wasn't she should be. DON'T MESS WITH MARRIED MEN EVER!!!!!!!!!

Amber - posted on 04/17/2010

Who cares about her feelings? Wow...I understand that her feeling are not the most important part of the big picture, but I personally believe that you should always be respectful of another person's feelings.
The wife should definitely be the main priority and his main focus, but no person's feelings should be completely ignored just so another person can be happy. Her husband would not want to hurt the feelings of his own friend either.

Tah - posted on 04/16/2010

ummmm honey...do not compromise on this. Sometimes young ladies with "guy friends" may have that type of relationship, maybe they grew up together or had that relationship for a significant amount of time. If he has been in school with her for only a few months there is no cause for him to say that..i even asked my husband what he thought and he thought it funny that i even had to ask him. If my husband was telling a female that, no matter her age i would have a problem with it. this is your MARRIAGE..not some fly by night relationship and there should be boundaries.

Sometimes the girls on the other end..or the "friend" doesn't know that there has been a all out war at her "male friends" house when they saw the text or some may not know it is being sent. it depends on the situation for those people, but this is def. not the situiation for it. YOu won't be happy until he stops and he should care about that above saying i love you to some girl he has "class" with....who cares about her feelings, who is she...you should be the main priority and focus.

Amber - posted on 04/15/2010

I am 23 and have lots of guy friends. Most of my guy friends are in their mid to late thirties (as is my boyfriend who is my son's father). I regularly get "I love you" texts from them, but I've never even shared a semi-romantic moment with them. Most of these guys have girlfriends, who I'm also friends, or friendly, with. Loving somebody is about knowing that they will be there for you.
You cannot have a distinct yes or no answer for this question. Does your husband treat you any differently? Does he make sure that you know he loves you? Is he there for you when you need him? Those are the real questions that need to be answered. If he is still a loving husband and it does not appear that anything aside from simple words have been shared, then maybe you should just let him say it. Save your arguments for when it really appears that something wrong has been done.
But if his words to her really hurt you, then he should also be able to say even though the words mean nothing that he would rather have you feel secure. Just talk about it, and explain how you feel and listen to what he has to say too. Ask why he feels that he loves her... Then maybe you'll be at ease with the situation and find a resolution that makes you both happy.

Tah - posted on 04/15/2010

i lost my stick so i can't beat around this bush, at the least he's having an emotional affair, there is no reason he is even haning with this baby let alone texting he loves her, i go to school with men and work withthem and if my husband ever did that or vice versa our phones would be in a million pieces as would the trust in our relationship..tell him to get off that friends crap and get real...if you did that, he would have a heart attack...

Jamie - posted on 04/14/2010

Its wrong. Its ok to have friends, everyone is entitled to have friends. But to tell a 19 year old girl "Love you or Love ya" can mean so many different things in her head. He may not have meant it like "I LOVE YOU"...but she could have taken it and could throw it around and twist it in so many bad ways. If you honestly believe he only meant it as a friend, you need to make sure he knows how much trouble he could get into if thier friendship doesn't work out the way SHE wants it to. She could take his text messages and black male him and smear his name and make it look like he's just a dirty old man on so many different levels.

On another note, does she have a father? Maybe she is looking for a father figure that she can relate to and since they're both in college and/or taking the same class she can confide in him about things....you really need to get it worked out and have some ground rules between you and your husband. How would he feel if you texted (or some guy texted you) that?!?

Be casual about it, don't just start screaming in anger...and work it out.

Martinique - posted on 04/07/2010

I don't know an man that walks around telling another woman he loves her. what he is doing is trying to justify his wrong doings. That is very inappropriate for him to do.

Amanda - posted on 04/07/2010

My own personal opinion is that it's totally wrong and completely inappropriate, no matter what the circumstances.

Capricia - posted on 04/07/2010

yes that is wrong. That is totally out of question. There is no reason for him to be texting another female he loves her unless it's a relative when he is married.

Lyndsay - posted on 04/07/2010

Personally, I would flip my lid.

Emmy - posted on 04/07/2010

I can honestly say that it is wrong, their is a really big age difference there, and I'm thinking that the girl, may be friends with him, but not think of it like that. If you two are together then it is unaccepatble!!!! I have recently had some problems with my husband and other women, and I think that it is appropriate to tell him not to do that, or concider something else might be going on. Although, he is telling what is going on, but that doesn't always mean the truth.

Launie - posted on 04/07/2010

My first reaction is um...helllll yessss it's wrong, but then it would depend on the circumstances. If they are classmates and have to do a project together for a class...then okay, but it sounds like this isn't the case.
I agree with a few of these ladies...if he were my husband it wouldn't be a secret (you didn't say if you found out or he told you about her) and I would be included, second...you don't say I love you to someone unless they are a significant part of your life and have been for a long time and the age difference...well Niger Mack is right...

Suzette - posted on 04/06/2010

The only people I say "I love you" to are my family, friends, and my husband. I do NOT say those words to any other men besides family and my husband. I tell my male friends that I care about them but I have known them for years. My husband also knows those friends, and they are very few, and when I tell them I care about them it is always "I care about you like a brother" it is never just "I care about you" so that there are no mixed signals going out. If my husband told another woman that he'd known for that short of a time period that he loved her, I would be asking him tons of questions. Not to mention that I would've met any woman that he'd be considering a friend close enough to care about like that. It's wrong for a man to be doing that, hell I think it's wrong for a man to not introduce a woman he considers that close to his wife. But that's the dynamic of my marriage too. You have to look at what yours is and consider what's wrong to you.

Karen - posted on 04/04/2010

Hmmm...I have a few questions on this one...First off, is this "normal" behaviour for him??? Some people are really quick to say "I love you" to friends, and run more on matters of the heart. BUT, that person wouldn't distinguish between male and female friends, If it is normal for him, is he open about it to you? If he isn't, how did you find out about this time? Anything that has to be hidden usually is hidden for a reason, and the person that is doing the hiding knows that on some level what they are doing is wrong.
More so, if there is suspicion of infidelity, there may some deeper problems than just the texting.
If it were my hubby, I would be asking A LOT of questions..as I moved his things into the living room until I could sort this out for myself.
Secondly,

Chessa - posted on 04/03/2010

For real? YES, wrong!!

NIger - posted on 04/01/2010

I'm gonna vote: Definitely Wrong! Yes, friends can love eachother, but 1) friends who love eachother have known eachother for many years and have gone through thngs together. and 2) If you've only known someone for a few months they're an acquaintance not a friend (there's a difference). 3) The only reason a married man would send that to anyone especially someone so much younger than himself is because he wants to get in her pants. I can tell you for a fact that the only reason older men look for younger women is because they feel younger women are "easy to train" & "control" ( not my words. I've heard older men say these things).

Stephanie - posted on 04/01/2010

That seems odd. I can understand if it was an old friend that he's known for YEARS but for a few months hmm...

Natasha - posted on 03/31/2010

I have mixed feelings about this. Is the girl under the understanding that they are JUST FRIENDS? Do you know her? I think it is one thing if you know her and she understands the situation but totally opposite if you don't know her and she doesn't understand. Does he know how you feel?