Losing Hope

[deleted account] ( 70 moms have responded )

I'm in an upgrading class right now, already got the ok to apply for next september and heres the dilemma. I missed time when my lil one got pnuemonia, and then more when I got sick. After that its been really difficult to manage everything I'm still running around to doctor appointments and failing miserably to keep my house in order. So I am now on a two week trial period so I don't lose my child care subsidy because I've been having trouble getting to school ontime and without that, it's bye bye school. I've been ontime the last two days but at a price, my to-do list is piling up with no potential of even being glanced at, playtime has been almost completely cut because by the time we get home finish supper have a bath its bedtime, and despite the extra sleep I'm just feeling so run down and frazzled. I want to finish school but I don't want my sons life to be a constant series of rushed tasks by an exhausted mother and even if I get through the next two weeks, the next 5 months, and the next 3 years of school I'm scared this is how it will be and if it's just going to get worse I dont know how it can work. I'm a single mom and I'm trying to do my best but next to all the other single moms I know, I give the job title a bad name. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or not doing that I should be but if anyone has any advice or empathy I could really use it.

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Candis - posted on 06/01/2011

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I just finished up my Occupational Therapy Assistant degree and am waiting to take the national boards. It took me 6 yrs to finish a 2yr and that is fulltime. But I had 2 major surgeries, learned I had a chronic pain autoimmune disease, learned that my daughter was severely dyslexic and wold not get a diploma (but would have an equivalent of a 5th grad edu.), son was mild, both requiring public, my husband gmabled us 1000's of dollars in debt, was having an affair (b/c I got fat), and watching webcam porn. Then he left me my last semeter in school. Only to come home as soon as I started clinicals. My son also suffered a heatstroke and had to be flown by helicopter to TN and we live in SC. The ER doc calls me and says the my son had to be bagged on the way in and I am 6 hours away form the hospital. I tell you all of this because I firmly believe in "WHERE THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY." Don't worry about the house and you are going to have to be selfish. It is ok....you can't do everything!! Here is the thing, if you finish school you are teaching your child perseverance and statistically increasing his chances to finish school himself. You will be self sufficient without having to rely on the government, parents, husband (my case), etc...not saying you already are relying on anyone. For me, my self-esteem, freedom to make choices, and ability to speak up increased dramatically. I have some sheets that a program gave me to help me manage my life and you are welcome to use them. You are an over comer and you can do this and, yes, it will be hard. But the outcome is well worth the work. DON'T GIVE UP!! You are the head and not the tail, you are above and not beneath, and you can do this. Just keep graduation in your minds eye and how it is going feel the day you cross that stage. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, but it does matter what you think. As a man thinketh so is he!! Think great thoughts about yourself and know their truth!! Speak positive things about yourself and have faith in yourself!! There is power of life and death in the tongue! Also, the harder a goal is to reach is the best sign anyone can have that you are on the right track. Remember, God doesn't make JUNK! He has equipped you for every challenge you face. Just look inside and you will find it. These are only some of the things I have used repeatedly to get through and you will get through. Slow down and get your prioities in order. If the house is a mess it doesn't make you a bad mother. It just says your house is lived in!! Schedule schedule schedule. YOU GOT THIS!!!! BTW, I am dyslexic and this box is messing with me. So if I jump around please forgive me and pls forgive any misspellings.

Amy - posted on 03/14/2009

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1. LOTS OF MORBID HUMOR
2. paper plates, cups bowls and other silverware. you don't have to wash it. just take out the garbage. one less chore to be thinking about.
3. McD's has a playland so they can play and eat at the same time. you get a few minutes to yourself and they wear themselves out enough that you can go home and do homework.
4. do your homework near their bedroom, they can see you out in the hall and aren't coming to look for you.
5. Chlorox bleach anti disenfectant wipes at the first sign of somebody within a 100 yard radius having a cold will help. when one of our 3 get sick, they take down the other two and one of us adults, both my hub and i are in school.
6. start throwing your dirty laundry in the washing machine instead of the hamper, when it's full you wash it and toss it into the dryer. worried about colors? go cold, saves energy and won't shrink your duds.
7. crockpot crockpot crockpot. by the time you get home your meal is ready to serve on the 'fine china' that is dixie paper plates etc.
8. do what you can do, the best that you can do, and don't worry bout the rest.

and when all else fails, a good anti anxiety pill helps, ; )-i take em and i'm NOT making fun of anybody who does. There are some days though that when i'm really feeling overwhelmed, one of them helps.

you're a good mom. if you weren't you would have given up a long time ago. keep going. it's hard even when there's a spouse/partner etc involved. bless you and yours.

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Janet - posted on 11/17/2010

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Your getting your act together and improving your life will only allow you to improve the life you can offer your son. So, all that you do will be worth it. You need time management, that's all. House - hit one room at a time. Mainly baths, kitchen and ur bdrm and ur sons. One at a time. Once clean, it takes nothing to keep them neat. Cook extra, mae containers, so your not cooking every day. There's no better day than a Sunday for laundry.Take a deep breath, soak in your tub, say a prayer, hold your head up high and DO NOT be afraid to ask friends/relatives to help you catch up. In the future you will look back and say WOW - I did it. Your reward: a cap and gown; degree; a career; a better life for you and your son. Many playdates will follow later. Keep your chin up....

Marie - posted on 10/24/2010

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I had self doubt for a min. it does not help when you are trying to achieve goals, and I too have let my chores go, which is uncomfortable, I am hanging on at school because of some personal issues, I feel your pain, all we can do is wake up early, get ourselves dressed, get our children ready, and put on a happy face, it helps to smile, and just go out and complete our goal day by day, little by little, and it will get done, Take Care.

Monique - posted on 06/04/2010

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first of all i must say to u sweety u dont give moms a bad name, u should be calling urself supermom, second it's called time management, i have issues with some of the same things it was suggested to me so now i give it to u, u truly havee to take this sometimes 1 minute at a time its not easy but its doable ok......1 try to do the little things at night b4 u go to bed (ie.) iron clothes, make lunch, decide whats gonna be for breakfast also take out the nights dinner but i find when i use the slow cooker this also makes life so much easier and b4 u leave in the morning u can turn it off cuz ur dinner is done!! 2 try to get up at least 30 minutes b4 u have to, to start ur preparation and let ur child do what he can for himself, he will be proud of himself for helping mom and if u can fix breakfast b4 waking him if not cereal (hot/cold) will be fine 3 take him where he has to go and u should be on time for class......i hope this helps a little...

Alecia - posted on 06/03/2010

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" I'm a single mom and I'm trying to do my best but next to all the other single moms I know, I give the job title a bad name."
-Kaleigh Burke
Don't ever say that; ever again!!!!!!!!!
The mere fact that you persevere and grind out every ounce of energy you have and them some to create a balanced life for you child, makes you a shining example of how hard it is to do what you do. Don't quit, recommit. Change the angle to which you attack any of these problems and go for it. Take in more energy filled meals, when you sleep make it a solid sleep, vent when you have to, and always let your baby know that they are surrounded by the love and strength that drives you to succeed.

And keep it moving, Goddess!!!

Angela - posted on 03/31/2010

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Think about everything that you are going through. It is a huge list. Try and imagine seeing someone else going through it. You would be amazed. I would suggest reducing your to-do list and make it small and simple. You only need to get through each moment and each day. I am in graduate school and had to finally admit that I needed to take longer to finish my school because it was too much at once. You are not a failure!!! You are not giving up even though you feel like it. That is a huge bonus and you should feel proud!

K. Erin - posted on 02/19/2010

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don't give up! Try to remember the reasons you started school...the number one is probably that little boy of yours! You can pull through this! Make his life better and it will enrich your life so much! I believe in you!

Shari - posted on 02/14/2010

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I was given the best advice years ago, I was a young mom,SAHM..I wasn't in school then either....First: our children love us no matter what ....Second:Chores never end, pick one room at a time and clean it...get the children to help(another way to spend time with them). Third: Take time for yourself!!, this actually is advice number 1...
I attend school online and will be starting work at the end of the week...My study time is from 5:30am to 8:00am every morning, this is also my "ME" time. Then in the evening I also have study and "ME" time.
I like alot of the advice you have been given too.

Lynne - posted on 02/14/2010

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what I do on a daily basis and weekly basis to make a list of things to do.
important ones first, rest in second half.
then tick off or strike out with joy each one done.

You get about 10x more done this way, promise.

[deleted account]

I know how you feel I have been in your shoes. KEEP GOING TO SCHOOL! DO NOT STOP! Talk to the peopla at school let them know the situation. It has taken me 7 years of going part time and working two jobs to finish and I am in my last semester. YOU CAN DO THIS! Do not forget to pray, God will help you make it through this. When it becomes overwhelming and you want to cry and give up ask for his help. You will be so amazed at how it all works out in the end. As far as little to no quality time with the kids make time for at least 10 min. of play time with the kids. Tell them after you play then they are on their own so you can do what you need to do. It gets easier I promise. Your kids will figure out one day that you did all this for them. As far as the to do list and cleaning it will get done a little at a time. I used to freak when my house was a mess but you have to let some things slip. Kids, school work, sleep and so on the rest will get done at some point. You are going to be ok stay strong.

Lauryn-Ashleigh - posted on 01/27/2010

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Girl I feel your pain, and all I want to say is please keep your head up and just keep trying your hardest. Explain to your professors whats going on and maybe they'll understand. Just pray about it things will get better I know they will. You just have to be strong for you and your daughter!! mUCH LOVE

Delilah - posted on 01/27/2010

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When I feel overwhelmed sometimes -I pray. No matter what kind of faith you have-Just Pray and it will get easier. Nothing rewarding comes without hard work and sacrifice, sometimes we just can't see how things are going to turn out and then we tend to focus on the negative that's right in front of us-but don't, you are on the right track-stay focused and Pray...We are strong women but there is one, whom is stronger. Lean on him and know that he will take you the rest of the way when you can't anymore. I will pray for you and your children, May God Bless you and renew your spirit day in and out!

Psalms 31:24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Brandy - posted on 01/15/2010

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here is a idea if your house is really bothering like it does me i go by a method call flylady look it up it helps me with my house chores and my kids time too. i have three kids and i just use it and it helped me get every thing done and go to bed on time too.

Amy - posted on 01/01/2010

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You know. It sounds like you may need to speak to a doctor if you are feeling run down even though you are sleeping well and at least 8 hours a night. It could be that you are facing depression with all of the stress that you are under.

Also, a word of encouragement: I began college as a single teen mother. I am now graduated and finished college with four children! I am applying to medical school. There were times that I thought if my house was any less clean then it might just start talking to me. LOL! Really my last semester ( I was a biology major) was the roughest semester except for (maybe) the first. I had only a few classes, but they were hard, I had no childcare outside of school hours, I had 1.5 labs a week and research that I was doing on my own. It was a lot, but I finished and I was so glad when I could say that I had done it. ( MY graduation was cancelled due to snow so I can't speak to walking) It will be something that you might second guess yourself on frequently, but the key to finishing is to never give up.
You will finish and your children will be so proud of you. My children are more excited about me getting into med school than I am. They ask all the time if that is a med school telling me I got in. It will be a success for them when you finish. If you give up now, all of their sacrifices will have been for nothing. Just think of that when times are hard. If every one has something to wear and food to eat ( not homemade gormet mind you , but dry cereal) then you are golden. ;-)

[deleted account]

Easier said than done...save the household stuff for Sunday. Take care of yourself and child. Make the time you have alone with your son just time alone with him, one on one. Even if that is just the half hour before bedtime or the time in the bathtub. Establish your routine. Make bedtimes for you both and STICK to them so you get up refreshed and ready to go in the a.m. I am a student as well but I do my courses online. Look into that girl! If not all then some at least to break up the long commutes and harried schedule. Take deep breaths as often as you can and KNOW that better yourself through education is what will enrich your son and give him a very deep respect for you for setting an example for him of how hard work and committment pay off. Also, there is NOTHING wrong with limiting your schedule. If you need to take fewer classes now and take a class or two in the summer to make up for it or even taking a semester off to regroup, do it, just be firm in your resolve to GO BACK! A happy mommy makes a happy home. Plus, I have a family member who went through a rushed schedule like yours with her first baby (the dad left) but has since had two more kids and a husband and a steady income...the single parenting worked out better for her even with her limited time and scarce budget. She was happier and so were her children. Consider your options and then do what is best for YOU and then your family as a whole.

Betty - posted on 12/09/2009

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i understand completely! im a single mom(not married yet) of 4 kids (1 with adhd/add) 1of my stepdaughter with behavior issues. 1 child with multiple complications and poblems then my 6 month old. and i work part time and school full time online for certification in intrensive care. my house work adds up, and my kids r rushed 2 sum things. i just remind myself im doing all of this 4 my kids 4 them 2 have a better life!
it will get better. i hope! good-luck and stay strong!

Tah - posted on 12/08/2009

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o honey..been there done that...3 kids, husband in the military, 6..yes 6....prn jobs that i work as if full-time all shifts and full time course load taking my LPN_RN classes, dance class was cut and so was karate, time wasn't there and husband has a unreliable schedule, but guess what, you can do it...you just have to prioritize...is play time important, sure, but so is me time, you have to start your day earlier to get there on time or prep everything the night before, pack bags and lunch take a deep breath, say a prayer and know u can do it..don't be discouraged, before i met my husband i was a single mother of 2 and in nursing school and it was a daily struggle, you can't compare yourself, u just have to find what works for you.....

[deleted account]

please dont give up! i know it sucks now, and it seems like it will never end, but this isnt your life, this is temporary. and by you going back to school to better yourself you are going to not only create a better life for you and your child, but you are teaching your child to never give up and never quit...
talk to your school talk to the child care people, tell them what you are going through ask them if they have any suggestions, or any way they can help you.. you may be surprised at what they can do for you...

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2009

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I know how you feel and always feel like I'm missing out on stuff with my son because of school. Just remember that it will get easier when you are done and it will be easier for you to get that dream job to take care of him financially. The to-do list can wait and will always be there later. You can use dinner time and bath time as play time. Any time is good time just make the best of it.

Michele - posted on 11/07/2009

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I know how you feel only too well. But you are doing a good job. As mothers we sometimes feel we need to be Wonder Woman and do it all perfectly. Don't compare your self to other people because you are unique and most the people you are comparing yourself to does not have the same challenges you face. It is hard to give up any time with your kids. I know I have been there but you do need to look at the long run and realize you are putting your family in a better place by educating your self so one day you can get a better job. Also your children are watching you sacrafice and you are teaching them the value of an education. A lesson that will give them the strength to face the challenges that face them when they become adults. As for the house, who cares do the best you can. When you have a degree, and a good job you can clean it then and no one will ever know the difference.

Cassi - posted on 11/01/2009

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Don't be so hard on yourself! School is a hard task on its own, with a child in the picture it can seem impossible at times. I would do what best for your and your sons future though, and that probably is finishing school. Just keep your chin up, and persevere. Its going to get tough, but just keep in mind that it will all be worth it in the end! Good luck!

Serena - posted on 10/11/2009

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I am a single mom planning on going to school next year. The course i will be taking is three years as well!!! I havn't started yet but I want to do it so I can provide for my son give him what he wants for christmas, live in a good home and let him play in sports regardless of the expence. It is only three years!!! Try to be optimistic and don't be affraid to ask for help. If it comes down to it don't be ashamed to get down on your knees and beg... you are doing it to better your child/childrens future. =) But i really don't know what i'm talking about i havn't started yet!!!!



so don't give up =) you will be a better person in the end. and a better influance. and a stronger person.

Angela - posted on 10/07/2009

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You will find a routine for yourself that works, it will just take a little time. You should never compare yourself to another mother. Everyone parents in their own way, and it sounds to me like you are definitely doing the very best for you and your child. By attempting to go back to school you are doing more than a lot of other people even try to do in life...that you should be very proud of. Make a routine of your daily activities that need to get done...and i mean the ones that are priority, the rest is just gravy on top. You do not have to try to be perfect because let me tell you even if people look like they are, LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING. no one is ever perfect!!! Your son loves you no matter what and that is all the matters.

[deleted account]

. For me, I bathe my kid every other day- and shhh... sometimes two. I tell myself it doesn't dry the skin out as much. :) I try to combine bath and play on those nights and pull out the water squirters or bath crayons. On the play nights, Take a deep breath, and let go of the mom guilt.



Ok Liz, you are my hero. I love your attitude and approach to this

Latavia - posted on 08/21/2009

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Hi Kaleigh. I truly understand what you are going through. The best advice I can give you is to make out a time schedule so that you can see first hand where you are losing time. You may need to take a less amount of classes or see if you can take online classes. You are not a bad mother, you're just a single mother. I have been a single mother for 8 years now and it's hard. You have to give up alot. Ask for help when you need it.

Nesha - posted on 08/17/2009

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There is nothing you are doing wrong. Try doing online school to ease the rush of getting home on time for dinner, playtime with your son, and etc. I know some people love the atmosphere of going on campus but if your own daily life is prohibiting you, why not take a chance and do online courses. Ashford University has a wonderful system. I've been going for a little over a month now and it is just right up my alley and it is at your own pace. If you are interested give Elizabeth Lukatchik a call at 800-798-0584 ext.2922

Lynnetta - posted on 08/06/2009

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Time management is the key. You need to set a schedule and follow it. Try preparing meals that last for two days. If you cook a meal on Monday, you can have leftovers on Wednesday and the same for Tuesday and Thursday and so on. Another tip is to prepare the clothes for the following day the night before you go to bed; if this is done it saves valuable time in the morning. If you get home at five, you can have dinner and put the kids to bed by 8:30. During that time you can spend quality time and devote those hours totally to your children. Have dinner together at the table and read a bed time story for 5-10 minutes. After the children are in bed, it is time for you to study and get ready for the next day. It is hard getting into a routine but once it is established, your life will be harmonious. I did this trough undergrad and grad school and my child did not suffer or miss out quality time. Good Luck

Cardesha - posted on 07/31/2009

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Well all I can say is, make a schedule, plan a-head, find a daycare and after care programs. Life and school with kids can be hard. Take me for example. Am a junior in high school. I have a daghter who is 9 months old. I missed the 1st semter of school, because of doctors appointments, job interviews, and labor and delievry. But some how I still find a way to manage. While am in school, my daughter goes to daycare. When I get out of school, I pick her up, get ready for work, and meet my mother so she can watch her while am at work. My boyfriend also helps outs when my mom can't. He is my life saver. Without him I don't know what I would do.{He's my daughter's step-dad}. My daughter's father is no longer in my life or her life. Later that night I give her a bath, give her a bottle, soon later she'll fall asleep. I still have time to get my work done, and have enough time to get in the tub, and get ready for school and work tomorrow. Has the days go on things get harder, but I stick it out, because my daughter is the reason why I get up in the morning and keep on smiling everyday.

Becca - posted on 07/13/2009

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You are doing great! Don't lose hope! I was (recently married) a single mom of 2 going to school full time and working part time. I understand what your going through. My housework and chores were the last thing on my mind. I even went into a slight depression when I moved out of my parents' house and started living on my own. I recommend that if you can squeeze in a lil time to speak with a school counselor, they can help! Even if it's just unloading all of your stress onto someone you don't even know, although this group helps with that too!

Stay strong and do what you believe is right! It will all work out in the end!

SHANNA - posted on 07/10/2009

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First of all, son't worry about the house work. I only clean house on school breaks. I have also had times where I had too much going on to do my classes, but you just need to slow down and take it one step at a time. You might look into what classes you can take online. I am taking all my classes online and working full time, plus being a single mom. It is absolutely crazy at times, but I will finish in December. Those three years will go by fast, just do what you can. Talk to you school and see how they can help you. Also, don't try to take on too much. Only take the minimum number of classes that you can and still keep your funding. It might take a little longer, but it is worth your sanity. I had to push a couple of my classes back also. Just remember, you are doing this for your son to give him a better life.

Heather - posted on 07/02/2009

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I can't read everyone's reply's, so I will just give a reply of my own!! I am a mother of three girls. My oldest will be 12 in August, my middle will be 6 on July fifth, and my little one will be 5 on October second. I have been attending school on and off since 1998. It took me eight years to get an Associates degree because I didn't have any help with my oldest daughter, but I was determined to get it. Anything is possible when you put your mind to it. I am now back in school and getting ready to start my pre-pharmacy classes. Yeah!! I finally decided what I wanted to do when I grow up! LOL Back to my point, you can do it. It's hard, that's true. I don't know if you have help, but don't ever give up. In the end the education you get will be worth it. You will be able to better support yourself and your children. The stress will always be there. As soon as you decide to have children, go to school, move out on your own, or any number of things, there is stress involved. Having kids does tend to make it worse at times because you have to worry about them as well as you. But always remember to worry about you as well. There is NEVER any reason to feel guilty for needing a break, or for asking for one. It's when you start depending on someone else to care for your children that you need to feel guilty, but you don't have that problem and never will. You just need a break and some homework time. Good luck with everything!!

Heather

Melissa - posted on 06/25/2009

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I think you are doing an amazing job just by sticking in there this far. I am only a single mom when my husband is deployed, or in training, or in the field. But at least I have him to fall back on sometimes, and I still feel frazzled at times. Know that you are an amazing woman to put your son at such a priority.

It is ok if your house looks like crap. Next time you are sitting in between classes, or somehow find a few extra minutes, jot down a schedule. Something that allows feasible time to get various things done, then stick to it. Squeeze in playtime while shopping for groceries, make it playful and fun, or while driving. Have your son miss a bath once or twice a week and sit down and read a book to him instead. Have him help you when you do get a chance to clean up. Turn on some music and dance while you toss the toys in the bin, or swing the vaccum around. After sweeping, have him stand on a wet towel and pull him around the kitchen to mop. He will remember these moments more than the frazzled ones.

Don't beat yourself up. There is a reason it takes two to make a child, because it takes two to raise one as well. You have to do the job of two people right now. That is hard for anybody. Do you have any friends in a similar situation, maybe you can trade off babysitting for a break. Open up your social network while at the gas station or the grocery store. You are bound to run into somebody that will want you to give them a break as much as you need one.

Side-note, after reading the responses I am now even more nervouse about my cultural anthropoly course that starts next month....horray!

Colleen - posted on 06/18/2009

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Hey Kaleigh! Awesome name btw! My daughter's name is the same and the same spelling as a matter of fact! Kelly is right, If you can only accomplish one thing with your house each day, then that's TERRIFIC! If not, don't sweat the small stuff! Really! We put too much pressure upon ourselves to be perfect and you know what? My youngest is now 18 and she remembers not the fact that I struggled to keep our home clean, she remembers the fun times playing with her and hide and seek games when she was small. Now that I'm back in school, I remember that and I don't rush myself I pace myself. I've got a large family and it's difficult micro managing it all plus a full course load however listen to Kelly, she says some excellent points here, talk to your Professors, they are very accomodating to those with "lives" outside of school, and in upgrading, inform your teachers immediately that you are struggling with things and they should be able to accomodate as well. Set up a routine for yourself and have a basket for the kids stuff in the livingroom that you can quickly put everything into (it's what I used to do) then I'd pick a day when I wasn't frazzled and put stuff away and had my kids helping me. Involve the kids, team effort, even the smallest of tasks helps. You;ll see. You can reach me too, would love to help if you need an email friend too, contact me anytime colleenecairns@gmail.com okay? Later!

Cindy - posted on 06/16/2009

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Unless you mistreat your kids or are starving them you cant be a bad mother! I have a daughter and im trying to finish my bach degree and it's been really hard and stressful! By the time she was 1yr. and 4 months i had her in day care and she's there most of the day and when i get home theres projects to, studying for tests, cooking, cleaning, etc. Sometimes i feel bad because its as if i dont spend enough time with her and there are things i miss out on but i have to do it because its not only my future now its hers too and if i dont do it now what will we do later on?

Sheryl - posted on 05/27/2009

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Cut yourself some slack! Take a deep breath and revisit why you want to go back to school. Look at all the positive things that you are showing your child by working hard to give you and him a better life. Six years ago I made the decision to go back to school so that I wouldn't end up working a low paying job. I have been divorced now for about 7 years and have been a single parent for that same amount of time. I am now finally in my last semester of my Bachelor's Degree. I still have one more year and although it seems rather daunting I can see no other choice but to move forward in continuing my education to become a teacher. I have had easy semesters and difficult ones. I have no family where I am but somehow by the grace of God I have made it through and so have my children. They have learned that although life isnt easy you enjoy every moment as it comes....whether that means there is only 10 minutes of playtime one evening. My to do list is overflowing...but I decided to cut it down. The only to do I need to do is make sure that my children are loved. The cleaning can wait. I usually don't start homework until they are in bed and there are some weekends that I cannot play and have fun but they know I love them and they realize and understand. Children are resilient! They need to know that life is not all fun and games. Just remember....an education is an investment! It is worth so much in the longrun. Take it little by little and do the best you can. I had to learn to leave perfectionism at the door. I am not a tardy individual but from time to time it happens. Do I always get my homework done ahead of time? Surely not! Sometimes it gets done with minutes to spare. You are not doing anything wrong...you just need to stop a bit and smell the roses! Smile...you are beautiful, you are strong and you are doing right by your children to educate yourself! Be empowered!

Rabaab - posted on 05/08/2009

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hey kayleigh, firstly , do not think you are a bad mom.. You are a great one.. It is hard i know to juggle, family, study and house. i understand completely.. I think you should talk to the professors at the college that you have a young child, and explain your situation to them.. You could ask the professors about the course you want to do in September . I am sure there are many different classes that run at so many different times.. You could ask them to give you flexible times. And you know as long as you make up the reading and do the assignments/coursework that you miss, it should be fine.. How old is your little one. Is there no family that you can leave him with while you are at college.. take care..

Heidi - posted on 05/04/2009

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When my boys were infants, a group of us moms who all had kids about the same age banded together to form a co-op of sorts. We would get together one day a week and would TACKLE the disaster in each other's house. And let me tell you, four women can do a serious number on a house. We would bring our kids there and one mom would keep all the kids in the living room, put on a video and go to town on the living room. Other moms would do laundry, wash dishes, change the beds, clean the bathroom, vaccume, wash floors, etc. The mom getting her house cleaned would throw a pot of chili in the slow cooker, or BBQ burgers or whatever to feed the herd, but let me tell you, knowing it was my week to have a clean house was the biggest treat ever! So, I would suggest you band together with those other single moms you compare yourself to, and work collaboratively towards a clean house. You can tweak it and do it with one other mom and get your place done every other week, or you can connect with your local church. Perhaps there is a newly retired senior there who has time on their hands and is looking for a way to fill their newly freed up days. I work with seniors so I know this is a regular occurance.



Also, cut yourself some slack. God gives us the life we have, and its ours to make the most of. I speak as one who spent all day blubbering about the fact that I had to slow school down and could have graduated with my sister on Saturday, but instead could only watch her. We are exactly where we are supposed to be at this exact moment. Find strong Godly women to get in your corner and pray through your day. I'm not a religious freak, I'm just one desperate mom showing another how I make it through my day.

I'll be praying for you Kaleigh,



Heidi

Stacey - posted on 05/01/2009

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Don't worry about giving "single moms" a bad name -- I think we all feel that way at some point! I am a single mom, with a full-time job, full-time school load, and a special-needs son. Yes, somedays it is way too much too deal with and I question if I should continue with my schooling because I feel I'm neglecting my son. However, I know if I want us to get out of poverty... I need my degree. I'm doing it for him. Just remember there are good days too and it does get easier as you keep going. Good luck!

Angel - posted on 04/22/2009

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Hang in there. I'm in a similar boat. I have been sick all semester and I had to drop most of my classes. Talk to your professors. If you are open with them they are usually pretty understanding ( at least that has been my experience). Try not to focus on the rushed tasks and frazzled mom. Do what you can and know that by going to school and doing what needs done you are setting a great example. Also try making a list each day of 5 things that need done. It helps. I know you'll probably think you don't have time, but try to make time for you each day. Even just a few minutes helps. I hope this helps. :-)

Deanna - posted on 04/20/2009

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Take a deep breath! It is hard, but what in life is worth having that is not hard? You will find your groove. I am about to finish my second semester and I have five children. Shcedules are great. Live by them. You have to learn to a lot your time better. I know it is tough, because I am living it. I make a weekly schedule,when t do the wash, homework, grocer store. Slow down. You can only do so much in a given day. Get your iron levels checked. You could be anemic. If this is something you really want, you can do it. Your son will see a strong woman, not a failure. this is your gift to him. Show him in adversity you can still triumph! God bless you and keep the faith!!

Citique - posted on 04/20/2009

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You're not doing anything wrong, trust me. It's hard like this naturally when you try to do many things at once. I have two kids and the only thing that saved my education is when my youngest finally went to school. I couldn't get child care so I had to depend on family for the first two semesters and you know how that is. I have those frazzled times as well. The house work suffers, the laundry gets done in shifts and cooking is something I do when I remember. The homework is overwhelming when you have that many other things to do. I go through the feeling guilty if I can't get everything done in the run of a day. But calm down, I know it's hard and you're looking for a way to make it easier. As a single mom, I would assume that you're doing all of this for your son and rightly so. Keep in mind that all of this headache will be so worth it when your son goes to school and can tell all his classmates that his mommy is a professional. Keep your eye on the prize, girl!!!

Sara - posted on 04/17/2009

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Hey girl.. You are doing great! sometimes it does get hard like that. Maybe you need to find a babysitter once a week to help you while you run your errnads. I understand how it feels to be missing life with your child but you are trying to get a better life for them. Keep going to class and keep faith!

Elsie - posted on 04/09/2009

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Wow, I felt so compelled after seeing these replies to put my two sense in. I am a divorcee with 2 beautiful boys. I've been working on my bachelor's and master's for the last 8 years and know the in's and out's of studying and trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy in your home. It's tough and it's a challenge everyday, but we as women never give ourselves enough credit for how strong we are and how much we are capable of accomplishing. I clicked on this link to see how I could commiserate, but instead found that "hope" is what I found in these comments.

You all have been so supportive of one another and I can't help but feel that instead of losing hope, we all have so much to look forward to in our future's. Our children will always remember a strong beautiful mommy who cared enough to offer them nothing but the best of what life has to offer.

Shout out to all the other Anthropologists and Archaeologists in this thread. I'm a fellow physical anthropologist/historical archaeologist. I am certified anthro nerd, lol!
Best of luck to all you wonderful women on the completion of your degrees.

Jennifer - posted on 04/04/2009

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Quoting Kaleigh:

Thank you for the great advice and support everybody, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've been back at this convo lol I'm sure you guys understand though. Quick update: okay so my son got better from the pneumonia and about fifty other things went wrong, found out the pnuemonia may have been a misdiagnoses, man I can't even get into it in one conversation its so flippin complicated. a billion ER/walk-in/doctor/pediatrician/specialist visits later I have missed an extreme amount of time, the only reason why I'm still allowed to be in my course is because my family doctor has been amazingly helpful and supportive in getting me medical forms to give to all my wardens, ahem workers I mean. As for my housework, I'm getting kind of better there has been some help from friends which sets it back to a manageable level when things start getting out of hand. The biggest change is I've gotten everything out in the open, a blessing yet at the same time a curse. People are providing me with a lot more support and understanding but now the question has been raised. Not everyone is pushing this idea at me but more than before, anyway I am now being told that "maybe it's just too much for you" "no one can do it entirely on their own" and other such comments. Due to my son's complicated illnesses misdiagnoses and coming home with injuries from his daycare I have essentially told everyone just to back off I need to focus on him. To other moms this is right, to my professional observers this is proof that I am essentially incompetant. I have one worker looking into other options for me so I can take some time just to deal with all things medical, one trying to push volunteers into my home, one trying to get me to say that Aiden is too much for me (which he is not its all these appointments, my health, his health, school, money people etc he's just fine and taking care of him is my most refreshing and calming part of my day) one trying to get me a counselor( to talk to about my "feelings" about all this medical stuff because I "must be just soo overwhelmed"). We currently are dealing with getting the daycare situation because we were concerned before and at this point I need answers now I can't keep sending him there, and the medical stuff. School needs to take a backseat and I don't really have the opportunity to do that yet. I just keep reminding myself I'm almost done, so close and then college can wait. Anyway in short here's whats gotten worse: my health, his health, the amount of involvement by organizations, ex- and ex-family drama, attendance, and I'm starting to notice when I talk to people I sound really negative(I hate that and I'm working on fixing it) here's whats gotten better: the condition of my home, schedule, actual school work, the energy at home, Aiden's mood(get's more time with mum so hes being a sucky baby now and is in good spirits more often than before), communication between myself and our many organizations, and my perspective despite everything. So I guess the advice I'm asking you wonderful ladies is what do I do about everyone forcing "help" at me, some is needed yes but I'm doing better at getting it on my own and lets face it I do not need volunteer's to help me do dishes, I do not need people to hold my hand at the doctor's office. I don't know how do you draw the line without it looking like you are sluffing them off (that's cause for concern apparently if you refuse extra help) I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells and I've got a billion people sitting around waiting for me to mess something up, one missed doctors appointment can be viewed as neglegence, if I'm seen looking worn down( which lets face it I often do) then I could be getting "depressed". Again not everyone is approaching me this way and I have a lot of people who dispute that I'm doing any less than amazing considering the circumstances but for the one's that think otherwise I must somehow handle it with grace despite the fact I am being openly judged (good or bad judgment it doesnt matter I still hate that feeling of being under the micro scope). As it stands I'm just doing my best and going for the ride, I prioritize the biggest issues to deal with and shove the rest in my junk drawer(yes I actually write everything down and yes this drawer I speak of is overflowing lol) Is anyone else dealing with the same sick baby run around, or in the same situation with any organizations? And what is everyone's opinion on where you need to step out of everything to take care of the medical stuff? Where is the line when it comes to "help" some needed some unneccesary being shoved at you? I hope this makes sense, in the meantime I wish everyone luck with their dilemmas and I appreciate all your help again.


ya know, sometimes too much help can be a bad thing as you are probably 'getting' now. My advice to you is find out if you can take a small leave from school and pick it back up, but for now focus on your child and the medical issues at hand. And start telling people thank you, but you have this under control now. It seems the help is causing more stress than it is worth. Who cares if your house gets messy, no one likes to live in a mess, but no one really wants to go crazy over it either. Thing is you have to set yourself some goals and attack them one at a time. 1- child and medical, 2-clean the house, then 3-get back into school. This is just a small example, but I think you get the point. When you feel like life is running you, then it is time to stop everything and run life. Only you know what is most important in your life, no one can tell you this, and it would be the first thing you take care of and everything else can and will wait til you get to it. What good will any of this really do if you can't be given the room to react to your own situation? You have so much help now that you are smothered with it.



It dawned on me when I was reading what you said about your child being misdiagnosed with pnuemonia and reminded me when my daughter was misdiagnosed with pnuemonia or what we know as common pnuemonia treated with an agressive antibiotic, but she had a rare type of pnuemonia called mycoplasma pnuemonia, once found out... 24hrs later the right type of antibiotic was the miracle cure. I requested that all types of pnuemonia be tested and mentioned this kind to the doctor (I researched on the internet the different types of pnuemonia and found it), sure enough that was it. I was shocked to be right.. I am not doctor, just a mom not taking little answers. Just a thought.



Anyhow, I think you can do this and people need to step back and let you. Let them know you appreciate all the help and will call them if you need anything, but don't seem needy to them unless you need there help... otherwise you will fall back into the same boat. One step at a time, yes, you can do this. Good luck to you.

[deleted account]

Thank you for the great advice and support everybody, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've been back at this convo lol I'm sure you guys understand though. Quick update: okay so my son got better from the pneumonia and about fifty other things went wrong, found out the pnuemonia may have been a misdiagnoses, man I can't even get into it in one conversation its so flippin complicated. a billion ER/walk-in/doctor/pediatrician/specialist visits later I have missed an extreme amount of time, the only reason why I'm still allowed to be in my course is because my family doctor has been amazingly helpful and supportive in getting me medical forms to give to all my wardens, ahem workers I mean. As for my housework, I'm getting kind of better there has been some help from friends which sets it back to a manageable level when things start getting out of hand. The biggest change is I've gotten everything out in the open, a blessing yet at the same time a curse. People are providing me with a lot more support and understanding but now the question has been raised. Not everyone is pushing this idea at me but more than before, anyway I am now being told that "maybe it's just too much for you" "no one can do it entirely on their own" and other such comments. Due to my son's complicated illnesses misdiagnoses and coming home with injuries from his daycare I have essentially told everyone just to back off I need to focus on him. To other moms this is right, to my professional observers this is proof that I am essentially incompetant. I have one worker looking into other options for me so I can take some time just to deal with all things medical, one trying to push volunteers into my home, one trying to get me to say that Aiden is too much for me (which he is not its all these appointments, my health, his health, school, money people etc he's just fine and taking care of him is my most refreshing and calming part of my day) one trying to get me a counselor( to talk to about my "feelings" about all this medical stuff because I "must be just soo overwhelmed"). We currently are dealing with getting the daycare situation because we were concerned before and at this point I need answers now I can't keep sending him there, and the medical stuff. School needs to take a backseat and I don't really have the opportunity to do that yet. I just keep reminding myself I'm almost done, so close and then college can wait. Anyway in short here's whats gotten worse: my health, his health, the amount of involvement by organizations, ex- and ex-family drama, attendance, and I'm starting to notice when I talk to people I sound really negative(I hate that and I'm working on fixing it) here's whats gotten better: the condition of my home, schedule, actual school work, the energy at home, Aiden's mood(get's more time with mum so hes being a sucky baby now and is in good spirits more often than before), communication between myself and our many organizations, and my perspective despite everything. So I guess the advice I'm asking you wonderful ladies is what do I do about everyone forcing "help" at me, some is needed yes but I'm doing better at getting it on my own and lets face it I do not need volunteer's to help me do dishes, I do not need people to hold my hand at the doctor's office. I don't know how do you draw the line without it looking like you are sluffing them off (that's cause for concern apparently if you refuse extra help) I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells and I've got a billion people sitting around waiting for me to mess something up, one missed doctors appointment can be viewed as neglegence, if I'm seen looking worn down( which lets face it I often do) then I could be getting "depressed". Again not everyone is approaching me this way and I have a lot of people who dispute that I'm doing any less than amazing considering the circumstances but for the one's that think otherwise I must somehow handle it with grace despite the fact I am being openly judged (good or bad judgment it doesnt matter I still hate that feeling of being under the micro scope). As it stands I'm just doing my best and going for the ride, I prioritize the biggest issues to deal with and shove the rest in my junk drawer(yes I actually write everything down and yes this drawer I speak of is overflowing lol) Is anyone else dealing with the same sick baby run around, or in the same situation with any organizations? And what is everyone's opinion on where you need to step out of everything to take care of the medical stuff? Where is the line when it comes to "help" some needed some unneccesary being shoved at you? I hope this makes sense, in the meantime I wish everyone luck with their dilemmas and I appreciate all your help again.

User - posted on 03/24/2009

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Kaleigh



You do not give single mom's a bad name!!  I have been one for 11 years and while I was married really was one for most of the 15 year marriage.  Housework does not really matter!!  I mean your son loves you.  I have a lot of emapthy for you.  I had to wokr 3 minimum wage paying jobs at once sometimes 16 hours in a row and didn't see my kids then.  I had to pay the bills as I didn't get child support.  It has taken 10 years but now I have a good job and work only 1!!  Without my degree our lives would be drastically different.  Stck it out.  They will tough years but you will look back with your son at them and one day  smile!  When you graduate he will be so proud!!  And you too!!  You give single moms a good name.



What are you taking in school?  Can you get a doctos nte to state you must have your suibsidy?



Hey I used to cook a lot on the weekend and freeze meals so I would just have to pull them out during the week!



Love



Heather

User - posted on 03/24/2009

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Kaleigh



You do not give single mom's a bad name!!  I have been one for 11 years and while I was married really was one for most of the 15 year marriage.  Housework does not really matter!!  I mean your son loves you.  I have a lot of emapthy for you.  I had to wokr 3 minimum wage paying jobs at once sometimes 16 hours in a row and didn't see my kids then.  I had to pay the bills as I didn't get child support.  It has taken 10 years but now I have a good job and work only 1!!  Without my degree our lives would be drastically different.  Stck it out.  They will tough years but you will look back with your son at them and one day  smile!  When you graduate he will be so proud!!  And you too!!  You give single moms a good name.



What are you taking in school?  Can you get a doctos nte to state you must have your suibsidy?



Hey I used to cook a lot on the weekend and freeze meals so I would just have to pull them out during the week!



Love



Heather

User - posted on 03/24/2009

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Kaleigh



You do not give single mom's a bad name!!  I have been one for 11 years and while I was married really was one for most of the 15 year marriage.  Housework does not really matter!!  I mean your son loves you.  I have a lot of emapthy for you.  I had to wokr 3 minimum wage paying jobs at once sometimes 16 hours in a row and didn't see my kids then.  I had to pay the bills as I didn't get child support.  It has taken 10 years but now I have a good job and work only 1!!  Without my degree our lives would be drastically different.  Stck it out.  They will tough years but you will look back with your son at them and one day  smile!  When you graduate he will be so proud!!  And you too!!  You give single moms a good name.



What are you taking in school?  Can you get a doctos nte to state you must have your suibsidy?



Hey I used to cook a lot on the weekend and freeze meals so I would just have to pull them out during the week!



Love



Heather

Kim - posted on 03/19/2009

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I know it's hard, but you are really doing better than you think. going to school really isn't like going to work. when you are working the work day ends at 5:00, but when you are in school the day keeps going until everything is finished. Here are some tips that I found useful, they may work for you as well: choose one day to prepare meals for the week and then freeze them, as hard as it may seem don't stress about keeping your home as neat as you are use to, make time to play with your children (it will make you feel better), schedule your day and try to follow the schedule, but don't worry if you don't get everything done, ask for help, and finally breathe. I hope that helps.

[deleted account]

Heyyyy gurl! I know the hardness of being a single parent and it indeed can be overwhelming especially when you are in school yourself,All you can do is take one step at a time,take a deep breath in and don't look at everything at once,look at one thing at a time,because when you are looking at all the stuff you have to do its going to overwhelm you,put things into categories if possible,for example "things that need attacked first,write them down and do them and once you do that go to the next step and work on the next list of items......it will soon all come into play and things will soon get easier I promise,I had to teach myself exactly that,it was hard at first but I did it and I got thru and I have faith that you will to! You don't give the job title a bad name by any means,never think that .there are single mothers out there that do feel the same way,and they all get thru it,and look back and say "wow" look at all I have accomplished siince !! You'll get there I'm not saying that it is going to be easy because nothing ever is,its a hard job being a parent,but what I am saying is it will get worse before it gets better!!! Please try to do some of whjat I said and see how it works out,I'll be praying for you and really hope that things start slowing down for you! If ya ever need anything or just to talk I am here :)

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